slice of life Come Little Children (feedback please?)

[BlueEyedMelloon 0]

Much like everyone who posts here, I too have written a fanfiction. It is currently unfinished, but I would greatly appreciate feedback on how the story is progressing thus far. Anyway, here it is:

 

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/120900/come-little-children

 

 

Thanks for reading it those that do! I've tried writing a couple of fics, but this is the only one that I have really enjoyed writing for longer than a couple days. I want to make it the best that it can possibly be!

Edited August 28, 2013 by BlueEyedMelloon