Hazardus_Havard.

Man, you have no idea how much I wish more people did that.  So many people have been losing their heads since the announcement and doing silly stuff like saying they know 100% everything they need to know about the Xbox One to determine whether or not they'll buy one.  It's just like, people, c'mon, be reasonable!  They announced it TWO DAYS AGO!!!  You can't possibly know EVERYTHING you need to know about the console at this point. 

True, people should be waiting until at least for E3 to showcase more things for the console before ultimately judging it.  Sadly for Microsoft, they got completely sideswiped with Sony and their console.  Heck, Sony even showed off little bits of their console before the One was even showed.  Sony's playing aggressively, and they seem to be in a very good place as of now.  E3 will be the final cut for people to decide on preorders for either console and what to get. 

Thank you; that might be the most sensible post about the Xbox One I have yet to see from anypony else in this or any other Xbox One thread.  You logically, rationally, and sensibly put together an impartial and unbiased list of all of the pros and cons of the console that we know of as of yet.  While I don't agree with your overall consensus and am a little more hopeful of what the finished product will look like (especially if Illumiroom eventually gets integrated into it after launch, seriously, if that got properly integrated with the hardware, it'd be AMAZING!!!), I can respect the opinion you've formed because you've carefully measured all of the pros and cons based on what we know about it thus far.  There was no console bias, no focusing solely on the console's negative features; just an impartial and fair judgment.

 

Now, as for the lack of focusing on games at Tuesday's conference, my belief is that Microsoft is actually conducting a rather smart, balanced marketing strategy.  Yeah, they're taking flak for it now, but Tuesday's conference was a perfect way to highlight the Xbox One's home entertainment functions and features whilst saving gaming highlights for E3, which works since it's less than 3 weeks away.  I also kinda like the name; can't really explain why, but Xbox One just works for me, and I think eventually it'll work for more people as well.  I mean, people thought WiiU sounded stupid when it got announced; now, while the product itself may still be struggling, people seem to accept the name itself for what it is, and I also gotta say, Xbox One strikes me as far less stupid than Xbox 720 would've been.  That being said, I'll still probably wait at least 6 months if not even a year after its launch to purchase one, for a number of reasons.  One, I've still got a rather extensive video game backlog on the 360.  Two, launch titles aren't always the best the console has to offer, and hardware usually isn't at its best at launch either.  Three, I obviously need to hear about how the console functions and is received by the public at large first before I actually purchase one.  Still, overall, at the moment, I'm optimistic about what the finished product will look like, and am actually quite excited about the direction Microsoft's taking. 

That's just how I look at games and other things.  I look at both the pros and cons of things before ever trying to purchase something or even considering purchasing something.  I could've broken down the other consoles as well, since I've been keeping up on all the consoles, handhelds, and a little on the PC as well.  I've also either owned or played a lot on the consoles so I could get a better judgement on what they could do.  I've been through three Xbox red rings with three separate consoles, and that's why I owned a PS3 for a majority of my gaming time on a ship until I got home and got a PC and a Vita.

As of now, I'm actually leaning towards the WiiU for a console.  It's going to have an HD remake of Wind Waker along with Pikmin 3 and a future Super Smash Bros. game for it.  But for now, it's not a buy for me until I see some more third party games on that thing so I know later on down the road I'll have more games on it. 

I'll just wait to see in the upcoming E3 to show me the consoles before I decided on what console I should buy.  And I still think the One is a silly name, though once more, it's a stupid play on their 360 name if you think about it.  I really hope they do wind up changing how it looks in the very least.  Seriously, if they wanted to make it look like that, some wood paneling would've been great to see on that thing instead of making it look like... that.

I'm from the UK, it'll be in £ for me xD I've set aside £500 for it, Game allows you to pre-order something that doesnt even have a value yet, i believe if you cancel the pre-order the deposit is effectively turned into in-store credit >.> This Xbox will come out way after my university money comes through, which means a spending limit of around £2,000 for whatever i want, this year my first lot of university money paid for most of my PC build.

Trying to remember if that's pounds or Euros.  I'll go with Euros.  Either way, that means you're winding up paying even MORE than us!  Good god, are you insane?!  Seriously, you should've really held on waiting until after E3 to have done that.

Also, I've been inside those Game stores.  I recall being in one with a lot of DVD's and other things being sold as well, sort of weird.  Isn't that company going into hard times?  From what I've been told from people that used to buy from that store, I thought they closed up.

Having a stupid amount of money to throw around (yeah yeah, its my university loan ), i decided to pre-order the Xbox One today at my local game.

Wait, I JUST realized what you said here for a different reason!  How in the HELL did you preorder a console that doesn't even have a figure out for how much this thing is going to cost?!?!?!

For all you know, this thing is going to cost around $400, not including any taxes!  It might even cost more!  And that's not even including the games!  And there isn't even a proper release date for when this thing is coming out!  Seriously, you should try and get your money back until you get proper figures and see things at E3 or you just might be paying out of your ass trying to get one of these things.

I chose the Xbox One over the PS4 because it will undoubtedly have the larger playerbase, it is also the one i know that my friends will be getting. I mainly play on PC, i literally only got an Xbox 360 Elite a few months ago for one reason and one reason only, to improve my sniper montages on Black ops 2, thats it.

 

Xbox wins over playstation for me just because it is what my friends are playing.

Okay, that's understandable.  Your friends are going to purchase it, and you want to make sure you can play with them.  And seeing as how EA is more or less a major supporter of the One, then you'll be seeing the usual exclusive early DLC and other things from them.  But are you really ready for the hassle of having to make sure you turn your system on at least once a day to connect to Microsoft's servers?  Or not being able to share games with your friends, having to pay a fine for the privilege to play a used game?

Personally, I don't think I can handle all that, not to forget the subscription fee of the Xbox Live that also needs to be added in.  But if you feel fine with all that, I hope you enjoy your purchase.  Just don't forget you may have to buy additional things, like more hard drive space, later on down the road.

Having a stupid amount of money to throw around (yeah yeah, its my university loan ), i decided to pre-order the Xbox One today at my local game.

 

 

I'm rather looking forward to it, not for any of the features, i couldnt give two bucks about them, mainly for the better hardware power, im looking forward to not feeling sick over how terrible the graphics on my Xbox are compared to my PC, its to the point that i cant even play Black ops 2 on my PC anymore, because when i get back onto it on Xbox i see how bad the graphics are in comparison and just ragequit it :/

 

The graphics from a console will NEVER be on par with those of a PC, but im hoping that the "One" will actually bridge the gap a little bit.

 

Oh btw, "One", worst name ever, am i right?

 

They could have gone for literally any other name and it would have been better.

I'm genuinely curious as to why you preordered the Xbox One over the PS4 or buying the WiiU.  I mean, with the PS4 it'd still be the same graphical setup, though with different exclusives.  It's not like you can play any of your 360 games on it or it's got a proper advantage that we can see as of yet against the other consoles.

Personally, I believe everyone should wait until E3 has come and gone to give us some proper insight on the full capacity on the PS4 and the XBox One to choose between the two.

The Xbox One looks like a neat piece of hardware, but it doesn't really speak out to me.  This thing doesn't look like a video game console, and for everything that they were questioned about, it seems they're backpedaling on most of the questions or don't want to reveal anything.  It's really hard to look at this and wonder if I should put money into this thing while there's still two other consoles to look forward to, along with my PC.  Let's look at some of the pros in this thing:

• New hardware built into it means better experience overall, which should be expected from a new console.  While still not as great as a PC, it's a definite upgrade from the 360.  And hey, it finally comes with a Blu-ray!
• Microsoft is partnering up with the NFL so that their media attention for the One will come to great use.  While not a fan of the sport myself, I can see a lot of people loving the idea of instant coverage from the NFL through their televised needs.
• Speaking of television, this thing should be easily integrated so you can watch television through it and switch back and forth from games to television easily and with no hassle or slowing down.
• The Kinect is fully upgraded as well and it's bundled with every One (meaning it's a free piece), so lovers of that little piece will be able to play with better efficiency than the 360's version.
• That controller looks to be wireless, which is a great thing to see finally done from the get-go.
• They did state this console will be getting eleven exclusives, and eight of them are new IP's.  That's a pretty big deal seeing as most console gaming is made up of existing franchises with sequels.
• From how things went, it looks like EA will be supporting the ever loving hell out of Microsoft's Xbox One.  So expect exclusive DLC offers and things to come just like it did with the 360.
• Your 'gamerscore' will transfer over from your 360.  Along with this, the achievement system is getting an overhaul.
• You can talk to your One!  Tell it to turn off or put in a game.  Neat idea there, though I'm wondering how they'll pull it off.
• Dislike plugging in disks over and over?  No problem!  You can download your games into the One!  Just take your disk and download away!
• You can plug in new HD's, so that'll allow you to store memory away in other places.
• There's also going to be a Halo television series for the One directed by Steven Spielberg himself!

Some pretty good points here.  But, what are the cons?

• This thing looks like it was built to be a media center, not a gaming console.  Their presentation didn't even look like they were competing with Sony and Nintendo, more like they were competing against Google and Apple instead.
• Absolutely no backwards compatibility.  It's not being considered at all.
• Used games?  A deal of the past!  More or less, if you want to purchase a used game or even just borrow one from a friend, you have to pay.  By pay, I mean real cash to activate the privilege to play the used game.
• We were barely shown anything related to gaming on a gaming console.  It seems like most of their showcasing was revolved around it's multimedia and what it could do, such as talking to a console.  For gamers, this felt like Microsoft forgot they were making a gaming console.
• The downloading of games is a neat thing, but the hard drive size is not.  It's only 500GB, and you'll be using a lot of space real quick.  While they allow new HD's to plug in, that's additional things you'll have to buy for more space since the hard drives can NOT come out like the 360 ones.  Just so you know, a typical 1TB HD at Walmart (a Seagate) is $89.99 in the states, not sure about other countries.
• Speaking of other countries, the multimedia aspect doesn't seem like it'll work all that well in other countries, such as over in Europe or Japan.  While I can't say for certain since I don't live there, from what I've been told from people there and read up, it won't be as well compatible as it would with American purchasers. 
• The Online is confirmed to not always be online.  That's a good thing, right?  Not so much when you learn that you HAVE to plug it in at least once every twenty-four hours to be able to use your One at all.  Oh, and they did allow it so certain games could be always online if the publishers so desire...
• Finally, and this is my opinion on things, it's ugly and has a horrible name.  Why in the hell would they name this thing the Xbox One?  I actually get why they named it the 360 now, because by doing one you're right back at the start with the Xbox.  Get why the called it the One now?  And why does this thing look like my old VCR?  Seriously, it's just so ugly looking. 

There's probably more to say here that hasn't been put out.  I've been scouring the internet for information and this seems to be the ones that appear the most.  Any others have something to add in on this?  For me, I'm not so certain, but I don't think I'll be going with the XBox One with how things are as of now.  The PS4 and the WiiU seem more interesting, and if anything I at least have my PC and Vita to play with.

Whoa, why isn't this up in the threads?!  People, start voting for this so we can see some MLP in the next Dark Souls game!  Seriously, a shield with Discord on it?!  Come ON people, get to it!

Edit - You can STILL vote for the shield!  The part to submit NEW shields is over, but NOT to vote!  SO VOTE DISCORD into the next Dark Souls game!

I really wish you had either scanned this, or taken the picture straight down on it and not at an angle, along with making the light not shine so brightly on one spot.  It makes looking at the image difficult and critiquing hard.

As for the image itself, while it's minimalistic in how it was drawn, it's actually fairly accurate, even in the mane and tail, and on the most difficult character to do that with.  Good job on that one.

The horn should be a tad lower, and pointed outwards, not up.  Also for next time, stretch her body a little.  It's a bit short in length.  And her hind legs make it look like she has three of them. 

As for the clothing, I'm guessing this is where the crossover on 'Boudicca' comes in?  You should've put a cross picture of her so people can see how it compares.  Even if the clothing is simpler to how Boudicca is, it should be like that.  It's MLP, and many things are simplified in that show. 

So yeah, not a bad image.  Just next time, please get a better image.  Also, maybe not use whatever medium you used to make this image since it seems difficult to fix mistakes (I'm guessing either black marker or charcoal).

Okay, I just got this thing done.  I'm surprised, it seems I'm getting faster at vectoring things.  Anyways, the sketch and outline are below along with the final product.  Image requested from ToxicNinja78.

God damn that's good. Like, that's fucking awesome.

Um...Any chance you could draw my character? I mean, you don't have to, it's okay if you don't wanna.

I'm still trying to learn how to animate, but I'm taking a break today so I might be able to do a resketch and a possible vector later on.  Can't guarantee anything though.

If he doesn't, I certainly will draw him as a human. You can email me at scuzzyalpha@gmail.com

 

More space filler why is there a 100 character limit aaahhh

I believe the character limit is in place so people are forced to actually write well thought out messages instead of just throwing in a few words at a time, though every now and then, a few words is sometimes all that's needed when saying something (though rarely do I see this).

The more I see, the more I wish I could do actual artistic contribution to the fandom. I can write, but only in german. I can draw, but the things I draw are on a five-year-old-level (or worse). I can sing, but only under the shower.

But things like your Carrot Top here make me smile and cheer me up.

If you just practice, you'll get good at something.  Pick one you really like and keep trying at it over and over until you're fairly adept at it.  My first vector took me over three weeks just to complete it, and it looked like crap.  This image here took me only a few hours to complete, and that's not including the sketch.  That was just a doodle I was messing with that turned out better than expected, which is why it's a vector now.  I even write some fiction, and if you look at my sig, you'll see a link to my stories.  My first story isn't even on that site, and it's abysmal to even look at it!  Now, I feel pretty confident in my writing (though I'm writing in a present style and I'll probably try the more accepted past style next time).  Just practice and you'll eventually start getting good at something.

I decided to draw up Carrot Top and do a vector of her.  Maybe I'll do more vectors of characters later on, not sure.  This came out better than I thought it would.  Below are images of the sketch and outline.

Granted 

It's possessed by a killer baby

 

I wish Homestuck was real 

If I die I get God tier 

If I get god tier and I die i go to the dream bubbles with my dead friends 

and I can't die there! 

YOU BUTT FACE 

 

Granted every time you write a baby dies 

 

I wish Homestuck was real 

If I die I get God tier 

If I get god tier and I die i go to the dream bubbles with my dead friends 

and I can't die there! 

Granted.

Your only role in the Homestuck universe is to make beds and to make sure they're kept clean with new sheets and blankets daily.

That's all you can do and that's all you'll ever do while receiving a balanced diet of food and isolated breaks to yourself for fitness and entertainment, to keep you alive for a very long time to continue making beds for the rest of your existence.

I wish I had a Wacom Cintiqu.

and looks like absolute shit in comparison to other entries

Other entries?  Wait, so people are showing them off?  I know Feld0 said that's perfectly fine, but I wasn't aware that anyone would be showing them off until after the contest was over with, like tomorrow.

I get the feeling you got bitten into by someone who just didn't like it. It it's no way a bad habit if 90% of published works are written that way. My proof-readers in fact made the opposite complaint because present tense is so clunky and hard to write in a engaging way. 

Once again, I agree with you, and on both accounts.  My work as of late used to be proofed by someone that, if you knew him, you'd believe he wrote the entire dictionary by himself and added a few words for good measure.  And yes, past tense is an easier way to write and harder to read if not done properly.  If someone was to practice writing that way however, I think it would make the overall story much more engaging.  It just takes a lot more practice to write in that way, which I am currently doing as of now. 

So yeah, I'm not disagreeing with you.  But from what I've learned, present seems to be easier to read, even though at times it can be more difficult to write.

 Sorry, brain-fart(I spent two and a half hours this evening fighting with a riding lawn mower and trying to get he lawn done, so I'm out of it)  I meant tenses, as In I'm writing in past tense because I once wrote 11K words in present tense and it was a massive *squee* and resulted in all that being scrapped. 90% of lit is written in past tense because it's far easier.

Yeah, I know what you're talking about.  Want to know why it's easier?  It's because you're writing it as if you're currently seeing it happen.  Not in a literal sense, more like you're there to witness the event and you're writing it down.  That's actually a bad habit to have.  I apparently had it for many years and only just recently in the past few months learned to get out of it. 

Unless you're writing your stuff in past for a reason, do it in present since the actions are happening in the story as they're being read.  An example for a reason to write it in past is if you're writing it like someone's telling the story to another person, so it then turns the story into a narrative piece.  But since you're writing this as a current event, it should be written in present.  Yes, it takes more work keeping correct.  The overall writing though, it'll definitely make it easier to read and better to understand.

It wasn;t a contest, it was more of "everyone put a writing que in the mix, and we'll mix deal them back out at random", and mine was "The CMC get into Poison Joke". So it was more of a exercise type challenge. It was between us regulars in the Tvtropes ponyfic thread.

 

Also, why are correcting my tense to first person when the story is written in second person. You're doing very well on finding other errors, but I don't think changing the tense of the story needs to be done. 

You do know that second perspective writing involves the 'you' in it, correct?

You walk down the street, curious as to where the singing is coming from.  "Just where is she?" you ask yourself out loud.  "It's so dark to see where it's coming from."

That's in the second person, which I write my story in here - http://www.fimfiction.net/story/70801/an-alien-walks-amongst-us

I write a lot of my work in the second person, though I can write in both first and third as well.  What you were writing in is considered third person, which involves he, she, him, and her to start off with.

Also, I got hammered hard on my own past/present tense when it came to writing.  When writing, always consider what you're doing and if it's the now, or if it's already happened.

Her eyes were transfixed on the cauldron now embedded in her ceiling.

I'll use this as an example for you.  You use 'were', but that means she's not looking at it anymore.  So where's she looking now?  If it's happening in the present as your reader is reading, it should be 'are'.

That's why I changed the tensing in your work, because it made more sense as a present story.  Now, this could all change if someone was telling this story to someone and you made sure that this was shown as a narration, but that would be more work to do instead of just changing it to a present tense work.

Yup. We all look forward to the day we're not shackled to IPS and it's long list of shortcomings.

 

Lol, no, sorry. It's not a personal feature. This is the Best Answer feature in action :3 It was enabled for this question forum so users could easily look at a thread and know which answer is the most helpful. Best Answer is chosen by the forum staff, specifically, the moderators of this section, known as the Tech Team or Q&A Team.

Oh, I suppose that makes sense why it's green.  Sort of got my hopes up wanting a purple scheme so my eyes wouldn't tire out so much.  But I can see the different reasons why it wouldn't be added. 

For the time being, I guess I'll try to sift through the Non-Pony Artwork to see what's all there.  And a quick question if you don't mind answering: just why exactly is it called Artwork when it's apparent there's other things there, such as fan fiction and let's play are there, which I wouldn't consider Artwork? 

Huh.  I didn't realize that it's been a problem for a while now.  Well, at least I know it might be fixed someday in the future.  I'd like to be able to have ease when going through that area since it's a pain trying to look at one particular section while being clogged with things I don't want to see.

Also, green background?  I did not realize that background colors can be changed!  Did I miss something about how to do that?  I would LOVE to have my background in purple.  It would make seeing things simpler for me depending on the color since bright white all the time tires my eyes out seeing all the time.

I'm not sure if everyone else on this site has been having this problem.  Whenever I go to the Non-Pony Artwork area, I can't click the individual links below the title (first picture).  Whenever I do, the link leads me to an area with nothing in it at all, as if I'm trying to search something (second picture).  I'm really confused here.

This is really strange for me.  While I can click the Non-Pony Artwork link and look through that, I'd prefer being able to click the bottom links to filter exactly what I'd like to see, such as art or fan fiction for example.  Is anyone else having this problem?

Okay, I'm looking over the document.  Is this challenge for a competition that you're entering, or is it to challenge your own writing skills? 

Okay, I commented on everything that I saw the first time around.  I'd recommend changing them and then reading it over yourself to see how that works. 

Also, I'd also recommend adding in some additional things, like maybe having their trek through the Everfree  to Zecora's hut written out.  This would help the overall story so it's more entertaining.  Maybe even adding the three go off trying something new in another attempt at a cutie mark. 

Finally, why are they at Zecora's in the first place?  While not needed, by adding in some more detail in the beginning of your story as to why they're in the forest in the first place (most likely an attempt to get a cutie mark as usual) would help this story out.

References should only be used offhandedly or in ways that won't tie in majorly to things like other stories, unless you're trying to write a spin-off.  I know a lot of people write spin-offs from FO:E (Fallout:Equestria) and they're a mixed bunch.  You have to think about who you're targeting to reading your stuff.  By doing that, you're immediately targeting anyone to that story, this one being "Rainbow Factory." 

That means you'll get the readers that liked it, and readers that don't.  Personally, I don't care much for that story.  It felt like Cupcakes to me, which is a horrible story that didn't make sense and was only written to be "dark and edgy."

For my own writing in my main story, I've made references to Doctor Who, The Elder Scrolls, The Happy Mask Salesman, Goosebumps, X-Men, Batman, Mayan History, and plenty of other things.  They aren't central to the story though, they only add in some interesting bits for some fun, never actually tying the story to anything.  If you were to ever put references in, try not to tie them too closely into your writing unless it's some sort of gag or you're actually writing a spin-off to said story.

Thank you for the compliment. I may have finally found my talent at last? 

 

Thank you for the tips. I made the modifications needed. The ending probably was bad for me because I have been so excited to write the actual story that I "lost interest" and wanted to get the prologue done. But, the stage has to be set. 

Ah, I've seen that happen plenty of times.  Writers want to have their ideas out as soon as possible, wanting to make scenes move quickly like it does in their heads or just want their writing shown.  Just remember to slow down a little and remember to show, not tell, along with putting proper pacing in your work.  So long as you can do that, you'll have a good story on your hands in the future.

What I got out of this so far is that you have a pony that is in a place that is treating him for something unknown.  With how Golden is also reacting, I'm going to say that the pony is also either very young, or is mentally young.  Right now, I do not know the gender or how Golden Dreams looks other than he's orange, but your basic details of describing the pony as a pegasus and everything else is pretty entertaining.  It gives the reader some room to actually imagine things in their own mind.  You also have Golden somewhat attracted to Brande, or at least finding him attractive.

Now, I wish you would space out your work.  It would make reading this so much simpler.  I'll point some things out, your stuff in purple and mine in red.

Feeling. Where did this come from? What is this? Sense. How is this happening? Intelligence. Who am I? What am I doing here? Where did I come from? What is my purpose? Light. What am I seeing? I open my eyes. A thick liquid surrounds me, but it does not hurt me. There is no need for breathing or nutrition yet. How do I know that? A feel like I just woke up. I feel...like a can move. I blink, although there is no need. Blurry figures appear within my vision. My ears twitch. My mouth gains feeling, which spreads down my neck and reached my spinal column. I gain consciousness of my body. A feel like a normal pony, but what are these things on my back. I try to move, but a strange cord attached to my forehead won't let me. I feel pain for the first time, but vaguely. The cord releases and disappears. Where'd it go? The blurry figures come into view. They are unicorns wearing white coats and scribbling profusely on clipboards. How do I know this? I am not sure.
I feel movement. I start to sink and I panic. I can move! I stare in wonder at my bright orange hooves, ignoring the strange descent that I have begun. I reach a strange point and I am flushed out. I land square on my face. My muscles are new to all this. They have no strength yet. I feel something on my face. A blue hoof tilts my head upwards and examines my face. I take my first breath. It feels great, but different. Who am I? The owner of the hoof magically pushes a cushion under my head and sets it down. The pillow is soft and comforting. I smile at the promises it makes as I snuggle into it a bit. The blue unicorn records something and then looks down at me almost... as if he pities me. He crouches lower.

I think the first paragraph could be split up into another paragraph, and certain areas split out entirely to emphasize confusion and thoughts.  Here's an example of what I mean.

Feeling.

Where did this come from? What is this?

Sense.

How is this happening?

Intelligence.

What am I doing here? Where did I come from? What is my purpose?

Light.

What am I seeing?

I open my eyes. A thick liquid surrounds me, but it does not hurt me. There is no need for breathing or nutrition yet.

How do I know that?

A feel like I just woke up. I feel...like a can move. I blink, although there is no need. Blurry figures appear within my vision. My ears twitch. My mouth gains feeling, which spreads down my neck and reached my spinal column. I gain consciousness of my body. A feel like a normal pony, but what are these things on my back.

I try to move, but a strange cord attached to my forehead won't let me. I feel pain for the first time, but vaguely. The cord releases and disappears. Where'd it go? The blurry figures come into view. They are unicorns wearing white coats and scribbling profusely on clipboards. How do I know this? I am not sure.

I feel movement. I start to sink and I panic.

I can move!

I stare in wonder at my bright orange hooves, ignoring the strange descent that I have begun. I reach a strange point and I am flushed out. I land square on my face. My muscles are new to all this. They have no strength yet. I feel something on my face. A blue hoof tilts my head upwards and examines my face. I take my first breath. It feels great, but different.

Who am I?

The owner of the hoof magically pushes a cushion under my head and sets it down. The pillow is soft and comforting. I smile at the promises it makes as I snuggle into it a bit. The blue unicorn records something and then looks down at me almost... as if he pities me. He crouches lower.

I also italicized certain words.  italicizing usually implies thoughts of a character, so this really brings them out.  I also deleted the first time you use the 'who am I?' in the beginning.  It makes the second one down at the bottom a stronger presence and helps make the first parts at the top stronger. 

Now, there are a few things that should be looked at for rewriting in this paragraph.  Here's an example -

A feel like I just woke up.

This line doesn't make any sense at all.  Are you trying to describe Golden feeling the feel of waking up, or are you trying to describe it like it's the first time the pony's ever waken up?  There's also the problem that you use the 'I feel like' too many times.  You should rewrite that in a way so it's still saying that but with different word.  Here's how I would've rewritten it -

I feel like I've just woken up... like I can move.

As you see, I've taken the second line and combined it with the first.  It makes the line simpler and easier to follow while also removing the 'I feel like' in the second one, and also removing the 'a' on the can move to an 'I'.

A feel like a normal pony, but what are these things on my back.

You do it again here.  Are you attempting to make this character southern?  Even if you are, having him think like that is a bit strange to read.  Even if people have accents, they still think with the word fully fleshed out in their minds.  You also missed a question mark.

I feel like a normal pony, but what are these things on my back?

There's some other things like this in your work, but they're easy to fix.  I don't really have any complaints as of yet on how you've written your story other than how it's structured and a few missed areas on grammar and punctuation.  Here's a recap of everything with me reworking some more things in my work down below.  Your work -

Feeling. Where did this come from? What is this? Sense. How is this happening? Intelligence. Who am I? What am I doing here? Where did I come from? What is my purpose? Light. What am I seeing? I open my eyes. A thick liquid surrounds me, but it does not hurt me. There is no need for breathing or nutrition yet. How do I know that? A feel like I just woke up. I feel...like a can move. I blink, although there is no need. Blurry figures appear within my vision. My ears twitch. My mouth gains feeling, which spreads down my neck and reached my spinal column. I gain consciousness of my body. A feel like a normal pony, but what are these things on my back. I try to move, but a strange cord attached to my forehead won't let me. I feel pain for the first time, but vaguely. The cord releases and disappears. Where'd it go? The blurry figures come into view. They are unicorns wearing white coats and scribbling profusely on clipboards. How do I know this? I am not sure.
I feel movement. I start to sink and I panic. I can move! I stare in wonder at my bright orange hooves, ignoring the strange descent that I have begun. I reach a strange point and I am flushed out. I land square on my face. My muscles are new to all this. They have no strength yet. I feel something on my face. A blue hoof tilts my head upwards and examines my face. I take my first breath. It feels great, but different. Who am I? The owner of the hoof magically pushes a cushion under my head and sets it down. The pillow is soft and comforting. I smile at the promises it makes as I snuggle into it a bit. The blue unicorn records something and then looks down at me almost... as if he pities me. He crouches lower.

Mine -

Feeling.

Where did this come from? What is this?

Sense.

How is this happening?

Intelligence.

What am I doing here? Where did I come from? What is my purpose?

Light.

What am I seeing?

I open my eyes. A thick liquid surrounds me, but it does not hurt me. There is no need for breathing or nutrition yet.

How do I know that?

I feel like I just woke up... like I can move. I blink, although there is no need. Blurry figures appear within my vision. My ears twitch. My mouth gains feeling, which spreads down my neck and reaches my spinal column. I gain consciousness of my body. I feel like a normal pony, but what are these things on my back?

I try to move, but a strange cord attached to my forehead won't let me. I feel pain for the first time, but vaguely. The cord releases and disappears. Where'd it go? The blurry figures come into view. They are unicorns wearing white coats and scribbling profusely on clipboards. How do I know this? I am not sure.

I feel movement. I start to sink and I panic.

I can move!

I stare in wonder at my bright orange hooves, ignoring the descent that I have begun. I reach a strange point and I am flushed out, landing square on my face. My muscles are new to all this. They have no strength in them. I feel something on my face. A blue hoof tilts my head upwards and examines my face. I take my first breath. It feels great, but different.

Who am I?

The owner of the hoof magically pushes a cushion under my head and sets me down on it. The pillow is soft and comforting. I smile at the promises it makes as I snuggle into it a bit. The blue unicorn records something and then looks down at me almost... as if he pities me. He crouches low enough so I can see his entire face without any problem.

Like I said, there's some things that need rewording and some extra work, but I don't see anything horridly wrong in this.  I really hope you put those extra spaces in between areas later on so it's easier to read.

Your writing is very clean and has some of the best grammar I've seen on this site so far.  But, there are problems dealing with the overall structure of your story and how you're writing.

First off, it's really clumped up.  It seems you attempted to make proper paragraphs, but you didn't know where to space it out.  You should always put paragraphs together depending on a few things.  The first is subject, such as keeping it together on what is being written out, then if it goes on to something else or just needs a space depending on movement, then a new paragraph.  The second is talking areas. 

You should always place speaking parts by themselves, and separate them from other people talking.  If they perform an action then speak, or vice versa, then you can clump those two together so long as you do it properly.  And another really good thing to do is to put a space after each paragraph.  It helps reading things in the long run for your readers.

I am going to help in your second paragraph right now.  I'd do the first, but the second actually has speaking parts so I can show you how to write those properly.  Your writing will be in purple, mine in red.

    “My faithful student, I see you are still at work on the task I assigned you. Though it may be of importance, you must rest for rest is important for inspiration to complete such a task. Even a princess must rest for if one did not rest one would not complete any task at all.” Princess Twilight, using her magic to write with her quill to continue writing the scroll which contained her works on the task, turned her head, and with a smile put down the quill on her small, wooden desk. She begins to walk towards Princess Celestia with both excite and discipline. With a breath, she says with such curiosity, “I will do any task for you, for I shall remain faithful to you always, until the end of me, but may I ask what this task is supposed to mean? Trying to investigate the history before the beginning of Equestria is almost impossible for the records for such don’t exist, as I know of.” Princess Celestia, closing her eyes as she walks over to the bookshelf that stands tall among all the furniture, however seemingly invisible to those who do not see it’s true secrets, begins to search through the shelf with millions books, ranging from spells to the records of the giant kingdom that has existed for hundreds of years. “I wanted you to carry out this task to see if you could find something that may be missing from the history books of the beginning of Equestria. I feel you will have the capability to find a missing link to link together the past and the present for even the history books are incomplete,” she says as she walks slowly to the right of the bookcase. Puzzled, Twilight walks over to Princess Celestia trying to search for something that she does not know of, yet has a feeling of what it might be. After a few minutes, Princess Celestia finally opens her eyes and, using her magic, pulls out a large, green book that had seemed to blend within the other books because of its age and plainness. Curious about the book and its mysterious contents, Twilight tries to open the book with her magic, but surprisingly fails. Princess Celestia laughs softly as she walks over to the table containing the scroll of the task that Twilight was working on. “My student, you must complete your task before opening this book for without finishing your task, you will not be able to understand what it all means,” says Princess Celestia as she puts the book on the table. She then walks out of the room to go about her business.

This is extremely hard to read.  You need to space this out so people can let their eyes move through this better.  Here's your work spaced out properly.

    “My faithful student, I see you are still at work on the task I assigned you. Though it may be of importance, you must rest for rest is important for inspiration to complete such a task. Even a princess must rest for if one did not rest one would not complete any task at all.”

    Princess Twilight, using her magic to write with her quill to continue writing the scroll which contained her works on the task, turned her head, and with a smile put down the quill on her small, wooden desk. She begins to walk towards Princess Celestia with both excite and discipline.

    With a breath, she says with such curiosity, “I will do any task for you, for I shall remain faithful to you always, until the end of me, but may I ask what this task is supposed to mean? Trying to investigate the history before the beginning of Equestria is almost impossible for the records for such don’t exist, as I know of.”

    Princess Celestia, closing her eyes as she walks over to the bookshelf that stands tall among all the furniture, however seemingly invisible to those who do not see it’s true secrets, begins to search through the shelf with millions books, ranging from spells to the records of the giant kingdom that has existed for hundreds of years.

    “I wanted you to carry out this task to see if you could find something that may be missing from the history books of the beginning of Equestria. I feel you will have the capability to find a missing link to link together the past and the present for even the history books are incomplete,” she says as she walks slowly to the right of the bookcase.

    Puzzled, Twilight walks over to Princess Celestia trying to search for something that she does not know of, yet has a feeling of what it might be. After a few minutes, Princess Celestia finally opens her eyes and, using her magic, pulls out a large, green book that had seemed to blend within the other books because of its age and plainness.

    Curious about the book and its mysterious contents, Twilight tries to open the book with her magic, but surprisingly fails. Princess Celestia laughs softly as she walks over to the table containing the scroll of the task that Twilight was working on.

    “My student, you must complete your task before opening this book for without finishing your task, you will not be able to understand what it all means,” says Princess Celestia as she puts the book on the table. She then walks out of the room to go about her business.

See how much better this is?  I can actually read it now and tell who is speaking.  Of course, you still need to indent all the paragraphs afterwards like I've done up above, so don't forget that.

Another advantage of spacing helps show errors in your work.  The first one is shown in the very first paragraph where Celestia talks -

“My faithful student, I see you are still at work on the task I assigned you. Though it may be of importance, you must rest for rest is important for inspiration to complete such a task. Even a princess must rest for if one did not rest one would not complete any task at all.”

If you don't see it, you use the word 'rest' four times here.  I've done this before, and it hurts the overall writing by reusing a word over and over.  Use synonyms or even reword this in a new way so that goes away, even making it flow better.  Here's a small example.

"My faithful student, I see you are still at work on the task I assigned you. Though it may be of importance, I do not want to see you overworked. Rest is an important factor to take into account so that you may be at your best at all times. Even princesses like you or myself have to take a break or any task we aim to complete may be harmed in the process of being overstrained."

You see how I wrote exactly what you did, but using different words and some rewriting it comes out better?  It takes work to do this, but definitely worth it in the end.

The next paragraph has this same problem too with you using the word 'write' then 'writing' afterwords, though it's not that big.  No, there are other issues here.  The first sentence looks like you were trying to say too much.  The second sentence, that comes off really strange.  It needs to be completely rewritten.

Princess Twilight, using her magic to write with her quill to continue writing the scroll which contained her works on the task, turned her head, and with a smile put down the quill on her small, wooden desk.

Here's a rewrite, making the scene flow a little better.

Princess Twilight briefly continues to write down on her scroll, trying to get the last few words down.  Once complete, she places her quill down beside her work before turning her head to her mentor, a large smile beaming at her.

There's also the fact that there's info we don't need you put here.  Why do we need to know it's a wooden desk?  Why do we need to know it's small?  Only thing I get out of this is that Twilight was given a fairly small room for her work. 

If this is wrong and the room is much bigger, then that info you've written is definitely wrong.  Unless Celestia is not as generous as she would appear (or this turns into a Trollestia ideal) and gives her a little, wooden desk. 

If the info of the wooden desk is needed in the future, write it then.  If you want to, and just feel like you have to write it now, make it flow into the words and through showing us the details.  Many readers will prefer that over you telling them so much. 

And now for the next line.  This feels really strange.  You should try to show actions through the writing.  You have her one moment putting stuff from her desk down, then the next walking. 

She begins to walk towards Princess Celestia with both excite and discipline.

Here's an example of a rewrite.

Standing up from her desk, she walks over to Princess Celestia with excitement in her steps, but with the discipline she was taught to always have with her new responsibilities.

See what I did here?  That last part is showing that I'm implying she is still new in her role as a princess.  Writers will pick this up subconsciously and remember that.  Here's another rewrite, just slightly different.

Standing up from her desk, she walks over to Princess Celestia.  She walks forward in a disciplined manner, but her face shows the excitement that belies what many would assume as her upbringing.

See what I did this time?  Now, it's not about her role as a princess.  It's more about how she is as a character instead, giving the reader insight on just who Twilight is.  Now she can be shown as someone that wants to impress with who she is but with a lot of pip in her, like she's ready to take on anything.  With Celestia here, it can also be interpreted as being impressionable towards her.

Now a quick recap of things.  What you've written exactly -

    “My faithful student, I see you are still at work on the task I assigned you. Though it may be of importance, you must rest for rest is important for inspiration to complete such a task. Even a princess must rest for if one did not rest one would not complete any task at all.” Princess Twilight, using her magic to write with her quill to continue writing the scroll which contained her works on the task, turned her head, and with a smile put down the quill on her small, wooden desk.

What I've written -

    "My faithful student, I see you are still at work on the task I assigned you. Though it may be of importance, I do not want to see you overworked. Rest is an important factor to take into account so that you may be at your best at all times. Even princesses like you or myself have to take a break or any task we aim to complete may be harmed in the process of being overstrained."

    Princess Twilight briefly continues to write down on her scroll, trying to get the last few words down.  Once complete, she places her quill down beside her work before turning her head to her mentor, a large smile beaming at her.

    Standing up from her desk, she walks over to Princess Celestia.  She walks forward in a disciplined manner, but her face shows the excitement that belies what many would assume as her upbringing.

So far, your overall story is starting out fairly well.  It's a good introduction to whatever you have planned.  I do hope what I said here is helpful in anything you write in the future.

You know, it's absolutely silly to put out a link that people have to request to have access just to read.  You're going to find that a bulk of the people that would've read it leaving since they're not going to take the time to request access for a story when they could just search elsewhere for a read instead.  It's a step that people don't want to have. 

How to fix that?  Go to your document and look for the 'search' button.  There, you'll see that by clicking it you'll get different options.  Click on the one that allows sharing.  Even better, maybe add on the 'allow comments' as well.  Doing that, anyone that wants to leave a comment can. 

Why do that?  It allows the readers to point out mistakes or their thoughts on any matter to what they're reading.  So if there's a grammar mistake, they can point it out.  If they feel you're not characterizing things in a good manner or feel like saying something to help a scene or just throw in some ideas, they can do that too.  Also, there's a dialogue box there that allows instant chatting akin to Skype.

Also, even on G-Docs, I may bring some things over here to point out as well.  It's not to showcase your flaws, it's to show others what is wrong so that they can see for their own writing what to do or not do.  It's something I feel helps any writer out by doing that. I can also get more in-depth here than I could over at G-Docs on certain things to explain some areas for a better understanding on how to correct future writings.