A new song I am working on - critique/help wanted/needed!

[)O( Scarlet )O( 1,259]

Ok, so I am working on a new song, how-ever,  I am kind of stuck and would like some help with it.

 

Here is what I have so far:

 

The night was cold and starless,

And I began to lose all hope.

With all the pain and suffering,

I just could not cope.

 

Even though I knew it wasn’t right,

I just wanted to give up on the fight.

Just when I thought that nopony,

Could ever lift me, from my dark thoughts,

My eyes beheld such a beautiful sight.

And my heart, it soared to a new height.

 

You came down from out of nowhere,

And lit up the dark skies,

With your radiant beauty,

And your regal voice,

 

You touched my heart,

And lifted my spirits high.

You helped me to see,

That I am not alone.

 

 

(so yeah I'm sort of stuck after the last bit, any help would be great! - also constructive critique is welcome!)

[akalink 163]

Well I'm afraid I'm not to good with lyrics, I've even admitted it in one of my songs in the lyrics. But I like what you have. I'm sure you can do more. If you need someone to sing/write some harmony parts or mix it, I would happily help you. 

 

What style are you writing for. In my head I hearing 70's funk/soul music, but I know that not the case since I've yet to hear a pony song of that genre.

[)O( Scarlet )O( 1,259]

Well I'm afraid I'm not to good with lyrics, I've even admitted it in one of my songs in the lyrics. But I like what you have. I'm sure you can do more. If you need someone to sing/write some harmony parts or mix it, I would happily help you. 

 

What style are you writing for. In my head I hearing 70's funk/soul music, but I know that not the case since I've yet to hear a pony song of that genre.

 

Well it is meant to be a slow, sad sort of song, along the lines of something like Great to be Different, but you know sad, here is another song I wrote, that I need help with singing/melody:

 

http://mlpforums.com/blog/386/entry-6588-depression/

[Dsanders 5,750]

I really like the song you written out here! Just reading through the lyrics and getting the feel from it, it all felt pretty poetic to read. I'm pretty sure that this can definitely be made into a beautiful song!

 

Overall, I say you did a really good job here!

Edited August 23, 2013 by Sanderspie

[)O( Scarlet )O( 1,259]

Th...thank you. Did you read the other one, the one that is actually finished? But yes, I am still really stuck on how to continue with this one....

 

But thanks