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Blog Entries posted by aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q

  1. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    There comes a point in your life where changes need to be made and for me, that time is now. To say that I'm dissatisfied with how my life is right now would be putting it lightly and this has to change. One of the changes that needs to be made is getting rid of distractions and not replace them with something else.
    That said, I'm going to be leaving the MLP fanbase behind. Since I'm friends with a few bronies, I'll keep up with the show for their sake since cutting ties with them would be pushing it. Of course, if they move on from the show, that'll be it for me as well.
    This does mean goodbye. It is my hope that I will come back one day from a better place in life. It's been quite the roller coaster ride.
  2. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q

    My Little Rant

    By aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q,

    It's simply amazing how bitter I've grown in much of this fandom over the years. I could go into detail about it but I don't believe that anyone wants to hear it. What I notice is that there is this grotesque lack of self-honesty in this fandom. Find comfort in the fact that this is something from presumably all over the world. The reason for such disappointment is that I entered into this fandom with high hopes only to see it torn to pieces over multiple events, over long stretches of time.
     
    If it comforts you, though, I will take the blame for this. I should not have entered this fandom expecting people to be anything other than people. I was naive - plain and simple.
     
    Still, even a little self-honesty would go a long way. I get the charm of being special but the reality is that it is simply not necessary. People both inside and outside the fanbase will appreciate and respect it more if it can be seen that we understand how volatile and melodramatic we can be. Whether or not that's something to be ashamed of is for each person to decide but - let - us - not - pretend - that we are anything that we in fact are not. If we could start doing just that: just stop pretending or believing that we are some paragon... maybe then people both among us and outside from us wouldn't find us to be such a joke.
  3. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    So I went to the World Health Organization's website and looked up countries on the continent of America (North America, Central America and South America). The stat I look at is: "Probability of dying between 15 and 60 years m/f (per 1 000 population, 2013)"
     
    The USA's stands at 127/76 which means out of 1000 people, 127 males aged between 15 - 60 won't make it. What that means is, if you follow 8 random people who are 15 in the US, one of them will probably die before reaching 60 for whatever reason. For women, that figure sits at 76/1000.
     
    So, I've collected this data on continental American countries and sort them from lowest to highest (male only):
     
    Canada - 81/52
    Chile - 107/55
    Costa Rica - 111/64
    Peru - 116/90
    USA - 127/76
    Belize - 145/78
    Colombia - 148/73
    Uruguay - 148/79
    Panama - 149/81
    Argentina - 151/83
    Ecuador - 157/85
    Suriname - 171/94
    Honduras - 173/120
    Mexico - 174/93
    Paraguay - 178/96
    Brazil - 197/97
    Venezuela - 198/88
    Nicaragua - 200/116
    Guatemala - 236/126
    Bolivia - 247/172
    El Salvador - 290/136
    Guyana - 377/256
     
    French Guyana did not show up in the database.
     
    Anyway, many of us already know that Canada is safer than the USA but what I wasn't expecting was for USA to rank 5th with male mortality rates and 4th for female. So yeah, if someone from the US were to move to Chile or Costa Rica, it would improve their chances of surviving into old age. Canada sits among Scandinavia in this regard. In fact, Canada's mortality rate is lower than Denmark's (100/60).
     
    A pat on the back goes to Canada!
    Sitting among Scandinavia isn't something to scoff at, you know.
  4. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    So this came on the heels of the latest episode Princess Spike as well as seeing some comments -- be it here from people posting about it or from reviewers.
     
    First off, I have to say that I feel for the fans of Spike who wish to see him develop and become a decent character instead of constantly being the butt of tired old jokes. These are the people who see potential in him and I've seen some pretty expansive interpretations that go into some fine detail, essentially cementing him as the seventh of the mane seven.
     
    This blog/essay isn't going to be another explanation of what could be done with Spike's character (or lack thereof) but rather a framework you could use to make or arrive at something yourself.
     
    Keep Track
    That is, of what's already been shown. It may seem like a pretty daunting thing to do: going through episodes both of his own and that of others to see his best and worst moments but this is stuff people have been doing already. His MLP:FiM Wiki page has some pretty detailed information about how he's been depicted in a variety of ways; including but not limited to his personality and skills.
     
    I would recommend seeing specific episodes if you feel it to be necessary for you to grasp specific things in detail. That is, if you need to see something as it happens.
     
    Regardless, these are just suggestions -- a means to an end -- for being up to speed with how Spike's been shown to us in (and even out of) the show. If you have more effective means of getting a clear understanding of how Spike has been shown on-screen or even off-screen, then more power to you.
     
    Ask Questions
    Lots of questions -- about anything you can think of. It'll be up to you to figure out what questions to ask and why. Be confident in the questions you're asking even if it's unclear where they'll take you. If you have any doubts, do whatever you can the clear those doubts.
     
    It could be something as subtle as how his color scheme may fit with his character, to more obvious questions like how his job as Twilight's #1 assistant may have developed his skills set. It can be as broad as what are the things he would spend his own time on or it can be as specific as what would he do if he were to see Twilight and Rarity have a heated argument about him having to make a choice that could benefit the one but adversely affect the other -- specific scenarios, in other words.
     
    Another important thing to consider is that for every question there are answers and for every answer there may be questions. It's important to understand the implications the answers would have but it'd best not to think about the implications when asking the questions as that would more often than not keep you stuck. It's OK to be reckless here.
     
    Answers Can Come From Anywhere
    Some questions can be answered from things that happened or was said in the show. Some questions may need outside sources like what psychology might explain about his behavior, imply about his upbringing or vise-versa. However, something you can also do is fill in the blank yourself if you deem it appropriate.
     
    Be Patient & Explore
    Let's face it, without this, you're not really going to go anywhere. Building up a character takes time whether or not they already are established (for some reason it only now occurs to me how much of this also applies to building an OC...). This isn't something that's going to happen overnight and is likely to take months. Take your time with it. This is really more about the journey itself rather than the end result because it's about exploration and discovery rather than a logistics exercise to get from point A to point B. All you may have an idea of is what the destination may look like but you don't really know where it is or what you're going to need to do to get there.
     
    Know When or if to Stop
    Theoretically, characters can become infinitely complex and deep. Heck, some questions can be left open to leave room for future character development or for the sake of adding mystery. It is up to you to figure out where to draw the line and say: "This is good enough."
     
    Lastly, be sure to have fun while you're at it
  5. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    So there have been some cries of there being "over-positivity" in the fanbase about fans being very biased to only see the good in episodes and not wanting to hear the bad.
     
    What I have to say about it is this: what did you expect?
     
    Thinking about it a certain way, does it make sense for someone not liking the show and the community to stay in the community? I don't think so either.
     
    It's a rather black-and-white model but this more of a conversation-starter than a closing statement on the matter. I know that it paints things with a very broad stroke but just go ahead and make your responses in the comments section.
     
    Okay then. Think about it. If "negative" fans end up leaving the fandom, never to be seen or heard from again, who is going to be left behind? The more positive ones, of course. If someone is a "positive" fan, they are more likely to stick around.
     
    Of course, there are multiple variables that dictate how likely it is for a certain fan to stay in the fandom and this is just one of them.
     
    People come, people go, but it's those who stay who define the fandom. If the positively-biased fans are the ones more likely than others to stay, it is likely that you're going to see more fans with positive biases than otherwise.
  7. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    A relevant question indeed. I don't really know anymore. Without much interest in talking about the show or the fandom these days, all that's really left for me to visit here would be the General Discussion and Debate Pit sections. Because of the exposure, I'm increasingly feeling like a heretic -- although an ideological heretic. I don't know what people think of me anymore so I become detached.
     
    But what relevance could this have to you as a brony or to bronies in general? For those of you who latch on to Love and Tolerance, think about how ideological differences or conflicts come into the picture. Can friendship exist in the face of conflicting ideals? That's a question I'm going to leave open for you to answer.
  8. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    Apparently there's been a debate on that at some point. My main gripe with Hydrogen fuel (or any renewable fuel for that matter) is how relatively convoluted the whole process of getting the energy of fuel from point A to point B. Biofuel has to be manufactured and then transported before it can fill up a tank. With battery electric vehicles, you just plug in and the electric grid does the rest. Really, the electric grid is a far simpler way of transporting energy. As for where the energy comes from, honestly, putting up solar panels and wind turbines are far less intensive than a fuel factory.
  9. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    This is about university and things have gotten very precarious. As someone with epilepsy, I am prone to getting seizures. Risk factors include forgetting to take the medication, stress as well as sleep deprivation. Not surprisingly, epileptic attacks tend to occur more near the exam period because of one or more of the risk factors mentioned.
     
    Last year, the frequency of epileptic attacks have gotten so high that it has made the school board antsy. They believe that if these attacks continue, it'll only be a matter of time before I end up dead because of it one way or another and they cannot have that. Why not? Well, I'm staying at their campus. It wouldn't be much of an issue if otherwise. Why can this be a problem? Well, there isn't really any other place I could stay and if I am deemed to be a PR disaster waiting to happen, I will not be allowed to stay on campus. this semester I am going to be assessed for my health and my student performance.
     
    For the assessment, I need to show that I can control the occurrence of my epilepsy -- as was promised -- by committing to take the meds on time with greater consistency as well as having sleep meds on hand whenever I have trouble sleeping. But that's just the health side of it. I also need to demonstrate that my graduation is imminent even though I've been struggling. That said, this needs to be the school year that I pass ALL of my subjects and that's going to be a lot of work. Should I fail to deliver during this assessment, I will not be allowed to stay on campus and since there isn't any other viable place to stay, it could very well mean that I will be forced to drop out of my BA program in electrical engineering.
     
    I need to work long and hard and all within a fixed time frame. I realize that it is in my best interest to allocate all of my focus and my energy towards finishing this semester as flawlessly as possible and to graduate as soon as possible. So yeah, I'm not going to be active here on MLP Forums. I shouldn't. I mustn't. I must also look to other hobbies and other habits where I don't lose control over myself.
     
    That is all, everypony. I hope we'll meet again.
     
    P.S. As a parting gift, I will leave a link to my Derpibooru Favorites. Being someone who posts in the Best Cute Pony Pictures thread quite a bit, it just seems like a fitting thing to do here...
  10. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    A lot of people who are disillusioned with politics seem to have very little understanding of what it's about and really, I'm hardly better off myself -- if at all. From what I've been getting, politics seems to be mainly about engaging and interacting with crowds which is something not many people know how to do well. Paraphrasing developmental psychologist Dr. Gordon Neufeld: "engage before you interact". Most people think of this as common courtesy -- the basis for meaningful communication. Polite people know how to be corteous with individuals. Charismatic people know how to be corteous with crowds.
     
    Just a thought.
  11. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    I'm sure you noticed that something's different. Well, that'd be correct -- I have changed and in your eyes, probably not for the better.
     
    I'm pretty much back to how I was before I got into MLP and its fanbase. Cold and unrelenting. Depending on how long you've known me, "cold and unrelenting" really doesn't sound like me, does it? In the early days of my involvement in MLP and its fanbase, i went from being cold and cynical to being much more positive. Optimism and faith as I've described it in other places.
     
    Something that's becoming more and more clear to me is that being part of a community or society isn't all fun and joy. Exploitation isn't something you should be shocked to encounter. Is it fair? Of course not. Does it happen? Possibly more than you might think. This can take on many forms from the overt such as bullying to the covert such as acting insincerely towards others purely for the sake of gaining some sort of favor or upper hand. People can end up abused or even ostracized for something they may not have even done.
     
    I used to think that we as bronies were somehow above this. How out of touch with reality I had gotten. That we truly cared for one another. Maybe that's the case for some but even then, not everyone can tell what the underlying forces that drive a person's behavior are or how to defuse such a person. Really, those who try the hardest only pay attention to the show which really isn't much to go by, honestly. When we see people, all we see is their exterior, not so much what is it that is influencing them. Really, who has the time and energy for that? The reason this matters is that when you place your faith into something or someone, you by definition make yourself dependent. This isn't a bad thing by default. In fact, I can personally tell you that dependence can be the place where healing happens. I've seen it and I've felt it. However, things can go terribly wrong. It's incredibly upsetting when someone or something you've come to emotionally depend on betrays or disillusions you and if you're not careful how you express said upset, you could risk turning even more people against you.
     
    Before any of you think it's because of something that happened here, I will say no. Any venom I've leaked here is from something that festered from outside the borders of MLP Forums and it's for that reason I believe it's best I leave you out of it. Just letting you know. What's more, this addiction has seriously been hampering me. As I type this, I know I should be sleeping because I need to wake up early. My old ways, while dehumanizing and relentless, did show results that I no longer see since I've gotten into all of this so there's also that imperative coming from my real life circumstances. I must be brutally self-honest and not be afraid to hurt myself in order to get things done. It may not sound healthy but at the very least I had some self-esteem because I was getting things done.
     
    So yeah, my activity is hopefully going to drop from here on out. I will stick around to keep in touch with specific people from here.
  12. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    Surely most if not all of us can agree that Season 4 was quite a season, wasn't it? How it started off with this Tree of Harmony, how it continued with the intrigue of the 5 keys and ended with the sixth alongside Discord's full reformation and Tirek's battle. Let's face it, that's going to be difficult to top, isn't it? Oh and please do note that I haven't been keeping up with any news about season 5 other than it could premier anywhere between late 2014 to early 2015.
     
    What we don't want to do is get the expectation that each season is going to be bigger and better than the last. This can't happen especially if the show is going to have a higher number of seasons. Seriously, what do you think it's going to take to top season 4? What do you think it's going to take to top what topped season 4? And so on. This could be done if the wait between S4 and S5 is very long to give the studio enough time to work on it excluding any other projects they may also be working on simultaneously and also if the show is going to close the next season or the one after.
     
    It might be a better idea for the show if season 5 were to take it slower. Something more calmly paced and easy-going like season 1. Relatively speaking to season 4 that is. For one, this would give the writers more time and allocate more of their creative resources to season 6.
     
    So remember, if season 5 doesn't end up living up to its predecessor, this isn't to be seen as a bad thing. The pacing has to fluctuate to bring ourselves down so that we could be wowed for what is to follow. In retrospect, this is kinda what just happened when you put S3 and S4 next to one another.
     
    This video should give better clarification to what I'm getting at.
     
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LScL4CWe5E
  13. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    But you know, I realized something as I stopped just to look at the questions, I came to a rather stunning realization that changes everything.
     
    But before I get to that, let me tell you what the exam is. The subject in question is "Project & Consultancy". Now let me tell you what my curriculum is; Electrical Engineering. See, in high school, physics and chemistry is where I felt at home and here in college, I've now successfully gotten math on the brain too. Now let me tell you something about physics and math, you learn when and how to apply the fundamental things it teaches you -- just explaining what kinetic energy or what Newton's laws are just isn't going to cut it, you have to know when said laws apply and how to use them to figure out what happens in a given situation. It's about understanding mechanisms and where they matter. That's why you need to sit still at the concepts given to you and and try to understand how they affect things.
     
    Getting back to today's exam, aside from having no multiple choice questions, there was this pattern I noticed... and that's when it hit me.
     
    Not a single question asked me anything along the lines of "what would happen if..." or "what should you do if...". Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. You know what it all came down to? Vocabulary. In other words...
    It was all about the jargon!
    Yeah, that's right. All it asked for were definitions and examples. Nothing to do whatsoever with applied logic like I'm so used to preparing for. Because **** that. Backwards. I know, right?
    And to think we got a large textbook explaining magnificently how things work while all we needed all along was a ****ing dictionary. Where's Sweetie Belle when you need her?
     
    In conclusion, this is what could be said about how I approached this subject to studying:
     
     
  14. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    Yesterday I took a nap in the afternoon and something very strange happened.
     
    I was in my parents' bedroom, on their bed, lying on my back, head on pillow... Seemingly suddenly, I seem to have lost control of my body. Despite wanting to get up, I couldn't. I wanted to scream but I wasn't uttering a sound. I couldn't even alter my breathing. What's more, I could feel my heartbeat and once every two heartbeats I would feel a pulse through my entire body and noticed my fingers and hands started to get numb as that happened. My breathing was slowing down and I was scared that it was going to stop where I would go anoxic and die. But then I could move again and with all the willpower I could muster, got myself out of bed, staggering as I did, and tried to call for help. I knew that my mother and younger brother were nearby, I had heard them, but they weren't coming which was very strange.
     
    Then I woke up on my bed in my campus room, though still feeling frightened. That was all a dream? But it felt so real... I cannot recall another time where I had a dream or a nightmare that felt so real... What the hell was that? Looking back on it, the part of feeling my body pulse once every two heartbeats and feeling my extremities go numb as that happened had to be the most terrifying of the experience.
     
    After I calmed down, I tried to reproduce the experience but to no avail.
  15. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    No, it's not because of something that happened here but actually because of my real life circumstances. I really need to pick up with my schoolwork and take things seriously and that means balancing work and rest. I've been finding that just sitting outside and watching the trees dance to the wind and listening to the birds chirp... Doing pretty much anything on the internet as "rest" ends up in me getting glued to my seat for much longer than I intend.
     
    I'll still drop in to check for PMs or just lurk in threads I'm most interested in like the cute pony pictures thread and the funny pony pictures thread. You're just not going to hear much from me. Those of you who have me on Skype may have noticed that I haven't been showing up as often lately.
     
    Until next time.
  16. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    Hello there. Before I get started on what this actually is, I'll first have to explain certain things that need to be made clear from the start. Most importantly, this is a project that's already under way, since before I got into bronydom even, and it strictly involves me and my IRL friends. Somewhat sadly, we've mostly been in the "figure things out" phase but we've made some progress and changes during all that time. In any case, construction can only really begin once enough of us have an income and that's surely once I graduate from college and find work.
     
    Now for the idea behind it. It struck me as I was thinking about the household my mother grew up in. While I don't know exactly how many of her siblings, 11 including the half-siblings, lived in my grandmother's house as they grew up, what struck me was how my house is actually a little bigger than my grandmother's house. The pros and cons will be explained later so it's the realization that matters right now; they lived much more efficiently than we are doing.
     
    To really understand what's going on here, you need to look at us not as families or as parents and children but as consumers. In theory, this would not change an individual consumer's requirement for nourishment but if we're talking about land occupation, electricity usage, water usage for anything other than bathing and food preparation and occupation of materials, the entire picture changes.
     
    You see, my grandmother's house housed about as many people as me and my neighbor's family combined. Indeed, me and my neighbor's family take up twice if not more space and materials as individuals. No matter how few people live inside a house, it's still going to need one living room, one kitchen, at least one bathroom, at least one bedroom, one car, etc. Would a house built for eight people really need two kitchens? Would a house built for eight people really need two living rooms? Would a house built for eight people really need two washing machines and two dryers? Would a house built for eight people really need to be as big as two houses built for four people? If you answered "no" to all the previous questions then it's a good indication that you're understanding the benefits of living in multiples under one roof.
     
    Alright, we understand that it'll be critical that we get along. What might fall under idealism before are now what success or failure hinge upon.
    So... that sounds nice and all but don't think we're just going to assume that being nice to each other is going to meet all the challenges. See, there's this thing called reality and having a good understanding of it will get us off to a good start. What's been proven time and again is that no matter how idealist people are, they are all going to fall apart if those people were to find themselves in an environment that does not support or make room for those ideals. The most obvious example being the question of what "thou shalt not steal" really means to a starving person desperate to get food somehow. The point to be taken here is that if there is deprivation, be it physical or psychological (more on that soon), people will do whatever it takes to try and fill those voids and no colorful mantra is going to stop that.
     
    So, on to the topic about human needs as I currently understand them. We all know the physical needs that include healthy food, water, shelter, sleep and exercise. Not to be neglected are the psychological and social needs for companionship, to be loved, to be seen, to be received for who we are. Living in the first world will still not guarantee fulfillment of even all of the physical needs where the modern epidemic of obesity as well as the emerging epidemic of sleep disorders makes evident. Western culture actively goes against our psychological wellbeing because through advertisement it keeps telling us that we are not worthy or wanted as we are or for who we are because we don't have enough stuff. We're aware of all this so it gets us thinking about how we're going to secure our needs to maintain a peaceful environment as well as the perspectives we need to take on to ensure we don't feel threatened over something we shouldn't feel threatened over.
     
    Well, that gives you an idea what it's about as well as a generalized line of thought for how is it we plan to live together under one roof as well as how we might plan to meet the challenges that come with them.
     
    I'll be posting more blog entries about how development has been and is going.
  17. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    Alright, this covers how and why I am permabanned from Everypony.com. All I did was make a confession in a blog entry. Aside from getting perma'd, all posts, blogs and started threads have been removed. Because of one blog post. Yeah. About a month or two before I submit the blog that removed my head, I made a farewell thread and in between the time, I did seem to disappear but I actually stuck around; I just never posted, only sent PMs. It wasn't joy that was bringing me back there but resentment and spite.
     
    You know, I'm actually kinda glad that nearly all traces of my existence have been erased. It has helped to ease the shame of having been part of that "community" (honestly, it's becoming more like a clique).
    It also makes me thankful for finding my way to the greener pastures of MLP Forums.
  18. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    Long title is long.
    Anypony noticed I kinda disappeared the past few days? No?
     
    Hm, I just remembered that I wanted to go about this in reverse order so I'll start with this rather frantic exploration that I've been on. Well, I've been wondering how is it humanity could survive on a planet where you can expect extreme weather. Where temperatures the likes of 50 degrees Celsius (122 in Fahrenheit) is to be expected. I remembered there being several concepts for survival on the moon, Mars and even Venus. Yeah, you heard me right, Venus. The concept being a colony floating just above the acid clouds where temperatures are much more manageable. Surely there must be SOMETHING workable that could sustain a livable habitat on a more chaoti
  20. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    I think a few of you could recall me using the phrase in the title before and not in a pretty light.
    You know, I explained things very concisely in this thread up to the point I'm going to talk about in this entry. This place is everypony.com. If it weren't for the friends I did make there, I would have nothing but regret for ever joining that place. A more comprehensive and detailed account of how miserable I was over there will be be given in later entries. For now, I'll link you to a sequence of chosen songs that'll describe how it was like for me from the disillusionment to my final departure. Enjoy. The F-bomb gets dropped. Just a warning.





    Fortunately, I've found... peace here on MLPF. Already I've made close friends from over here. Heh, already I have clung to not one but more things that have never been tied to any single memory of everypony.com or EP for short.
  21. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    I... just was thinking. It was just after... One thing led to the other. It started out inconspicuous. Just some rumor about a Majora's Mask remake for the 3DS. That led me to see this video about the freakiest scene in the Legend of Zelda series. The top 25. As it got to closer to the end, this thing in Majora's Mask. Skull Kid, the giants, the moon's interior. Got me thinking.
     
    Got me thinking back to when I was kid, 11 or 12 years old. I never owned a copy of the game but a friend got it somehow. I had it for a few days but I never got far. Now I wonder how would I have taken it had I actually gone far in the game back then? I'd been a sheltered kid. But then I thought -- my thoughts turned to my mother. Always did I seem... unprepared for the real world. That means I'm spoiled, isn't it? And it's no coincidence, is it? That is, considering that my mom can be very -- almost childishly naive on certain matters. Had she been in my shoes all this time, would she had gotten scarred and wounded just like myself? I remember when I brought forward to her something that could be at the root of my occasional... spells of demotivation... was it helplessness I saw in her eyes, in her body language?
     
    All of a sudden it feels like I am some kind of extension of her. Even though we don't agree on certain key things... Yet somehow it feels as though I sorta am her. That I am what she would have been had she been in my shoes.
     
    As for my connections with my father, those seem more superficial. Traits that I more consciously took in such as my stringent attitude towards money and debt. But some traits that me and my mom share are much more subtle and fundamental. Is this all just genetics? No, genes are not that deterministic as their influence are themselves influenced by environmental input. It clicks well with what I said about what if she had been in my shoes the whole time. We pass on more than just our genes into the next generation. I know this for a fact. Maybe it's just something that's finally sinking in.
     
    It's late. I'm going to bed. I'll probably lose sleep but whatever.
  22. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    Something that's been on my mind more and more. Something that certainly applies to myself and probably applies to many others. It seems like everything's about keeping the mind occupied; always on the hunt for something interesting or amusing. With technology at the caliber it is now, media are pretty much everywhere; almost inescapable. The access to entertainment be it in the form of music, movies, tv shows, visual, sports, gossip, video games, etc. is simply unparalleled in human history. So what else is different?
     
    It's how much of people's spare time goes to occupying the mind. Though I'm not really in a position to be making any comparisons between now and the past because I haven't any concrete facts. I will say that what I see is this addiction--both within myself and others--to entertainment and social media. Something I find a little troubling. Why? Because I think that this overindulgence might be robbing me of something.
     
    I'll start from the beginning. It usually starts with boredom. Something that drives me to go look for anything interesting or amusing. There's something I remember from one of the lectures of developmental psychologist Gordon Neufeld; to bore in the English language means to make a hole in something. To say that you're bored is kinda saying that a hole's been made in you; an empty space. Does it really feel like there's a hole inside you're being; as though there's an emptiness inside you? When boredom hits me and if then faced with that question, I would answer "yes".
     
    As I find interesting or amusing things to keep my mind occupied, I forget about that boredom; that emptiness inside. Suppose that hole inside me is still there but at that moment, I'm too distracted to feel it, let alone to care about it. From others I've heard that keeping oneself entertained is about escaping the stresses of the real world. In both cases, it's about finding an escape.
     
    Escapism isn't something I believe to be inherently bad though. It can be a good thing if kept in moderation. It might be a fitting thing to do if you feel overwhelmed at one moment where it can help you to calm down just enough to think with better clarity. It can be a bad thing if it goes out of control; meaning at the expense one's better judgment. Like if it gets you to procrastinate on your homework or worse yet, if the constant inaction starts to make you self-conscious about your own lack of productivity. Though there might be something else as well.
     
    Something that I don't see much sign of is reflection. Because of this tendency to just want to go look for something to amuse myself with, I'm not setting time for myself to think about things or finding adequate rest. Ultimately, keeping engaged isn't a way to bring myself to a state of rest. Rest and reflection go hand in hand in my experience. Like how your mind suddenly gets really creative just before falling asleep. Rest and reflection is where the digestion and integration of ideas and information happens; making sense of things basically. It's where my imagination really runs loose.
     
    In summary, by keeping my mind occupied, I rob myself of adequate rest, reflection and creativity which are important for my development as a human being. Even if I'm out of the woods, I still won't blame others for being stuck in this cycle; that feeling of emptiness is kinda painful and it's something that comes from the circumstances of a person's life; past and/or present. One way I try to help others with this problem is to be like a caregiver to such people (you could say I momlestia them :B which does take a lot of energy...)
     
    Image source
  23. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    Been having this idea of a while now. If you took the time to read all of the tags, you probably have an idea what it is. What I want to depict is filly Twilight Sparkle and colt Shining Armor playfully tickling their mom. Just light-hearted, mischievous play.
     
    Problem is, I really do not want to be caught with any pony drawings lying around so I'd have to go through the stress of keeping it secret. Though since I'm on campus, I have more privacy than I would back home so it's really a matter of being able to hide the drawing in-between suspensions and destroy the physical copy once it's scanned.
     
    Problem #2, I'm not very skilled at drawing; especially with odd angles and postures. If any of you have seen my drawing of my donkeysona, what jumps out at you is that the angle and posture are quite simple and even that didn't go effortlessly. You can notice some flaws in there as well. Although my gut's telling me to just screw the idea of quality and just focus on putting the idea on paper. It also tells me that a sketch will suffice. The thing is, the only digital means I have to edit and create images is MS Paint. I can hear the tearing of the fabric of space and time all of a sudden.
  24. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    So... Took a small break from things to collect myself. Recent events on another pony forums has still been plaguing me but now I can at least say that I'm STARTING to put it behind me despite the emotional investment I had made there. To summarize what I'm going to be talking about, I'll say that I really locked myself and my thoughts in this bubble that had been shrinking more and more. While I won't go into detail as to what kind of "threat" I was getting so worked up about, I will say what some time of reflection has done to help me move on.
     
    Alright then, the community has its problems and people are taking it very seriously. It's clear that there is a surplus of people wanting to make the site better for themselves, however that might look like but it's only been adding fuel to the fire, especially when personal vendettas come into the picture. Even when I was fully submerged into this troubled community, I would think about what could help or even fix things; something I've even lost some sleep over. Well, it didn't take long before I realized the absurdity of it all. What the eff am I doing with my life?! It's clear that my emotional investments were WAY out of line with my priorities. One of the things I did was go to a different forums about something completely unrelated and PM'ed someone showing him the mess I've made of myself so that the reality could be hammered into my head. Heck, the PM was titles "In SERIOUS need of a reality check". He was kind enough to have took the time to replied and made certain things clearer to me. For one that I've been spending way too much time online. Well, I tried to cut myself off for a week as recommended but that didn't quite work.
     
    In the time that I was trying, at least, I did manage to clear my mind a little bit. As I've come to learn, clearing your mind takes a bit of time and patience. Trying to rush the clearing of your mind is like trying to rush yourself into falling asleep. Just like with falling asleep, you find a nice, quiet place, you just let your thoughts run as they please and eventually, your mind will just relax and try to make sense of things. Now do not picture this as your mind having been rejuvenated and ready to process more information. Instead it's more like your mind being less burdened by thinking and working and more focused on rewiring itself. Growth happens in a place of rest. I'm sure many of us would think that we have to work our way out of all of our problems but under certain circumstances, working is the very thing you shouldn't do because that's not the state your body and mind can grow out of anything. Oh and it's technically work if your physiology is acting like it's doing work; which is what happens when you really are performing work or when you stress yourself over something.
     
    As my mind was in more of a state of rest and free to wander wherever it pleased, some interesting ideas came into my head. One of which is the other thing I want to talk about; context. Context affects how we consider, interpret or act on ideas, facts and events. For example if you're a farmer and your crops are getting a little dry, a good downpour's going to make you happy while it's a completely different story if you happen to be enjoying a parade. What this has to do with me getting flustered over something happening with people I don't really know over an essentially unremarkable website is that under the context of calling the website "my home" and seeing its people as my neighbors essentially, the whole game of politics happening there seemed very threatening to me. A few days later I think about it again while exposed to heat and UV radiation in the afternoon while surrounded by this sea of thorns made up of dried thorny trees where I nearly got an eye poked out getting to that clearing and I thought about the "threat" again. Well, seeing as I was alone in an environment I could not possibly survive in for a week, the whole thing on that other forums really doesn't seem like a big deal anymore. It became clear to me that I have much bigger problems to be focusing my resources and energy on.
     
    In conclusion to all this, it's clear that people can get stressed or lose sleep over the silliest of things and perhaps, something as small as thinking about the issue under a completely different context could really make it clear what is important and what isn't.
  25. aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q
    I've literally been under the rays when the re-alignment or re-orientation started happening. Not only was I under the tropical heat and sun of my homeland but I was also surrounded by the ambience of cacti, red soil and other dried plants. There's something about letting my skin slowly burn under ultraviolet radiation as well as being in a desolate environment removed from civilization that gets me to re-orient my thoughts like the fixing of a compass.
     
    So... What thoughts went through my mind as I absorbed the desolate ambience under the ultraviolet radiation of mid-day? What a lot of people think about in these days; that is, how to make ends meet. The difference is the context. Where most people would think about it in the context of finances, there I thought about it in the context of my natural environment. There I thought about it not as a citizen but as an organism. I was reminded of how dependent I am on the economy and how I want to change that.What I really want is for money to become more of a vain luxury rather than a necessity in my life. I've had such fantasies since I was but a child.
     
    Now that that's been brought out, it brings me to another thing that had crossed my mind; what my calling is. For a long time, I could answer the question of "what do you want to be when you grow up", especially once I had gotten intimidated and confused. Right now I am a college student in electrical engineering. Is this my calling? Not exactly. As I walked under the ultraviolet rays, I learned that my calling is much more... amorphous I guess. It's not one specific thing like most of us would think. For some it is but for me it isn't. What it is is whatever it is that which I see is demanded of me in order to survive, adapt and thrive. This has been taking various forms. However, I'm convinced that this isn't something to be done as a lone wolf but as a pack. It's partly for this reason that I've been delving into topics relating to psychology and biology. Humans are a social species, not a solitary one and we evolved that way for a reason.
     
    Well, I'm going to leave it here because it seems like this could go on to no end.
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