I am not a saint. I not even consider myself a decent person really. I did a lot of idiotic things in the past. Especially after my wife passed away, but also before that sometimes. Mainly...my temper did it. Put me in bad places.

Crime was fun to me. Though, I will say I regret it all. I horridly regret it now, but at the time I was enthralled in it. I lived the life, I did so many things. Followed blindly. Stole, and hurt, and laundered and more and more. God, sometimes I miss it. Am I messed up? I miss it! Sometimes I miss that life, and then I say "What the fuck is wrong with me...?"

It....gave me something. A sense of adrenaline, of fun. Doing something illegal. It made life fun. My brother recently bought GTA V, and it revolves around three protagonists, as I sure most of you know. Yet, I am talking about their professions. Criminals. Bank robbers. "Heist pullers." That, that would be fun!!

Imagine how that would feel! The rush of excitement. I not care about the money mainly, I care about the awesome feelings experienced. Killing, robbing, and then getting away with it. Is a horrid, and immoral thing and I FUCKING hate myself for doing criminal things, but....I think about it....it was dangerous, and bad....but fun sometimes...

God, I am majorly messed up. Good thing for friends, and sane, rational thinking. I never want to do crime again. Bad things come from it. Only thing wrong with me now is my temper. Finding it harder to control it recently. Angrier with ignorant people. Working out more often, trying to relieve stress. Sometimes I think I need to just hit something. Work the heavy bag then.

Still, ignorant people who are mean to me...I finding it harder to stop myself from acting or saying something stupid to them. Maybe when I turn 27 things will relax or something. God, is so close to my birthday....almost thirty...

Here is a song...or something...