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Nation Alert Levels (In which terror levels increase)

Princess Periwinkle




The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats

and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."


Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or

even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the

blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been

re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the

British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when

threatened by the Spanish Armada.


The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get

the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they

have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300



The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror

alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are

"Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire

that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the

country's military capability.


Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to

"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective

Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."


The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"

to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher

levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."


Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat

they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .


The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.

These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy

can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to

"She'll be alright, Mate." Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!",

"I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend", and "The barbie is

cancelled." This last level has never been attained.

  • Brohoof 3


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And Canadians downgraded from 'Very Sorry' to just 'Sorry', leaving open the possibility of a spiral ending on 'You Hoser!' in the near future.

  • Brohoof 2
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