It's been a long time since I've written in the blog.  *Checking*... holy crap!  Almost exactly one year??!!  Wow.  Time flies.

I have something I'd like to talk about.  I forget if or how much I've written about this, so I'll just approach it anew, which will be better for someone reading my blog for the first time, anyway.  Let's try a hypothetical, shall we?  A little thought experiment.  This one is more intended for the ladies, but all are welcome to participate.  Pretend that you know nothing about me, other than the fact that I'm an adult male.  Now make believe that you walk into my bedroom and find that I have a large wall tapestry of a painting depicting a photo-realistic, beautiful, topless mermaid resting on a rock in the ocean.  Now imagine that you see my computer monitor and notice that my desktop wallpaper is a picture of a buxom lass in a provocative fantasy gown.  You also notice a folder with some adult imagery of women.  Then I start up a game and you see that my in-game avatar is a beautiful, scantily clad woman, perhaps with some mods to enhance her beauty further.  What are you thinking at this point?  What assumptions have you made about me?  What sort of person do you think I am?  What is your opinion of what you've seen?

I often feel alone and misunderstood in this world.  Sometimes I feel like the only people who understand me are NSFW mod authors.  There is a feeling in my proverbial, figurative heart that I have so much trouble expressing, and it makes me deeply sad and confused that so many people can't understand it.  I have always described MLPF as a sort of bastion of sanity in a sea of madness.  There are all types of people in the MLP community, as well as here on the forums, but it seems like the percentages are slightly in the more sane direction than the greater world of social media at large.  My all but unknown blog with it's two regular readers won't attract much ire, but if I posted my thought experiment on Twitter, I'd probably be maligned as a sexist, shallow, objectifying, chauvinistic, toxicaly masculine monster, and then promptly cast out of civil society forever.  Why?

There is a fundamental, simple fact about human reality that most people seem hell-bent on ignoring.  They either can't understand it, or refuse to believe it.  It is this: it is absolutely possible to simultaneously have the utmost respect for women, to view them as real, complex, and equal human beings, and also find them to be the most beautiful and sexy creatures imaginable.  So many people (I reckon mostly angry women), seem to believe that loving the female form, being attracted to women, and finding women to be beautiful and sexy is necessarily and automatically tantamount to some kind of horrible, degrading, sexist objectification.  This simply isn't true.

I am male.  I am hetero.  I am a very sexual person.  I love women.  I love the way they look.  I love the female form.  Does this make me some kind of monster?  Does this mean that I don't respect women, or that I think less of them, or that I think they were put on this Earth just to be my eye candy, or just to gratify me?  No.  Absolutely not.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Assuming such things about me or anyone else is unfair and insulting.  It's ignorant, and makes the same mistake that you'd be accusing me of--it assumes me to be one-dimensional.  I am not.  I am a complex person, just like you.

I respect women as much as anybody you could ever hope to find.  I don't want to use them or take advantage of them.  I want to make a true love connection (though it's almost certainly not in the cards for me.)  If the plethora of female imagery in my room would have led you to believe I'm shallow or objectifying, you'd be wrong.

Why do so many people think that it's bad or wrong to find people beautiful and sexy?  When and why did it become wrong to like the way someone looks?  How is that anything other than a good thing?  Yes, I know--it's because bad people ruin it for everybody, right?  There are many, many people who are shallow, sexist, chauvinistic pieces of sh*t, and they've set the standard and caused everyone to think that that's the only way to be if you like the way the female body looks.  It's never right or fair to judge individuals based on assumptions and stereotypes.  You don't know their mind.  People deserve a chance to prove the stereotypes wrong.

If someone chooses to surround themselves with pictures of women, perhaps instead of assuming them to be some sort of sexist, woman-hater, maybe consider that they might be surrounding themselves with what they love.  If someone surrounds themselves with pictures of cats, it's probably not because they hate cats.  People like to look at what they love.  It's not a bad thing.  It's not necessarily objectification.

I've established that I fully respect women.  Now let me tell you frankly and completely how I feel when I look at an attractive naked female form.  (Don't worry, SFW).  I feel completely overwhelmed with indescribable awe and utter disbelief that nature is capable of creating something so ineffably, impossibly beautiful and gorgeous.  She is the pinnacle of creation, the zenith of existence, a paragon joy.  She is a radiant, divine treasure.  A woman, her face, her body, is so impossibly magnificent, so exquisite that her beauty is agonizing.  She radiates a beauty so brightly that it hurts to look at her, like trying to stare at the sun with wide, open eyes.  How can nature create such a thing?  How can a a creature, a form, a body be so perfect, so elegant, so brilliant?  How can nature create something that stands so, that sits so, that lays so, that moves so, whose parts and muscles join together to create something so wondrous that I can't comprehend it, whose curves blend together to create something so gloriously, dazzlingly ravishing that it can't possibly be real in this cold, indifferent universe?  The notes of each part of her body resonate together to create chords of pure perfection, and each chord joins together to create a symphony of pure ecstasy.  She is miraculous--a miracle of nature.  It's too much for me to bear.  I feel like my heart is going to burst.  I feel like my brain can't even process or comprehend such beauty, like my synapses are simply the wrong tool to fathom anything this beautiful.  Like a Windows 95 computer trying to run Alan Wake 2, my poor brain and body were never meant to handle this.

I dream all day, every day of having a woman to love who loves me.  The desire to know her, to be with her, and to sweep her into my arms and hold her like I mean it, hold her in a crushing embrace like there's no tomorrow, share our bodies intimately, and tell her how much I love her hurts more than I can ever describe.  I will surely never know such a thing.

Was any of that hyperbolic exaggeration?  Absolutely not.  A little cringy?  Perhaps, but every word the absolute truth.  That is how I really feel.  Truly.  Does it make me a monster?  I feel so alone because I feel like so many people think such feelings are a bad thing.  How can that be?  I just don't see how such wonderful feelings can be bad.  If you still think that such feelings are sexist, or shallow, or degrading, then I just don't know how to communicate with you.  I don't know how else to put it.  I don't know what else to say.

I am incapable of understanding why it's bad or wrong to find any person beautiful and sexy, and to celebrate it with every fiber of our beings.

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If I have put my foot in my mouth or made a mess in some way, some of my previous blogs, such as Shallow, or Natural Sexuality might help to clean it up.