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Kyoshi Frost Wolf

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  1. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    There is something I have been meaning to say but as per my weirdness, I have struggled with wording it. So I am giving it a shot now. I friggin' hate shots by the way.
     
    ANYWAY, I will admit something, I am not the best of friends out there, I know I am not. I am not always completely reliable and I have many struggles within my mind at times which makes concentrating on certain things rather difficult. Like how if someone sends me a message, I sometimes may not get to responding within that same day or even a couple of days even. That isn't exactly preferred, but my mind gets so scattered and things get lost in the clutter. Think of my brain as a really weird rubbish bin. Now throw some fire crackers in it. And some sugar, why not.
     
    What I am meaning to say is this...I appreciate all of my friends. All of you. You all are some of the only friends I have left and I want to make sure I show my appreciation, specifically. Sometimes, one must take a step back and give appreciation to what good they have and friendship is one I never want to let slip through the cracks.
     
    If I take a long time to respond to a message that you have sent, I do apologize, but know that I am not ignoring you. I never want to do that. It probably is just me being super scattered as my thoughts go everywhere. I don't mean anything bad by it. The same goes for my depressive outbursts, usually seen in statuses if I have those. I don't mean any harm by those, if I ever worried anyone or brought anyone down with those, I deeply am sorry about that too.
     
    I don't know if I am being too sappy or weirdly wording things, but it is just something I wanted to tell you all. That friendship matters to me, deeply and you all matter to me. It is something many of you may already know but I feel like setting it in a blog. I think I made a blog like this a long time ago actually, but I want to keep the thought burning in my mind.
     
    Thank you for reading if you made it this far, with my weirdly worded bloggy stuff, it can be difficult to survive. Really though, thank you for reading. I hope I can be a good friend, even if at times I know I am not a great one.
  2. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Hello and welcome to Turbo Highlights! Number secondly.
     
    Today, I will be sharing a song with you. A rather good song. I was browsing through Youtube a few days ago, trying to find a totally different song. I happened to click on this on randomly, not know what to expect. It definitely is done in a different style than the song I was looking for, but now I am so glad I listened to it.
     
    The song is called Du Bist Mehr, German for 'You are more', by Markus Siebert. Clearly this is a love song but the overall tone and sound of the song is so wonderful and quite uplifting. Even if I cannot understand 99% of it without a translation, it has a truly positive atmosphere that transcends language. That's the power of good music.
     
    So without further ado, here is Du Bist Mehr by Markus Siebert;
     
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gq2H6cYhTaE
     
     
    Thanks for checking out the second Turbo Highlights, I hope you enjoyed it.
  3. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Since I do do not plan on RPing, I decided to post my OC's information here to share with you all. I posted this in the database, but that really isn't sharing, since you cannot even comment on it. So here is. Kyoshi Lonehearted.

     
    Backstory: Prior to his transformation, Kyoshi was a very shy Pegasus from a village in the Frozen North. He was anti-social and had tons of anxiety issues. He seldom talked, except for his few friends in his village. He always worried about things and felt that he lacked any sort of purpose in life and was unhappy. Life scared him. He was afraid of heights, which he was at times teased for as a filly. Later, he just avoided social confrontation all together with those he did not know. He had no major family, so he often felt alone. It was when he could express his feelings to his few friends that he felt at least a little happiness. Even then he felt like a burden to his friends and everyone around him. At times, he even said that he hated himself. Eventually, he decided to leave his village. He told nopony about this, as he didn't see the importance, though did hope to return. He was desperate to find his purpose, his destiny, whatever that may be. He later arrives in Vanhoover. It is there where he obtains the mystical Alicorn Amulet from a very strange shop. From this point, his life will change forever.
     
    Cutie Mark: His Cute Mark is the Alicorn Amulet. He never earned his Cutie Mark, not even as an adult. While visiting Vanhoover, he ran into a merchant who said that he had something that could solve his 'lack of purpose' problems. He later tried it on, thinking it would do nothing, but instead it infused itself to his body, going where Cutie Mark should have been. This is why Kyoshi is now permanently an Alicorn.
     
    Personality: Due to the amulet and his transformation, his personality has gradually become more social, but also aggressive.As he socialized more and talked with other ponies, his original flaws gradually faded. He would stutter out of nervousness before, as he talked more, he started to stutter less, eventually none at all. He used to avoid social confrontation, then he started to seek it out. He was once very stressed and having constant anxiety, he later learned to suppress his emotions.
  4. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Greetings to you all! As some of you may know and most of you don't know, I once did gaming streams back in 2014 on a daily basis where I would stream different Xbox One games. It was really fun and I enjoyed it but I think I burnt myself out on it too quickly. Now, with one of my favorite games being on the One, that being Minecraft, I have decided that I should get back into streaming. So I have come up with a brand new series idea, called Turbocraft!
     




    Turbocraft is my idea for a weekly, interactive Minecraft stream, where every Friday I will stream Minecraft for the Xbox One for at least an hour or so. This would be done with a survival world. Now, notice I used the word 'interactive', that is because I want to make this series community involved! I want the chat and those watching to be able to be a part of this adventure by deciding many different things for me to do and to build. I want to eventually build up a community, not just simple 'viewers' and I want to show my appreciation to all that decided to participate.

    After the stream would end, I will start editing the video and upload it to my Youtube account, with many edits and highlights of the members of the community. I won't just simply use an idea that someone suggests and leave it at that, I will highlight whoever gives any suggestions that I use and I will also highlight members randomly if I happen to speak to them. I want this series to be community driven and I want all of you to be a part of the focus, not just me. Each episode every week will be uploaded in an episodic format.

    Now I will say that I am not the most exciting of Minecraft players. I play vanilla (of course) survival and I am not the best at building, but we can always see what happens. I may not be terribly exciting but I think I am rather chill and I have a great appreciation for the simple things in Minecraft. So why not hang out? I want this all to be community driven so the more the merrier.

    With all of this said and my bad wording aside, what do you all think? Does this sound like a good idea? I would love to hear your input to this. I also might stream random games throughout the week, but the Minecraft series will be the main focus.

    If I start this series, I may start it tomorrow, May 28th 2015, so I will try to get that going. This series will not be incredibly unique or over the top in any way, but I absolutely love hanging out with you all and this would be a wonderful way to do so I think.
  5. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, simply put, is nowhere near as good as everyone is raving about. While this game does have a lot of positive points and good amount of content, it has so many issues that pile on quickly and ruin a lot of the fun atmosphere this game is supposed to have. First and foremost are the horrendous spirits. This incredibly stupid addition replaces the trophies of past games and it is garbage. Rather than being about collecting things and it being fun in that sense, it is all about getting spirits for bonuses and stats. That's the main reason they are there, for numbers. Without overpowered spirits you stand no chance in the harder fights in the TERRIBLE spirit board, which hosts fights ranging in difficulty from brain dead easy to impossible without the right spirits. The spirit board is a disaster and usually throws any semblance of skill out the window and into a fire. The spirit board really feels like a really crappy free to play mobile game concept that was built for microtransactions, it just doesn't have the microtransactions. Even still, it is just a boring, endless grind and most of what is available to you is out of your control.
    The fighting is still as fun as ever, but there are obviously character balance problems and the A.I. is insanely inconsistent. One match they can barely put up a fight, the next it reacts to your every move and doesn't let you do anything, doing combos endlessly and destroying you and I have no idea why this is the case.
    This game also showcases just how lackluster the joy cons are. These being the default playing method of every Switch, it is sad to see them be so unfavorable in a game as intense as this. You basically have to pick up something else if you want full enjoyment and full enjoyment will only be obtained if you avoid the spirit modes like the plague that they are.
    Honestly, I am just disappointed. This game really can be fun at times, but the hideously inconsistent A.I. the terrible addition of spirits and this stupid meta game that nobody asked for, while the game is missing other old modes that were a better distraction than trying to get spirits all the time. Things like Classic Mode feel tacked on and half baked. Classic Mode does have some character specific boss battles, which would be cool if all of them weren't terrible except for Ganon. Haven't even touched the online, but I have heard that it is pretty terrible, so of course, Nintendo is simply fumbling in all the usual places. I've read opinions of others that this game really feels like it was made purely for tournament players and the casual fun has been diminished heavily and I highly agree with that statement. I am already getting sick of this game and I haven't even unlocked all the characters yet. I don't really have any friends to play this game locally with, so I have to rely on what is here for a solo experience and it is just never ending, bitter disappointment. I don't know why I bother with gaming anymore. I can't enjoy any of it these days.
     
     
    Oh wait I forgot everything Nintendo does is absolute perfection 10/10 best game ever
  6. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Music is a beautiful thing. Something I am reminded of rather often. There is always a song that reminds me of it. Then there is sometimes a song that I love but somehow forget about for a while but then was reminded of it thus being reminded of how beautiful music is at the same time! Double combo. In this case, it is A Distance There is by the gorup Theater of Tragedy, a beautiful song that is alos incredibly relaxing.


     

    So here is A Distance There Is by Theatre of Tragedy






  7. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Quick Review: Splatoon 2 (Nintendo Switch)
    This is a game that doesn't earn its praise, nor does it deserve it. While the base gameplay concept is fine and dandy, that is shooting ink everywhere and all that jazz, the actual PvP experience here is dreadful. You might think this game's whole point is ink spreading, but because of the maps and overall design, you will run into others constantly and the actual shooting mechanics show their true colors (pun?) within this combat. Aiming is horrible and twitchy. Using the analog stick feels so imprecise that any battle feels like a battle of pure luck, Considering you die within half a second anyways, that's what it all is, luck. There are also many weapon imbalances. Some weapons are terrible, while others are extremely overpowered. Weapons like the splatterscopes are far too slow for the whole objective, while weapons like the brushes and sloshers are so broken that it is hilarious, such as how when you attack with these weapons, the person you are attacking can barely see because ink is being splashed all over the place. Any other weapons, mostly they feel the same. Many automatic weapons feel very similar to each other and the only major difference is with sub weapons and specials. Again, some of those suck, others are stupidly overdone.
    I wouldn't mind all of this garbage if the overall game didn't feel so irritating in its execution. Losing makes you lose points on your weapons freshness, so this means that no matter how well you do, which I frequently outperform my team on the ink spreading objective, if your team sucks, then you will be punished for it. What if your internet has a hiccup for no reason out of nowhere and you disconnect for a split second, leaving the match? You get punished, losing freshness points further. Hell, what if Nintendo's own servers commit suicide and disconnect you even before a match fully starts??? YOU. GET. PUNISHED. Had that happen once. A match was loading and right when it shows the map itself, I got disconnected out of nowhere and there were zero problems on my network, so it was clearly Nintendo's problem and I lost freshness points. Awesome. Yay.
    The only other diversions are the completely pointless single player campaign that offers no real reward for anything and Salmon Run, a hugely overrated horde mode that features a tiny map and bosses as far as the eye can see. It is challenge in the worst possible way, throwing so much at you that there is no way to deal with it.
    Above everything else, the game just feels like a chore. Want to level up for more weapons? Eventually, and by that I mean really friggin fast, it takes forever to level up even once. Which makes it all feel like a grind. How about abilities? Want to unlock those? A grind. What about ability chunks to get specific abilities that you actually want on a piece of gear that you like? A grind. What about taking chunks off of gear you don't like to use for others which costs 20,000 gold to do? Griiiiiiiiiiiiiiind. For some reason, nobody mentions this type of stuff because everyone thinks Nintendo is the beacon of perfection. They aren't and this game's glaring issues are a testament to that. Also, there is no voice chat at all or a proper party system, obviously. The only voice chat you can get is with Nintendo's terrible phone app and...screw that noise.
    All in all, I want to like this game. Seriously, I do. That makes me even more frustrated. This game has so many good ideas, but not good execution. Considering that this is a sequel, that makes it even more confusing.
    Final Score: 4/10
  8. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    You know, sometimes I feel down. All of you know this by now. Struggling with depression, hardcore anxiety and other things is indeed brutal. Past couple of days has been that in full. Been feeling really depressed for some reason. When I could climb out of it, I then worry about things and that cycle repeats. It is odd. Still, been trying to stay positive. Trying to think about things like I like, think about those little positives. Like games and such, been thinking about those and looking forward to whatever games I could get to add to my collection. I even got a new awesome case for my 3DS, I was excited even for that. It is such positivity like that, it is what I have always felt before in my life. The type that gets more difficult in the years, but I still hold onto it.
     
    I noticed that one thing that can bring me down is when a game really irritates me. I get frustrated easily at some things, games in particular, but there is a game I finally got, Ark Survival Evolved on Xbox One. It is still in development, but form what I played in the trial, it seemed awesome, though confusing as hell at first. Then I bought it and man, that game just doesn't want me to get into it. The PvE was horrible and PvP I knew would be worse. The game just doesn't run well online. Found the single player though and I was really getting into that, but then the game was throwing random nonsense at me, like level 40 raptors in easy zones. Friggin odd. Still, I am gonna stick with the game because what I have enjoyed, I really have enjoyed. I love the simple joy of gathering materials, and building a place of safety, and slowly but surely making it better. Creating this wonderful haven for yourself. That is what made me want the game and it is definitely what is keeping me at it despite the frustrations.
     
    So yeah, other than that, things have been relatively the same. Been chatting with my wonderful boyfriend of course, he is just perfection. <3 And trying to talk with friends on here when I am not all scattered. I get so mixed up in my mind that it makes it hard to keep up at times. Anxiety is crazy. Still, I do appreciate my friends, that I is something that is always true even if I may seem like I am distant. Also haven't been doing many signatures lately, but I am in a state where I sorta do those at random points, so I don't stress myself out about it. Me stressing myself out happens easily.
     
    Just been wanting to do another one of these rambling posts, haven't done so in a while and it feels good to just say things that are in my head. Been trying very hard to just stay positive in my own way and while that is an immense daily struggle, I find many moments where it does happen.
  9. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Another rambling blog. Been a bit since I have done one of these. Oddly enough I ramble, yet for some reason, I need to have a starting point to even make one of these. I am odd. Really, things have been relatively the same overall. I am still doing my usual things such as games, videos, signatures sometimes, things you all know. I still try to go on walks but the weather here in Indiana has been dreadful. Extremely hot and humid, the humidity is what makes it horrid. Bleh. I am excited for the Fall and Winter seasons, my absolute favorites.
     
    Been around the forums as I always am it seems, but still, I sometimes worry about my place. If I am doing enough for the community. I guess I worry because I feel as though I don't have much worth in my regular life, so I try to supplement that here. Goes into my depression. Speaking of, been dealing with that a lot lately. Last week in particular was one where I was having a lot of distressful moments. Wasn't fun, wasn't good. Speaking with my boyfriend though really helped a lot, he is just wonderful. <3 So with the depressive stuff, I told my doctor about it and she upped my dosage on my medicine again. I am hoping that will soon help more, once I pick up the new dosage. I have my doubts on how much this medicine even helps, but I am willing to try it, as it is one of the only things I can do in the long term. With how much I worry, I hope it helps. I am always worrying about something, about being a good friend or whatever.
     
    Sometimes I look at the future from this stuff and feel hopeless, I want to live my simple life and enjoy it but boy, it is difficult at times. One day though, hopefully I can move in with my boyfriend, and that would probably be the best change I could do for my life. Right now it is not entirely possible, but eventually.
     
    On another subject, games! You all know I am a gamer pony. I have been playing a lot of Overwatch lately, though that game has been frustrating the ever living hell out of me, because, of all things, an achievement for Lucio. It is ridiculous. Completely designed against the character. I am sorta dumb so I keep going for this cheevo because Lucio is my main and it is nigh impossible to get. It just doesn't feel fair at all when most of the other achievements in the game are designed for the character rather than against, but whatever. I still enjoy the game for what it is. I also tried some other games, Quatros Origins for the Xbone which is a sorta Tetris style game with 4 playing fields. Really cool concept, but it is surprisingly much harder than regular Tetris, it becomes too much of a guessing game when the blocks start stacking. I don't think it is all that great but it was only $5.
     
    Another game I was finally able to pick up was Chrono Trigger for the Nintendo DS. I started it a couple of days ago and I am enjoying it so far. It really has a very old-school Square vibe, and I have been itching for an old-school style JRPG. This is definitely a game that was originally made in the JRPG hayday. I look forward to playing it more as I keep hearing it is one of the greats and already I am seeing why.
     
    I need to play more Elite Dangerous as well. I really love that game, I absolutely love being able to explore space. The only thing is, the game does feel a tad empty overall. Not just because it is space lol, but also just because there still is a lot they can improve. A lot they can add. I am hoping the game continues to expand more and more, because it can only get better.
     
    One last thing I want to mention is pizza. Yup, pizza. A local store in my town is now serving my absolute favorite type of pizza, Hunt's Brothers. It is so delicious and they have good prices too. Now with like, 4-5 pizza places in town, it is like a pizza competition zone. XD That is what my town feels like. Nice to see my town being something like that though. So far, the store with hunt's Brother's has my vote, but I am sorta biased.
     
    Anyways, I have been rambling on long enough. It is just so nice to be able to get my thoughts out here, you know? I know that many won't read these but just knowing that I am putting my many thoughts somewhere else, it is just comforting. I will try to do more of these in the future. Thank you for reading if you did.
  11. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Oh look. Another pointless rambling blog by Kyoshi. Essentially this is just me shouting into an empty void. I know what I say means nothings, I know these blogs are one of many and they don't mean anything. I still do them though, Probably because I have nothing better to do with my time.
     
    So I got my check. Wowee how wonderful. My check is already nearly gone though. For those that don't know already, I get disability. A simple monthly check that isn't worth jack shit. It can help me stock up on some things, maybe get a game or two, but really, that is pretty worthless. It seems nowadays I am living form check to check. I get one, I then spend it on whatever, get excited for maybe 5 seconds because of the cool stuff I bought, then all of that feeling vanishes because I know I am still empty inside. I know that no matter what I buy, no matter what stupid video games I get or whatever, my life is still as hollow as it ever was. No amount of pointless shit that I buy will change that. That could be the depression talking, but that seems to be getting worse in time. This depression seems to destroy any possible joy I could have from anything I do. As I sit here currently, I don;t see many reasons to go to sleep, because I will jsut wake up to another day of emptiness.
     
    Speaking of video games, I got a few new ones. Woopideefuckingdoo I suppose. I got Overwatch, because I have been hearing the internet fucking rave about this game. Aaaaand...well, it is good. Yeah, it actually is pretty decent, but...it is overrated. Simply put, for $60, this game just doesn't give you much to work with. The game is essentially the same 3 modes over and over, with a ton of characters sure, but at least half of them are worthless. The ultimate abilities of these characters are also a disaster in terms of balance, so I don't get where people are saying 'This game is so super balanced!' I am not seeing it. How this game has a 92 on Metacritic is beyond me, but I guess when you are a critic and get the game for free, it is so much easier to judge a game with a positive outlook. I am a peasant and wasted my money, so I am not as positive. It can be fun at times though and honestly, maybe my depression is making me not enjoy it. The more I played it, the more I felt like I was doing nothing. I eventually felt like I was doing something completely pointless and I felt entirely unfulfilled by the end. I look at other people enjoying their hobbies like video games so much and I am just wondering...how do they do it? I just can't seem to do that anymore. I also got Elite Dangerous Horizons which...yeah, that is kinda cool too I suppose, but thanks to Frontier not caring about giving us any info at all, I am still rather lost on what to do on the planets once I land on them. So yeah, thank Frontier. I guess I will just go to the fan made Wiki as fucking always.
     
    So in the end, it is just another month. Another month of me getting my measly check to sustain my pretty much futile existence. I sit here and think about how I want to enjoy my life for what it is, but then another thought happens. The thought that my life is worthless. That I will be doing the same thing, day in, day out, until I eventually meet my end, with nothing to speak for it. I know I will never be successful, I will never even be worthwhile let alone that. So my life is completely pointless, but I still want to enjoy what I have at least. With the anxiety and depression, I can't seem t even do that anymore. Why I bother even continuing on is beyond me. I just wish things were different, mainly with me. If I weren't me, things would be a lot better.
     
    Now I guess I will have a snack and watch some videos, one of the few little things I do that at least makes me sorta forget about all of this, for only a short while. thinking about what the next day will bring. Or in reality, what it won't bring at all. I don't know if this depression will ever end.
  12. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Some of you know that earlier this year, I did basically daily gaming streams. Nothing insanely special or anything but it was a nice way to hang out with members here and actually be a bit more social since I kinda have the social life of a rock. Rocks aren't too social overall so that isn't too good. For some reason I stopped but I think it was due to me burning myself out. I did it on a daily basis which others might be able to do but I think that it was a bit much for my mind to handle overall. Does that sound weird? Yeah, but thats why it is so hard to explain.
    I have actually gotten questions from some asking me if I am going to return to streaming, which honestly surprised me. I know that some enjoyed them, but I did not think anyone enjoyed them enough to actually ask about it later. So I have been thinking about it and I have been wanting to do it again.
    I may do so, but there are no guarantees. I actually have some new plans on what I might do if this becomes a thing again.
    My first idea was to do a series, starting with Minecraft, calling it Turbocraft, where I play a survival world.
    Second, it would actually have a schedule. I was thinking perhaps once every week to start, probably on a weekend day, maybe Friday or Saturday, starting at a currently undetermined time. This would help tremendously with organizing and discussing it later.
    Third, I want it to be interactive. This is one of the most important aspects. Like I said, one thing I love a lot about streaming is interacting, even if I have problems doing so. So to support that, I want to make it an interactive series, where you all help decide a ton of stuff, like where to go, what to build, what map seed to use, all of that. That way, we are basically creating our own little adventure together and that way it isn't just me and my boring self calling the shots.
    Fourth, I want to upload all of this in episodes on Youtube as well. If I recall, broadcasters can download the file of their own streams (I could be wrong there) so if that is the case, I can take the videos afterwards and upload to Youtube for an easy archive. I originally planned to do some major editing as well within the videos but I won't be able to just yet,
    And Fifth, I honestly just want to have fun with it, of course, I know many, many, MANY lets players exist, they are too numerous to count. With this, it is just a purely crowded space that is filled with fanboy wars and turmoil, depending on the Youtuber in question.
    I also, like I said, am not the most social person, I have a lot of issues talking with others effectively and I am also not the most artistic or creative Minecraft player. I have never built anything too fanatical ever. So this might make my streaming dull compared to everyone else, but if you have never seen my streams, I do hope to improve so I hope that if you are interested that you will give it a chance. The interactivity with viewers can help this a lot as well.
    With the addition of interactivity, I think this has the potential to be an enjoyable way to spend a Friday or Saturday night. The streams would last maybe and hour or two, two at the very most.
    So that is my proposal of what I am thinking of. What do you all think? Do you have any suggestions? Let me know below.
  13. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Howdy ho good people. Welcome back to the shitshow that is the United States featuring its glorious brain dead cheeto leader, Donald Trump! 
    Recently, the South Korean film Parasite won best picture at the Oscars. Haven't seen the film yet but I hear it is a masterpiece, nothing less. Sounds like it absolutely deserved this award.
    Donald Trump, being the putried spawn of the underworld that he is, made his own opinions known about this victory for the film at a rally in Colorado.
    Trump said the following:
    “How bad were the Academy Awards this year?” Trump asked his supporters at the event. “Did you see it? The winner is…a movie from South Korea! What the hell was that all about? We got enough problems with South Korea with trade. On top of that, they give him best movie of the year? Was it good? I don’t know. Let’s get ‘Gone With the Wind.’ Can we get ‘Gone With the Wind’ back, please?”
    Jesus. Fucking. Christ. Did the world truly end in 2012 and this is us in hell? Trump's stupidity and putridness has literally no boundaries and is always evolving. He straight up says that he has not seen the film and mocks its win purely because it is SOUTH KOREAN. THAT'S IT. So he not only insults the film's win because he is plain as day racist, but he also mocks a movie he hasn't even seen. How much of a fucking single brain celled dimwitted dumbfuck can a single person possibly be? 
    Bernie Sanders is fighting and working his ass off to one day hopefully make things better for all of us and at the same time, Trump, a person that 10's of MILLIONS of people support in full, is busy mocking films that he hasn't even seen solely because of the country they were made in.
    Someone get me off this goddamn planet please. 
    There is one positive out of this story though. The US distributor, Neon, had a very simple response to Trump:
    “Understandable, he can’t read.”
    Amazing. XD That almost makes this entire thing worth it. Reading that put a huge smile on my face.
     
  14. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Most of you know by now I suffer from severe depression, as well as self hatred and crippling anxiety. All of these are things I have mentioned many times already. Yet, I keep bringing them up. Probably because they are such a common thing now that I feel a need to get them off my chest at least a little. I am taking medication currently, which I think it sometimes helps, but other times it definitely doesn't. Some before have recommended therapy. I have actually tried that before, though not much. Didn't exactly like it much. I never felt any real connection with my therapist, it just felt like I was there to be 'cured' so I could be moved along for the next patient. I dunno, it is weird but I just want to have a real connection with someone like that I guess. Nowadays, therapy is not a viable option due to my transportation issues. I can't drive and while I might have someone that could drive me, I really don't want to get in their way.
     
    So I am trying to stay happy in my own ways, even though lately these things just haven't been working. Other than talking with my boyfriend, nothing has been making me feel much in the way of joy, at least, consistently. I will have moments where my mood will be bright, but it just doesn't last long enough for me to think it is right. Not even close. Talking with my boyfriend is one of the only things I can do to feel joy for a good while. He is just wonderful. Being able to put up with my many flaws and...I honestly can't even come up with the words right now to describe how amazing he is. I am insanely lucky. It just seems that a lot of time, durring the night after he has gone to sleep, I get saddened, sometimes by nothing at all. That is the depression I think and the anxiety is additional fuel. My mind will just wander in a void, eventually thoughts will enter the fray and it will add up before making me collapse emotionally.
     
    What sucks is that, it can be anything that can make this tower crumble. Even just getting frustrated at a video game nowadays is enough to do it, and with my horrid self esteem, even video games can make me feel horrid. So my simple joys haven't done much. Video games and the like, it is tough enjoying them these days. When these types of nights happen, it all crumbles down and I usually end up crying, emotions just pouring out, also into a void. A void where nothing is accomplished fully. I may get my emotions out but it returns eventually. With tonight, it has been the bleak future and thinking of my dog that has me in a rather dark state. It has been over a month since Dover died, been doing well blocking that out of my mind but with the crumbling tower that is my emotions, it comes back to me, making everything worse. I am very easily teared up and with something like this, it all flows like a waterfall.
     
    I am not sure where I am going with this blog really. I am trying to just get my thoughts out there and regain some composure. It is early in the morning now, my sleeping pattern is a bit screwy. Don't know what I will try to do, either stay up and try to get my sleeping into a different pattern or just sleep, if I can. Mostly been listening to music the past hour, just one song that has been a fuel for the emotions as well, but at the same time allowing it all to ease its way from me. I might play some Tomodachi Life or something peaceful like that for a bit. Anything to put my mind in a more calm state.
     
    I realize I say these things, I see my own repetition, but hopefully you all understand why I do it.
  15. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Let me get this out of the way right now. Sekiro Shadows Die Twice is a colossal disappointment. The newest game from a developer I like a lot, From Software, makers of Dark Souls and they have made probably their most piss-poor effort since Dark Souls 2. I haven't finished the game yet, but I have certainly played enough to have a firm judgement on the game.
    What do I like? The pure combat itself, I do at least like that. It is fast, visceral as hell and when you are flowing it together, it feels like a damn dream and you feel like a badass. Too bad that feeling doesn't last too long. I also like the art style, so they at least kept up that tradition.
    What do I not like? Well, almost everything else. I will be comparing this game to Dark Souls a lot since it is from the same devs and it uses the Souls games as its framework. So far, Sekiro's design is a fucking disaster. Is it different from the Souls games? Overall, yes. Is it worse than the Souls games. By. Far. This game is far more linear than Dark Souls. You go from point to point, only deviating slightly throughout. While I can go to different areas, my choices are extremely limited. The locations are not memorable either. It takes place in feudal Japan and while the art direction is nice like I said, we have seen this kind of shit a million times in so many other pieces of Japanese media. There isn't an ounce of creativity in the setting. Nothing here is particularly memorable, whereas I can remember every single location in Dark Souls 1. Maybe there is later in the game, again I have not finished it, but I doubt there is anything even close to Anor Londo or the Painted World.
    Dark Souls 2, the weakest of the franchise was heavily criticized for its use of quantity over quality in its bosses. That exact same philosophy was applied here and as a result, not only are a lot of the bosses terrible so far, the pacing is a nightmare. You could spend an hour learning how to beat a boss, take them down and within 5 minutes you may encounter yet another boss. Another problem is that a lot of bosses have regular enemies either close to them or around them, so instead of just fighting the boss, you may have to spend some time clearing the area first and THEN you can fight the boss. Every single time you die, you have to do this. Dark Souls, it is almost always a one on one fight, you and the boss, and it was just a battle between you and them. Nobody else. That logic was thrown out the window here. Another thing Dark Souls had was a true feeling of accomplishment when you took a boss down. Not only was it immensely satisfying on its own because the bosses were better designed and way better paced, you usually got really nice rewards relative to your place in the game. You would always get a good amount of souls and you then get access to new areas which usually have new items, weapons and armor to check out. Sekiro offers maybe 10% of this. Not only are the bosses not as satisfying to overcome here, the rewards you get are often boring as hell. You might get one item that increases your health but you need 4 of those to do it and that's about it. Most of the time you get nothing worthwhile, nothing fun, nothing interesting. Sure you will get access to new areas, but in actuality it is more like access to continue on the linear path you were already going on, before yet another random boss stops you in your tracks. I am already at the point of rolling my eyes any time a new sub boss pops up, because there have already been so many that I simply don't care.
    Another huge issue I have noticed is that some of the bosses make no goddamn sense. A few times I have fought samurai generals that have a huge sword and armor from head to toe. these guys I can see being mean mofos. Then we have an old lady grandma who is one of the game's main bosses and is a monster. Okay, fine, I can live with that, she was at least built up a bit and got a nice intro and such. Plus her arena is cool. THEN, I way later face a *sub* boss, named....something Snake Eyes, already can't remember the name and for no fucking reason this is one of the hardest bosses in the game. She isn't some behemoth, or samurai warrior, nothing like that. Picture this: She wears no armor, just standard clothes with some straw hood and her weapon of choice? Not a big sword or kunais or anything. It is some makeshift gun (why?) that looks like it was made out of two sticks and it happens to have a random blade attached to it. How strong is she? She can kill me with two hits. TWO. FUCKING. HITS. That's it, and this is with TWO health upgrades so far. Most of these samurai generals couldn't do that. Lady Butterfly couldn't do that despite being a main boss. Instead some dinky, shitty looking sub boss can absolutely destroy me if I make the slightest mistake. Again, going back to Dark Souls 1, almost every boss feels justified in how they are. Most of them do indeed seem like characters that could wipe the floor with your character, mainly because actual thought was put into them. Even the very first official boss of Dark Souls 1, the Taurus demon, is intimidating in his look and feel. Sekiro? Random ragtag sub bosses can wreck your entire world even after several upgrades and practice. This drastically diminishes that feeling of triumph of defeating them when their design doesn't make any sense.
    All of this contributes to this feeling that you never get any stronger. You might improve as a player, but your character will always feel weak, feeble, pathetic. You never feel like your character has acquired newfound strength as you overcome these challenges. Any upgrades you get are soon made worthless by the next sub boss just around the corner. Dark Souls has a level up system and other weapons that you can also level up and upgrade and as you do this, you do eventually start seeing the effect. Sekiro has no weapon variety. You will always use the same sword you started the game with and all you get are sub weapons that have limited uses between statues anyways. So you never feel like you really are getting stronger and you get to experience no real variety in the weaponry. This will drastically hurt this game's already low replayability for me, whereas Dark Souls 1 has had me addicted even after beating the game 5 times.
    Early on, I was digging this game a lot. Its visceral combat, when you get it down, it feels so good, but this is only on regular enemies, as bosses are over-saturated beyond belief here and they will always wreck you until you get them down and in the end, it never feels worth it. And the devs have the gall to introduce a mechanic like dragonrot, punishing you even further for death, in a game about trial and error. Why? Just to make sure it is different from the Souls games? Just because it is different does not mean it is a good idea. This game already punishes you more than Dark Souls for dying, as a true death (that is dying after ressurecting if you did so) will automatically make you lose experience and money and you cannot recover it. Eventually I just stopped caring. I don't give a shit about the money, I don't give a shit about the XP, both of those things don't have a huge use anyways, there isn't much to get. That also means that enemies eventually turn into a chore, especially in areas populated to the brim with them, because they give you nothing worthwhile. I also don't care about the dragonrot bullshit. Oh no, NPC's are getting sick because I am dying to bullshit bosses. Wow. I don't give two fucks about that. This game apparently has multiple endings, 4 I believe, and I simply don't care. I don't see myself playing through this game a second time. Again, back to Dark Souls 1, it is a game that despite having a long playthrough, I have started a new character immediately after beating it to try a new weapon and play style. There is nothing like that in Sekiro. So I don't care. This is assuming I even finish Sekiro in the first place, as my motivation is quickly diminishing.
    I hope this game gets better. I don't like talking this much shit about a From Software game, because like I said I am a big fan of their work, but I can't have some denial glasses on while playing this. There's simply too much wrong with the overall execution here that it brings it all down in the end. Not that my opinion even matters in the first place.
  17. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Last night I was thinking while going on a walk. During the past several years, me and my few offline friends loved to play video games together or perhaps go places. Playing stuff like Minecraft, Dynasty Warriors, or even Mario Kart 64. Those are times that I cherish. I got to thinking about it all though, about how it all sorta vanished. How we just don't do those things anymore it seems. I am not sure why. Perhaps everyone is just busy with their own life, which I can understand. Perhaps there has been a falling out between me and them somehow that I am not aware of. Whatever the cause, it bothers me. Those same friends are essentially the only 'offline' friends that I have. I barely get to see them anymore, let alone do anything with them.
    I am not sure if those times will ever come back as they were, but I guess all I can do is hope. I still get to play games with my boyfriend and that I am very thankful for. I hope one day it can come full circle and have those friends be able to do the same thing, and us enjoy those simple things like in the past. I miss those days.
  18. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Hello and welcome back to...Kyoshi Shares Music? Yeah, that is what I will call it from now on. KSM for short! This is basically where I will share music that I adore so that those that may not have heard it before can discover it as well. I was gonna do this before but I always forgot about it.


     

    Without further ado, here is currently one of my favorite instrumental songs, An Erisian Autumn by Angel Vivaldi.


     




     

    Hope you all enjoy it.


  19. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Kyoshi Share's Music, ACTIVATE! Welcome back to my music sharing stuff. :3 Today, I have an awesome doom metal track by the band Ghost. This particular track has a very classic metal vibe to it that is done ooooh so well and it makes for a very addicting and heavy song. Give it a listen!


     

    Here is 'Body and Blood' by the band Ghost:



    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0UgjyL4d1g

  20. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Trump recently made some terrible comments at his rally in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Kyle Kulinski covers this and describes it perfectly.
    After this, I hope MORE people burn that stupid flag. F**k Trump and his plain as day fake patriotism bullshit. What people are doing is protest which is protected by the goddamn constitution. Now we could argue back and forth about the stupid statues being torn down, whatever, but burning the flag is not against the law. You can have whatever opinion you want on flag burning, but it is free speech, a form of protest is being done when you burn the flag. This little section of this speech in the video is absolute PROOF that Trump is not for the people, he doesn't care about police corruption or any of that shit. He instead uses the most divisive period that the US has had in DECADES to further divide people, to further make people hate each other and to possibly pass authoritarian trash. Watch the video for direct proof of that. He straight up says that all of the civil unrest including the statues going down and all of that, is being done solely by "the democrats", he wants to LOCK PEOPLE UP for burning a stupid flag and that crowd of brainless dipshits cheers that on. Trump's presidency is on a never ending downward spiral and he knows it. That is why he is using such heinous tactics. That is why he is furthering the divide between the people of the US. This isn't the first time he has done that. He's been doing this kind of shit EVER SINCE HE GOT INTO OFFICE.
    If there are people you know that are not aware of this, share this video, get the word out. If they weren't aware of Trump's use of division for political gain and his opposition to free speech before, perhaps this will convince them now. Trump says in the video that he is all for free speech, yet he wants to PUT PEOPLE IN JAIL FOR A YEAR for burning some fabric. Can't make this shit up people. This is the Trump reality.
     
  21. Kyoshi Frost Wolf

    Kyoshi's Movie & TV Checklist

    By Kyoshi Frost Wolf,


    Kyoshi's Movies & TV Collection
    Now here's something I've been wanting to do for...I'd say at least 257 years or so? I've made posts about my Microsoft Movies & TV collection before, a collection that I looove. Here I wanted to list all that I have and if I have watched them or not. I may also add ratings at some point. 
    Movies and shows will be in their own category and I will be using symbols to denote status: Movies and shows I have watched to completion ✅, Movies and shows I have started but abandoned ❌, Shows in progress ⏯️. Any movie or show that has no symbol is one I have not watched as of yet. Any shows that are incomplete (IE I don't the whole series) will be denoted with their number of seasons.
    Side note: Should I have movies and shows in one spoiler or both in their own spoiler? Let me know what you think. 
    And That's my list as of right now! Any thoughts?
  22. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    If you are reading this, wow. Secondly, welcome to the first installment of a new, simple series that I will be doing. Basically, it will be like this; I will make a blog post sharing a particular song or songs that I enjoy and it will be hear for the discovery of others. I think I listen to a decent amount of obscure music but mainly I just want to share music that I feel is really enjoyable.
     
    With that said, here is the first one I will be sharing. This is Escape to Follow by Imatem.
     

     
     
    Discuss it below if you wish. Hopefully you enjoy it. I will be making future posts so if you are interested, keep track.
  23. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Sometimes, when you are just randomly listening to different, new music, you stumble upon songs or bands that you feel like you should have already been listening to, for a long time. Case in point for me, Gojira. An amazing French heavy mental band that has a plethora of amazing songs, yet I only discovered them a few months back. The song that introduced me to them? A new single of theirs called 'Stranded'. This song has made me love the band and so I want to share it with you all today.


     

    So here is the song 'Stranded' by Gojira.






  25. Kyoshi Frost Wolf
    Oh what a time to be alive. What a world we live in that has so much to experience, even the most simple of joys can be wonderful and that's what I focus on most, probably because I am a total failure in life with zero value so the simple joys are all I've got, but I digress. With so much to love and be passionate about, surely most people, especially in the good ol USA, would be focusing mostly on those good things, despite the shit going on in the world. 
    Instead, the thing I always am reminded of and the thing that people never fail to indulge in at any possible moment, is celebrity worship culture. People sure do love their goddamn celebrities? People with success and riches that all of us could only ever fantasize about. Surely, with all of that money and sheer acclaim that it would be enough for this society, but on top of their extreme wealth and success in life, they are also worshipped like gods, treated like people above us mere peasants, all by those exact same peasants in the first place. Doctors and scientists? People that actually make real differences in society? To hell with that noise, we have celebrities to cling to. 
    Gonna be upfront; Celebrity worship culture is a fucking toxin. While the worshipping of so called "prominent" people has existed for pretty much all of human history, it is in the USA that the problem is at its most pathetic, especially now. We've made the concept of treating celebrities like gods as part of our core DNA here. Now, what was the recent reminder for me that all of this shit is still in full force? Why none other than the recent Oscars, which already is just a show dedicated to celebrity shitheads stroking themselves for being so rich and famous. A bunch of people wearing suits and dresses that each likely cost more than your yearly salary. Apparently, Will Smith gasp slapped Chris Rock for whatever reason!! OMG EVERYONE, how incredible is that! Some dude smacking another dude! This truly is the Mozart drama theatre of our time. Some insanely over privileged guy smacking another over privileged guy and everyone loses their goddamn mind. Keep in mind that if you or me did this exact same thing, we would get jailtime for assault. Will Smith does it? It becomes a national holiday. 
    I seriously don't give the slightest ounce of a fuck about what some celebrity did at the Oscars. Even in my pathetic existence of failure, I still have much better things to focus on than this worthless tripe. Regardless, I have to be reminded of it at every single step. Celebrities worship culture demands attention and boy oh boy are people giving it that attention. Just this one stupid thing happens and all I see everywhere are memes, videos, news coverage, discussions on social media. You know those incredibly stupid magazines that are in stores across this supposedly great nation? The ones that ooze celebrity worship and make the absolute biggest fuss over literally ANYTHING celebrities do? I am sure most people would look at those and think they are idiotic magazines and not worth anything. Yet, those exact same people engage in the same thing those magazines do. Losing their minds over some meaningless spectacle just because the people involved happen to be in movies. 
    This celebrity worship and the culture around it is one of many parts that I believe is causing the slow but sure downfall of this country. People have become so obsessed with celebrities and their godlike status that actually valuing things in life is becoming more and more of a joke. Most people do not care anymore about the simple joys of life, having passion about anything tangible. Instead people love their celebrities and in turn, that's all anyone wants. Think about it. Deep down, what we all really want now is fame or money, or probably both. At every corner, we are reminded that those two things are the only things that matter in life. We are reminded that fame and fortune make one a better human being than those who do not have it. This is why so many people are now endless attention whores. Terrible Youtubers that exploit their children, streamers that are unbearable and over the top, people desperately hoping that their next TikTok will be the next big thing for everyone to salivate over. It makes people desperate to feel better than their fellow peasants. This garbage has a much bigger impact than some might think. It creates arrogance, narcissism, it makes humility a relic of the past. It makes commoners crave a feeling of superiority at any chance and they are willing to be exploited to obtain it, even if the feeling only lasts for a short amount of time. 
    Why do you think gaming has become such a shitshow of greed and exploitation? So very simple; Because people want to feel better than others and that is easy money for corporations. It is why Fortnite, a shining beacon of capitalism, is such a massive success. People want the latest skins, the latest battle pass garbage, all so they can feel above those who do not have them. Fortnite is a game that allows you to pay them money to advertise media properties and people actually buy this shit. All because they 1. Want to look like their favorite celebrities and 2. They want to feel superior to others by having said worthless celebrity skin. The peasants have become so stupid that they are using fake representations of celebrities to makes themselves feel better than others by proxy. Gaming has become a cesspool because of this kind of trash. People want to buy what others may not have or are able to afford and that alone gives them that tiny little ego boost they crave, because it gives them the tiniest ounce of a taste of what celebrities are like. People cannot have any success or wealth in their real life so pretending that they do in a digital space is their next best thing. The most depressing thing is that the main market that is exploited by things like Fortnite, are children. These kids are being taught right out the gate about attention obsession and that being superior to your fellow humans is all that matters. Quite ironic for a battle royale game where the sole focus is "being #1". We've seen so many spectacles made by brain dead parents about gaming over the decades. They claimed that violence in gaming will bring our downfall, will corrupt our youth. That even the slightest accidental exposure to sexual content in a game or media will be the instant annihilation a child's innocence. Many still think that even today. All while their children are being groomed into nice little drones by celebrity worship culture and games like Fortnite, which has the sole goal of being superior to others, in any way possible. These same parents do not bat an eye over such things, in fact they fuel it. 
    This kind of stuff is all I ever see on social media. People being attention whores, flaunting their new shiny outfit, car or whatever else they recently bought that must surely bring value to their life, right? If they cannot do that because they don't have much money, they will share images and memes of the things they so desperately wish they had. It is why we have endless amounts of TV shows dedicated to celebrities and their superior existence. People at bare minimum want to visually witness the life they will never obtain, because that's what they've been told this whole time, that having 3 mega mansions and 15 supercars is what gives your life value. They watch this garbage like mindless husks all while everything falls apart around them. Doesn't matter. As long as the rich and the famous are doing alright, then all is well with the world. No longer is social media about bringing people closer together and allowing us to just talk, now it is an endless ego stroking contest where the only winners are the celebrities and capitalists. The well being of your fellow man is of no importance, because they don't have the money and fame. And yet people wonder why mental health is such a massive problem and why nobody appreciates anything anymore, because the motto of our culture is that only riches and status matter. The people of the USA can attempt to deny it, but all they've been doing is proving me right. I consider myself a nihilist for many reasons, all of this is just one of them. 
    My overall point in the end is thus: We need to stop focusing on celebrities as if they are gods among men. We need to focus on each other, helping each other, improving our world. We need to have passion for things that matter and there's a lot out there to be passionate about. Big or small. This blog is mostly a negative rant, but I hope I can inspire something positive in the end. 
     
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