This happened back at a different pony forums, the one I've come to feel alienated with and have fled to here. What I attempted to do was to open up vulnerably, letting out my thoughts and feelings and see what would happen.

Well, things seem to have been going well early on as some seem to have admired that openness and self-honesty. What I learned about myself is that I'm much more sensitive than I ever thought I was though I guess that was to be expected. For a time, it did calm my nerves a little and made me feel more at ease, a feeling of being taken in and accepted for who I am instead of for the masks I put on. It was a great feeling.

I was convinced that bronies do want to good to others and I wanted to reciprocate the kindness and help that I've received at the time. At the time I was also listening to certain lectures online on topics such as addiction, authenticity (living without masks) and health, peer orientation, bullying and vulnerability. There is a common thread with these topics and that would be parenting. I won't go into detail but what you can take home from this is that we all need some kind of parental figure to promote healthy brain development. So then what I started doing was putting this into practice so then when I see a troubled person, I would try to be that person's emotional and moral support. Not only that, I can pick up certain signs of trouble or have ask better questions about one's circumstances that may have lead to a person's disposition. If I see this as a problem in brain development, my answer would be to become the person's answer.

I hope that made sense. This is what I started doing a whole lot on the other forums and not surprisingly, it drained a lot of my energy. However, at a certain point, conflicts begin to arise. Not only did I begin to see better ways to be effective at helping troubled people out but I also started to see how many others do it wrong; either by being naive or judgmental by blaming the person for their behavior which only provokes the victim to respond with greater hostility. Disillusionment came when I reported such an incident and the victim was put under closer watch while the one who did the provoking was let off the hook. I was horrified and surprised. Slowly it became clear to me that people are not interested in the responsibility that comes with a proper understanding of how people can be effectively help, they would rather blame the person whenever they're too frustrated to see the result they desire regardless of how effective it is. Sickening, I tell you. I proposed that problem users have someone to talk to about their feelings of resentment, what stresses them and such but nobody wanted to hear it despite being practical about it. I wondered... if people are so closed-minded and judgmental, how is it I'm still in one piece? A friend of mine who is staff there gave me an answer that would change the way I feel about that community; it's because I make an intimidating adversary in a debate. The implications struck me immediately; the reason I wasn't getting ripped apart there is not because I was liked but because I was feared. This idea pretty much ruined my relationship with the community and I did try to reconnect the same way I had grown to feel welcome there in the first place but to no avail; the few who responded did little to ease my fears and some actually did confront me about my outburst. In the end, it was over, I left for good.

Nowadays, I can't even visit the forums without feeling stressed and anxious.