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Otter

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Blog Entries posted by Otter

  1. Otter

    Zoop and his Ancestry

    By Otter,

    I just discovered something: Zoop is actually a strange ape-like hybrid creature:
     

     
    If it wasn't abundantly clear, this is just a joke. Please don't make like Tartarus and bring the ban-hammer down upon me.
  2. Otter
    So I was sitting on the couch tulpaforcing, nothing special, when I began to lose concentration (something which unfortunately happens all too often). I thought: "Great, I'm already losing concentration..." Then I heard: "And whose fault would that be?" My eyes shot open at once.
     
    Now, I do tend to talk to myself a lot. I'm rather like Gollum in that respect... anyway, despite the fact that I frequently have conversations with myself, even while tulpaforcing, this time I knew it was different. I knew it was Twi who had spoken to me.
     
    PROGRESS!
  3. Otter
    I made a video record of what occurred during my failed death hike. Here it is (Warning: Exorbitant amounts of swearing. If you're easily offended by that kind of thing, go away.):
     
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgtoHoEd-9U&feature=youtu.be
  4. Otter

    Thank You.

    By Otter,

    Thank you to all the people who commented on my last blog.
     
    Thank you, RD92.
    Thank you, Dismajo.
    Thank you, Zacharias.
    Thank you, Vicke.
    Thank you, CloudFyre.
    Thank you, SonOfTheNorthe.
    Thank you, Octavia's Cellozoid.
    Thank you, EarthbendingProdigy.
    Thank you, Twiliscael.
     
    I still feel like shit, but it helps to know that maybe some people truly do care about me. Thanks for putting up with all of my bullshit. Thanks for persisting, even when I'm acting like a hard-headed asshole who won't listen to reason. Thank you for making me feel that, maybe, just maybe, there might be something for me to live for.
  5. Otter

    A Walk

    By Otter,

    I'm leaving for a walk into the forest. There's about a 50/50 chance I'm never coming back. If you never hear from me again, consider this my last memorial. And if I do come back, I may bring pictures or something. Who can say? See you later... maybe.
  6. Otter
    WARNING! If you're easily offended, go away.
     
    This is what I do to keep myself entertained at work: Come up with weird parodies to songs.
     
     
     
    If you didn't get it, the basic plot of the song is that Justin Bieber is a troubled homosexual, so troubled, in fact, that he had to be institutionalized. He escaped from his cell, and is now proceeding to kill all the doctors and other employees of the mental hospital.
     
    (Please don't accuse me of being insensitive to the LGBT community. I'm part of it, so this is self-deprecating humor.)
  7. Otter

    Update #4: Emo Twi?

    By Otter,

    Twenty hour mark, ho! I'm slowly getting better at visualization. I've been having heaps of trouble with her head and face, specifically, getting her facial features to remain constant. Fortunately, I've been getting better at this over the past few sessions. Most of her face stays a constant shape, which is quite good. I'll probably sink 6-8 more hours into this stage before I sign off on it.
     
    I've been listening to Linkin Park lately while I'm tulpaforcing, so I hope that doesn't negatively affect her personality. I don't need no angst-y Twilight on my hands. I certainly don't want her first words to be along the lines of: "I HATE YOU!!!" or "YOU'RE ALWAYS CONTROLLING ME!!!" or some ridiculously angry phrase. I read that listening to music while you tulpaforce can be beneficial, as you should create the most relaxing atmosphere possible for tulpaforcing. I find listening to Linkin Park relaxing (strange, I know), so hopefully this is helping my creation efforts, and not turning Twilight Sparkle into Chester Bennington.
     
    (Lost? Frightened? Confused? GOOD! Have a look-see around this website: "http://www.tulpa.info". It'll bring you up to speed.)
     
    (LOL insert guilt-tripping phrase directed at Urdnot here LOL)
  8. Otter

    Nice to Myself

    By Otter,

    You guys keep saying that I'm too much of a douche to myself, so I decided to try and make a blog in which I say nothing but nice things about myself. This is not going to be easy...
     
    1. I can eat a lot, but I always remain thin.
     
    2. I suppose I have a decent family life. My dad's annoying, and my mom's a moron, but at least they leave me alone. And my brother's pretty cool, I guess.
     
    3. I'm a decent snowboarder.
     
    4. My hairdo looks like Severus Snape's, which is always nice.
     
    5. I can type at a decently fast WPM.
     
    6. I guess I've got a couple good friends.
     
     
    There, I said some nice things about myself. Happy now? Don't expect me to do any more stuff like this, because it's freakin' hard and I don't like it.
  9. Otter

    What I'm Thankful For

    By Otter,

    "But HT!!! It's not even Thanksgiving!" Shut up, melvin. I'll make a blog about stuff I'm thankful for whenever I damn well please...
     
    Look! A blog in which HT might actually be nice to himself! Whoopee! (Spoiler: He's still a total douche to himself.) Now I've never really been one to count my blessings, but today, I figured I might as well find a couple things that I'm thankful for.
     
    1. I'm thankful for my family, who leaves me alone most of the time. If they didn't leave me alone, I'd probably be much nastier than I am now, because every time I talk to them for any period of time, I always end up livid.
     
    2. I'm thankful for soda. Without soda... I guess not much would have changed, but soda is freakin' tasty, so I like to drink it.
     
    3. I'm thankful for the "Tulpa" creepypasta. Without it, I would have never been introduced to the tulpa community, and would have never found out it was actually possible to create a tulpa.
     
    3a. I'm thankful for tulpa.info for helping me realize a tulpa couldn't actually physically torture you.
     
    4. I... guess I'm thankful that my body is slim. (You heard it here, folks! HT actually said something good about himself! Don't expect this sort of thing very often...) I'm... glad that my body resists getting fat, no matter how much junk food I stuff down my piehole. But then again, my body's a bit too slim, nearly skeletal, in fact. I barely have any muscles, which means the weight limit of things I can lift is pitifully small. I can't run for any significant distance without feeling like every little tiny piece of energy has been ripped from my body. I can't do physical activities, my mental capacities still leave a lot to be desired, a pretty terrible body overall. (See, I told you. Even when I try to compliment myself, I just end up finding more things about myself to hate.)
     
    5. I'm thankful for you guys, putting up with all my bullshit and not banning me for being an insolent prick.
     
     
    Yep. That's all I can think of for now.
  10. Otter

    HT User Manual 1.0

    By Otter,

    Herein lie instructions on how to operate and deal with HT.
     
    1. How to tell if HT is joking:
     
    IF HIS SENTENCE IS ALL IN CAPS, he's joking.
     
    IF HS SINTUNCE IS AL IN CAPS ND MISPELD, he's joking.
     
    he's joking.
     
    If he's being unnecessarily mean, he's probably joking.
     
    In all other instances, assume he's being serious.
     
     
    2. HT does not do any kind of art. Ever.
     
    3. HT is #1 (male) Twilight Sparkle fan.
     
    4. HT hates himself. It's nothing to get worked up over, and you should not go trying to change his mind about it.
     
    5. HT will try to give you advice if you ask, but he's not particularly good at it, so you probably shouldn't ask.
     
     
     
    I think that just about covers everything...
  11. Otter

    Why I Hate Myself

    By Otter,

    Excerpt from "How Much of a Jerk is the Poster Above You?" forum game:
     
     
     
    You're right. I'm a total asshole to myself. But why? Simple, really: Why would anyone like a lazy, insane nerd with an IQ of 134 who manages to squander every single one of those IQ points by pissing his life away playing video games? I have no skills, I'm terrible in school, and I have no ambition whatsoever. I'm not athletic, but I'm not particularly good at anything computer-related that I could build a career with. The only thing I even come close to being good at is snowboarding, but I'm not good enough to make a living doing that. I don't hate myself because I feel worthless, I hate myself because I AM worthless. I'm going to be stuck at dead-end jobs like the one I have now for the rest of my life, because I have no drive at all. I don't push myself, because I'm too afraid of failure to even attempt anything. The best outcome I could hope for is a greeter at Best Buy.
     
    Sorry for yet another depressed blog...
  12. Otter

    Today's Swag

    By Otter,

    (LOL my last blog entry was my most popular one ever. I should make more entries delving into my shattered psyche...)
     
    I mean swag as in items I received today, not how much street cred I got with my homie D's. I ain't no swagfag.
     
    So first up is the 5" plush of Twilight Sparkle by Hasbro. I have one word to describe this: Eeeh. The quality's alright, and it looks decent, I suppose. For the price, it's better than any fanmade stuff I could have gotten.
     

     
    Next is this lanyard. The soldier who gave me my previous lanyard will probably be pissed that I got rid of the old one in favor for this lanyard, but oh well. It's a lanyard, not really much to say. It came with a little Fluttershy charm, which is quite nice.
     

     
    Last is a sticker of the mane six. (The sticker on the right, for those of you unacquainted with how your eyeballs work.) Think you got enough stickers on your laptop, Mr. HT?
     

     
     
    So yep. That's todays haul. Exciting, right?! (And everywhere, the readers sound off with a resounding "NO!!".)
  14. Otter

    A Typical Day at Work

    By Otter,

    Want to get inside my mind as I go through an ordinary work day? Too bad, because I'm going to tell you, whether you like it or not!
     
     
    12:01 am: I'm finally go to sleep. I was going to go to bed at 10 pm, maybe even 9, but one thing led to another, and here I am, past midnight. Oh well, no matter what time I go to bed, I'm always miserable when I wake up. Might as well enjoy the precious few hours I've got left...
     
    6:00 am: And there goes the alarm clock. Sometimes, I'm so tired, I forget what an alarm clock is, much less how to turn the damn thing off. I'm just going to lie here for 20 more minutes...
     
    6:15 am: Dad comes in: "Cameron, you awake?" "*groan* Yes." I reply. "Okay, just checking..." Now I'd better get up. I take off all the bracelets and arm decorations, which always takes at least three minutes. Maybe I should take these off before I go to sleep. Might save me some time... Oh well, I'm too lazy to do that. Take off the Rainbow Dash pajamas. I suppose in my mind, this symbolizes leaving myself behind, as in a few short minutes, I'll be off to the torture chamber, aka McDonald's.
     
    6:23 am: I'll take off the watch and hop in the shower. As I stand here in the warm stream of water, my mind races, trying to think of a way to get out of going to work. Of course, there is none. There's never any hope, no possible way I can weasel out of working today. I'll trudge into work like I do every day, feeling depressed and empty.
     
    6:41 am: Out of the shower I go. Grab the towel.
     
    6:45 am: Take off the towel, put on the watch. Now I begin my transformation from Cameron Reed into McDonald's Employee #123. First underwear and socks (obviously), pants, belt, shirt, and finally the hat. The hat is always a bit complicated. I've got to try and stuff my shoulder-length hair into a tiny little baseball cap. They hate long hair at McDonald's, at least, long hair on men. They talk about "gender equality" and all that crap, but of course they get on my back for having long hair, even though all of the female employees have hair much longer (and sometimes messier) than mine. Sure, we're all equal, the women are simply more equal than the men...
     
    6:50 am: "Ready to go, Cam?" The only reply I can manage to force out of my lips is "Nngh." My dad knows what I mean.
     
    6:58 am: I've arrived. My dad waves goodbye, eagerly telling me: "Have a good day, Cam!" "Ergh." I weakly grunt back. I yank open the door, go into the lobby, I'm here. Punch in my number, Cameron Reed is dead and gone, only McDonald's Employee #123 remains.
     
    7:00 am: "Hi, sunshine!" says Michelle. She's pretty much a human version of Pinkie Pie. She's the only reasons I still work in this god-awful place. "Hi!" I reply, putting on a weak facade of happiness.
     
    7:05 am: A bunch of old men and women come in every morning and have coffee. My personal favorite is a man who says just two words: "Coffee, cream." We all know him so well, we can perfectly decipher what he wants: Senior coffee with one cream.
     
    8:00 am: I've been here an hour, but it feels like an eternity. Only seven more hours to go...
     
    9:00 am: It's usually pretty dead by now. Nobody comes around here in the winter...
     
    10:00 am: This hour always goes by fast. Thank God.
     
    10:30 am: Switch to lunch. Idiot customers always come in around this time: "Durr, do you still have breakfast?" Is how I imagine they sound. "NO!" I mentally reply. "Do you see breakfast sandwiches on the menu?! We're serving what's on the menu, and only what's on the menu!"
     
    11:00 am: Break time. Hallelujah. Clock out, punch in my Big Mac large meal, go sit in the break room. Sometimes I'm in here with Mari, a grill worker. She's Mexican. She can speak a little bit of English, but with a VERY heavy accent. I always dread meeting her in here, because she asks me questions that I can't understand, but I'm always too weak* to just tell her that I can't understand what she's saying. I just fake it, nod and smile weakly.
     
    11:30 am: Back to the grindstone. Three hours and thirty minutes remain.
     
    12:00 pm: It's noon, and I'm still here, my mental health growing ever worse.
     
    1:00 pm: It's empty. Why can't I just go home?
     
    2:00 pm: One hour left, just one hour left. Make it through this, McDonald's Employee #123, and you get to go home and chillax. Just one more hour...
     
    3:00 pm: "Anything you need me to do before I leave?" I ask nonchalantly. There's always something trivial they want me to do, take out the trash, sweep the lobby, etc. Once I finish those, I'll clock out, and run to the car like a pack of angry wolves was chasing at my heels.
     
    3:15 pm: I'm back home! I can become Cameron Reed again! Another day survived. Thank God I don't have to work tomorrow...
     
     
     
    (*Weak. I'm always too weak. I can never say what I need to, because I'm always too weak. I can never build up the courage to tell it like it is. I just get roped into things because I'm too weak to save myself. Too weak...)
  15. Otter
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9DpPOsWNdQ
     
    Trust me, you're gonna be sick of this song by the time I reach my goal.
     
     
    Thank God! I finally finished the personality stage! Now I can move on to the fun stuff.
     
    You want a recap? Why? Bloody he- alright then...
     
    So I decided to spend ten hours on the personality stage. 17 rough personality traits, give or take half an hour each, DO DA MATH. It took quite a long time, mainly because it was so insufferably boring I couldn't stand to do more than half an hour at at time. I did 1-2 sessions a day. "BUT HT," you scream at me, "YOU'RE S'POSED TA DO 2-3 HOURS A DAY!" Shut up, you melvin. I'll make my sessions as long as I dang well please. Now that I'm done with the snorez-a-lot stage, I'll be making my forcing sessions longer.
     
    So yep, not really much else to say. Happy New Year, creepers!
     
    (Lost? Frightened? Confused? GOOD! Have a look-see around this website: "http://www.tulpa.info". It'll bring you up to speed.)
  16. Otter

    My Mental Issues

    By Otter,

    So tonight, my family went out for dinner. Nothing special, my mom just didn't feel like cooking on this particular evening. As our dinner progressed, I began to notice something: I hated my parent's guts. I have no idea why, there was no particular reason for it, for some reason, I just all of a sudden despised them. I could barely stand even talking to them. I have absolutely no idea why it happened. I have no real reasons to hate them, sure my mom's a bit of an idiot, and my dad is kind of annoying, but they're generally good people. They provide for me, they're almost always pleasant, nothing wrong with them at all, really. But all of a sudden, I just felt an intense rage against them, like they were the worst people in existence. I despised them for every little thing they'd ever done.
     
    Is there a mental condition like this? I can't see any other reason for me to feel that way about my parents. Maybe I just belong in an institution. Wouldn't surprise me...
     
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    It's a double whammy today! You must feel so lucky...
     
    So one of my many fears that I've only recently come to realize is my extreme fear of embarrassment. This goes beyond stage fright, I can't stand to be embarrassed, not even a tiny bit. Perhaps as a result of this, I demean myself at every possible instance in an attempt to get my self-esteem so low that being embarrassed wouldn't matter, because I have no self-esteem left to be degraded. This is why I don't do art, because I'm so afraid of it being criticized that I couldn't stand to even attempt to create a piece of "art". This is why I can't play any musical instruments, because I'm almost never alone, so I can practice said instrument without fear of someone hearing how awful I am. I probably have a good many talents, but I can't use any of them for fear of criticism.
     
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    So... yep. Not much else to say, really. Thanks for reading...
     
    EDIT: I just found out there's a very good chance I'm bipolar. So remember that incident from a couple weeks ago? We're going to have repeats of that! Over and over again. Oh joy. In fact, as I type this, I'm feeling exactly like I did during that incident. I'll try to stay off the forums as much as possible when I'm feeling this way, so as not to cause forum drama...
  17. Otter

    My First Pony Sketch

    By Otter,

    Ugh. I don't think it turned out all that well. It's alright, I guess, but not really very good. (That smudge on the left eye was a lot less noticeable on paper. Gosh dangit...) Technically, it's my second, not my first, but this is the first one I didn't want to burn in a fire because it sucked so bad.
     

     
    I'm conflicted about this piece. Part of me despises it for being so sucky, while the other part kind of sort of enjoys it.
  18. Otter
    ...But it's important, so I'm not going to skimp on personality this time.
     
    So I reached the five hour mark. I'm still on the personality stage. I'll probably be on it for another five hours. Ugh.
     
    So if you hadn't guessed already, I'm making a tulpa of Twilight. In personality, she's relatively similar to the character from the show, but she's less uptight and a bit more Pinkie-ish. The most recent personality trait I worked on was "neat and tidy". This a bit of a moronic decision on my part, because I am one of the messiest people on the planet. I imagine we're going to clash about the state of my room's cleanliness a lot. Oh well, maybe she can help me improve my cleaning habits.
     
    ...dum de dum... So... Yep. Nothing too exciting going on yet. I'm eagerly awaiting the ten hour mark, when I can finally be done with the personality stage and I can move on to the fun stuff.
  19. Otter
    Intrigue! Supsense! Action! A loser sitting on a makeshift couch for an hour or so at a time as he thinks about stuff!
     
    Yep, I'm making a blog to chronicle my third tulpa creation attempt. Maybe this will keep me accountable so I'll actually see it through to completion this time. I'll be updating this blog every five hours of my journey. (Five hours as in the time that I've spent tulpaforcing, not every five hours real-time.) Except I'm already 4.5 hours in, so I should have made this blog a while back... Not like it matters, nothing really that interesting has been happening yet.
     
    Here's the lowdown: I'm currently on the personality stage. This is very boring and I want to get it over with already. The last two times, I only spent like an hour or two on this stage, which was stupid of me and most likely was one of the reasons I failed. After doing some more research (as in reading some stuff on tulpa.info for five minutes), I found that personality is one of the most important parts. So I'll probably be spending about ten hours on this part. :C
     
    So... Yep. Maybe some of you will find this enjoyable, maybe even helpful. I seriously doubt it, though. What's that? You want to know who or what I'm making a tulpa of? Just take a wild guess. (Oh, and incidentally, if you don't know what a tulpa is, just Google it. But don't read or listen to the Creepypasta of the same name. It's a load of crap.)
  21. Otter

    Leaving... For a Bit

    By Otter,

    Uh, yeah. Because of the events that have transpired over the last 24 hours or so, I feel the need to leave temporarily. I just need to... clear my head; get my thoughts in order. I'll probably be back in a couple days, maybe a week or two. See ya.
  22. Otter

    An Apology

    By Otter,

    For those of you who didn't see #1 Flutterfan's status, I basically had a complete mental breakdown tonight, and I need to apologize to a few people because of it.
     
    First off, I'm sorry to #1 Flutterfan. I'm sorry for going completely insane over a somewhat trivial, albeit terrifying, matter. I should have exercised better control.
     
    Also, I'm sorry to lightning strike. I know you were trying to help, and I was just being a total asshole about it. I'm truly sorry for that.
     
    And lastly, I'm sorry to all the people who were reading that status update. I'm sorry that you had to see that side of me. I hope you never have to see it again.
  23. Otter

    The Christmas Party

    By Otter,

    So, tonight I had a Christmas party with my youth group. We began with a nice ham dinner, and then went into a Christmas trivia game. From there, we split into two teams, chose a team representative, and dressed him up as a tree to see which team could make the nicest looking one. It was a tie. Then we did a little once-over of the Christmas story.
     
    But as we all know, the highlight of a Christmas party is the White Elephant gift exchange. At first, I got a stupid piggy bank, but I paid someone a dollar to steal it. I then proceeded to steal someone's Batman action figure and whoopie cushion. Luckily, I managed to hang on to it. So I came home with a Batman figure, a whoopie cushion,bunch of candy, a few Hot Wheels cars, and some goofy Power Rangers Happy Meal toys. My best friend picked the Applejack figure I gave. Since he's not a Brony, he was pretty pissed off by this.
     
    After the party, I proceeded to drive around the parking lot like a psycho. I told one of my friends to hop in, then I drove up to the top of a hill. I turned around, got the car up to 50 mph (on a 25 mph street), and was barreling down the hill towards a stop sign. I, of course, ignored the stop sign, and sped straight through it. There was a dip at the stop sign, so when I hit it, my car pulled a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and flew for a few feet. (I'm sure none of you will get that reference.) Thank Christ there were no cops around.
     
     
    All in all, an awesome night.
  24. Otter

    Discord... as an Ally?

    By Otter,

    I was browsing Equestria Daily, and I came across this picture:
     
    https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-ALtL4IKjUOw/UMTujn2VFqI/AAAAAAAAOmg/yDOro6JUQjo/s1600/MLPFIM.png
     
    It got me thinking: What if Discord teamed up with the ponies in a later season? Not like he pulls a Darkheart or anything (Oh gee, lookit me! I sure love being good 'n all that doojigger!), but something happens and he realizes it would be advantageous to his cause to join up with the ponies and assist them in... something. He'd still have somewhat malicious intentions at heart.
     
    (Yeah, it's late, and I lose most of my intelligence when it gets late. What'cha gon' play, doer?!)
     
    And now I prepare for Chaotic to come and slap me in the toe for my insolence.
  25. Otter

    Book Reports

    By Otter,

    Jesus Christ, it's finally DONE!!
     
    Have you ever heard of a book called "Night" by Elie Wiesel? It's a great book, one that I highly recommend. Or at least, it would have been a great book, had I not been doing a book report on it.
     
    Book reports are, in theory, supposed to enrich your understanding of the book, thus boosting your enjoyment and comprehension of it. However, they seem to do the exact opposite. You can't enjoy the book, because you're too busy searching for the answers to specific questions that you don't really read the book, so much as simply scan it for information. "Night" is an immensely powerful and graphic retelling of a man's experiences in concentration camps. If I was just reading this book for fun, I would have loved it. However, since I was doing a book report on it, I can't stand it. Book reports could take the best book in the world and turn it into awful drudgery. The education system needs to create a better way to study books, in a manner that doesn't make the student die of boredom.
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