Scootaloo's Journey

[Night Surfer 4]

Introduction:

I decided to try writing Scootaloo for the heck of it, hope you enjoy!

I have no clue where I'm going with it, I'm just writing what comes to mind but I like how its coming out ^^

 

Chapter 1:

 

Scootaloo raced along the street on her scooter enjoying the feel of the wind through her mane and tail, this was something she enjoyed doing and even though she could not fly yet she could at least enjoy going fast though she longed for the day when she would be able to join Rainbow Dash in the sky and allow her to teach her some of her awesome tricks; She sighed as she thought about it, Rainbow had always been like a sister to her but recently Rainbow was too busy to take any time for her as she was practicing for the huge air show that was going to commence in the next few weeks; Of course Scootaloo understood this, wouldn't she herself be practicing for something as awesome and cool as that? Sighing she shook her head, it just felt like a part of her was ripped away when she wasn't with Rainbow; Yes she had the Cutie Mark Crusaders but today she just couldn't concentrate on any of the tasks they had planned for that day and Sweetie Belle had to go help Rarity with some new designs while Applebloom had to go help with the apples, so that had left Scootaloo by herself and her thoughts.

 

Speeding up she noticed the ramp up ahead that she had made and her eyes narrowed as she sped up and flew into the air, if she had been able to stay in the air she would of but her scooter hit the ground and she continued across the ground while a grin sprang on her face; She loved the thrill of danger so loved to to stunts which was why her scooter had 'I do all my own stunts' written on it, slowing to a stop by Sugarcube Corner and breathed in the delicious smells that came from the shop; Of course she wasn't here just for the treats she was here to talk to Pinkie Pie, maybe she had some good advice for her... Of course on the other hand, it could be she would just randomly say stuff again but that was the risk she was willing to take.

 

Entering the shop her eyes grew wide at the mess of things in front of her and she made her way through the mess of boxes and found Mr and Mrs Cake struggling to package things and Scootaloo cleared her throat, "Hi Mr and Mrs Cake, whats going on?" Scootaloo was quite curious as it looked like they were in a rush to get a bunch of cakes and stuff boxed up for something, she looked over at Mr Cake as he finished packaging a batch of cupcakes and collapsed to the floor in near exhaustion from what she could tell. "Well, we are helping with the air show thats going on in a couple weeks and we need to get everything ready for the huge dinner they are having in a couple nights. We have our hoofs full with all of the preparations."

 

Scootaloo frowned, no one had told her about this dinner but whatever maybe she could help, "Do you need some help?" Mr and Mrs Cake looked at eachother then looked back at Scootaloo, "Um no, but thank you for the offer." Scootaloo glared, she could help but ok if thats the way they wanted it. "Ok, do you know where Pinkie Pie is?" It didn't take very long at all before Pinkie Pie came leaping out of the kitchen area covered in flour. "Oh hi Scootaloo, whats up?"

 

Scootaloo just stared at her for a minute before coming to her senses and giggled at her, "You sure look funny covered in flour, but yeah. I was wondering if I could talk to you." Pinkie Pie looked like she was in thought and Scootaloo hoped she would take the time to talk to her but nope her hopes were dashed when Pinkie shook her head, "I'm sorry, but I'm helping out her. Maybe later?" Scootaloo lowered her head sadly. "Thats ok Pinkie, thanks anyway." Pinkie nodded before leaping back into the kitchen and Scootaloo left the shop after waving goodbye and decided to go visit Twilight Sparkle even though she knew she would most likely be busy with studying as she usully was but hopefully she would take the time to talk to her.

Edited May 20, 2012 by Diamond Sky

[Hat988 108]

I hope you don't mind some suggestions

 

Scootaloo raced along the street on her scooter enjoying the feel of the wind through her mane and tail, this was something she enjoyed doing and even though she could not fly yet she could at least enjoy going fast though she longed for the day when she would be able to join Rainbow Dash in the sky and allow her to teach her some of her awesome tricks; She sighed as she thought about it, Rainbow had always been like a sister to her but recently Rainbow was too busy to take any time for her as she was practicing for the huge air show that was going to commence in the next few weeks; Of course Scootaloo understood this, wouldn't she herself be practicing for something as awesome and cool as that?

This is one sentence!! It is too long. See this website on how to use semi-colons ( ; ) properly: http://www.essortment.com/use-semicolon-properly-33063.html

 

You are telling too much so I can't really get involved in the story.

 

Also, there doesn't seem to be a story - just a regular day. This is fine if you just want to practice though.

 

It is usually a good idea to put dialogue on separate lines.