Fertilizer

Not Telling

sweden

problem solving(calculus, trying to spend a bit more time on math, but am easily distracted), puzzles(math, not advanced math, mostly basic multiplication/division when i need to relax), pc gaming(i need my fix. i only like to have one game available, and atm, it is dota2), cooking(food tastes better when you put effort into making it, and its fun to challenge yourself), computer proogramming(sorry, i only know basic C/C++), MMA(i used to compete, 8-10 years experience, but i am not a violent person, never liked physical violence on streets)

hi everyone.
i am a persian man, 26 years old, who is born and raised in sweden.

i was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome when i was a child.
my mother always wondered why i liked being alone in my own world, isolated from others, that was why she wanted them to diagnose me.

from that point, i was sent to schools for mentally ill/disabled people, a mix of asperger/autism/unknowMentalIllness people.
we got into a lot of fights because people were bullying us.
our school was known as the hanicap school for idiots.
i expressed my anger and my feelings about this and got myself a reason for them to move me to another school, a so called "normal" school around the age of 14 - 16.
i was not comfortable around big groups of people because i had never experienced being around groups of poeple more than 2-3 people.
i did not know how to behave naturally, so i was acting so strange in every possible way when people tried to interract with me, so they eventually started bullying me and threatening me.
i found another reason to change school , now i was moved to another school, for asperger/autism/mentally ill/handicapped people. they see no differences so they put whatever that is not "normal" in their eyes in the same place.
now i felt safe, being with people who i can relate to in some way.

at age 18-19, i decided to continue studying as far north as possible in sweden.
as i mentioned, i am persian, and northen parts of sweden is a place where only racist people live.
i lived there for 3 years, a lot of physical violence, few times every week.
with the MMA experience i had, i started teaching a veery small group of people MMA for free. i became friend with some interesting people after finding that peace in the mind.
i was introduced to drugs by a childhood friend from my hometown, and i influenced my friends and neighbors in the village where i studied very north of sweden.
i started using drugs while selling them, and because of the distance from a major city to a small far away village, i made double the amount of money a regular dealer would have made.
after i was offered heavier drugs , kjjilowise, i stopped it al. i realised this took me a bit too far, and i was afraid of some people.
i lost all my friends except one after that strange phase.

i moved back to my parents house. i now study as much as i can, occasionally distracted by gaming etc.

i wont have the time to learn so much that i can contribute in any scientific way, but i would rather die trying than not trying.
i have found my peace and i only wish people the best.

fuck violence, fuck bullies, fuck evil.

by the way, my english is shit, im sorry if someone feels offended because i am not properly using their language.