open The Shadows Arise

[ShadowLadyEsme 19]

Lady Esme smirked softly as she passed a nearby guard, her cutie mark changing just fast enough to catch the pony's attention. The equestrian crown that marked her flank has suddenly turned back, and the elegant golden designs blue as a midnight bue gem took the place of the gem that had previousely been there. She held back a snicker then as the dark red blood appeared around it, symbolizing what to come. It was a warning to them, but Esme was sure to make it subtle. Just noticable enough to grab their attention, but not obvious enough to allert their senses. Silen, following behind obediantely with a sharp spring in her step, seemed rather joyous of the occasion. "Do you understand the plan fully?" That was the only thing that slipped from her mouth, for she was on a mission and, while should could afford some fun, she must keep to the task aswell.

 

She spanned her wings, enjoying the feel of the soft breeze through her feathers. If she was to act the part, she might as well make it enjoyable aswell, no? To each side of her ponies were performing various acts. However, with a flick of her hoof, everything went aria. However, it was not a matter of chaos, simply a large amount of confusion. This would allow her and ther companions to slip through the city with ease.

[Nicolae Carpathia 140]

Lady Esme smirked softly as she passed a nearby guard, her cutie mark changing just fast enough to catch the pony's attention. The equestrian crown that marked her flank has suddenly turned back, and the elegant golden designs blue as a midnight bue gem took the place of the gem that had previousely been there. She held back a snicker then as the dark red blood appeared around it, symbolizing what to come. It was a warning to them, but Esme was sure to make it subtle. Just noticable enough to grab their attention, but not obvious enough to allert their senses. Silen, following behind obediantely with a sharp spring in her step, seemed rather joyous of the occasion. "Do you understand the plan fully?" That was the only thing that slipped from her mouth, for she was on a mission and, while should could afford some fun, she must keep to the task aswell.

 

She spanned her wings, enjoying the feel of the soft breeze through her feathers. If she was to act the part, she might as well make it enjoyable aswell, no? To each side of her ponies were performing various acts. However, with a flick of her hoof, everything went aria. However, it was not a matter of chaos, simply a large amount of confusion. This would allow her and ther companions to slip through the city with ease.

 

Morning star went to find his sister Queen Esme. He got on his

death shroud. He kept the shroud on to alter his appearance. He can see Esme from an distance,every now and then he'll leave notes behind making sure his sister Esme would get them. The first one he left read."How long have i awaited for this moment to see the down fall of Celestia.

 

Morning star decided to go find Celestia and give her a wake up call from a family member.

 

Lady Esme smirked softly as she passed a nearby guard, her cutie mark changing just fast enough to catch the pony's attention. The equestrian crown that marked her flank has suddenly turned back, and the elegant golden designs blue as a midnight bue gem took the place of the gem that had previousely been there. She held back a snicker then as the dark red blood appeared around it, symbolizing what to come. It was a warning to them, but Esme was sure to make it subtle. Just noticable enough to grab their attention, but not obvious enough to allert their senses. Silen, following behind obediantely with a sharp spring in her step, seemed rather joyous of the occasion. "Do you understand the plan fully?" That was the only thing that slipped from her mouth, for she was on a mission and, while should could afford some fun, she must keep to the task aswell.

 

She spanned her wings, enjoying the feel of the soft breeze through her feathers. If she was to act the part, she might as well make it enjoyable aswell, no? To each side of her ponies were performing various acts. However, with a flick of her hoof, everything went aria. However, it was not a matter of chaos, simply a large amount of confusion. This would allow her and ther companions to slip through the city with ease.

 

 

Morning star went to find his sister Queen Esme. He put on his

death shroud. He kept the shroud on to alter his appearance. He could see Esme from an distance,every now and then he'll leave notes behind making sure his sister Esme would get them. The first one he left read."How long have i awaited for this moment to see the down fall of Celestia.

 

Morning star decided to go find Celestia and give her a wake up call from a family member.

[ShadowLadyEsme 19]

(Accidental post)

Edited June 4, 2012 by ShadowLadyEsme

[Mareinthemoon 348]

Morning star went to find his sister Queen Esme. He put on his

death shroud. He kept the shroud on to alter his appearance. He could see Esme from an distance,every now and then he'll leave notes behind making sure his sister Esme would get them. The first one he left read."How long have i awaited for this moment to see the down fall of Celestia.

 

Morning star decided to go find Celestia and give her a wake up call from a family member.

 

 

(ok then I can say your second post is a world better than the first one for sure but here is some constructive tips...use commas, find better words for the actions happening so...instead of..

 

'Morning star went to find his sister Queen Esme. He put on his

death shroud. He kept the shroud on to alter his appearance. '

 

Something like this...

 

'Morning star made his way through Canterlot, In search of his elder sister Queen Esme. He quickly put on his shroud of silken darkness, the magic of the death shroud giving one the ability to alter his form into that of one less intimidating. A smile crossed his lips as he traversed Canterlot undetected, a simple joy to be had in being a Wolf in sheep's clothing. To blend into the flock as you stalk your prey and the Shepard none the wiser.'

 

see? Its just how its said, use of metaphor and descriptions. Roleplay as if you are writing a story. Let us see what you see, feel the cold,smell the grass ect sensory usage makes it go from words on a screen to writing that creates emotional responce. I hope this helps also by doing this reaching the 5 sentences are no longer hard. I come from advanced rp to where you need to have 3 paragraphs minimum and all speaking must be separated into paragraphs, so one characters line of speech per paragraph.It takes some practice but think as you do it 'is this how I would describe what I am doing?' the more realistic the better.)

[ShadowLadyEsme 19]

(ok then I can say your second post is a world better than the first one for sure but here is some constructive tips...use commas, find better words for the actions happening so...instead of..

 

'Morning star went to find his sister Queen Esme. He put on his

death shroud. He kept the shroud on to alter his appearance. '

 

Something like this...

 

'Morning star made his way through Canterlot, In search of his elder sister Queen Esme. He quickly put on his shroud of silken darkness, the magic of the death shroud giving one the ability to alter his form into that of one less intimidating. A smile crossed his lips as he traversed Canterlot undetected, a simple joy to be had in being a Wolf in sheep's clothing. To blend into the flock as you stalk your prey and the Shepard none the wiser.'

 

see? Its just how its said, use of metaphor and descriptions. Roleplay as if you are writing a story. Let us see what you see, feel the cold,smell the grass ect sensory usage makes it go from words on a screen to writing that creates emotional responce. I hope this helps also by doing this reaching the 5 sentences are no longer hard. I come from advanced rp to where you need to have 3 paragraphs minimum and all speaking must be separated into paragraphs, so one characters line of speech per paragraph.It takes some practice but think as you do it 'is this how I would describe what I am doing?' the more realistic the better.)

 

(That's very good, mare)