DuskSong

It's terrifying to know the general time and moment that i woke up one day, and all of the wiring in my brain broke. the second semester of tenth grade, somewhere around the tail-end of February, i woke up more tired, defeated than ever. I didn't know it then, but my adolescence and development left me a 'care' package as they began to reach their end. the feelings didnt go away, no, they got worse. i wanted to die. it was scary, how i could no longer sleep at night, i would have kicks in my chest every single time my head wandered off to sleep. The genes I inherited from both sides of my family presented themselves in a two-punch knockout to the person I was before mental illness. I'll never get that back, but I can do the most I can with the cards i've been dealt. though a large orange pill must correct the imbalances that my body has wrought, i am still a person behind the outward mask of dark winters and cloudy days that I have only begun to un-wind and deconstruct to find some peace and serenity in a life post-mental-illness through bi-weekly therapy vists. the worst part is having no one to blame, nowhere to point a finger to, because it was a stroke of fate, a random chance that life threw at me when I was least expecting it. All you can do when the curve-ball bruises you is move forward and heal. and that's what i'll do.

The Wonder Years is my only friend right now. their music is getting me through a lot.

fuck senior year.

"I’m starting to shake.

They’ll hold your service tomorrow. I’m an ocean away.

Reached into my pocket, found a small paper crane.

It’s been over a year now.

April fades into May and I’ve barely stopped moving,

I’ve been so fucking afraid; too much of a coward to even visit your grave."

~The Wonder Years

if i die in a mass shooting, leave my body on the steps of congress.

No comparison, the Samsung S10 has MUCH better speakers than the LG G8, so Samsung has become my next choice of phone for the next few years.

Retiring my OG Pixel and probably getting an LG G8 ThinQ in the evening. Gonna miss it, but it's age is showing and I need more storage.

It was one of the best phones that I've ever owned, the only issues were freezing related and shutting off due to cold temperatures (and my car's AC blasting on it).

it's really sad walking into Hot Topic and going to the band wall now-a-days. don't recognize nor care for 90% of the bands that have merch there. i miss when there was real emo (yeah the emo trinity is nowhere near real emo. check out American Football lmao) band merch like Modern Baseball tees, i miss the wristband bucket, i miss the vinyls being in-store, sigh.

ugh.

though the show is coming to an end, i hope that this forum doesn't cease to exist anytime soon. my interest in MLP has faded far from where it was years ago, but I love this community and the friendliness of everyone here. There aren't many forums with communities like this anymore, and i'd be sad to see it go.

What's a good coffee/latte to try if I hate espresso, cannot stand bitter flavors, but love stuff like chai lattes?

having a manager buy food for me just 'cause i don't take a break is a nice gift <3

Might take my first one in a few days though.. gonna have a 10 hour shift or so. yikes.

"I’ll miss the smell of the rain on my road,
The dirty streets of the town I call home,
My friends that kept me from feeling alone,
And the broken promises you made that forced me to grow.
And I’ll miss the paths I’ve walked a thousand times,
The mistakes that I made, the lessons learned from the nights
That I spent with my friends in this town I resent,
All ‘cause this is the last of time that I’ll spend around here."

~Neck Deep

Saw a 2 dollar bill for the first time in person yesterday. Why would you give that away?? They're so rare! I'd frame one if I had one.

oml, Neck Deep's older cuts are the BEST music they've made, or maybe it's my love for hardcore pop punk stuff. Rain In July is amazing tho

my job is getting me used to working with... undesirable personalities. Sadly, some people are just high strung and will bitch about anything and everything because it's all they know. Good thing I know how to communicate, because man, sitting there and listening to the nonstop whining is ridiculous. If you want to ensure that we dont miss anything while closing during a period of severe understaffing, you can stay until nearly 12AM to get it done.

I'm not typically a creative minded person, but I put what little creative energy I have into my poetry. It's paying off, and I love writing it. I can see my improvement, and I love being able to tell stories of my own life, and others in hopes to inspire others or just to share experiences. Being focused on mental illness and hardships, I truly hope that what I make lets others know they're not alone, and/or inspires them to keep going when things aren't going so well <3

love working drive-thru all alone because of a repeat no-show employee!!!! god, my feet hurt..

just to make this clear: dehumanizing any group/religion/race/etc of people is wrong.

Americ

an Football

don't work for Hot Topic. New associate expectations are a major reason I quit as soon as I could back in June. The fun, spirit and soul of the company is dead, and has been decaying for years. Also the pay and hours are awful in general for sales associates.

Tried 1919 Rootbeer today. Nothing special, just an overbearing vanilla flavor that overpowers the actual rootbeer taste.

It is absolutely revolting and disgusting that people still call for the death/genocide of LGBT people to this day. I will always wonder why these people cannot just let people live their lives as they are. How does the love life of someone you don't even know impact your daily life? I mean.. besides the studies that show that homophobes are very likely to same-gender attractions, the only theory I have is that these people are afraid of their own feelings, or the decades of indoctrination into hateful religions. But, I will say again: the love life of other people do NOT impact your own life, so fuck off and stop telling others how to live their lives. It's not yours to live. Focus on yourself. 

" Day by day we grew to love this place,
And where I make my grave is where my anchor lays.
The sound of my youth echoes out through these empty streets,
I guess I can't kick up the roots;
It's home, and that's the truth.

I've been wasting away,
But in a town with no way out, there's not much else to do anyway,
If you're looking for a place to decay,
Then there will always be a place in my town called revelry."

~Neck Deep

i hate when summer rolls around.. i feel i isolate myself. but i have a demanding job, hobbies, and a whole lot of shit in my head i have to sort through just to get by. i guess i just miss being carefree and living without all of these expectations, responsibilities and the imbalanced chemicals of my brain.