Hey.  Y'know what really grinds my gears?  Arbitrary and pointless traditions regarding what you do with your hands while swearing an oath.

Now yer just like, , the f*ck?  What is wrong with you?  Yup, I'm weird.  Weird things annoy me. 

I absolutely hate the tradition of raising the right hand for oaths, and also placing the right hand over the heart for various pledges.  Why?  Just why?  What does it do?  What does it accomplish?  Does it mean anything?  Seriously.  Anything?  Why the right hand?  Would raising the left be worse?  Is the left hand dishonest?  So, if I raise my right hand in court, then everything is hunky dory, but if I raise my left, then... what?  The oath doesn't count?  I'm free to lie?  Or is everything I say automatically perjury?  Why the hand at all?  Why not the right foot?  What if hop on one foot and stick my right foot in the air while I recite the oath?  How's that?  I'm still putting a right body part in the air.  Shouldn't that suffice?  It's a helluva lot harder to hold your foot up than your hand, so if anything, shouldn't that count for more?  How about your right elbow?  Picture it.  You see how absurd this sounds?  How is the hand any different?  Explain to me, using logic, why the hand is any different and makes your oath more legitimate.  Ha.  Gotcha.  You can't. 

And how about the hand over the heart?  Why does that make a pledge more legit?  Hmm?  Why not the liver?  Wouldn't that be awesome?  "Right hand over your liver, ready begin."  That would be the tops.  Why not any other organ?  Oh, right, I know--because the heart is the center of human emotions, and it knows things... except that it doesn't.    Contrary to all of our nonsensical ramblings about loving people with all of our hearts, and memorizing things by heart, (I wrote an entire entry on this, btw) even the stupidest mf-er on Earth knows that your heart houses no memories nor emotion.  Your brain does.  So, why don't we put our hands over our brains when we make a pledge?  Put it on top of your head.  There ya go.  Or, (and this is a novel idea) why don't we just do nothing?  Just speak the words.  Who f*cking cares where your hands are when you make pledges, oaths, and promises?  IT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING.

Now, if, IF you believe in a specific religion, then placing your hand on that holy book and swearing on it does make some logical sense.  IF you believe it.  (That didn't violate any forum rules, did it?  )  But simply raising a hand or putting it anywhere else does nothing.  You're either honest or you're not.  You either mean the oath or you don't.  The location of your hand(s) is irrelevant.  It's meaningless.  It's stupid.  We only do it because it's tradition, and you know what traditions are?  Peer pressure from dead people.

I swear, if I ever had to give courtroom testimony and take an oath, I'd probably get held in contempt for ranting about this.  I'd probably do it Larry David Curb style.  "Hey, judge, lemmie ask you something.  What's the point of the hand thing?"  Next thing you'd know, I'd be spending the night in jail.  Pffft.  Sweet merciful Celestia, our world is so dumb.