writing Synopsis Review

[Genepool 224]

I'm such a newb when it comes to forums, and have no idea how ponychan stuff works. If anyone would be willing to take a look at the synopsis for my story i'm working on, it would be greatly appreciated. Changed things around quite substantially from what what they used to be. Did this a second time after reading the info on the mlpfic section about synopsis being short, sweet, and to the point.

 

Though each of them are short i'll put them in spoiler tags will appropriate titles. Want to get a good sense of what works, what doesn't, or what could work with a bit of fleshing out.

 

 

This is the original one that I had written:

 

 

Happiness, a single word that differs between so many. Some view it as a precious treasure, a unique gift that should always be cherished. Others find their happiness to be an unforgiving curse, dragging them down into a darkened abyss.

 

What makes a pony truly happy? Sometimes, not even the pony knows until it is lost, forever.

 

Two hundred years after the battle between Princess Celestia and Nightmare Moon a unicorn stallion sets off on a journey towards Canterlot, hoping to quell the dark obsession that plagues his heart. Now, all he can do is relive the past in hopes of finding what made him happy, before his final judgment.

 

 

Second piece that I have written and posted on Fimfiction for the story as a place holder:

 

 

 

Happiness.

 

In the world of Equestria, happiness is a strange word that differs between so many. Some view it as a precious treasure, a unique gift that should always be cherished. Others find their happiness to be an unforgiving curse, dragging them down into a darkened abyss.

 

What is happiness? What makes a pony truly happy? Sometimes, not even the pony knows until it is lost, forever.

 

Two hundred years after the battle between Princess Celestia and Nightmare Moon, a unicorn stallion sets off on a journey for Canterlot. In those royal halls was a hope of quelling the dark obsession that plagued his heart.

 

Now, all that is left is the past. A past in which Steadfast hopes to find what made him happy, before his final judgment comes.

 

 

Third and final one that i've worked on:

 

 

Happiness is an unusual, yet unique word. Many ponies view their happiness as a precious treasure, cherishing it as this gift helps them to better their lives. Sadly, some find their happiness to be an unforgiving curse that relentlessly drags them down into a darkened abyss.

 

Two hundred years after Princess Celestia’s grand battle with Nightmare Moon, Steadfast sets off on a journey towards the capital of Equestria. Inside Canterlot’s royal library was a hope of quelling the dark obsession that plagued the unicorn stallion’s heart. Now, all that is left is the past, and a hope to find what made the pony truly happy, before his final judgment.

 

 

 

Really want to include the part about it being 200 years after the battle between Celestia and Nightmare Moon to give a bit of chronological reference. However, that information is in the first chapter of the story, so it can be taken out of it doesn't work well.

 

Thanks for any and all critiques, I really want to make this story the best ever written.