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critique wanted Fallout Equestria: The Kingdom of Ice

Skullbuster

By Skullbuster, User

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Skullbuster

Skullbuster 1,906

So I am in the process of writing an FoE story, i have the first 5 chapters written, but I want to make sure what Im writing is of quality before I continue

 

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/248751/fallout-equestria-the-kingdom-of-ice

 

Here is the story. Any feedback would be appreciated, and if anyone would be willing to help me along as I write it i would really like that 

My Let's Play channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCy14-AEEHdfj5QQAlYtB1_A

 

Need a guest Rapper on a song? talk to me!: http://mlpforums.com/topic/103097-guest-rapper-for-you/

 

NEW SONG:

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