Jump to content
Banner by ~ Ice Princess Silky

lomk

User
 View Profile  See their content

  • Posts

    1,907

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Blog Entries posted by lomk

  1. lomk
    It melts my heart to know that people like this exist. This is beautiful.
     

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAcFWdQymPQ
     
    I just heard this story on the news. This cop was driving around doing his normal patrolling when he happened upon this young child who was playing football all by himself. Just kinda tossing it up in the air and catching it.
     
    Anybody else would have just driven past. This guy? He stops to play with the kid.
     
    What's even more touching is that he lives with his single mother and he has no father figure in his life. So the cop and the child are friends now. They showed a clip on TV where he even lets the kid turn on the siren.
     
    It's just such a beautiful story. I'm fighting tears as I write this.
     
    You can read an article about it here
  3. lomk

    Marshmallowey Proof

    By lomk,

    Last time I checked, ponies and horses are hard as rocks. Not all soft and squishy like Rarity.
     
    Verdict: Rarity is a marshmallow.
     
    Which explains her phobia of microwaves.
  5. lomk
    Alright! Rant time!
     
    I love Pokemon. It's something that I've long been a fan of and it'll always have a place near and dear to my heart. When I was a kid, I played the games, read the comics, and watched the anime as much as I could. But at this point, I think I'm done. I think I've hit a point in my life where I'm just done with Pokemon altogether. One might argue that I've simply outgrown Pokemon. I'm not going to bother ever playing a new generation of Pokemon again. Hell, I haven't even played the 6th generation, although from what I've seen, it looks pretty sweet. But after about 14 years of being an active fan of the series, on top of considerable gameplay makeovers that make you relearn the game every time a new generation is released, stack it on a college budget, and I'm just done playing Pokemon.
     
    My roommate (who is my best friend from junior high and high school and who has also been as avid a fan as I) is also done with it. He's thrown in the towel as well. I'm not sure of his reasons, but I have a couple to list. Grab a cup of coffee because this might take a while!
     
    First, for an old school gamer like me, the game just isn't what it used to be. When I was like 10, I played a lot of Pokemon Stadium 2. A LOT of it. It's a surprise to me that my Nintendo 64 didn't burst into flame from running so long with the passive cooling system it had in it. But I guess a 90 MHz processor doesn't produce all that much heat. I digress. I learned everything I knew about Pokemon from Earl's academy in that game. And up until the release of Gen 4, I was the go-to guy about anything to do with Pokemon with the exception of EVs and IVs, which I knew nothing about at the time. I could match any Pokemon, build most any team, work STABs and hold items, and so forth. I was pretty much an expert at it because that's pretty much all I did with my life. I maxed the clock on my Pokemon Blue, and I had well over 250 hours of play time on my Pokemon Crystal version. Gen 3 didn't add all that much except things like abilities and natures, which I didn't know too much about, but it didn't mess with the way I played the game. But when Gen 4 was released and most everything I knew about the game was thrown askew, I instantly sucked at it. And Gen 5 didn't help my case any more than the last one.
     
    Secondly, the point of the older games was to catch all of them. You didn't get the data in your Pokedex until you actually caught what you saw. The idea was to see, to catch, and to conquer. In the first generation, 151 was a challenge since you had to have a link cable and a friend with the corresponding version. The same went for the second, but you just had 100 more to collect. Gen 3 was just the same, but now with 135 more Pokemon. 151 wasn't bad. 251 was a challenge. 386 was hard. When we got to Gen 4, 493 was downright difficult and 649 was next to impossible. Now with 700+, this idea of the game is essentially lost. Completing your Pokedex isn't fun anymore. It just feels like a chore now. Sure, the thing you get was crappy. But it was still cool being able to say you finished it. I've never done it myself, but I did end up at 148 in my Blue version (until I made the stupid mistake of catching Missingno...)
     
    Thirdly, versus battles just aren't the same anymore. Not for me. It's too complicated. And don't get me wrong. I'm a pretty bright person (or so I tend to think). I've tested with an IQ at 127. I tend to pick up on things, and the things I'm good at...well I'm damn good at them. But there's genius in simplicity, if you ask me. Sure, I understand that they had to shake things up a bit in order to keep players interested because if the battle system had stayed the same over nearly 20 years, then people would have been bored with it long ago. Because let's face it, the story has remained relatively unchanged over the years. But I'll put it in the spoiler in case you've never played the game and I'm ruining the story for you.
     
     
    But back to the point I'm trying to make. These days, battling other players just downright sucks. Just like in my first point, the mechanics aren't what they used to be. And online battles just aren't fun anymore. It's so technical and there's so much work to put into formulating the perfect team that the fun was lost at minute 2 of playing the game. I applaud them for making something so vastly varied that there are millions of possibilities, but at the same time, the game has lost the charm it once had. Well, for me, anyway. I remember having to link up two Game Boys and figuring out who was on the right end so Cable Club would work right. And once you were in the battle, it was a fun and engaging experience because the person you were playing against was right there. Online battles are just...not my thing. Sure, call me a nostalgiafag, but how do you heckle and mess around with someone over the internet without them getting all butthurt about it? That's what my friends and I used to do all the time in our wired battles. If the other guy was losing or just had a Pokemon go down, we'd rip on that guy. And it was all in good fun. Sure we hated each other while we were playing, but at the end of the day, we were all still good friends. Like, where did that go?
     
    Let me add a note that I am not, nor have I ever been, a genwunner. To say that Gen 1 was the best is just not right in my opinion. Gen 2 was perfect in every way for me. No overabundance of legendaries. Night/Day cycle. Mom saves your money. You get to explore more than one region and collect the badges from there. And Umbreon. Freaking Umbreon. Gen 2 was perfect despite that one glitch where you can clone your Pokemon and make the game tons easier
     
    Finally, let me add one more thing that I'm not throwing this out there as fact. I'm not saying that the game you prefer is garbage. The way the game changed has just left a sour taste for me, and I'm not a fan of it. I liked it when it was a lot simpler and the learning curve wasn't quite so steep. If you like Gen 4-6, then power to you. I just lack the same appreciation for them. Anyway, this is all just my opinion and reasons why I don't play the game anymore. As a whole, the game just isn't as enjoyable as it once was for me, and thus, I'm throwing in the towel
     
    The game has had a good run for me, but it's time for me to move on.
  10. lomk
    Like seriously. Notice how, at the end of "Generosity," Carriage #1 simply pulls out in front of Carriage #2 at the intersection in the red circle. Who had right of way? Did #1 legally make that left turn? Was #2 supposed to yield? Without a stoplight at this intersection, WHO KNOWS?!They were both fortunate that they missed each other (though just barely). A stoplight would be useful at this intersection! Somepony could be injured or killed! I just hope that none of those carriages were carrying any foals!
     
    And what's up with Carriage #3 just sitting there on the side of the road?! Is he trying to be rear ended or sideswiped?! I mean, if he was parked, that'd be one thing. But there is far more than 18 inches of space between him and the curb. He's at least 2½ feet from the curb!
     
    DOES NOPONY KNOW HOW TO DRIVE IN MANEHATTAN?!
     
    Places not to visit:
    1. The rough side of my town
    2. Antarctica
    3. Manehattan
     
    Okay, rant over
  11. lomk
    So this is gonna be a short one
     
    I posted on Facebook about my grades and my 3.25 for the semester. Two good friends of mine commented on this status. Let's call the first John. And the second friend, we'll call Jake. John is Jake's older brother. John is older than me and Jake is younger than me.
     
    So if I haven't lost you yet, this is what happened:
     
    STATUS
    Me: Finished the semester with decent grades. GPA was 3.25. 112 hours down and I think I only have 48 left til I get that master's degree!
     
    COMMENTS
    John: Congratulations on another good semester bro!
    Jake: Didn't congratulate me...
    John: Didn't post.
    Me: Thank you John. You always were like a big brother to me.
    Jake: Warning: troll out from under the bridge...And I did post! 4 B and 1 A
    Me: Dang Jake! Impressive!
    Me: Wait, I read that wrong. Thought it said 4 A and 1 B
    Me: Bet you can't tell if still trolling or dyslexic
     
    Don't know that I've ever accidentally trolled like that before
  12. lomk
    Disclaimer: there's some language and dark themes in this entry. If you're easily offended by dark themes or strong language, this is your fair warning.
     
    Let me tell you guys something: I love music. It’s something I do every day. I took music classes in high school and I played in a college band. I also played the guitar in a local band with some of my best friends. Music means a lot to me. It’s been an integral part of my life for as long as I can remember.
     
    My mother and father listened to a lot of music. My mother would sing songs and I guess I always just sorta sang along as well. I actually have a pretty decent voice just because I’ve been singing for so long and I’ve got an ear that can distinguish tone moderately well. I can tell when I’m not in key or when my voice sounds off. I mean, if I’ve been singing every day since I was 7 years old, then I should have 14 years of experience in singing. If only I had a voice coach.
     
    I had an awful childhood. My father abused drugs and spent a lot of time in prison. He wasn’t our lives very much. And when he was, he would use drugs and become violent. If he wasn’t beating you, he was emotionally degrading you. My mother is just as bad as he is because she wouldn’t leave him alone. She had opportunity after opportunity to move on with her life and support her two kids, but she stayed with him and had three more kids. She’s just as much to blame as my father for my childhood or lack thereof.
     
    When I was 15, we were removed and put into a foster home and never went back to live with our biological parents.
     
    Music has helped me through a lot in my life. It’s what kept me sane through my teenage years. I’ve always best expressed myself through artistic means, but I was never good at drawing visual art, and writing stories was never my thing. When I got older and my writing skills improved, I could write poems, but they weren’t anything spectacular. No, music has always been my art. Now, I’m not great by any measure, but I’ve been playing for a number of years and so I’m mediocre at best.
     
    When I turned 16, my foster parents bought me a guitar. And it couldn’t have come at much of a better time. From that time up until I turned 20, I was very depressed. It started to climax when I was almost 18. My life was a roller coaster of ups and downs. I was going through a time when I was dealing with my demons. All the times my father would look at me for forgetting one thing and go on a half hour tangent about how much of a piece of fucking shit I was. Or when I accidentally broke a glass and was beaten silly. I’ve forgiven him for that. But it’s impossible to forget. You don’t forget that kind of thing. For the first couple of years at the foster home, I mostly shoved those things under the rug. That worked well for a year or so. But they started to resurface as my high school graduation was closing in.
     
    I had so many years of repression built up. I started to question my own self-worth. I questioned why I was allowed to live from time to time. Why God hadn’t killed me by then. As I write this, it’s hard for me to look back at myself back then and refrain from feeling awful for that kid. I hated myself. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw a worthless person. I began to feel like the only thing I was good for was eating, sleeping, and defecating. I had no purpose. No friends. I wanted it to all go away. When I was 17, I had mulled over the thought of suicide a lot. You have to understand how much I was disgusted by my own existence. I wasn’t going to make it quick. I felt like I deserved to suffer. I wanted to go out slowly and inhumanely. I felt as if I was the lowest of the low. But I still put on that façade. I never cut myself. It would have made those things all too obvious. I didn’t want people to know of my suffering. I didn’t deserve a listening ear. Not even from a counselor, who is pretty much a guy paid to listen to your woes. But if I was going to commit suicide, I wouldn’t try it. I was going to do it. It was going to be one hundred percent. I didn’t want to live through a suicide attempt.
     
    I don’t know if my foster parents were psychics or something. I wasn’t going through that stuff when they bought my guitar for my 16th birthday. I was still in that phase where I shoved things under the rug. I didn’t actually start to hate myself until I was nearly 18. But when I did start to hate myself, it hit, and it hit hard. Emotionally, I had hit rock bottom.
     
    As for my suicide, I had a plan written down so I would carry it out without flaw. But I guess I was too much of a coward. Every time I thought about going through with it, I grabbed a pen, some paper, and that guitar, and I would play until I was crying my eyes out. Sometimes I just kept going as long as 4 or 5 hours. Instead of hurting or killing myself, I grabbed that guitar and played to the tune of my heart.
     
    That guitar is nothing special. It’s a basic Fender guitar. You could probably buy a similar one for a couple hundred dollars at your local music store. However, my first guitar is my single most prized possession. I go nowhere for an extended period of time without my guitar. It’s been to California, South Carolina, Nevada, New Mexico, and South Dakota with me.
     
    Because let me tell you what that guitar means to me. If my foster parents had never picked that up, I could have been dead before I finished high school. Through my playing, I was able to occupy my mind so I wouldn’t carry out my suicide plan. Through my songwriting, I was able to open up to my counselor. My guitar may be a basic model that wouldn’t be worth much to anyone else, but that guitar is irreplaceable to me.
     
    Finally, when I was a little past 20 years old, I came to a point where I moved on with my life. I took all my songs. I grabbed my suicide plan. I put it all in a shoebox. With the first real smile I had in 2 to 3 years, I hugged my foster mother, and told her I was leaving and I’d be back in half an hour. I drove my car out to one of our fields. I threw gasoline on that damn shoebox and lit it on fire. As the fire burned away through years of misery and torture, it was hard not to cry. Years of my father telling me I was worthless on top of me telling myself I was worthless wasn’t going to affect me anymore. Five or ten minutes later, the fire burned out, and the ashes of my sorrow were carried away by the Oklahoman wind. It was no longer tied to me.
     
    Until tonight, I’ve never told anyone this. Nobody knows I ever had a suicide plan. Nobody knows I was writing songs to reflect how I was except my counselor who was sworn to keep stuff confidential. He never knew about my plan to commit suicide because that was something he would have to break through the veil of confidentiality and report because it would have been considered an emergency. But nobody knows about my journals or my songs or my plan. Nobody knows about the shoebox, but me.
     
    What does my guitar mean to me? My guitar is the most important thing I own. If not for having it and learning to play, I’d probably not be alive to write this. That guitar is like a best friend to me, and it's saved my life on a number of occasions.
     
    Music is an amazing thing. Don’t underestimate its power.
  13. lomk
    This is gonna be a short one. Promise.
     
    Only in Oklahoma does this stuff happen.
     
    I think it's pretty funny and somewhat original although I'm sure he didn't plan on being arrested. It sort of sounds like white trailer trash type stuff if you ask me!
     
    Rednecks. They live in my state!
     
    But on a brighter note, I have A LOT of respect for that police officer. A lot of people will look down on police as the "filthy crooked pigs" but there are a lot of them in small towns are are really good people. Like this guy. You know, he didn't have to let him do that. He could have just been a hard ass and shoved the guy into the car and took off. The cop is only doing his job. So yeah, respect for that officer. Give that man a medal.
     
    Source: http://www.news9.com/story/24234781/elk-city-man-proposes-to-girlfriend-while-getting-arrested
  14. lomk
    Disclaimer: This contains some language that is hidden in the fourth spoiler. Other than that, the rest of the entry is clean.
    Disclaimer the second: There's some light computer jargon, and if that's not your thing, your head may hurt.
     
    This is my Samsung Galaxy S4. (ignore the Toshiba laptop it's sitting on. I needed a surface that contrasted with the color of the phone lol)
     
     
     
     
    I love my phone. It’s the first phone I’ve had that my parents weren’t paying the phone bill. That’s no fun to pay your own bill, but at least there’s some privacy in paying your own phone bill. Like, they don’t see where I go on there, and that’s good because I really don’t want them knowing I’m an active fan of My Little Pony.
     
    So before I begin and for future reference, SD stands for Secure Digital.
     
    For a while now I’ve had a 32 GB SD card in my phone. It came out of my old Motorola Electrify. I have a lot of high definition video (hours upon hours of 720p and 1080p content) and high fidelity audio (I re-ripped all my CDs to WAV and downloaded all my Bandcamp/Beatport content in FLAC) stored on this memory card. So much so that it’s completely full. I decided it’s time for an upgrade. So I went to my Walmart and looked at 64 GB SD cards. The per-gigabyte cost of an SD card rivals that of a solid state drive. Seriously, it does. The cost of that 64 GB card was $60. About 94¢ per gigabyte. I got my 128 GB SSD for about $150, excluding the cost of shipping and that equates to about $1.17 per gigabyte. And you can get a 1,000 GB hard drive for $70 (or 7¢ per gigabyte). The price of SD cards is awfully high, and I wasn’t going to pay that kind of premium for that card.
     
    So I did some online shopping and I stumbled across this.
     
     
    .
     
    A Samsung 64 GB Micro SD card. It was going for $30. I felt like it was a no-brainer. And they were selling fast. I also felt like it’d be cool to have a Samsung SD card for my Samsung phone. So, hastily, I placed an order for one on Thursday while they were in stock. On Saturday, I started looking into the formats for SD cards because I was curious as to how big an SD card can get. Turns out Micro SDXC supports capacities up to 2 terabytes! Incredible. So I was looking at the photo of the memory card I bought. Because I get antsy when waiting for things to come in the mail. I mean, I paid for it so I should get my stuff, right? I’m a little impatient like that. But as I was looking at the photo, I noticed something peculiar. A 64 GB SD card that uses the SDHC format?
     
    Okay, I’m a computer guy. I love working with tech. For those of you who don’t know, right now, there are 3 formats of SD card. That’s explained in the spoiler.
     
     
     
     
    I know that SDHC only supports capacities up to 32 GB. I bought my old SD card before there was SDXC and there was no such thing as a 64 GB SD card at the time. SDHC tops out at 32 GB. So how, then, did this card manage to have a capacity of 64 GB while being SDHC format? I went on Amazon to read reviews on this particular card.
     
    It has 2 stars. The 5 star reviews were obviously scammers trying to make it look legit. But of the 48 reviews, 36 of them were for 1 star. Wanna know the titles of those reviews? “Counterfeit.” “Fake.” “Don’t buy.” “Knock-off.”
     
    Womp womp. Guess who feels like an idiot. Yep. Me. But I wanted to give it a try. So when I got it in the mail today, I did. No success. It does nothing. I can’t put anything on it. And I should have known, too. I’m not mad because I got scammed. I’m mad because I should have known better than to jump on that. The rule of thumb is: if it’s too good to be true, it probably is.
     
    So I want to warn you against these because if you’re not paying attention, everything is very convincing. I mean, you've got to give them props for making it look so so good that you'd think it's legit. But I’m usually so detail oriented, I normally would have been able to tell this was a scam from the beginning.
     
    But be honest. Unless it’s used, there’s no way a legit 64 GB SD card is going to only run you $30.
     
    Usually, you’re safest visiting your local computer/electronics store or Walmart. They’ll likely have a return policy if it doesn't work.
     
     
     
     
    If you take nothing else from this, just always remember to look up what you're looking at on a review site like Amazon. Even if the product you're looking at sells out and it was legit, you'll have other opportunities to get what you want.
     
     
     
    In the meantime, I’m going to go smack myself for being so dumb. Gah! I should have known better!
     
    SanDisk is best.
  15. lomk
    Yeah, I know it. I've been very, very whiny as of late. I'm trying my best to cope with one of the most stressful weeks to any college student: finals week.
     
    If you don't know about it or you're not in college (or university as they call it in Canada), finals week happens twice a year at the end of each semester. It's a very trying time, especially since college is usually like high school on steroids. On top of that, college students generally have to work, keep up their grades, and try to maintain a social life without going nuts. In fact, it's a lot like this
     

     
    I need sleep. And good grades are expected of me. Thus, I haven't made many friends during my time in college. That gets quite depressing from time to time so I have to find ways to cope that don't involve drinking or self harm. I try to look for constructive ways to deal with it if I have the energy to do so. Like the other day when I walked 6 miles to take my mind off things. But today, I'm running on next to no sleep. I don't have the energy to do anything but whine and feel sorry for myself.
     
    The problem is during finals week, you get a choice taken away from the triangle. You can only circle one.
     
    Usually, finals aren't bad for me. I've only ever made a B on a final once or twice. I generally don't get test anxiety. This semester has been totally different. Seems like there aren't many things working out the way I'd like them to. And it's not the most loaded down semester I've ever done. I once took 20 hours in one semester and came out with 3 A's, 3 B's, and 1 C. This semester, I'm only taking 12 hours so there's no reason for me to have a C this semester. But I'm worried I'll get 2 of them after one very difficult final that I studied about 15 to 18 hours for and I don't think I did well on it, and another final for which I could only sleep 2 hours the night before taking it. I had to drink 6 cups of coffee this morning just to keep myself from falling asleep when I sit down. I've never drank that much coffee. Usually one or two do the trick. Any more than that, and I get shakier than a school bus on a bumpy road.
     
    So yeah, I'm sorry if all my status updates as of late have been particularly whiny. I don't mean to do it. But it's the only way I've been able to keep my sanity over finals week. It's almost over. By next Monday, I should be returning to normal. Hopefully.
  16. lomk

    We are all attention seekers

    By lomk,

    I’ve seen plenty of people call out people they call “attention whores.” Those people who post things that say “like if your shirt is yellow” or “like if you were born” or “like if you—“ some other thing that obviously a lot of people are doing, have done, have experienced, and so forth. And these people agree that they have done or experienced that thing so they drop this person a like. Then that person has thousands of people who have given their status or their comment or whatever a like. Next thing you know, you’re just mindlessly pressing like or thumbs up or brohoof just because that’s the thing everyone else is doing. I admit it. I do it myself periodically.
     
    No, I don’t post one of those “like if you’re watching in 2099” comments and I especially don’t use hashtags. I post my thoughts. Sometimes they get hidden because everyone dislikes them. Sometimes I get 200 thumbs up in the top comments. But mostly, my comments get lost in the sea of other comments. But I feel great when I get a top comment. Before YouTube let you know when your comment got a thumbs up (and that’s kind of annoying—let me know if people are talking to me, not giving me an internet high five). It was actually kind of pleasant when I would have like 80 thumbs on a comment and the only way I knew that was when someone gave me a comment, at which point I would go check out what comment got a reply. And if it had 80 thumbs, I would look at that and be like “Huh. Didn’t know that many people liked what I had to say.”
     
    Think about it. You don’t make an online account and a catchy-as-hell alias with the hope of spending all your time online going unnoticed. Maybe you can choose to do that in real life because you didn’t choose to be born. But if you make an online account on social media like Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, or an online forum or community, then you’re putting yourself out there with the hope of people noticing you. If only we could be as proactive in real life social situations as we are online, then some of us would be incredibly popular people. But it’s easier to do it on the internet.
     
    What I’m saying is this: deep down, even if you say you’re not, you are an attention whore for the simple fact that you went online and joined social media. Is it bad? I think it carries a lot of negative connotations. But I also think it’s entirely natural. We evolved or were created to be social creatures. If you read the bible, in Genesis, God says himself, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” And so he gave Adam a wife. If you believe in the evolution theory, what did we evolve from? Apes. Apes and monkeys are all very social creatures as well. I think social interaction and the ability to communicate has helped humans become as intelligent as we are since we can pass knowledge from one generation to the next. So if socially adept monkeys is where we came from, I’m pretty sure that was carried down the evolutionary line. I don’t know of any other theories concerning where we came from and that’s not a topic up for debate in this entry.
     
    So really, I’m an attention whore. So are you. Don’t be ashamed to want to interact with people and be their friends. That’s what you’re supposed to do. What would make people mad at you is standing up on a table in a cafeteria and screaming through a bullhorn “COME OVER HERE AND HIGH FIVE ME IF YOU AGREE THAT SOUTH PARK IS BETTER THAN FAMILY GUY!!!” That stuff doesn’t fly with me. If you’re going to attention whore, then say something original and not obvious to anyone with an IQ over 85.
     
    And I think that’s what bugs me most about the internet. People don’t come up with enough original ideas so they say things that go with fads to get themselves in the spotlight for those fifteen seconds. You’re better off not saying anything at all. You all have brains. Put them to work. Come up with an original thought. Don’t say something just because everyone else is saying it. And if you’re saying something everyone else is saying, back it up with original thoughts.Make it different.
     
    Don’t be one of those people who are only out to get as many friends and likes and whatnot as you possibly can. But don’t you dare be afraid to make friends online. Some of the coolest people I know are people I’ve met online.
     
    Alright, I’ve gone on long enough. So in the comments section below, GIVE ME ALL YOUR BROHOOFS AND ATTENTION!! I'm just kidding. Do whatever you wanna do
  17. lomk
    The other day, I was shopping on eBay for a new SD card. The one I have in my Galaxy S4 has a total capacity of 32 gigabytes, and I've got it down to its last 13 megabytes. The only thing it can hold much of now is Word documents. So I shopped on eBay and picked up a 64 gigabyte SD card for about thirty bucks.
     
    On a per gigabyte basis, that's extremely cheap, and that got me to thinking about the technology I had in high school. Let's rewind about 6 years. I was a sophomore in high school (that's the 10th grade). Our school didn't have a lot of money so all our computers were outdated. Windows Vista was out there, but it was trash so there weren't many people who upgraded. So all our school computers ran Windows XP. In my typing class, you had to have your own flash drive. If you couldn't afford that, then you could go cheaper and buy a pack of floppy disks because they were going obsolete and nobody used them anymore, but our computers had floppy drives and a pack of like 10 of them cost only a few bucks.
     
    I put some money together and bought a flash drive. It was a Lexar 512 MB flash drive. It cost me $15. Remember when I said a per gigabyte basis back up there? That flash drive cost me $30 per gigabyte. That SD card I just bought. 64 gigabytes for $30? On a per gigabyte basis, that SD card cost me 47 cents! Looking at that old flash drive, it's more expensive, on a per gigabyte basis, than most solid state drives these days. And it only held, like, 100 songs.
     
    Everyone these days takes their technology for granted. They only consume. They don't take a moment to appreciate exactly how many years of research went into the development of their cell phones. You guys, these were things that trekkies were being beat up for when they would pretend these things would exist in the future. And now the same kind of people who would have beat up the trekkies anywhere from 15 to 40 years ago use the exact devices that they dreamt would exist some day in the future.
     
    When you think about it, it's amazing to see how far we've come. I recently got into using records to listen to music from time to time. One side of a record will play about 20 minutes of music, and a 33 RPM record is bigger than a dinner plate. These days, we have SD cards no bigger than your pinkie nail that will store 1,140 hours of MP3 files. I did the math. It's 47½ days. You could play all that music from the top and never repeat a song for over 2½ months.
     
    It's amazing to think that most laptops you bought at the store when I was a kid only held 40 gigabytes. Kids these days grow up with PS3 and XBOX 360. I grew up with an old school Nintendo. When I was a kid, I learned the art of blowing in a ROM cartridge to make it work right.
     
    So before you take that amazing device you call your cell phone for granted, take a moment to appreciate exactly how far we've come. Because my first phone was a flip phone that didn't have an outside screen, so when you opened it to see who it was, you answered the call...yeah that was annoying. I can remember when every rich kid carried around one of those old school Moto RAZRs with the annoying "Hello Moto" ringtone! So yeah. Your cell phone is an amazing piece of human advancement. Don't take it for granted because one day when cell phones will outperform today's high-end desktops, you'll be feeling about the same way I (and most tech people my age and older) feel today.
  18. lomk
    Another vent blog entry? Yes. Another vent blog entry.
     
    In case you don’t know, I take school pretty seriously. Sure, I don’t give it as much effort as it deserves, but I do care a lot about my grades. I have some pretty high standards when it comes to my grades. It’s not a straight A standard, but my GPA is 3.63, and I’m not even happy with that when I’m sure other students would almost kill to have my GPA.
     
    When you get to college, your idea of school may change. Maybe it’s because college is generally tougher than high school. Maybe it’s because there’s more prestige in doing well in college compared to doing well in high school. Or maybe it’s because flunking out of college can mean you lose thousands of dollars, be those dollars you earned yourself or dollars that you won in scholarships. For me, it’s because I like to do things and do them well. I don’t like mediocrity, especially knowing I can do better than that. I know I’ve got the capabilities to be a good student. Maybe that’s why my pony personality results say I’m most like Twilight. Because I genuinely care about my grades.
     
    Today I took a final. It was in Auditing I. In a nutshell, the test was pretty brutal. That wasn’t what disappointed me.
     
    I studied for that test for about 15 hours over the last few days. That’s the second longest amount of time I’ve ever put into studying for an exam. The most being 48 (almost) consecutive hours because I needed to ace the final in order to make a B in the class. But I only needed a 64 on this final to make a B. I needed a 104 to get an A so that was out of reach. But 64 was definitely doable. So I spent at least 15 hours studying for this exam over the last couple days.
     
    I’m not sure I even did that well.
     
    My mom is about the equivalent of a white Asian parent. She takes good grades pretty seriously. A stands for “Alright…we expected that of you.” B means “Bad.” C means “Crucify.” D means “Death.” And F means “You’re f**ked now.” Okay, maybe that’s a stretch. But she’s always expected me to make straight-A’s and I never have. I’ve always had at least one B. It never upset her that much but she always tells me I can do better. I beg to differ, but there’s no convincing her.
     
    Anyway, today has genuinely sucked. There aren’t many feelings that are as great as doing well on a tough exam. But the feeling of working hard and that not being good enough is twice as awful as the former is great.
     
    I’d love to just crawl in a hole for the weekend…
  19. lomk

    2014: Year of the Beard

    By lomk,

    it's been about 2½ or 3 weeks or so since I last shaved. And here I am looking like a total scuzball because my hair was kinda nappy and greasy
     

     
    So I got the idea to make a video project where I take a picture a day for the entire year of 2014, but I can't shave all year. On December 31, I'm going to shave my face, and from January 1, 2014 through January 1, 2015, the razor will not touch my face. I'll take one picture a day and at the end of the year, I'll mash them all together in a single video that shows the growth of my beard over the entire year.
     
    This will only be an attempt. I'd love to be able to do this, but I have some things that may get in the way. First, there's my family. They don't really like beards at all. My mom says I look like a hobo when I don't shave. She won't want me looking like a hobo for Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and all the other holidays where we get the family together. And all the birthdays. More importantly than that, I'm going to be going to grad school next year so having a beard may lower my chances of getting an internship. I don't know if they can do that...anyway, there's that and a few other things I can't come up with off the top of my head.
     
    Anyway, I hope that this can actually become a reality. I'd love to do this video project. It really has no point other than just doing something that takes longer than a week or two. So, if this happens, I hope all the itching and whatnot is worth it
     
    What do y'all think?
  20. lomk
    A couple years ago, I started getting into making music in Mario Paint Composer using the original soundfont because I liked it best. Besides, the reason I looked up stuff made in MPC was to hear music in that sort of 16-bit sound. Anyway, I only made two, and here they are:
     
    1979 by the Smashing Pumpkins


     
    And the James Bond theme song


     
    I've been thinking about this for a while and I really want to make one for Tears Don't Fall. I got started on it but when my old computer's hard drive failed, and after I had spent about 15 hours or so on the song, and I lost everything, I gave up on it.
     
    So if I get started on it again, I'm gonna be starting from scratch again. Been thinking about this but I think I'm actually gonna get back into it.
  21. lomk
    Pretty recently, I found Adam Buckley on YouTube, and I think most of his stuff is pretty funny or agreeable. Even in his less than funny rants, he tends to make a lot of good, intelligent points to certain things while not giving a fuck in the least. That’s what I like most about him. He just doesn’t care. Adam Buckley is about as apathetic as they come, and he makes it pretty clear in some of his videos.
     
    So I became a kind of fan of his and I’ve been listening to a lot of his stuff because I haven’t got a whole lot better to do with my life anyway. I found out that he offered his two cents on bronies. Now, I was intrigued by this. I didn’t know what he was going to say, but, having seen some of his other stuff, I knew he either wouldn’t care or he would offer some valid points one way or another.
     
    After listening to his rant on bronies, it’s pretty clear he isn’t a brony, he has no interest in it, and one might go as far as to say he’s against it. So I wanted to take a little bit to write my opinion on his opinion. And I know he’ll never see this, and if he does, he wouldn’t give a rat’s ass, but I’m going to throw this out there anyway in case others have heard it and they care to see what other people think about it.
     
    Basically, he starts with the fact that different people like different things and he gets that and respects that, but he doesn’t understand why guys in their 20s like MLP because its premise is just so girly. Fair enough. He goes on to say that lots of people judge the show without ever watching a single episode with an open mind and the intent to try and wrap their minds around it. He says he picked S3 E12: Games Ponies Play and gives his version of it. He didn’t particularly enjoy it because the plot was obvious from the get go, the jokes were pony related puns, and Pinkie’s ADHD. He continues that he doesn’t understand the fandom because it doesn’t even have any redeeming qualities for young girls because they go to Shining Armor for help, comparing it to girls who run to men thinking that will solve all their problems. Then he compares us to beliebers and directioneers. Then he talks about cloppers and how that when we participate in a fandom, we’re “partially responsible for what goes on in it,” telling us to ban cloppers from forums and message boards.
     
    So I wanted to pick this apart because there are some points with which I agree and some points that where I think he could be better educated.
     
    On the first part, where he says, “It couldn’t get more fucking girly if each episode taught you how to braid your hair and do your friend’s nails,” I actually completely agree with this. This show is girly. It’s very girly. But look at what the show came from: a toy line designed to be cute to sell to little girls. When have cute ponies ever been considered masculine like Terminator? Never. At least, not in my memory. Maybe there was a time when ponies were the most badass beast on the planet, and they’d make the Arnold Schwarzenegger shit himself, but if there were ever such a time, I haven’t read about it and I don’t remember it.
     
    Next, about people who judge the show prior to watching an episode and having watched an episode himself, I’d like to take a minute to say that even though he’s not a supporter, I have some respect for him for this. There are so many people out there who judge the show just because it’s girly. But I don’t know many people who have done this except my brother. And he watched an episode and he said it wasn’t exactly his thing. He didn’t hate me for it. I’m not any less his brother. His tastes are just different from mine like they always have been. Moving on.
     
    This is what I feel ruined it for me: the episode he picked. Okay, Season 3 had some good ones, but it was mostly subpar in my opinion and I think there are a lot of people who will agree with me on this. As a whole, Season 3 felt rushed. It started off blandly. The openers just weren’t all that good. Out of the 13 episodes in Season 3, I think there are only four that I legitimately enjoyed: Too Many Pinkie Pies, Magic Duel, Sleepless in Ponyville, and Keep Calm and Flutter On. The openers were bland, I couldn’t ever bring myself to relate to Babs Seed, Spike episodes aren’t really all that good, and we never learned anything about Applejack’s parents, although baby Applejack was freaking adorable. Regardless, I’m getting off topic here. What I mean to get at is that Adam picked a pretty terrible episode off of which to judge the whole series. Did he know it wasn’t one of the more popular episodes? No. But he could have done some research instead of just reaching in a hat and pulling out any episode. Now, sure, if the production quality is high, then every episode should be great, right? Well, yeah, but you’re always going to have those that just don’t meet your expectations. In any case, he should have picked something a little better to go off of. My recommendation? The Season 2 openers.
     
    Next: the plots in the episodes. A lot of bronies will argue that the plots are well thought, excellently executed, and very deep overall. I actually don’t agree with this so much. Actually, I had to side with Adam on this point. The plots are very predictable. They always have been. It doesn’t take a whole ton of foreshadowing to tell what’s going to happen in the show, but one must understand that the plots have to be good enough to keep adults into the show while staying simple enough to keep their target audience. And let’s face it. Even though we’re extra dollars going into Hasbro that they didn’t see coming from this show, the show’s target audience still is, and always has been, preteen girls. You guys, we’re just not getting away from that fact. So the plots have to stay simple. Especially given that the show has a 30 minute runtime and they’re not continuous story arcs like you see a lot in anime. So unless it’s a multi-part episode, the plot can’t really get extremely deep.
     
    Concerning the jokes, Season 3, like I said earlier, was lackluster for me. Again, I only enjoyed 4 of the 13 episodes. That’s only 31%. Compared to the 17/26 I enjoyed in Season 2 (65%) and the 22/26 (85%) in Season 1, then yes, Season 3 really wasn’t all that good in my opinion. As for pony related puns, that’s just a long standing tradition the show has. Is it funny? Not like it used to be. But it’s not like they can just change it because there’d be a lot of people mad that these would be gone. I personally wouldn’t care. As for Pinkie Pie’s ADHD, that’s just how she is. Some people love her for it and others hate her for it.
     
    Continuing, he talks about how Twilight goes to Shining Armor when she’s in over her head. He laughs at it because “they couldn’t have gone with a less subtle name unless they called him Man Pony That Saves Little Girls From Their Own Mistakes.” I just kinda shake this off as invalid since he doesn’t know about Shining Armor’s previous appearance or backstory. Arguing against this is pointless until he figures out that Shining Armor’s character isn’t what his name necessarily means in this episode. Sure, they turn to him for help, but his name comes from his position as an extremely high rank in the pony army. To Celestia, Shining Armor is one of her four-star generals.
     
    As for beliebers and directioneers…I’m not even going to go here. Yes, it’s very easy to compare us to them. But I’m not one to go out wearing a pony shirt in public or ask everyone I see if they like ponies. I’d like to go to a convention, but I don’t think I’d cosplay. At least, not the first time I go.
     
    Finally, I’m going to address cloppers. I can only bring myself to halfway agree with the statement that we’re responsible for what goes on in the fandom. Honestly, concerning the origins of clop, I like to think it was a bunch of trolls who wanted to destroy the innocence of the show so they made clop material. And it caught on with a few folks in the fandom. I think most forums actually do ban users who post R34 material. I know this one doesn’t tolerate it. Besides, if you want clop material, it doesn’t take long to find it on Derpiboo. You don’t even have to search for it. I’ve accidentally stumbled upon some clop stuff and I really didn’t like what I saw, but R34 leaves no exceptions. Except Dora…because that’d be illegal. I did an essay on child pornography for a computer forensics class I took last semester and drawings of child porno are just as illegal (and just as immoral) as photographs and videos. But I’m getting off topic again. Rule 34 leaves no exceptions. And a lot of people will justify clop by saying that the ponies are so much like humans in the fact that they have society and government, different personalities, facial expression, etcetera…whatever. Look, they’re anthromorphic ponies. They show a lot of human traits. But I just can’t use that to justify clopping and it keeps a lot of people from becoming fans because they don’t want to be associated with that. At the same time I just can’t agree that we’re responsible for the actions of other members of the fandom. This is the internet. It’s difficult to monitor and control the actions of others here. Remember this?
     

     
    Anyway, I’ve ranted myself for long enough. Adam says not to be pissed when people make fun of us and judge us for the show because that’s how people react to things they don’t understand. I agree with this. It’s why things like homosexuality are considered taboo. A lot of people just don’t understand it. It’s so different to them that their very first reaction to it is to condemn it as weird and even hate it. Anyway I’m gonna shut up now. Hope you enjoyed reading my rant that was 2½ pages in Word. I'm gonna get off my soapbox now.
  22. lomk
    It seems like I've always been like this. I am one of the worst people in the world when it comes to making new friends. I'm awful at holding conversations and I'm socially awkward. These aren't things I was told by a counselor. They're just things I've noticed about myself as I've gotten older.
     
    My whole life, I always had a small circle of friends. It's not that I don't like making new friends. And I generally don't want to exclude someone from my conversation. I just can't approach someone and strike up a conversation for one reason: I'm terrified of other people.
     
    When I was young, I was always told by my mother not to talk to strangers or take things from them. Stuff like that. In a nutshell, she basically told me to trust no one. My earliest memory of being told that go back as far as being, maybe, seven years old, but I'm sure she told me that much sooner. And it's a mindset I've carried into adulthood. The notion of walking up to someone and sparking a conversation with them is about one of the scariest ideas I could have. So as I got older, I just didn't talk to people. I was never shy, but I have an extreme lack of confidence.
     
    I actually had so little confidence at one point that I started to hate myself. I would tell myself things like I'm the sorriest piece of garbage there is, that I'm a loser, that nobody loves me. I spent a lot of nights crying myself to sleep because I felt like I wasn't worth being able to sleep comfortably. And it's not like I just got over that entirely. I still struggle with that kind of stuff today. Ergo, I can't talk to people.
     
    I wish I had more confidence. I've come a long way. I don't cry myself to sleep anymore. But even though it's been a couple years since I've felt that low, I still deal with these thoughts. It holds me back like you can't imagine. I don't have many friends. I can't hold a conversation with them because I feel like I'm using up their time or they don't want to talk to me because I'm just some weird guy. I stay in my shell.
     
    I just got this idea tonight because I don't feel good about myself right now. I spent a lot of time with my old friends but now I'm back at college. I don't have any friends up here. That's pretty sad considering I've been up here for a year and a half. I spend the majority of my day on my computer because I don't have to go meet someone face to face and come up with things to say on the spot. I can take my time in forming my thoughts on here. But in real life, I feel like I'm going to say something stupid or take up their time. And it feels awful. I'm so lonely sometimes.
     
    Just needed to vent that.
     
    I need a hug
  23. lomk
    I spent the last few hours typing this from scratch. It's a rough draft and I plan to go through a few edits before I'm done with him.
     
    It's only taken my a year and a half to do this
     
    Anyway it starts now
     
    Stargazer – Male – 20 years old – Pegasus
     
    APPREARANCE
     
    Average build. Dark blue coat, dark brown mane with lighter brown highlights.
     
    CUTIE MARK
     
    A telescope pointed at a single star that symbolizes his love of astronomy.
     
    CHARACTER TRAITS
     
    Withdrawn – Not that this means he doesn’t like to make new friends. He loves to meet new ponies. However, you’ll rarely catch him making the first move.
     
    Humble – He doesn’t boast about the good things he’s done. While he does talk about his own accomplishments with pride, he’d sooner stay in the background than take the credit, especially when working in a team. He exaggerates this quality from time to time, and it blows the door open to let others take advantage of his caring nature.
     
    Team player – He’ll try his best to pull his share in the team.
     
    Thinker – He doesn’t talk often, but when he does, he talks a lot. This is because he tries not to say anything unless he feels it will add to the conversation or he might just be acting a little…
     
    Silly – He loves to have fun and goof off. He might even get a little hyper from time to time. However his hyperactivity makes his type of humor like playing roulette. It can either go well or it can go badly. He wants to make you laugh, but he can be exhausting or offensive.
     
    Oblivious – His social skills are subpar and he has an especially difficult time reading others. He may offend someone and be none the wiser.
     
    Well-meaning – Even if he does hurt your feelings, he means well. There is never malicious intent
     
    People-pleaser – However, everything he does is for the benefit of another. He is risk-averse and avoids conflict. His biggest fear is that he would become a burden to another.
     
     
     
    BACKSTORY
     
    Stargazer was born to two Pegasi in Cloudsdale.
     
    His father was a skilled carpenter and mechanic. Often he would be hired for jobs that required great skill and paid well enough to keep the family going. He also loved to work on machines, and could make a broken machine run like new given the time and tools. However, he was abusive and violent, often berating Stargazer for things beyond his control. When Stargazer was 15 years old, his father left the family.
     
    His mother is a fog artist. Her art is very temporary and must always be completed with quickness. Her fog sculptures were highly regarded by her friends and family. However, because she could not leave Stargazer’s father and pursue her own dreams of having her works photographed and featured in a gallery, she never amounted to anything more than a star among the people who knew her. After Stargazer’s father left the family, she became depressed and withdrawn, seldom showing her face.
     
    Stargazer did everything in his power to help create some kind of peace...some kind of order…but all was in vain.
     
    Mere months after Stargazer was born, his father lost his job after he was caught with contraband. The family relocated to Trottingham. His father was always on the run from the law, and the family always got dragged wherever he went to stay under the radar. He has lived in Cloudsdale, Trottingham, Appleoosa, Detrot, Tramplevania, Fillydelphia, and even Marelin, Germaneigh. Due to the constant moving around, Stargazer hardly made friends in school. When he was 14, the family moved back to Trottingham, where he stayed after his father left.
     
    In all this time, Stargazer had never earned his cutie mark for he was never given the chance to come into his own. He knew that when he was a colt, he enjoyed looking at the night sky. It helped him to get lost in his thoughts and to escape from reality. Maybe explore some distant planet. He wished upon every star every night that things would get better. He called to the stars…none of them answered. He wasn’t sure what was happening. If they heard him and were waiting for the right time or if they even existed at all.
     
    Three weeks before his 18th birthday, Stargazer determined he had a choice: Stay with his mother and continue being dragged down by her depression or get away from it all and give the world a chance. He chose the latter. It was the first time he had ever made a choice for himself.
     
    Stargazer hit rock bottom shortly before he turned 19. Having been on his own for a year, he had no job, no life, nothing. He felt empty and unfulfilled. But most of all, he didn’t feel anything…he just felt. Being young and reckless, he set off toward Ponyville, knowing the Everfree Forest wasn’t far from there. He had no way to get there except to hoof it so he set off walking. He had no money so the only food he had was the grasses that grew on the side of the road. It wasn’t the greatest food, but it was food and that’s what mattered. What was he going to do in the forest? He wasn’t sure. What would happen to him? He didn’t care anymore. He knew one of two possibilities would occur: he would either come out knowing something about himself or he wouldn’t come out at all. And at this point, he was fine with either.
     
    After walking for 12 days, he finally arrived in Ponyville. He didn’t stop to say hi to anypony. He went straight for the forest. As he was about to enter, he was stopped by a yellow Pegasus with pink mane. She flew over from a small cottage in a tree not far from the entrance. She was obviously very uncomfortable talking to someone she’d never met, but she explained that it was the Everfree Forest; it’s dangerous to go alone. “Normally I don’t talk to other ponies I don’t know,” she explained, “but I thought you were going to go in there willingly and didn’t know of the danger. I couldn’t sit idly by and let such a terrible thing happen.”
     
    “I know what the Everfree Forest is. And I’m going in there of my own volition. Please…don’t worry about me.”
     
    “Oh…okay. Please be careful…we’ve had problems with a cockatrice in there…Just a few weeks ago a dear friend of mine was turned to stone…”
     
    “It’s fine. I’ll be fine.”
     
    Alone he went into the forest. All was peaceful. He just kept walking. He’d already walked all the way here so what difference did it make to walk a couple hours? He walked until he came upon a sight to behold: Celestia and Luna’s castle. He’d read about it, but never had he seen it himself. It was a magnificent ruin and he loved it for he loved to dabble a bit in history from time to time. He determined to explore the castle.
     
    Exploring the castle, he lost track of time. How long had it been? A couple minutes? A couple hours? A couple days? He wasn’t sure.
     
    He found himself walking up a spiral staircase that seemed to go on forever. He passed by an opening that led to a walkway and kept walking up. As he continued, however, the staircase came to a sudden halt. What lay above the staircase was a starry cosmic ceiling. The rest of the tower long since fallen. He turned around and descended to the opening in the tower. Crossing the walkway to another tower, he climbed to the top of this one. This tower too had a staircase that ended with the night sky as its ceiling; however, it was still standing firm. Looking around, there was a table on the far side with nothing but a telescope upon it. It was the only thing atop this tower. He knew what a telescope was, but had never seen one himself. It was magnificent.
     
    He held the eyepiece up and couldn’t see anything out of it. How long had that telescope been here? He had no clue, but it must have been there for hundreds of years. But he was too sleepy to care. Stargazer put the telescope back on the table and fell asleep. Considering he was lying on the cold hard stone floor of that tower top, he was more comfortable than he had ever been. His eyes became heavy as he counted the stars in the sky and drifted asleep.
     
    Stargazer was lying in a field, all alone. The night was clear and a light breeze brushed over the grassy meadow. A voice from behind him said, “Thou looketh not, and thou seeth not.” Stargazer turned round and saw an elderly bearded pony donning a starry cape and a starry pointed hat decorated with bells. “It’s Starswirl the Bearded!” he thought. “But how could this be? It’s a time long after his!” Then the voice of Princess Luna echoed, “I used to study the stars with Starswirl. The night is a beautiful thing and many ponies take it for granted. It is one of many reasons I felt so alienated in the past.” There was a pause as she turned her head and looked at the sky for a moment then back to him. “You have been through much, young colt. Do not lose hope, for your hope is what drives you and your hope will be what sets you free.”
     
    He awoke. It was still night. Or was it the next night? Had he slept through the entire day and not known of it? Stargazer returned to the telescope on the table. This time, there was a cloth next to it. Odd…that hadn’t been there last night...No matter. He took the rag and polished the lenses and the metal of that telescope to a high mirror shine. He then plucked one of his own feathers and used it to clean out the crevices where the lenses met the metal and other fine cleaning the telescope required. If it was beautiful before, it was impeccable now. Stargazer held the eyepiece up.
     
    He could see everything! Planets, moons, stars, galaxies…nothing was hidden from him!
     
    “Astronomy is an art long lost in the world of Equestria.” Princess Luna descended to the tower. “It is only studied by very few. Those who pursue usually don’t get very far. Yet none so far have ventured to this castle. To look this deep in it and find the artifact that taught me to raise and lower the moon with such care and precision. I need it no longer as I can perform this task asleep. I bestow it upon you, Stargazer. You’ll never need it for what I needed it for, but I know it will be useful for you.” She hugged him and told him not to hurt anymore. And Stargazer fell asleep.
     
    He awoke the next afternoon at that yellow and pink Pegasus’ house. What was her name? He never took the chance to get it…
     
    “I’m Fluttershy, by the way. I tried my best not to worry about you, but when I found you in front of my door this morning I had no choice but to help you.”
     
    A tear welled up, but he fought it. “And I’m Stargazer. Thank you so much, Fluttershy, but I have no way to pay you for your kindness and hospitalit—“
     
    “You don’t need to do that. I’m happy to help. By the way, I’ve never seen a cutie mark like that before. What’s it mean?”
     
    “Cutie mark?” Stargazer turned round and saw it for the first time…It was a telescope and a single star. “I think it means I know what I have to do.”
     
    Stargazer’s cutie mark is a sign of his passion for the art and science of Astronomy. His dream is to be a pioneer in the field, and to expand what little knowledge there is about outer space in Equestria. His ultimate goal is to build an observatory and a museum dedicated to the stars and displaying the works of Princess Luna and Starswirl. Finding those works will mean going back to the forest and searching the castle for any remnants of their work, but he determined it was a risk associated with the passion, and if he were to lose his life, at least he would lose it doing what he loves.
     
    Today, Stargazer lives in Cloudsdale again. He deemed it the best place to use his telescope because Cloudsdale is least affected by cloudy or stormy weather. He spends his days searching the castle and his nights studying the night sky.
     
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Keep in mind, now, that this is only a rough draft and I'm debating whether I should use canon characters in my backstory. I'm thinking if I do, I'm going to have to find ways to keep them from diverging from actual canon and forming their dialogues to be as canon as possible (except Starswirl as he doesn't have an actual appearance in FiM).
     
    Anyway, tell me what you think! I'd love to hear ways I can improve him!!
  24. lomk
    Okay, guys. I’m starting a blog where I write out the weird dreams I might have from time to time. I won’t be writing here every day because I don’t always write my dreams down. Note that for literary purposes or JUST BECAUSE IT’S MY DREAM AND I WANT TO ADD A FEW DESCRIPTIVE DETAILS HERE AND THERE, what you see will not be what I originally noted. Because you forget dreams quickly. When I write my first draft, I have only the most important details, which are mostly just events. When I go back, I will then create the environment, while trying my best to stay true to the integrity of my dreams. Finally, be aware that any names I mention in these will have been changed from the names I know in real life to protect the identities of the people I know IRL. That said, let’s get this going.
     
    HEADS UP: My dreams might have some language in them. Mostly English. You might also see some swearing in here. Viewer discretion is advised.
     
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    The bitter wind cuts straight through my coat. It was almost as though I wasn’t wearing one. At least I had the sun hitting my back, keeping it some kind of warm. I had to go to this other town. For some reason, I wasn’t driving my car. The total trip would have been about 30 or so miles walking. Why was I doing it? I don’t know. I don’t know what compelled me to go for such a demanding walk, but I did it anyway. About halfway into the walk, I pull out my trusty map to make sure I’m headed the right way. I’m making great progress, but the wind kicks up and I lose my map. Great.
     
    I forge on.
     
    Eventually I get lost and I cannot figure out where I am. I stumbled upon this house. It wasn’t a very nice house. It was tucked away in a wooded area in the countryside. There were children’s toys scattered throughout the yard. Off to the left was a barn with some rusted cars sitting outside. I thought this was where I was supposed to go. Like this is where I was walking. I don’t remember why I was even going to a house in the first place, but I just walked right in without knocking. Perhaps I was told to do that? I removed my coat and hung it on a hook. Then I sat at the kitchen table. And waited.
     
    Suddenly I felt a sting on my back. Like blunt force caused by a small object. I try to determine the source when I feel it again. After a few minutes of searching, I found this little kid (maybe 7 years old) with a pellet gun. It hurt like hell, and I figured that if someone wanted me there, they wouldn’t leave their kids there or even have kids at a place like this in the first place. It was pretty much a shack! I get up to retrieve my coat, but it’s gone. It turns out another little kid (who may be a couple years older) has it and is running away with it. I’m scrambling about trying to get my coat from Little Shit 2 while trying not to get shot by Little Shit 1.
     
    After a couple minutes of tumbling around, my brother Grant walks in. Now Grant never came with me. As far as I knew, he was at home. And I was quite a way out. I had been walking a long time. So why he was there left me confused. But I wasn’t complaining because we did get my coat back.
     
    We walk away from the house toward my brother’s car. I told him that I didn’t think anyone was home. I was right….kind of. As we’re walking down the road, an Audi is driving toward us. We get on opposite sides of the road. The car stops in between us, and the rear windows roll down. There is a Hispanic man in the backseat. He is wearing a nice suit and smoking a cigar.
     
    “What are you doing at my house?...Last time I checked, this wasn’t your house. This was mine…now…You’re being very disrespectful by being at my house without my permission. And I have kids, hermano. That worries me. Now…please enlighten me…why are you at my house?”
     
    Then he tells me to walk behind the car to the other side. When I do, it starts backing up. Fast. I reacted quickly and jumped out of the way. He laughs, “There you go…doing this shit again…coward.” It must have pissed him off, but he didn’t get time to start yelling at me because a bunch of men were walking toward us carrying a variety of melee weapons. Axes, baseball bats (some with nails driven through them)…I thought I was going to die so I blurted out, “Oh God…we are so dead…”
     
    The man in the car said, “No. Not yet, anyway. These fuckers kidnapped me once.” Maybe they were a rival gang?
     
    Grant and I looked at him and shrugged our shoulders. “Oh. Okay then.”
     
    The man gets out of the car and starts shooting the other men. They had evidently not considered this man having a gun because they started rushing him with their melee weapons.
     
    However, Grant and I didn’t stay around for the action. We used the opportunity while he was distracted to run away.
     
    And that’s when I woke up.
  25. lomk
    I can’t sleep tonight. I just have a lot on my mind. Primarily, I miss my friend. It’s kinda complicated but it goes a little something like this.
     
    A few years ago, I meet this girl in New Mexico. We didn’t get the opportunity to talk much but we added each other on Facebook. About a couple months later, we start chatting and it turns out we have a lot in common. So we hit it off as pretty good friends for a while. Then about a year later, we fall out of touch. I try to talk to her but my texts and phone calls go unanswered. We drift. I was pretty upset about that. She was one of my best friends. I didn’t know why she wouldn’t talk to me. I thought I had done something wrong. But I just chalk it up as another failed attempt at keeping someone in my life and move on with my lonely self.
     
    So sometime in January, she finally says hi to me. I was reserved toward her first. I didn’t want to end up getting close again just to fall back out of touch. You see, when I lose a friend…well I don’t losing friends. The emotional toll it takes on me…I just can’t put it in words. I don’t have a large group of friends so each and every one of my closest friends are some of the most special people in my life and I love them like family. On the flip side of the coin, I have trust issues that stem from being physically and verbally assaulted throughout my entire childhood. If you earn my trust that’s a big deal. If you break it, you just can’t imagine the kind of pain it causes me. It hurts more than you think.
     
    So of course I’m scared to talk to her again. I don’t want to fall out of touch. She didn’t stab me in the back. She just quit talking. So I was kinda excited to hear back (finally…after about two years) but at the same time I was nervous. For the first few months I didn’t really say much. Then she invited me to do something. I thought about it carefully for about four or five hours, weighing out every possible outcome I could think of. I came to a point where I didn’t know what to do. So I just decided to go with it.
     
    So we get caught up. The reason we fell out of touch was that she was going through a rough patch in her life and she didn’t really talk to anyone during those couple of years. Understandable but I really wish she would have said something to me. We talk that afternoon. A lot. It only took me one afternoon. I decided I was going to try to date her.
     
    Now I pause again...I had just finished my undergrad program. I was ready to try it again. I hadn’t dated in 4 years. I wanted to try it again. So after we finish at the science museum (because it was her sister’s birthday) I ask her out to the movies. She was gonna get her own ticket, but I made sure I was first in line so I could buy both of them, but I did it in a way that didn’t totally give it away. It left her room to question what was going on.
     
    So I see her for a couple months before I finally just get it out. She admits that she has feelings for me too. Jackpot! And I was happy again. I thought I actually had hope of a love life.
     
    I was wrong.
     
    So we start dating. She was actually awesome despite constantly talking about how much she sucked as a girlfriend. Of course, any girl who will voluntarily pay for dinner from time to time is awesome in my book. I’m a strong supporter of equal rights. I’m also a strong supporter of equal pay. And equal responsibilities. If I buy you dinner, I don’t expect you to get me back next time but if you do, that goes miles with me.
     
    And then we spend the whole 4th of July weekend together. This is where it starts to go downhill. We kissed a few times. No naughty business though. That’s not the way I roll. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I didn’t think “Man I would like to see my girlfriend naked” a lot. Because I did. But I have standards and so does she. No naughty business without being married. And we were a long way from that. So the 4th of July comes and goes and it was probably the best weekend of my life. Little did I know that was the turning point in our relationship.
     
    So things start to slow down between us. I would try to say hi to her after I knew she was off work and I wouldn’t get anything back for a few hours. It was odd. It wasn’t like her to just ignore me. But she does have a tough job so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. And her summer was pretty busy. So I just chalked it up to busy work life. But it doesn’t get any better and I start getting tired of being pushed aside so much. I mean…I had felt that way. Like I was being ignored. And I would get really upset with that from time to time. But I just told myself she’s busy and I’m overreacting. But it finally did come to a point where I was tired of it. I was tired of being ignored by someone I loved. So I started contemplating a breakup.
     
    But I didn’t know if she was going to be ready for it. So I waited a few weeks. I had decided that if she hadn’t done it by mid-September, I was going to dump her. I’d had enough of the being ignored. I was done.
     
    It was the first weekend in September. She calls and says we need to talk. So we meet at a Starbucks and we break up. Amicably, of course, since we had both wanted to get out. I ended up being funny to try to lighten the mood by making some stupid joke about friendzone prison and how the frienzone police were cuffing me…I just wanted to let her know that I had forgiven her and I hoped we could be friends thereafter. And even if I was hurt, I would be okay in time.
     
    That doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. The week after was pretty dark. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want to see anyone. I couldn’t believe it. I’d been duped. After all those times chalking it up to her busy life…she had just been ignoring me?! What the fuck did I do to deserve that? I poured my heart and soul into it. I wanted us to go places…and I legitimately ignored….But the week does move on and I come to terms with it and now I’m a cynical asshole again when it comes to dating. I was right to be cynical.
     
    I mean…I get tired of waiting…but when I get tired of waiting and I decide to actually do something…I get reminded of why I’m tired of trying. There isn’t anyone out there. Not for a weird nerd like me. That’s fine. I can deal with that. I’d hate it if I die without ever knowing what having a family is like but if that’s how my life is supposed to play out, I’ve accepted that fate.
     
    So after my week is over and I come to term with it and I’m not hurt over the breakup anymore, I initiate a conversation with her. We talk about life, jobs, school, etc. I was actually pretty excited to have a friend again. I hoped it would make things simpler.
     
    Was I wrong again or what?!
     
    She just doesn’t say anything. And here’s what bothers me most: she even said she wanted to remain friends. That she still thought I was cool but just didn’t want to have a romantic relationship with me. At least, not right now. I was fine with that. I’m over that. What’s got me bummed is that I was told we could be friends again. I, unlike many people, am able to pull that off. I know when I’ve had my chance and it didn’t work out. But I can still have a connection with people and keep it completely platonic post-breakup. So I was excited to just have my best friend back.
     
    Nope.
     
    She doesn’t say anything. If she was at all interested in maintaining a friendship with me, she’d say hi periodically. I wouldn’t be the one trying to establish a connection with an old friend.
     
    So this is it I guess.
     
    I just don’t know that I can trust her anymore. I don’t know that my heart can take being cast aside like that again. I don’t know that I could bear to be treated like this anymore. I miss my friend. That’s all I want. I just want my friend.
     
    So I’ve decided that this week I’m going to try to tell her how I feel: bummed. I feel awful that we don’t talk anymore and that she never says hi. Like she tells me that I did nothing wrong and that we can still be friends…yet she doesn’t even sneeze in my general direction. What did I do to deserve that? If you don't want to be my friend anymore, just tell me. But don't lie to me. That's just low...
     
    So...
     
    If she talks, there may be hope. If she doesn’t, then I’m calling it dead. If she tries to talk to me again after the fact, I’ll probably give her a piece of my mind. But I’m sick of being ignored. The buck stops here.
     
    Maybe I’m just too forgiving.
     
    I don’t know…
×
×
  • Create New...