writing one of my first stories ever written

[Eight bit 11]

Jace is a 16 year old boy. He was very lonely and only found salvation in the videos he watched on his computer. One day he stumbled upon a video of the supposed killer Jeff. Thinking he could go for a good scare, he decided to watch the video. Jace sat on his couch, covered in his blankets with all the lights off. The only form of lightness was from the faint glow of the TV on his pale, petrified face. As he listened to the tale of a boy who committed several gruesome acts 9 years ago, including self mutilation, Jace knew that this story was just a bunch of garbage. It was only created just to creep out those who enjoy it but it still spooked him to a ghostly white. Jace then started to calm down and relax as the story was almost over. But all of his sense of calm vanished as he heard a knocking sound. He assumed it was coming from the video audio. He heard it a few more times before turning off his TV and computer. He listened more carefully. There it was again. The knocking sounded like it was upstairs. "But how could this be?" Jace thought, "I'm the only one who's in the house." Being the curious individual he was, Jace decided to investigate this noise, equipping himself with one of his fathers' medieval claymores. He then ventured up his creaky stars. It sent shivers up his spine every time he took a step. He finally got upstairs only to find himself face to face with a pitch black hallway, the only light was a flickering one at the end of the dark hallway. There appeared to be no one at the end of the hallway, but Jace spoke too soon as the next flicker of light showed a strange silhouette of a person whom appeared to be holding a sharp object. Despite the fact Jace was holding a claymore, he was too scared to use it and dropped it as he ran back downstairs. He ran to his bedroom as if it was a vault that couldn't be cracked open. He hid under his blankets, petrified of knowing whom that figure was. What was his reason for being here? At that moment, Jace didn't want to know. He sat there in the pitch black of the night, everything was silent until he suddenly heard footsteps coming closer and closer to his room. Clack... clack... clack... Everything went silent again and Jace suddenly had a strange feeling that he was being watched. That was when he heard the door creak open and the echoes of the footsteps again. There was a brief silence that lasted a little longer than the last time and Jace let out a sigh. He chuckled with relief. It must've been all in his head from watching watching those scary videos. But as Jace was about to sit up, the covers that surrounded him were ripped off violently. Jace looked up and there stood the clown-like face, white-as-snow skin, and the eyes of a crazy killer. Jeff. The killer was standing over Jace, holding a rusted knife in his hand. But little did Jace know, the knife wasn't rusted... it was covered in dry blood. Jace then tried to let out a scream but Jeff made sure he wouldn't make a sound as the last sound Jace heard before mysteriously disappearing was a deep sigh. “Go...to...sleep...” The conflict between Jace and Jeff was never resolved. Nobody could find either suspects. The only trace left was a pool of blood in the middle of Jace's bedroom. Nobody knew if Jace survived Jeff the Killer's wrath, or met a gruesome, sleepless death.

THE END

[Stancet 674]

Wow, freakish. You actually paced the story very nicely and increased the tension very steadily. Not exactly my cup of tea but you made a good story.

[Harmonic Revelations 8,833]

Your story won't really be received too well if you don't put it in paragraphs.

 

The way it's written now it hurts the eyes to look at. With some formatting, this could be a fine story.

[Eight bit 11]

thanks guys, Harmonic Revelations, thanks for the criticism. I will definitely edit it when I get the chance much appreciated.