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You get to a point when depression is less whiny. You just lie there feeling dead in a "I am not impressed way" that doesn't really show your lack of hope and happiness. I realized last night that I really might be a psychopath who holds back. I really am not a good man.
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I never stopped. I just never realised how close I came to doing it and how young I was. I hated them so much (cliché alert, they bullied me). I used a rubber bin lid to smash his head against a wall. While he was screaming, I thought I should do something else, but I was dragged away by a teacher.
I really am a nice and empathic man (I work as a carer and take my job and responsibilities seriously), but the thoughts of my enemies suffering makes me smile.