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Otter

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Blog Entries posted by Otter

  2. Otter

    The Dare

    By Otter,

    I just came up with this idea. If I get 100 brohoofs or comments on this, I'll run through my local McDonald's and scream: "TWILIGHT SPARKLE IS BEST PONY, MUTHAFUCKAS!!!!" (With a mask or other disguise, of course, since I work there. It'd be a bit awkward coming in to work the next day...)
     
    I'll make sure to take a video of it.
     
    (Oh, and I'm not trying to whore out for a bunch of brohoofs. I couldn't care less about increasing my brohoof count, I just want to do something crazy like this. But I want to know that you guys really want to see it before I do it.)
  3. Otter

    Dreams

    By Otter,

    Last night, I had a few really strange dreams.
     
    In the first one (not really all that strange), I dreamed it was Thursday already and I had to go to work. All of my family members were being annoying. That's it.
     
    In the second one, my brother's ex-girlfriend somehow got hold of my jumping stilts and was jumping around a city. Then she fell into a fountain, where she proceeded to swim.
     
    In the third one, I was in the same city from the second dream. The government had decided that there was too much pollution, so they tried to cut down on emissions by passing a law that stated everyone had to drive a Smart Car. That didn't work, so their ways to cut down pollution became more extreme. They invented little flying robots (sort of like the Security Drones from BioShock) to wipe out a good portion of humanity. Somehow I survived this attack, and went into space to work on a space station. The government sent some of the drones to try and kill me. I disarmed them. Next thing I know, I'm back on Earth, walking through the wreckage of the destroyed city.
     
     
    That last dream seemed strangely prophetic to me, since almost all of my dreams are just utter nonsense. That dream seemed realistic, like this sort of thing could happen. (Except for the part where I went to space.) *gasp* What if ObamaCare is just the first part of a plot to enslave and destroy humanity? I dunno, I've never read the full text, and I can guarantee you haven't either.
  5. Otter
    You eat at fast food restaurants, don't you? Of course you do. Everyone does. Well, I decided to compile a list of things that I, as a cashier, would like customers to do in order to make my job (and indeed, the job of every other fast food restaurant employee) SO much simpler.
     
    #1. Know what you want to order before you step up to the register.
    It's my job to keep the customers flowing as quickly as possible. I can't stand it when a customer steps in front of me, going "Hmm...Uh...No...Maybe..." for what seems like an eternity, all the while holding up the line. Seriously, it's not that hard. Just order a Big Mac. (Anyone else find it kind of funny that a Big Mac comes in red packaging, and the Mac Sauce is a tan-ish color?)
     
    #2. Put your trash INTO THE DAMN TRASH CAN.
    I've seen numerous customers simply leave their wrappers and boxes on the tray when they place it on top of the trash can. IS IT REALLY THAT FUCKING HARD TO MOVE YOUR ARM 10 INCHES DOWN, OPEN A DOOR, AND TILT THE DAMN TRAY??!!! What's that? It's not hard at all? THEN FUCKING DO IT!!!!!!
     
    #3. Don't tell the price of the item you're ordering.
    As I mentioned in the "What Rustles Your Jimmies?" thread, PC-POS doesn't use the price of the item at any stage of the order taking process. (Except, of course, when I tell you how much cash to fork over for your greasy slop.) Don't say, "I'll have a dollar hamburger and a dollar fries." I know how much the hamburger costs. Also, none of the fries only cost a dollar. Cheapest one is $1.29. I hate having to ask what size of fries you wanted. It's redundant and it's a waste of my time.
     
    #4. Don't you DARE pay with a stack of coins.
    I suppose this is alright if you're buying something that only cost a dollar, but don't you EVER try to pay for a five dollar or higher order with just a stack of coins. You know why? Because I have to re-count the entire pile once you hand it to me, to check for errors in your (most likely) pitiful math skills. This is an ENORMOUS waste of both my time, and the time of the customers behind you. I've had quite a few customers do this recently. I swear, if one more wretched fool comes in, trying to pay with coins, I'll slit their throat.
     
    #5. Don't rattle off your order like you're trying to be the next Eminem.
    You don't necessarily have to order slow, just don't rush it out so fast that the cashier barely even had time to comprehend what you were saying, much less punch it into the computer. Tell the cashier your order in a nice. calm, ordinary speaking voice.
     
    #6. In conjunction with #5: Be willing to repeat your order, and don't be a fucking dick.
    I had one asshat customer come in and say: "I don't like to repeat myself, so I'm only gonna say this once: blablablainsertorderhereblablbla..." He proceeded to order this long, complicated order that I had absolutely no chance of getting right. I read it back to him and he got all pissy because it wasn't correct. I called a manager over, and even she had trouble getting the order right. This guy was almost screaming at me, he got so mad. The intensity of the event made me so upset that I shed a few tears, and when I got home, almost shot myself. (That was before McDonald's stole my soul, so I still had emotions back then.) You don't like to repeat yourself, huh? Well, I don't like to serve complete bastards, so either leave your anger at the door, or kindly keel over and kiss my ass.
     
     
    #7. Please, don't try to start a conversation with me.
    I don't want to talk to you, no matter how nice and agreeable I may sound. All I want to do is take your order as fast as possible so I can serve the next customer.
     
     
     
     
    So there you go. Cameron's foolproof guide on how to order at fast food restaurants.
    (This post marks somewhat of a turning point. If you've known me on this forum for a while, you may have noticed that my posts, blogs, and status updates have been getting progressively sillier. Well, I aim to stop that. I'm becoming too giddy and goofy. As of this blog, I aim to recapture the old HM, that is, serious and angry. Have fun with the new old HM.)
  6. Otter

    Hair

    By Otter,

    It's not as boring as it sounds. (Or maybe it is, I'll leave that decision up to you.)
     
     
    You see this?
     

     
    To you, it may just look like a super sexy 'do messy, unkempt mop of filth. But to me, it means so much more. *Oh cripes, he's getting sentimental about his hair. What's next? Confessing his love for that longbow in the corner?* To me, it represents a fifteen-year battle with my parents. I've always liked long hair. I think it looks good on me. My parents, however, seem to loathe the idea of a man with long hair. Perhaps it was because they thought a guy with long hair would turn out gay. (My family isn't exactly friendly to the gay community.) So, up until this year, they would always force me to cut my hair WAY too short. However, this year, I seem to have won the battle. Maybe they just gave up because they were tired of fighting. Perhaps, because of my Brony-ness, they have concluded that I'm gay and with that conclusion in their minds, simply "accepted" that fact and let me do whatever I want with my hair. (I'm not trying to come off as homophobic here, I'm not the one who has a problem with homosexuals, it's the rest of my family that does.) Regardless, I'm glad I finally won the battle, so if nothing else, I don't have my parents breathing down my neck every five seconds: "GET A HAIRCUT! YOU'RE HAIR'S TOO LONG! IT LOOKS BAD! GET IT CUT, RIGHT NOW!"
     
    (Oh yeah, and as a sidenote, the maximum allowed length for men's hair at McDonald's is just above the collar. My hair currently reaches far enough below the collar that it's nearly touching my shoulders. )
  7. Otter

    Dating/Marriage/Women

    By Otter,

    (Notice: This post is a half joke. I mean all of what I said, I just don't feel as strongly on these subjects as this post would imply.)
     
    I have no interest in women at all. I don't have any interest in guys, either. I don't want to date, I don't want long terms relationships, none of that. You might be thinking to yourself: "Oh, Hylian. You say that now, but when you-" Nope. Stop right there. There are a number of reasons I have for not wanting a long term relationship, none of which will ever change unless I get possessed by an alien or my third attempt at making a tulpa goes awry.
     
    First, relationships are too damn expensive. Having one mouth to feed and entertain is quite simple. I love ramen noodles, so that's about a dollar per meal for me. Simple. Having to take a woman out to expensive restaurants and give her exorbitant amounts of dough so she can go shopping is the complete opposite of simple. I am a very selfish guy. I don't like to share. I especially don't like it when I have to share with someone who not only requires hugungous (It's a word I made up, a portmanteau of huge and humongous. Deal with it.) amounts of my hard earned cash from me, but does it on a regular basis.
     
    And once you get MARRIED, then it's just off the wall. Not only do you have to continue to support the woman, some kids get thrown into the mix as well. They constantly need new diapers, expensive baby foods, and a bunch of stupid toys that will litter the floor of your house like traps in the Great Pyramid of Giza. And with babies, it's not only the fact that they're expensive as hell. THEY NEVER FREAKING SHUT UP. You see, I value sleep more than I value the life of any human being on this planet, living or dead. And as a father, I'd probably be lucky to get 3 hours of sleep a night, which would result in me being irritable the next day, which, after a while, might get me fired. So then, I'd be stuck with an expensive woman, and expensive child, and no way to pay for them.
     
    In short, I hate kids, I'm indifferent to women, and I don't want anything to do with either.
  8. Otter
    Bleeh. Ugh. Eck. Think of every disgusted vocal noise one could make, multiply it by a thousand, and that pretty much describes my feelings on what I'm about to say.
     
    So... Uh, well, I might as well just say it. A guy in our church is currently in jail for child porn. Not taking pictures, just looking at 'em, but still. EEEEEEWWWWWW. This disturbs me, because he used to be the leader of our church's AWANA club. I came in contact with him quite often. WHEN I WAS ONLY A WEE LITTLE SPRITE. *shudder*. My dad told me to be praying for him, but screw that. I hope he rots in jail and burns in Hell. Anyone who is sexually attracted to children should be doused in napalm, shot with a shotgun, hanged, decapitated, garrotted, brought back from the dead, rinse, wash, and repeat ad infinitum. The death penalty is not enough for such depraved maniacs, torture for eternity is what they deserve. Which is why I hope it is impossible for such scum to reconcile with God. Hell is too just a punishment for such a psychotic lunatic. (I feel very strongly about this subject. Can you tell?)
  9. Otter
    Let me make one thing perfectly clear: We weren't trying AT ALL with this video. We were just goofing around, and suddenly it became a movie. I put basically zero effort into the editing process, so there's some crappy edits and the like.
     
    We're planning on making this into a series. The next video we have lined up will be "Cuddles: The Revenge", or "Cuddle Gear Rising" or some other lame movie/video game reference.
     
    So without further ado, here's Rise of the Planet of the Cuddles (BTW, a wild HylianMadness appears at 1:15.)

  10. Otter

    Odd...

    By Otter,

    Back in 2010, I won RED's (then) newest album, Innocence and Instinct. I was pleasantly surprised and excited, seeing as how I barely ever win anything. We were at a concert, so I stuck the CD in my bag and continued to enjoy the show. During the lulls in the music, I was just singing the lyrics to the first song of the album: "...and it finds me, the fight inside is coursing through my veins..." The strange thing was, I'd never heard that song before in my life. I hadn't opened the CD yet, so I couldn't have looked at the lyrics sheet. I'd never listened to the song on the radio, I'd never heard it on the internet, I didn't even know the album existed until I won it. Only until I had been listening to the album for a while did I realize that I knew the lyrics BEFORE I heard the song.
  11. Otter

    Meat

    By Otter,

    Being a Christian, one could say that I'm a bit angry at Adam and Eve, what with ruining the entire world and all. And though I am pissed that they set the entire universe in a downward spiral to destruction, I actually am sort of glad that they brought the downfall of man. Why? Because that means that we got to eat meat. Up until that point, the only thing humanity was allowed to eat was vegetables. It must have been torture, not being able to get a steak or a burger. Just looking at all those cows and chickens and various other livestock and thinking: "That thing looks SO good... I wish I could eat that cow, with its succulent, juicy, flavor-rich, hearty... OK, screw it, I'm eating the forbidden fruit. I don't care what God said, that cow is MINE..."
     
    *semi-facetious mode OFF (maybe)*
     
    But seriously, I couldn't imagine a world without meat. I would die if I had to eat vegetables all the time. I need my meat. I'm not sure why I like meat as much as I do. Perhaps it's because, unlike 95 percent of vegetables, it's actually tasty. Now don't get me wrong, I do enjoy some vegetables... as long as they're a condiment on top of some meat. I won't eat anything if it doesn't have meat in it.
     
    Vegans. Ugh. I don't care if you're a vegetarian, that's fine. But don't freakin' shove it down my throat every fifth of a femtosecond! "Meat's BAAAAAD for ya, man! Eating meat is like murdering a thousand babies! If you eat meat, you're worse than Satan, Charles Manson, and Jack Tretton combined!" (Haha, I'm biased, I don't like PlayStation! Can you tell? LOLZ) Animals are not people. Someone should really clue vegans in on this fact. Now, I'm not saying that we should go around helter-skelter killing every animal that comes within a 100-mile radius, but vegans go around acting like killing an animal is a crime. Cows, for example. Tell me one use for a cow other than steak, burgers and milk. Nothing. They're livestock. They live to die.
     
     
    We here at the HM Corporation hope you have enjoyed these structure-less, goofy ramblings of a slightly insane person. Have a great day, and remember,
    WE'RE ALWAYS WATCHING YOU.
  12. Otter

    Small Town Drama

    By Otter,

    For a town of only 4000 people, give or take, there sure seems to be a crapload of stuff going on. And I'm left out of the loop on almost all of it, which kind of pisses me off. I hear people telling these wild stories about relationships and family crises, and it seems impossible that all this stuff actually happened.
     
    According to my friend, a family (We'll call them the Bacongaiz) was recently torn apart by one beer. Apparently, the father drank one beer, and the mother kicked him out. They may or may not have divorced. I, for one, call bullshit on this. I mean, I knew Mrs. Bacongaiz was uptight, but ONE BEER?! Come on! Of course, I wasn't there when this happened, so I don't know.
     
    The Bacongaiz and another family (the Glurnwetts) also apparently had a big fight with another family (We'll call them the Thugries.) For some reason, the father of the Thugries, Catfish*, had a falling out with Mrs. Bacongaiz. The children of the respective families still hang out, but Mrs. Bacongaiz and Fishcat never even talk to each other anymore.
     
    People all over seem to hate each other. When I ask for an explanation, they always just ignore me or tell me that it's not important. Well obviously it is important, or else you would be making such a fucking big deal about it, now would you?!
     
    I guess it all just boils down to my need to know. I love having information. I hate it when I don't have the complete story.
     
     
    *That's actually his real first name. Pretty cool, right?
  13. Otter

    Ouray: Day One

    By Otter,

    This place is gorgeous, so of course I got some photos.
     

    Out of all the pictures I've shot today, this is my favorite.
     

    Slightly lower on the same waterfall.
     

    The town of Ouray, shot from the top of a mountain.
     

    A chipmunk eating something. Trying to get this little bugger to sit still was no easy feat.
     

    You wanna know where you have to stand in order to read this sign? Off the trail, of course.
     
     
    This is just a small portion of the photos I took. If you want to see them all, you can check out the album here: http://s1079.photobucket.com/albums/w515/HylianMadness/Ouray/
  14. Otter

    I Wonder...

    By Otter,

    So, a co-worker of mine died of a drug overdose this week. The news came as a shock to me. I was (Ugh, this is going to make me sound like a douchebag) a little annoyed, because she was one of the nicest people at my job. I really wasn't very sad, which I find strange. (I guess I really don't have any emotions other than anger.) Basically, the entire conversation in which I learned of her death went like this: Mom (talking to someone else)-"...So one of the people at McDonald's died this week." Me-"Wait, who died?" "Tracy." "Tracy's dead? That sucks..."
     
    So although I was a callous automaton and didn't really care that much that she died, it did make me wonder: Was there something I could have done to save her? We had a pretty good relationship (Nothing romantic, mind you), so I wonder if there was something I could (or should) have said. From what I heard, the overdose was self-induced. I knew she was taking medication, but I didn't think that she was going to do something like that...
     
    Oh well, best no to dwell on it, lest I catch a case of the emotions.
  15. Otter
    You may have read the Half-Life fanfiction "Half-Life: Full Life Consequences". It sucks. Sure, it's hilarious how bad it is, but the fact still remains that it's terrible. I liked the story though, so I decided to rewrite it in such a way that it's actually intelligible to human beings.
     
     
     

    Half-Life: Full Life Consequences


     
     
     
     
    John Freeman, Gordon Freeman’s oft forgotten brother, had just arrived for work at the office. As he did every day, he sat down in front of his desk and logged in to his computer. John began to write his morning report. After half an hour of work, he noticed that he had received an email from his brother. Curious, he clicked on it. He was taken aback by the contents: “John! I don’t have much time! You’ve gotta help me! I’m in Ravenholm! Something happened, the Combine forces have returned, and they’re stronger than ever! Please hurry!” “Oh, God! Gordon’s in trouble! I’ve got to save him!” John’s mind was racing. “I know! I’ll take my motorbike! I just hope it’s fast enough…”
     
    John made his way down to the parking garage at the bottom of the office building. “Hope I left some fuel in the bike…” To his relief, the bike did indeed have a full tank of gas. He started it up and wrenched the accelerator. He sped out of the garage and onto the highway. As he raced down the road, a wave of panic hit him like a pail of cold water. “Oh, shit! I forgot all my weapons! Well, it’s too late now…” He drove on, careful to avoid any zombies in his path.
     
    While he was traveling down the road, he was struck by how gorgeous the countryside was. The birds were singing, the flora was lush and green, and the sunset cast a beautiful orange glow over the trees. It was as if the mood had been set for the impending battle. The stunning vistas inspired John. “Today is a good day to save a brother.”
     
    Unfortunately, the “inspiring” moment had caused John to lose valuable time. “No! I’m already late! I have to get moving!” He twisted the accelerator handle as far as it would go. Unbeknownst to him, there was a State Patrol officer hidden in the trees. In his haste, John had neglected to obey the speed limit. *Wee-ooo! Wee-ooo!* “NO NO NO!!!” John panicked. “I can’t afford to lose this much time!” But he had no choice. After all, better to be held up for a few minutes instead of trying to escape and end up in prison. “Afternoon, officer!” said John. “Son, do you know how fast you were going?” The officer asked Freeman. “Uh… No. See, I’ve got somewhere really important that I need to be. I need to get there as quick as possible.” “Important or not, son, the law is the law. I’m going to let you off with a warning this time, but if I catch you again, I’ll have to ta… AAAAGGGHH!!!” The officer was suddenly attacked by a Headcrab. “Oh, shit!” Freeman gasped. The officer tried to fight, but to no avail. The Headcrab latched on to his face and took control of his body. “I’m sorry, officer…” Freeman morosely whispered. John grabbed the officer’s gun from his belt and the officer in the head. “Great. I killed a policeman, and I’m no closer to finding Gordon.” John thought. He returned to his motorcycle and sped off. “I’ve got to go faster than fast if I want to save Gordon…” said John.
     
    After hours of riding, John finally noticed a sign directing him to Ravenholm. Someone had scrawled a message into the sign: “You shouldn’t come here!!!” “Well, it’s a bit too late for that now, isn’t it?” Freeman said sarcastically. Suddenly, a scream came from inside the town. “That sounds like Gordon!” With renewed resolve, he raced into the town.
     
    John Freeman arrived at the center of Ravenholm. He used his motorcycle to take out some zombies. Dismounting his trusty bike, he began to search through the piles of rubble all around him. He noticed an Overwatch Pulse Rifle beneath the remains of a building. He extracted the gun from the debris, checking to make sure it was loaded. “Hehe…” John thought to himself.
     
    John heard the scream of his brother coming from the east side of town. He ran towards the scream as fast as he could go. Freeman was disgusted by the state of Ravenholm. There were no plants or animals to be found, the sky was ominous and dark, and the ground was covered in blood.
     
    John turned a corner to see his brother in an intense battle with a group of Striders. Gordon called to his brother: “Hey, John! What took you so long! Get over here, I need some help!” John rushed to Gordon’s aid. John gave him some ammo for his Pulse Rifle. Together, they dispatched the horde of Striders.
     
    “Thanks, John.” Gordon said. “I thought I was a goner for sure!” “No problem, bro!” John replied. “Let’s get outta here!” They began to head for John’s bike.
     
    *Kroom!*
     
    A shot rang out as Gordon dropped dead, felled by a Combine sniper.
     
     
     
    To be continued…?
  16. Otter

    Stupid Usernames

    By Otter,

    I just have to get this off my chest: I hate lazy usernames. I can't stand them. They annoy the crap out of me. Usernames like "(videogame)fan123(or any random set of numbers)" are just the laziest, most retarded username you could ever come up with. I mean, come on! Be creative! I know that my username makes a reference to Zelda, but at least I came up with a username that was somewhat clever!
     
    Even usernames with numbers at the end irritate me. If you have numbers on the end of your username, then that probably means that the original username you wanted (say, "HelmetMcDoodles") was already taken, so instead of coming up with a different username that wasn't already in use, you just added "123" to the end of it. That is extremely lazy and stupid. Come on, you can be more creative than that! Maybe just rearrange the parts of the username until you find a combination that isn't taken (For example: "McHelmetDoodles").
     
    (In this rant, I'm talking more specifically about YouTube, not this forum.)
  17. Otter

    Strange Occurrences

    By Otter,

    Something quite strange happened last night. I had thrown my dog outside because she barfed all over my room. About half an hour later, I went to go bring her back inside. When I called her, I did not hear the pitter-patter of little feet. Instead, I heard *whump... whump*, the long stride of a very large creature on the road. It wasn't a deer, nor a moose or an elk, because they are (obviously) quadrupeds. Their footsteps (hoofsteps?) would have sounded more like *whump-whump... whump-whump*. This creature was definitely walking on two legs. It wouldn't have been a bear, because they only stand up when they're pissed, and they won't walk any significant distance standing up like that. I know it wasn't a human, it was far too loud. Also, the strides were far too long to be human. There was about a one second interval between steps. So... what was it? No animal that I've ever heard of walks on two legs (at least around here they don't). Except for Bigfoot, but of course that's just a myth. Right?
     
     
     
  18. Otter

    Realizations...

    By Otter,

    I just realized something kind of sad. My life consists of nothing more than waiting for packages. Everything I do online is basically just wasting time until my next package arrives. I'm pathetic...
  19. Otter

    Finally, a Cloudy Day!

    By Otter,

    I can finally get some good shots...
     
    A foggy hill next to my house:

     
    A panorama of my neighboorhood:

     
    Only two months until I can use this mountain as God intended:

     
    A barrel sitting behind my house:

  21. Otter

    Testing Out My New Camera

    By Otter,

    I just bought a GE X500 Ultra Zoom camera for school. I haven't had any assignments yet, so I've basically just been goofing around with it. Here's the first couple of shots I've taken:
     

     

     

     

     
    If only it was a cloudy day, then I could get some REAL shots...
  22. Otter

    ACT's

    By Otter,

    The wretched pillocks who work at the ACT HQ neglected to inform me of my ACT scores. I have no idea what they are, but I must have done pretty well, seeing as how I've received upwards of ten letters from colleges. All of them have granted me premier applicant status. I'm kind of surprised by this, seeing as how I just bullshitted my way through the entire math section (For example: My rule of thumb when it comes to quizzes is "When in doubt go with B. If B was the answer to the last question, choose D. Next comes A, then C or B." That's all I did for every question in the math section.) Either God gave me a sacred pencil, or I have extremely precise guessing skills.
     
    Oh, as an addendum, I tried asking the head honcho of my school what my ACT scores were. I asked her in an email: "Did you ever uncover my ACT scores?" She replied, AND I QUOTE: "Yes sir, we have your scores." Well, do you mind telling me WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE?! Why in the world do you think I asked you? I don't care if you have them or not! I just want to know what my scores are!
  23. Otter

    Purchasing a Toy

    By Otter,

    Tomorrow after work, I'm going to go to my local supermarket and buy a Fluttershy figure. Although I'm a public Brony, it's still going to be a bit awkward. I'm going to try to slink around into the toy aisle ala Solid Snake. I hope to God my friend's older brother isn't there when I buy it. He'd never let me live it down...
  24. Otter

    Legacy

    By Otter,

    If I left tonight
    What legacy would I leave
    Nothing but a family of bigots
    And a worthless username
    I have nothing
    I am nothing
    I will return to nothing
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