Stone Cold Steve Jobs

  After these messages...

   Oh, After these messages...

  (P.S: Sure wish I knew how to type music notes...)

🎵🎶〽️💠

Curse thy flaunting!

Arnold Schwarzenegger

  I don't even know what a Liberal is. How is it something to get offended by or even make a joke about?

  ...is it something you can eat?...

Depends. A true liberal is someone who believes that we as people can coexist and get along, and that there are exceptions to every people. For example, not all muslims are evil terrorists. I completely agree with these liberals. 

The ones I hate are the ones who take it to such an extreme that they become fearful of everything and everyone else to such an extent, that they capitulate their very souls and become part of the everyday person hating menace. These are the ones who won't dare criticize islam, but have blind hatred for other religions; the ones who ignore any crimes committed by the ones they support while screaming over crimes committed by what they view as the enemy. These are the ones I make fun of.

   ...so, its the hypocrisy then you don't like?

  Because if one is crackin' wise about a subset of a way of thinking that is signified enough to be given a readily discernible level of interpretation as a certain group of people, then I can see how that can easily come across as hating others for their ideals.

  Then again, pretty much all political talk sounds like that to me.

  Sometimes even hateful humor can be funny, but I can understand if the devs thought your joke was a little too hateful to have you doing it too much.

I fail to see the Confusion here.

I wrote a book about a little boy named Dennis who was deprived of nourishment until his teeth started fall out & he disassociated from the fragments.

 And it contained nothing about dancing.

BECAUSE YOU WOULD HAVE SUSPECTED THAT!!!

   ...One of the other stories is About Birds.

No, literally. "About" & "Bird" are the only two words in that story.

 It's thirty-eight pages long.

This is the best response I have ever seen.

Heh! Does it auto-generate the description or something? Because I find it funny that you can't come up with stuff like that! 

 "Deer Leader?" A Deer Orientated cult? Sounds like something we have around here on the forums...

It makes a boring generic “This is a children’s book” as a description. Yes by the way. This is a children’s book. Need to teach the kids who the Dear Leader is. 

You should see the bunker they live in. It’s under a cemetery and things got “special” when I was building it.

For the record this story is apparently excellent and netting $246 per week.

Well, I do have a hankerin' that only hands can suffice.

And another thing: if it's been cooking since his debut, it's severely burnt by now.

Fish make love in it.

Serial killers have admitted to drinking water in the past. Everyone who drinks water has a 100% fatality rate. That’s why I never drink it.

Hey, now, it's not a 100% fatality rate. About 3% of people who have ever existed are still alive, so it's closer to 97%. Also, I think you could do with access to the DHMO health fact database to spice up that shock factor you've got there. 

Luckily I only drink things that are good for you. Like vodka. And it looks like water too so it must be good for you.

I have some scotch too.

...I do not remember writing this but I am going to have it licensed. Going to be rich!

*throws twinkie at you*

*Is impaled by Twinkie*

 Gosh, when these things go stale!

... 

 Yeah... I know, that was the joke.

  An' how you do dat music note thing?! I could get so much mileage outta that!

I found it in the emoji screen. They have one for almost everything now.

now I want a Twinkie! Or a snoball. I like those too.

Are you sure you are not from Poland?

I have always found it hilarious that those posters who apoligize for their grammer or language are always MILES better then the more common youth that can't even be bothered to spellcheck or write words out fully in the language you know they're fluent in in real life!

                                                                                                               *cough*

Rite t is masng ppl tak nd understand each other wll enuff like tis.

(Translation: i missed English class today.)

*wax intensifies*

Or you could do that whole Jiangshi bit. Y'know, the hopping Chinese vampires. Short people can be quite intimdating! You never hear of creeps that're all adorably awkard-gangly-scrawny!

...Besides Slenderman.

I feel more like a mario brothers reject. Giuseppe, the third Mario brother. While his brothers are out saving princesses he is saving toilets, filling out W2’s, watching Seinfeld reruns, and having microwave meals.

Giuseppe is also a heavy alcoholic. Because he lives in Brooklyn.

Aye, that's what I say to working in fast food too. If they want to mismanage, hemorrhage workers, put out poor quality... that's on them. We're there to just work, eh?

 Would certainly be out of line for me to leave them a three page rundown of my opinion critique on every single menu item I've tried. And the cleanliness issues and... 

The post office has fired people for hurting their feelings before.

Vigorous Nodding.

 Mhmm, Mhmm. Yes, yes, truly such mathmagical prowess must be sanctioned to only the worthy. Would spell disaster if these Weapons of Mass Deduction were to fall into the wrong, dripping hands!

 Surely an imbalance in the @Duality of power, is it not? Math must be eeeeeviiiil!!!

By my calculations that makes you the perfect heat for grilling steaks.

C'mere, I got some beef ready for sizzling.

Or maybe you're just dang hot. lol

"When you have finished your business" would sound better imo 

coffee 

Never works. 

Tomorrow i get to fall asleep while driving into the city at 5am.

HAh! I've been asleep since I was nine! Well... unconscious, but I suppose we can debate about the definition of that word.

 They had food at school? I was commanded by my progenitors to only eat sack lunches from home. Accepting food from others was a sign of weakness back then. To do elsewise was considered madness.

 So, to flex my newfound independence, I now eat literally anything anybeing hands me. 

 I'll eat that bug there fer a nickel! 

So if i were to print a photo of Serene Velocity, would you eat that @Widdershins?

Yais.

Photo Flavor.

Gosh, you sure your comfortable letting whackadoos like me on the interwebs know that you work as a professional Human Body? 

  Ah, well, both of you look pretty tired. Can't say it seems like all to profes- "Do you like Oatmeal Creme Cookies?" *smack* Okay, ya got me!

  That is a pretty decisive argument though. The oatmeal creme cookies that is.

The most important of political questions is do you like oatmeal creme cookies. Because nothing is more important than a cookie, damn it.

OH! SATIRE! Didn't see that point, lol.

Even by the people you love ?

Yes. I don't do touching or hugging unless i or my victim(s) really need it. Other than that I do the condolence high five.