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Vera Veil

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  1. Vera Veil
    where do I begin? so I have been up and down lately, I have got my forklift license and I am 1 step closer to a job I want to do ... but now I have entered what has been known as the "Christmas Depression" over here ... it goes like this, every year I struggle to buy even the most simplest of gifts for the fam and it makes me want to provide for them, before I moved out it wasnt a big deal, but now that I have bills to pay its a shit-load harder to make a living on what I currently get, but I still manage to get by (even thou I'm not sure how )
     
    I just hope they will love what I get for em this year and still have enough for the rent at the end of the day :/
     
    I also don't know if I will be going to PonyConAU next year ... I really want to, but I'm not sure if ill have the money ... I guess I will need to wait and see hmm? ok well fmd, that sounds fun *types something dark to do to myself here that hurts more then it is fun*
     
    its funny really ... whenever I hit a depressive time for me, I use this as a line to make me smile again "A Feeling That I Know So Well, OH Its Got Me In Its Spell" and that is found in a song I love atm and I know everthing will be somewhat ok ....
     
    Cash Cash - Overtime
     


  2. Vera Veil
    Ok so about a week ago now (maybe more, maybe less) as you all would of seen I was in an extremely bad mood, well ... Remember the weather system in my blogs? Well they tell you how I'm feeling, for example, this one, Clear Skies w/ Slight Breeze .... Well, I feel pretty neutral today with a spot of sorrow, nothing too bad thou ..... Pay attention to my forecasting system as it will tell you everything you need to know ....
     
    Now I promised I would explain y I was so pissed off .... Ok, it goes like this, for those who don't know I am a depression suffer, a mild one at that, and I had failed my licence exam again, and while yes I was pissed off at me and them (me for failing, them for failing me xD) it triggered a very volatile burst of rage I haven't seen since year 7 back in high school and that was in 2008 mind you ..... And because I'm a depression suffer, ofc depression would have an argument to say, how I'm always a failure, and doomed to be a failure. A failure at making friends, at passing exams, at finding love, at finding work etc etc ..... And so I had to have the biggest fight of my life to stay alive, because back then .... If I let the depression win, well, I wouldn't exactly be here now to post this .... So I stayed pissed off, problem was I so pissed off for so long it was only silly, and I looked like the biggest derpy once I cooled down
     
    About my depression, I am finally doing something about it, I spoke to my gp who sent me for a blood test, and I'll get the results on Monday as well as a referral to see a shrink and talk to them about my problems ... I'm doing ok as of right now because of my massive out burst of raw emotion and rage, so yea ..... Well I wanna go, need to look into clan shit .... Catch y'all in the next update .... Stay pony everyone
  3. Vera Veil
    It's been a long time coming huh? The day I return to blog entry's .... I miss doing this ... Anyways on to business ....
     
    So the only real plus is that I have finally moved out of mum and dads place ...
     
    I have initiated code red, as y'all would of seen earlier ... Meaning I need booze ASAP to dull the pain .... I'm in pain because I want to snap out of my rut and get serious with my life ... Not "having a kid" serious, but in a relationship with one I care about ... Someone I can be there for when they are heartbroken, someone I can be there for when they get promoted ... Or is pregnant ..... I want to be there for someone who needs a hug at the end of her day and to be reminded that everything is ok ....
     
    Sorry for sounding sappy, I have hard for the past 21 years .... I think I have more then earned the right to be sappy atleast once
     
    I better go, things to do and fics to read .... I'm currently reading one about the ship ScootaBelle ....yep, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle ...... What? It's a cute ship, first got into it from the link I'll post below (not taking any credit, it's still on my clipboard on my iPad so y not?)
     
    https://www.fimfiction.net/story/97752/spellbound-fireflies
     
    That was a great read .... I loved it and I have a new best ship ... No, not TwiDash .... ScootaBelle ..... It's so adorable and cute the it works, I'm currently reading another fic with that ship, but it was ..... Is .... Not written well, is the positive way of putting it, I mean sure, it has the transitions perfect, but it's because the chapters are so short that I will be finished before lunch time ... And it's only 9:40AM rite now, if anyone finds a good 50k-80k fic, please pm it to me, I'm also in the middle of typing my own up, but I gotta wait and see how this move is gonna go, if I get kicked out now, then I'm not gonna finish it until shit has died down .... If not, then I'll do it as soon as I can .... No spoilers on it .... Sorry
  4. Vera Veil
    So I just got back from my party earlier yesterday, but I was hungover as shit .... While yes I did get some pretty empressive shit, the alcohol took its toll on me as I'm even now still sick in the stomach, but coz I'm not in a car I won't get motion sickness so there's a plus, that and in total I got $300 in cash and my own brother bought me the halo 5 limited edition Xbox 1 game, with spartin Locke and John-117 .... Aka Master Chief ..... Along with other goodies as well, however the worst part about my birthday party went like this, me, my brother (19) my sister (21) and my cousin, idk his age, we all went to town at about 1AM and him and my brother were gone, both their fones were dead, mine and my sisters were about 50% so yea, I tried to score alittle pill from my cousin, but it didn't work that way, we got in the club and after about an hour, he got the first tap, but he went inside more (we were at the front near the pathway in the club) then about 10 minutes later my brother got the second tap, they told him he could finish his drink then he was kicked out .... We tried looking for my cousin first, and me having a f**k ton of beer, a few shots, and like 3 cocktails (don't ask) and so I was only making rash decisions, we couldn't find him, so me and my sister then went around the corner to Se if we could find my brother, we couldn't see him, so we tried to go back in the club, but in Wollongong it was already lockout ... Meaning that once u are in, u can't leave coz if u did, u can't get back in .... It's law, it works, but it sucks so hard .... Anyways, we then went towards the train station looking for my brother, and we did find him, pissed off at him, but we found him, I then kinda hit a low point and I finally realised I really do need to see a shrink .... I'm not even gonna go in detail how the trip home was a 2 hour nightmare .... Maybe later, but not now .... Now that that is all typed, I guess I can listen to music and try and get work with a family friend, he needs the help and I need the money, he has it to pay me, and I have information on all the areas he removes furniture, so it's a win-win .... I'm outta here, need some alone time to think ... Baii
  5. Vera Veil
    So the only reason y I'm ok today is I have been listening to house music while drifting in Forza horizon 2 .... If I wasn't doing that I would be crying to myself because I'm a mess and need booze and EDM to keep me calm .... Ik I'm a wreck, I'm also looking forward to tomorrow night, I'll post a new entry being either 6 or 7 before I go tomorrow .... Well I better go, my kagogos need me ... Baii
  6. Vera Veil
    So I'm feeling alittle better then earlier this arvo, had a chance to rest, play and clean ... But I still have too much on my mind... While listening to E3 I heard LIMBO .. An R18+ rated game that was about $25AU was free for 1 week, now I have actually wanted to play a different game for awhile. And now that I have played limbo, it is a nice change of pace from the usual driving game or shooting game, I don't mind it, but there are moments when u get stuck easily and it's hard to get unstuck ... But hey, it's still a good game to play ... Well I better bounce, I gotta have a shower and then I wanna fix my gta online ... The problem with that is my social club won't sign in and because it won't sign in, I can't play online ... If there are any ideas to fix this problem, please comment down below
  7. Vera Veil
    I woke up at 45 minutes ago and I feel hungry, but earlier I looked at the Xbox segment of e3 and can't wait for Forza Horizon 3, that's the sunny half of my weather ... The wet half is I notice I'm drink more, not because I'm 21 but it's because it's my depression, when I have a lot on my mind, I drink alcohol to ease my pain, Ik I shouldn't drink it, but it's better then some of the other choices I could of made ... I could of turned to ice, I could of attempted susicide ....again .... But I don't want that to be me, because I now see a very dim light in dark hours ... The light is simple "we were born to die, and live to get high" the first half of that is from a song that I have taken to heart while the second half I added on coz it rhymed .... And yes I know what getting high means .... Well I gtg, need to eat, then clean a toilet ... Baii
  9. Vera Veil
    Ok so I have been thinking about this one for a long time and finally decided to start making this, I'm going to introduce who I am before I get cracking into my first entry ...
     
    My name is WubZ, on the 9th of June this year I turned 21 and I have a bad case of depression, over time you will understand why I choose to live by my sig of "we were born to die" but for right now it's to early to go in detail about that. I am one of 4 co-leaders in a clan called Clown Army. I will more then happy to tell you what is all about, what we do are is basically a clan of PC gamers who have fun on MTA, if you want to know more about CA just pm me and I'll tell you more there ... I guess now that this is done, let's start the first entry ...
     
    Where do I begin? I walk the face of the earth, hoping for a way out other then death. I find it hard to meet and open up to random people, but even harder to meet and open up with friends and family. I always wonder what life would be like if I really was a pony just to escape my only life problems ... I'm just so confused ..... *wispers help me from myself*
     
    Well I'm off, I'm so tired ... Gn all
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