Glad to see your blog has a happy-ish ending XD

About your Judicial system rant, that's even assuming you're getting a fair trial. Thanks to the NDAA Act, any American citizen can be detained indefinitely and without trial if they are suspected of terrorism. 

It appears we're all "Guilty until proven innocent" now

I am going to borrow a bit from John Lennon here.

The thing is Dimitri, you are unhappy, and that is plain to see... ypou already know this. But something you shouldn't be saying is that life is not beautiful, or that it is disgusting. You cannot expect to experience life if you aren't happy.  And it is true, that the world we live in is a filled with vile and evil things, People and events that just want to destroy everything you love and hold dear, and then destroy you, piece by piece. The biggest challenge that you have, is to find happiness again. You have to realize what you have lost and what you hve now, and you have to find out within yourself how you can be happy... once you do, all the evila nd horrible things in the world no longer stop you from seeing what life is. A gift, and a wonderful thing. Something so beautiful, and something you have a undeniable right to behold. Again, you have to find happiness within the mess of your life and this world, and it all becomes easier. 

You already know that I love everyone, no matter who they are. And I already know that the world will always be trying to hurt me, and destroy me. Yet I keep in mind that I must keep loving, and keep spreading love and joy, allowing myself the happiness I need to enjoy life for what it is.

Hard to reconnect with yourself when everything has been taken from you, you have been blamed for the death of a loved one, you hate yourself for years and try numerous times to end your life with nothing but stopping yourself because of the fear. Wanting to kill yourself, but for some reason you just stop yourself. Nearly succeeding in it, but the bullets fails.

Hard, but not impossible. All I want in my life again is someone. I just want my life to mean something. Mean something...not to the world, but someone who loves me. I love my brother, my friends. I miss my wife. I miss the woman I wanted to spend my life with, die for, die with, loved more than anything, cherished more than my own life.

Taken away from me. She was taken, and I was blamed for it by her parents. No one helped me. They turned away. Left me alone with my fucked-up depressed mind to figure it all out. What did I do? I got angry. Remorseless. Did thing I not even think God can forgive someone for doing.

Happiness is hard to find. For me, it seems near impossible. Yet, still achievable. I just want to have someone again. I can never replace Aleksandra. Never. She was my life. But, I know she would want me to move on. I know she would. Being a miserable bastard just hurts her memory.

I just want my life back. Can I ever get it back? No, but I can try to be happy again with another. It is all I want.