Poems, poems everywhere!

[Guest]

Just some of my poems from DA, if anyone has comments or criticism feel free to fire away!

 

Mirror Image

 

Mirror image

A reflection

Or is it

A twisted fantasy

 

The eyes

Pierce my

Defenses now

Broken, irreparable

 

How can I

Combat that

Which knows

My dark secrets

 

Gripping reality

As though

It were a thing

Of comfort, ha

 

The lies

Growing and

Twisting like

Serpents, tempting

 

Where is it

The mirrors lead to

And what terrors

Wear our faces

 

Hold That Thought

 

Hold that thought

Or it might float away

 

Doomed to be forgotten

Until some other day

 

Value Every Second

 

Time

Sifting through fingers

 

We should Value every second

Like a diamond

 

Hold it long in embrace

As though it were a close friend

 

Remember the texture upon your hand

And recount how beautiful it felt

 

See in that second a light

So grand your very soul is put at ease

 

Only letting go when you must

And with joy welcome the next

 

For when the sands are washed away

By the sea of this existence

 

You will only have memories of

Those jewels that rush through your fingers

 

The Candle and the Shadow

 

Shared by all

Held by none

Free above

Oh bright sun

 

To you I shout

The lies I spun

All the dark

Ties come undone

 

My foolish ways

Forever I mourn

The candle

Must the shadow scorn

 

Where once was taint

What had been torn

Now a new soul

Waits unborn

[Shankveld 4,945]

I'm not THAT into poetry, but I did take a writer's craft course so I can tell your poetry is very amateur.

that saying you shouldn't give up,

maybe learn about poetry and practice more,

you don't use (hardly) any literary devices and

most poems have a deeper meaning

and are extended metaphor.

~

Edited January 9, 2012 by Shankveld

[Guest]

I'm not THAT into poetry, but I did take a writer's craft course so I can tell your poetry is very immature.

that saying you shouldn't give up,

maybe learn about poetry and practice more,

you don't use (hardly) any literary devices and

most poems have a deeper meaning

and are extended metaphor.

~

 

I have only been at it for a short while, so I hope to get way more practice as I continue writing. For now I feel that I can't always express my ideas very well if I get too into a metaphor or other device, but like you said that is just something I need to work on. I do plan on taking a creative writings course next year, so maybe I can pick up a thing or two there.

 

Thank you for the comment!

[D1SC0RD 987]

o_o I don't think they're immature.

 

Mirrors is about our inner demons and how ugly side of us is always hidden and waiting to hurt someone. Yet, on the outside, no one would suspect such a thing. But the person looking in the mirror is well aware of themselves, and they are fearful for everyone around them because others cannot see what that person sees in the mirror.

 

How is that immature? I just dun geddit.

 

Anyway. I think they're good. Mirrors is probably my favorite out of them all.

[RedParadoxin 2]

It's OK I guess, I'm not into poetry though.

[Guest]

o_o I don't think they're immature.

 

Mirrors is about our inner demons and how ugly side of us is always hidden and waiting to hurt someone. Yet, on the outside, no one would suspect such a thing. But the person looking in the mirror is well aware of themselves, and they are fearful for everyone around them because others cannot see what that person sees in the mirror.

 

How is that immature? I just dun geddit.

 

Anyway. I think they're good. Mirrors is probably my favorite out of them all.

 

Yeah, that is the gist of it! We all have that secret side that we understand and fear, yet other people rarely see. That little voice which seems to counteract the conscience and leads us to be mean, spiteful, jealous, etc.

 

Mirrors is one of my favorites as well, thank you for the comment!

 

It's OK I guess, I'm not into poetry though.

 

No problem, not everyone likes poetry. Thank you for the comment though!

[Shankveld 4,945]

o_o I don't think they're immature.

 

Mirrors is about our inner demons and how ugly side of us is always hidden and waiting to hurt someone. Yet, on the outside, no one would suspect such a thing. But the person looking in the mirror is well aware of themselves, and they are fearful for everyone around them because others cannot see what that person sees in the mirror.

 

How is that immature? I just dun geddit.

 

Anyway. I think they're good. Mirrors is probably my favorite out of them all.

 

o_o I don't think they're immature.

 

Mirrors is about our inner demons and how ugly side of us is always hidden and waiting to hurt someone. Yet, on the outside, no one would suspect such a thing. But the person looking in the mirror is well aware of themselves, and they are fearful for everyone around them because others cannot see what that person sees in the mirror.

 

How is that immature? I just dun geddit.

 

Anyway. I think they're good. Mirrors is probably my favorite out of them all.

 

I meant amateur **

[Guest]

Here are two more!

 

The Aroma of Flowers

 

Sitting, thinking

Here at the edge of

This world so dark

 

Hearing the cries

And from this perch

The miserable thorns are seen

 

Constricting...

Choking...

Unforgiving...

 

Yet here and there

Flowers, flowers...

Beauty unsurpassed

 

Growing and flourishing

As the dark vines

Roil round their forms

 

Sentinels and

Denizens of a world

Which abhors them

 

Smile even when hope is dead

For the breeze brings with it

The aroma of flowers

 

Those Who Know Nothing

 

Held so lovingly

Or is it a death grip

In ignorance is warmth

But not warmth of the living

 

In the unknowing we find peace

Not the peace of life

Instead peace of mind

For a mind without thoughts holds no war counsel

 

The first rule of knowing

Lies in understanding

Thus those who know not

Understand all, for they know nothing to understand

 

But then what do we understand

Does our own belief

In our knowledge only prove our condemnation

As those who know nothing

 

I think this might be my new personal favorite!

 

 

Added 1/15/2012

 

Reflection

 

Peering into the pool

I see only a fool peering back

 

What reason has he

For staring as he does

 

Perhaps he seeks answers

Hoping to unravel the world

 

Where then shall he find them

There is naught here to see

 

Or maybe he needs no reason

And simply watches his reflection too

 

Existing there, wondering

Why such a fool stares back at him

Edited January 16, 2012 by Guest