Hello, all I don't even know who is still active and I don't know who even knows who I am. 

Let me start with the fact I used to be very active on here. I love my little pony and the my little pony community. That includes whoever is reading this. 

I guess the reason that I love mlp is the fact I don't have friends. It makes me happy and although probably pathetic I have genuinely learned from it. 

None of that is important. But the background will help you to understand.  It feels like I have nothing to live for anymore.  Now I have been depressed before. But I'm not even depressed, now I have reached a state of melancholy. I have completely accepted the fact I will never have friends.  I don't have the skills and can't be confident or comfortable at any social situations.

I just want people to know that this community did mean something to me. And thank you for accepting me as I am.

I don't want to keep going with everything in life to be honest. Its hard to me to enjoy anything that I'm not alone in my home. I want to do things with people genuinely,  i get a pit in my heart i get so lonely. but anytime I have left my shell. it ends with me being to aquward and uncomfortable to even say 4 words yet along enjoy myself.

I keep getting in trouble at work because it's starting to effect the sales job I have. I have been called out on it. I can't relate to my family and I feel absolutely insane.  

As I get older it only getting worse, and I'm only getting more isolated. I feel my sanity leaving. I feel suicidal, many times. I can't imagine why or how things will ever get better. 

My animals especially my cat is really what grounds me. I love millie and I know no one else would care for her correctly if I was gone. 

I'm not sure why I need to write it out. I'm not sure what the ultimate answer will be. But I am thankful for mlpforums.com for the times I had and friends I made.