WhisperingDreams

Could you review my OC Night Frost? Night Frost is a female bat pony with a talent for taming mythical creatures, she is also the very first my little pony oc I made. Im also here cause I was curious ^^. Before you read the info I am so so sorry for how long it is D: (Base was used for the body but everything else was by me) Name- Night Frost Personality- Likes making people laugh but becomes withdrawn with people she doesn't know, Night loves thrill rides but refuses to do anything that will risk her life for things that are 'just because it's fun'. She enjoys reading every now and then and at times can be a couch potato. Night can be very cautious and sometimes wimps out of things if they scare her. She cares deeply for her friends and hates to betray them. Night almost never cries from pain, just an odd little thing about her. Night can also be very forceful without realising and gets irritated easily if someone constantly pushes her into doing something. She sometimes gets bouts of depression but Night pushes those thoughts and feelings down as quickly as they come up. Night usually only gets 'it' when she has nothing to do or is alone. She knows she should get help but she can't, she's afraid to. Bio (I'm guessing this is backstory?)- Born in Manehatten to two bat pony parents (one pure, one half pegasus), she was bullied for being 'different and a blank flank'. So Night Frost's parents decided to move to Ponyville after hearing how friendly it was, however the only house available was near the everfree forest. They at first chose to wait for a new house to be built but in the end moved in when informed that monsters usually don't go near the edge, it was also cheap and they could move in straight away. One night, Night heard cries for help coming from the everfree, curious, fearful but drawn to the sound she wandered into the forest searching for the source. A manticore with a damaged wing stuck at the bottom of a crevice was what met her, she spent much time pacing the edge of the crevice, trying to but failing to think of a plan to get it out. By accident her hoof broke away a part of the cliff causing a chain reaction ending in a land slide, Night was horrified believing she killed the Manticore. By pure luck the landslide missed the Manticore and created a way out. The beast then leapt out and roared at Night before starting an attack, but she suddenly realised she could understand the Manticore's roars fuelled by adrenaline Night bucked the manticore in the face and scolded it. She then strictly but gently ordered the manticore to take her to Ponyville, it did and Night took it to the vet, ignoring the horror of everypony. After having its wing fixed the Manticore, with a slimy lick to the face it returned to the Everfree Forest, that was when she earned her cutie mark and found her talent, taming mythical creatures. When she was 14 she was awarded with the job and title of monster controller, Night's parents moved out of the house and gave it to her for job convenience. Appearance- Dark grey coat with messy black hair with ice blue streaks, just reaching her shoulders. Bright golden eyes, wings, the same color as her streaks with blue-grey membrane. Often wears a red silk scarf given by her mother. Cutiemark- Two dusty green snakes with bright red eyes curled up to resemble a heart shape, their heads and tails touching. Blue eye (similar to the eye in the night guard armour) in the middle of the snake heart with two dark purple wings protruding from the sides of the eye.

I really hate to say this but your character is kinda bad... Having flaws is a good thing but when your character gets too many 'evil traits' without a good reason like a mental disorder it turns her into a Mary Sue. Her design is a little plain for being the daughter of a princess, perhaps give her an accessory or add a light coloured stripe to her hair? The cutie mark is kinda eh.. It doesn't really represent her personality as the moon is often seen as a serene thing, an eclipsed moon would work better. Also how did she earn her cutie mark? The thing about being thrown in the dungeon doesn't really sound like Celestia, I very much doubt she would put Starlight in the dungeon, maybe if it was some pony else but Starlight is royalty and her sisters daughter. If you want to have a reason to have her hate Celestia then do something like she resents the solar princess for having locked her mother away on the moon. Celestia is very out of character as I very very very much doubt that she would banish someone for cheating, Luna would probably banish some pony for that but Celestia? And you say that she is very violent, sadistic and enjoys suffering but Starlight believes that every pony deserves to be equal it doesn't really go well unless she is bipolar. Balance her personality out more. Explain why she's so psychotic.

Hmm I'll experiment with the outline for a bit, oh and your eyes aren't broken there definitely is a gradient

There isn't any specific pose I want her in , just do whatever pose you find the easiest to do and yeah I do want the handkerchief/scarf around her neck Thank you so much ^^

Could you please do my OC Night frost, I understand if you can't ^^ Could I have a coloured traditional?

@FullmoonDagger Glad you like my OC ^^ and you didn't have to draw her! But either way she's really cute >_< so thanks! @Melted Dog I have her in one RP called casual stroll @Solarfox Thanks for the feedback, I'll be changing the timber wolf portion @keyclipse Thank you for your review ^^ As I said above I'll change the timber wolf portion

Hello! I'm here cause I want to ask for a review on my OC, Night Frost. Night frost is a female bat pony with a talent for taming mythical creatures, she is also the very first my little pony oc I made. I want honest critique since I want Night to be the best she can be. (Base was used for the body but everything else was by me) Anyways here's her personality and backstory, please note that I will be wording them both better later. Born in Manehatten to two bat pony parents (one pure, one half pegasus), she was bullied for being 'different and a blank flank'. So Night Frost's parents decided to move to Ponyville after hearing how friendly it was, however the only house available was near the everfree forest. They at first chose to wait for a new house to be built but in the end moved in when informed that monsters usually don't go near the edge, it was also cheap and they could move in straight away. One night, Night heard cries for help coming from the everfree, curious, fearful but drawn to the sound she wandered into the forest searching for the source. A timber wolf stuck at the bottom of a crevice was what met her, Night was eventually able to get it out by causing a landslide. The wolf ran free not bothering to even look at her but that was when she realised she was lost. Night Frost wandered the forest crying and calling to her parents, but then she was suddenly attacked by a manticore, it let out a roar and she could understand it! Fuelled by adrenaline Night bucked the manticore in the face and scolded it, she then strictly but gently ordered the manticore to take her to Ponyville, it did and that was when she earned her cutie mark and found her talent, taming mythical creatures. When she was 14 she was awarded with the job and title of monster controller, Nights parents moved out of the house and gave it to her for job convenience. Rash, likes making people laugh but becomes withdrawn with people she doesn't know, Night loves thrill rides but refuses to do anything that will risk her life for things that are 'just because it's fun'. She enjoys reading every now and then and at times can be a couch potato. Night can be very cautious and sometimes wimps out of things if they scare her. She cares deeply for her friends and hates to betray them. Night almost never cries from pain, just an odd little thing about her. Night can also be very forceful without realising and gets irritated easily if someone constantly pushes her into doing something. She sometimes gets bouts of depression but Night pushes those thoughts and feelings down as quickly as they come up. Night usually only gets 'it' when she has nothing to do or is alone. She knows she should get help but she can't, she's afraid to. That's about it please leave you thoughts down below! If you were wondering about the depression thing, I don't have depression I added it in there because I thought it would make Night Frost more interesting. Honestly I wasn't sure if I should add it in but it's nothing reallt serious so I thought it would be fine ^^;

Ok so the beginning of the race goes straight for about 50m and then all the cars fall into a giant gaping hole with no way out that goes 2000 feet down

I can sometimes get very forceful without realising it. If someone constantly pushes me into doing something I already planned to do, it really, really irritatates me. I start shouting at them and refuse to the thing I planned to do. On that note, I'm really stubborn. I'm also really lazy and a huge procastinator. I avoid doing things until the last minute and if I'm able to I usually never get around to it, that's one of the reasons why people (my parents) push me so hard but well ya know.

@Blitz Boom Night smiled at the two, her fangs showing a little. "Come on Null, Void the sooner we get there the sooner you can reach safety," Night pricked her ears, listening for any dangers to the two. It seemed safe... Enough. "Anyways we need to clear some rules, do NOT stray away. Do NOT touch anything that doesn't need to be touched. If you hear or see anything move, tell me, do NOT dismiss it as your imagination. And most importantly is something starts chasing you do NOT run around blindly, that'll get you killed. Stay by me, if any of you lag behind, call out." Night Frost listed. "Did you guys get that?"

@blitz boom "Clearing?' Night tilted her head a bit, thinking. There weren't many clearings in the everfree but they weren't non-existent. If she could take them to the clearing and then to Ponyville they could safely journey to canterlot. "Do you know the general direction you came from? I can lead you there and then to a village close to this forest called Ponyville. From there you can board a train straight to Canterlot," Night was quite suprised that they didn't know about the everfree forest guess it wasn't as well known as she thought... "Oh yeah and that 'thing' that chased you is called a manticore, they're pretty common here." Night suddenly ruffled her wings in embarrassment, "oh um my names Night Frost btw."

@bitz boom Night coughed awkwardly not sure what to do, "umm you can get up now?" "Anyways, glad to know you two are alright..." Night studied the two ponies, a pegasus and an earth pony both wore healed injuries and their eyes danced with gratefulness and hesitation. An odd pair to say the least. "And to answer your question, my talents monster taming. Says it right on my flank" Night turned to the side with a small smile before it being replaced by a frown. "WHAT IN TARTARUS'S NAME ARE YOU DOING HERE? Especially without a guide of some sort!" Night hissed, worry for the ponies clouding her emotions for a bit. The grey bat pony sighed, "sorry for that outburst..." She coughed again. "I can take you to where you need to go," Night looked at the duo and let out another smile.

@blitz boom The sound of muted hoofsteps carried across the debris ridden floor, the forest strangely quiet greatly worried a short grey pony. Her thick black mane rested against her shoulders, the ice blue highlights darkened by the dancing shadows. Her bright golden eyes were narrowed and her dusty blue wings drawn against her sides. "HEEEEELP" the cry ripped through the air, startling Night Frost. She looked around frantically before leaping into the air and following the sound of the scream, her furry bat ears swivelled trying to trace where it came from. Hurry! Night thought desperately. The twin cry was so scared...so full of fear. That was when the grey bat pony spotted them huddled, backed against a rock while a manticore bigger than normal slowly advanced. She landed smack bang between the ponies and the manticore, her tail swished and she took on a defensive stance. "What. Do. You. Think. You're. Doing. To. These. Ponies!?" She said, her voice dangerously low. The manticore halted, unsure before shaking its head and stepping closer. 'I said what do you think your doing!" She repeated her eyes narrowing. The great lumbering beast whimpered and stepped back, it let out a rumbled growl "the ponies invaded my home, it not my fault!" "Let them go and I'll make sure they stay away," Night answered her pose relaxing. The manticore let out a final whimper before fleeing into the brush. Night turned to the two ponies "You two all right?"

@blitz boom Okie dokey Louie ;P