Reiki Knight 13

(Popeye) a man sought medical aid because he had popped eyes and a ringing in his ears. A doctor looked him over and suggested the removal of his tonsils. The operation failed so he consulted another doctor, who suggested removing all of his teeth. The teeth were removed and yet again nothing changed. Finally a third doctor told the poor man ya got six months to live. The man decided since he didn't have very long he was going to live the high life while he could. He bought nice cars, hired a chauffeur and hired the best tailor in town to make him custom shirts and pants. The tailor was taking his measurements "hmmm sleeve size 35, collar size 16. And now for the pant size. Length 30 and waist 42" "Uh, no I've always been a waist size 30," the man corrected. "Can't be if you wore a size 30 you'd have popped eyes and a ringing in your ears..."

I dunno, I'm not used to telling clean jokes most of the ones I know of are very dark humor based. Like 99.9% of the jokes I know which are absolutely hilarious are almost certainly guaranteed to offend pretty much everyone of every single possible group. So figuring out a joke that is both funny and clean is difficult. One of I know of that but only works with live voice chatting or in person is the interrupting cow joke but like I said though funny it doesn't work for this setting. I'll take a nap and see if I can come up with something beyond these subpar jokes I've done thus far... Hopefully anyways,worse I DO have a book of funny clean jokes.

You know it is absolutely amazing for people to believe intelligent life exists outside of earth because we first have to find some on earth...

Well I would done a joke about Celestia but you know she has those secret police ponies so....

So in the middle of a four way stop there is 1,000,000 bits. At one section there is a lame dragon, at another there is a funny mod, at the third area is a stupid yak and finally at the fourth stop there is a little filly. So who gets to the million bits first? Answer, the little filly because there is no such thing as a lame dragon, a stupid yak or a funny mod.

Sometimes the best jokes aren't made up but but real life stupidity. For example Author Stephen King commented that COVID is nowhere near as bad as the disease in HIS book "The Stand". Some random idiot then asked if had ever actually read the book... that he wrote... There you go real jokes from the real world.

Two ponies walk into a bar, the third pony ducks.

This joke is called "Shadow lock" and I hope you all enjoy it. There existed a young pegasus with dreams of becoming the best wrestler ever known. He spent his time training, getting stronger, and as he grew foal to colt to stallion he took the wrestling world by storm. Never giving up and constantly pushing ahead he went from the amateur division all the way up to ladder until at last he was at the interspecies professional wrestling Olympics championship match. His opponent was the undefeated wrestling champion from the dragon lands. The match was being hyped up all over Equestria and the dragon lands as the ultimate clash of friendly rivalry between the two nations. Could the pegasus edge in speed and agility win or would the dragon's superior strength and endurance win? Finally, it's the day of the big match up. The trainer for the Pegasus takes him aside to offer final advice before the match. "Listen, I think you've become a fantastic wrestler but this dragon has this move called the Shadow lock and if he gets into that hold it's game over. So do NOT LET HIM GET YOU INTO THE SHADOW LOCK UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES." The match begins and the crowd is losing their minds in anticipation. Each wrestler is determined to win and the two seem about dead even with neither able to gain the edge they need to win. First it looks like the dragon is gonna win then it looks like the pegasus is gonna win.and it just keeps going like that without end. Then sadly, the pegasus loses focus for a moment and the dragon takes full advantage of that moment and gets the pegasus into the Shadow lock. The crowd watches holding their breath and it feels as if time itself is moving in slow motion for both dragon and pony fans. They watch as the ref begins to count. O..........N........ E T...........W........O Just as the ref is about to count to three BOOM! The pegasus and dragon both rocket upwards slamming into ceiling with a force of thousands upon thousands of tornados and then both come crashing back down. The dragon is knocked out cold so the pegasus quickly pins him for the win. Unbelievable, the impossible happened the pegasus broke the unbreakable wrestling hold to claim the championship title. The news reporters are going into a frenzy asking how he did it, how did he break free of such an impossible hold!? The pegasus laughs... "Well, the dragon had me in the Shadow lock , my eyes were full of sweat and out of the corner of my eyes I could just make something in the shape of a wing so I bit it as hard as I possibly could. "And let me tell you something you will NOT believe the strength you can muster when you bite your own wings."

Q.What's the difference between Pinkie Pie and Discord? A. One can bend the very nature of reality as needed, is funny but a tad crazy from time to time and the other one is named Discord.

I heard a funny joke about Cloudsdale but it would probably go over everyone's head.

@Pinkie Pie Remember you and Deadpool were set to fight in a death match but you both decided you'd rather go eat cherry chimichangas instead? I bet you're smiling now thinking about it aren't you?