May somepony rate my OC FlameTail?

[Mane Quest 104]

I have created my first official OC today and would like someponies opinion of it.

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/flametail-r7911

That is Flame Tail, my non-evil (with some slightly 'evil' tendencies) OC.

Edited February 18, 2015 by FlameTail

[Splendormane 203]

I think hes really cool. I love the Color pallete though i dont think the lime green goes with the red but thats my opinion as longs as you like it thats all that matters if others dont dont worry about their thoughts . casue this is ur OC and he can be whatvere you want

[PoisonClaw 8,164]

Well, if you want my honest opinion...

 

I like his mane/tail colours. The red and green work well together and aren't painful to look at. The name is also fine, though it should really be two words.

 

However, I can't say the same about everything else. For starters, black is a hard coat color to pull off right, especially with red hair. There's a reason "Black and Red" is synonymous with bad OCs. Second, why are his eyes slitted and his teeth sharp? The teeth I could maybe buy with how he's apparently been living in the Everfree for years (Seriously?) but there is no reason his eyes should like like that except to make him look more "evil".

 

Speaking of him being evil, he has one of the most clique villain backstories imaginable. Uncaring and possible abusive parents? Check. Bullied for having no Cutie Mark? Check. Being trained by Nightmare Moon herself (which is impossible because she was free for maybe a couple of hours) to become a megalomaniac planning to take over Equestria? And...check. If you want him to be evil, try and at least give him an interesting reason why he's evil.

 

This is all just my opinion anyway.  

[Memory Lane 131]

Well let me analyze his profile then. You say he was bullied as a colt for being a "Blank Flank". This is perfectly plausible, although I have a hard time believing his parents would have no sense of affection toward him. Such cruelty is unheard of in Equestria. You then say he ran away from his home in Cloudsdale, as a young colt no less, and managed to survive in the dangerous Everfree Forest for several years without being killed by a monster or found by anypony? Highly improbable in my opinion. And then you say when Nightmare Moon returned, she decided to teach Flame Tail in her "evil ways" before being purified? Why would she care after a thousand years to delay her revenge to take on an apprentice? Fast forward to today, and Flame Tail still seeks revenge against Cloudsdale and also plans to seize control of the entire nation of Equestria on his own? Your kidding. Its obvious with Flame Tail's unnaturally demonic appearance you want him to be an evil character, but his origin story is ridiculous.

[AspenSwift 153]

"Evil" OC's haven't and never will be a good idea.  They're both overdone, and not even close to Canon.  Not having a cutie mark is also not close to Canon, and overdone.  Why did he never receive a cutie mark?  We need some more reasoning here.  And where did the sharp teeth come from?  However, everyone thanks you for not making him an Alicorn.

[Petrus 696]

Pretty badass I like it. I also like his color scheme a lot.

[Snake 516]

I'm going to have to agree with a majority of the people who have already commented.

I'm gonna give you some advice on how to improve him!

 

First, the back story. This is probably the most important thing. While it would be awesome to be trained by Nightmare Moon, it's not possible. She would have had no time for an apprentice in the time she was there before being purified by the elements of harmony. Another thing is the parents. Instead of saying they didnt love him, maybe a better way to express lack of affection would be to say his parents were always too busy and couldn't make time for him. Lots of kids go through that and some do resent their parents for it.

 

These are just some suggestions that in my opinion would make your OC more suited for canon and a better overall character. 

Good luck!

[Moonlight 7,286]

1. Evil OCs tend to automatically be bad
2. Black is an awful body color to go with, as is the horribly clashing red/green mane
3. Get a cutie mark or explain why he doesn't have one
4. Highly recommend not using demon eyes, they come off as really ugly and unappealing 
5. If he was taught by Nightmare Moon then it'd be assume that Luna would come back and change what she has said, also bullying is really cliche to go with for a backstory.

I recommend changing your OC's colors (getting rid of the black completely and toning down the bright reds/greens, and getting rid of the demon eyes in exchange for normal eyes), "evil" is a bad personality trait, and that's about all I have, sorry if it came off as rude. :s

[Twi The Totodile 200]

What really bothers me here is that his personality says "Evil" and "Friendly". I don't think those two personality traits should ever be put together. While we're on the subject of personality, I also have to say the personality feels like it's nowhere near complete. Okay, so he's evil... I think we already established that multiple times, why not put some more detail into the personality? What sort of evil things does he do? Why do you have friendly and evil in the same personality? Similar to what I said earlier, it's like you just picked a few random personality traits and called it good without putting any time into it. Putting more work into just the personality may not make the OC perfect by any means, but it will definitely be an improvement

 

Other than that just work on what the majority of people here have said.

Edited February 17, 2015 by Twi the Totodile

[Mane Quest 104]

In reply to everyone,

Firstly I would like to say that the backstory is temporary while I come up with a good idea, the cutie mark issue is about to be fixed like now, the evil but friendly thing is because he acts friendly around other ponies to gain their trust and then goes through with his plans etc.

Edit: Oh yeah, Darn my colourblindness, I was trying to get red/yellow mane but apparently I screwed up big time xD

 

Edit: I asked to be rated and I am glad you guys are critical of it, I will probably keep most of the colour scheme because of the edits I had to make to some of the image (the cutie mark on flametail was annoying) but the hair has been fixed to be yellow and red, a cutie mark was added, and I will start working on a better backstory.

 

Edit: My changes have been made if anyone wants to see them

 

Edit: I am keeping the black coat colour as it is meant to sort of be like its a charred coat design, the idea being that you don't see light colours of coal and similarly he is meant to have the dark colour for the fact that his mane and tail is like fire, he is the 'fuel' being burnt so to put it (not the best analogy but its the best way I can think of wording it right now)

Edited February 19, 2015 by Flame Tail