Midway through September, she informed me that she was moving at the end of October, and that I was not coming with her, and I needed to find a place to live, and that it was none of her concern what happened to me. I am chronically ill and disabled, so I don't have an income, which put me in a serious position. Pretty much, she was punishing me for some nonexistent infraction.
I've had to change my number, and have been dealing with lots of abusive letters from family, and family friends who have started attacking me. It's been horrible, and has drained me of my energy and joy.
Some of you may know what my mother is really like, some of you may only have known she got married
unexpectedly and was being really mean. But to say that my family is cruel, is very spot on.
To give you a bit of perspective of what I've been dealing with in my home. My mother is a narcissist,
manic depressive, has bipolar disorder, and is a hoarder. My home has since I can remember, been filled to the brim with things. I wont go into details, but it's been a toxic and verbally abusive life with my mother.
I had packed my things, and was attempting to work on commissions to get money to survive. My mother, spent
most of her time on her laptop, ignoring packing completely- but it wasn't my problem to help her. So when the night came that we needed to move out, I did what she told me to do which is 'worry about yourself, you're an adult and not my problem anymore'. So my friend and I dealt with everything that was mine. My grandma came despite me saying I was not ok with it since she's elderly, and my mom and grandma were packing. My mother wasn't packed at all, and had to leave in 5hrs for the airport. She hadn't got her shipping labels in order, my mom got herself a u-haul truck, and my friend and I had to take all my stuff by my car.
Well, by the 3rd time we came to my house to get a load of stuff, things had descended into complete
anarchy, and my mother was having what I could only describe as a psychotic break, and I didn't feel safe
in my home anymore and my friend, who'd grown up in an abusive household and is very protective of me, took charged and wanted me to leave immediately for my safety. So my friend and I got my animals, I took my most important boxes and bags, and we left with the intent to get the rest of my things the next day as the house wasn't being cleaned out till the 2nd of
November.
Around 2hrs later, when my mom was being taken to the airport for Alaska, she sent me this.
"Bravo. Well done. You win. You got your revenge on me, and kudos on the bonus of having your 81yr old grandmother in the position to move furniture. You promised to help. So- here is everything. How does it feel? All yours. We got you a storage unit, and a truck, so we don't have the money to change my ticket. 1800Junk will be there on Nov 2 to clean everything out. Good Luck."
Of course none of these accusations are true. But this is what narcissists do- everything is always everyone else's fault. Everyone is expected to drop what they are doing to assist the narcissist or you are the enemy, and because I finally stood up and said 'enough of the abuse' I have been getting vile and horrible messages from family and family friends who have heard the heavily edited story my mother has been telling them. The storage unit that was suppose to be mine was closed, thank goodness I had nothing in there or I literally would have lost everything.
I came back to the house the next day to get my stuff, and everything was there. She packed and took absolutely nothing with her, and the house is jam packed with stuff. As I stated before- my mother is a hoarder, and collected vintage things. I've spent the past couple of days, literally going through box after box, in every room with my best friend, and 7 members of his wife's church. All in an attempt to save family heirlooms, genealogy, and photos...all my baby pictures I found in the trash. I've saved what I can, but just like the house, I was thrown away like garbage.
I was coping pretty well, trying to keep it together so I could finish the task of packing up the most important items. The final day my best friend and I were at the house getting the final items I needed, when all of a sudden my grandma just showed up. She showed up to clean out the fridge...talk about priorities.
I will go into details later, but I had a break down, and my friend had to get me to his house quickly. I couldn't handle it anymore. I was sobbing and crying in his arms, and all my grandma could do is pat me roughly on the back and say 'oh, that's to bad' and walk away. My friend has some WORDS with my grandmother after that as he was so furious at how she was treating me.
It's hard to consider myself a victim of abuse even though I had been for most of my life. No one likes to feel like they aren't in control, and it can blind you to the truth. But when a dozen people who I've never met, entered into my home, and looked around, and look at the hoard, and the fact that she left me, and threw my baby pictures away, and they can say 'A sick mind lived here' it's really shaken me, and opened my eyes.
You never know what peoples homes are like, and even what condition your friends live in. Not everyone has a good family life, and not all parents appear like vile monsters in public, some can appear to be completely likable and fun- my mother was that. Untreated mental illness destroys families, and the victims of abuse have hard time recognizing there own situation. I'm hoping to come to terms with the sort of life I've lived, and that my life was not normal. I want to thank all of you who not just ordered commissions and let me put them on hold while I deal with all this, but also those of you that selflessly donated money to me in my time of need- it saved me. It's wonderful to know there are good people out there that care. I hope someday I can come to terms with it, and learn to better myself. I'm mostly hoping that with me sharing this, and also future journals and pictures, that people in the same situation will realize that things can change and get better. Once you get away from your abuser(s), you can learn to blossom.
~Anti~
PS: A special thanks to the Mormon church for helping an Atheist in need.
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