Victim Blaming

[Henny Penny Benny 936]

it's not really like I have to worry about what's rape and what isn't.

 

Yeeeaaah, I don't think I'll ever have to worry about whether it's rape or not. Never had sex and not going to until I'm married. That makes it pretty simple.

Edited April 26, 2014 by Henny Penny Benny

[Taviscratch 453]

Yeeeaaah, I don't think I'll ever have to worry about whether it's rape or not. Never had sex and not going to until I'm married. That makes it pretty simple.

I guess that's fine as long as you find a like-minded lady (or fella). It's a daunting task for your wedding night though. I hope you're lucky and end up marrying somebody sexually compatible. Anyway, that's enough talk about strangers' sex lives...BACK TO THE RAPE!

[BastementSparkle 20,326]

I'm going to have to agree with Benny on this one. Nothing excuses rape, but taking steps to keep yourself safe is a good idea. When you go out to a bar and get drunk you know the risks that are associated with that, and that you may be in danger. Expecting people just to not do bad things is ridiculous, people are going to do bad things. It's not that rapists don't know rape is wrong, they just don't care. It's not "rape apology" or anything of that sort, it's common sense.

 

 Also, I have to ask. Is it rape if both parties involved are equally drunk?

[Henny Penny Benny 936]

I guess that's fine as long as you find a like-minded lady (or fella). It's a daunting task for your wedding night though. I hope you're lucky and end up marrying somebody sexually compatible. Anyway, that's enough talk about strangers' sex lives...BACK TO THE RAPE!

 

(I'm'a take this tangent just a liiiittle bit farther)

 

"Sexually compatible"? Really? I can't fathom how sex could be something two people can just be incompatible with, and i certainly don't see how luck has anything to with it.

Edited April 26, 2014 by Henny Penny Benny

[BastementSparkle 20,326]

(I'm'a take this tangent just a liiiittle bit farther)

 

"Sexually compatible"? Really? I can't fathom how sex could be something two people can just be incompatible with.

 I suppose it could be if one of them is really into a certain fetish, and the other is completely turned off by it.

[Taviscratch 453]

It can come with time, you get used to one another and you learn what works and what doesn't...ultimately you get good at it. Not everyone is the same though and sometimes people are different enough that sex is just kind of awkward. It's like trying to dance with one of you doing a waltz while the other dances the tango. It's hard to explain but sometimes it's great and brilliant and others it'll just be...not right.

[Henny Penny Benny 936]

 I suppose it could be if one of them is really into a certain fetish, and the other is completely turned off by it.

 

But if neither of us has had sex before, that wouldn't be an issue. Yet another benefit to saving sex for marriage, at least to me.

It can come with time, you get used to one another and you learn what works and what doesn't...ultimately you get good at it. Not everyone is the same though and sometimes people are different enough that sex is just kind of awkward. It's like trying to dance with one of you doing a waltz while the other dances the tango. It's hard to explain but sometimes it's great and brilliant and others it'll just be...not right.

 

Well.... I'll be sure to keep that in mind when I get married? 

 

Y'know, unless I've developed Alzheimer's by then, since it probably won't happen for a good long while.

[Taviscratch 453]

 I suppose it could be if one of them is really into a certain fetish, and the other is completely turned off by it.

That is another way a couple could be sexually incompatible. It's more than just "does the plug fit the socket?" if you pardon my crude metaphor. There's more to sex than just simply inserting a penis into a vagina...something they don't really teach in sex ed XD

[BastementSparkle 20,326]

But if neither of us has had sex before, that wouldn't be an issue. Yet another benefit to saving sex for marriage, at least to me.

 You don't have to have had sex to be into a fetish. You just have to know what turns you on. Then you're just married to someone who is completely disgusted by what turns you on.

 

 If you're not having sex before marriage, then that's good, but I'd suggest having discussions about things like that with whoever your possible partner is at some point.

That is another way a couple could be sexually incompatible. It's more than just "does the plug fit the socket?" if you pardon my crude metaphor. There's more to sex than just simply inserting a penis into a vagina...something they don't really teach in sex ed XD

I'm pretty sure you just need practice in that case, as well as learning what your partner likes.

 

 I've never done it, but I'm pretty sure sex is like everything else. You learn more with experience.

[Taviscratch 453]

I'm pretty sure you just need practice in that case, as well as learning what your partner likes.

 

 I've never done it, but I'm pretty sure sex is like everything else. You learn more with experience.

You are kind of right. Practice does make you better at sex but it's not universal. It is different for every person. Different people like different tempos, positions, amounts and types of foreplay and, without going into too much detail, various ways of touching. Maybe even different toys and the like. There is no universal formula to being good at sex otherwise we'd have figured it out by now. There is, however, a simple way of being pretty good though: find the G spot. It's not that difficult to locate and it doesn't deserve its mythical status. It's in the same place on every woman more or less and it doesn't require a huge penis (or long fingers) to reach.

 Also, I have to ask. Is it rape if both parties involved are equally drunk?

Just noticed this and wasn't sure if it was directed at me. If it was then I would say no, it isn't rape. It's just a stupid thing people did while drunk which they regret while sober.

[BastementSparkle 20,326]

 

Just noticed this and wasn't sure if it was directed at me. If it was then I would say no, it isn't rape. It's just a stupid thing people did while drunk which they regret while sober.

No, it wasn't directed at you, just a question in general. I asked because I've seen a lot of instances where this is what happened and one of the parties blamed of rape, usually the man. I wanted to know how people felt about it, so I could respond accordingly.

 

 As for all that other stuff you said, I can see what you mean. My knowledge of sexual things is rather weak. Excluding having an oddly large amount of knowledge on fetishes.

Edited April 26, 2014 by BasementPony

[Taviscratch 453]

No, it wasn't directed at you, just a question in general. I asked because I've seen a lot of instances where this is what happened and one of the parties blamed of rape, usually the man. I wanted to know how people felt about it, so I could respond accordingly.

 

 As for all that other stuff you said, I can see what you mean. My knowledge of sexual things is rather weak. Excluding having an oddly large amount of knowledge on fetishes.

A friend of mine actually does this on something of a regular occasion. She will get absolutely wasted and come on to guys (sometimes her friends) and go and have sex with them. In the morning she will not remember consenting and be surprised to find some guy or a friend beside her in bed. She'll cry rape. One time she actually went to the police after doing this to a friend of hers and tried to get him arrested and it took the rest of us telling the police that she was drunk in the bar and all over him, obviously consenting, the night before to stop him from being charged with rape.

[Hive King 2,001]

Yeah, I have to play devil's advocate here. Like what @, and @@Henny Penny Benny, have said, there is an element of risk there. It's kind of like walking into a robber's den while covered in money. Rapists should not rape and it is not the victims's fault, but there are ways you can protect yourself

 

Random note, you are more likely to be raped by someone you know than a stranger

@@Taviscratch,

Oh yeah, the fact that rape requires penetration is really stupid. It means women who suck off a disabled minor don't count as rapists 

[Diva Pony 345]

It's a horrible shame when a woman is accused of "asking for it" and doesn't come forward once she is raped.  You see all too many times where the woman is called a liar, threatened (if it was someone popular enough), labeled a slut--- sometimes (and sadly) women think they should not come forward because they know that the law and the public will not be on their side. 

 

Look what women have endured in India.  Finally now the rapists are being held accountable after how many years of getting away with rape and murder?

 

If women are drunk they are asking to be raped?  If men are drunk that is macho.  The double standard is amazing.

 

However I do have to agree with @Henny Penny Benny and @BasementPony about being careful. 

 

Knowing that there are bad people out there in any facet of life you have to be careful. 

 

It's not just about rape.  What about getting robbed?  Would you leave your purse hanging open and your wallet showing while walking down a crowded city street?  Would you walk down a deserted alley at night by yourself? 

 

Having your skirt ride up your derriere dancing at a disco is no excuse for someone raping you however you will probably attract the kind of man who wants to know your body a heck of a lot more than what your opinion of the latest election is.

Edited April 26, 2014 by Diva Pony

[PsychedelicPony 440]

The fact is, though, that getting drunk beyond the ability to think straight is still an active choice, and you're just as responsible for what you do after getting yourself wasted as you are for what you do sober.

 

Not when it comes to sex, the law clearly dictates that if a person is not sober they cannot give consent, plain and simple. You may not agree with it, but in the US it is the law.

[Taviscratch 453]

Not when it comes to sex, the law clearly dictates that if a person is not sober they cannot give consent, plain and simple. You may not agree with it, but in the US it is the law.

In Britain we're a lot less sue-happy and actually take responsibility for our actions. If you get pissed, that's an active decision and therefore you're still responsible for everything you do when drunk.

[Henny Penny Benny 936]

Not when it comes to sex, the law clearly dictates that if a person is not sober they cannot give consent, plain and simple. You may not agree with it, but in the US it is the law.

 

I didn't say legally responsible, I just said responsible. As in sensibly responsible. As in your actions are your responsibility and no one else's.

[FoqueMe 44]

Mhmm, there are disturbing trends in society today, people thinking Christianity is a victim in a war while it remains dominant and one of the biggest lobbies in government, people thinking racism is over and that racist jokes are acceptable, people thinking feminism is threatening to men while woman have been wronged all through history, first being treated as property like cattle, then being pidgeon holed as weak and only good for housework and raising children, finally being allowed to vote in America in 1920, finally being allowed in the workplace but still only making 60 cents to the man's dollar. It's these things that really grind my gears.

There's also homophobia, transphobia and the fact that people still don't believe men can be victims of sexual assault/harassment, especially if it's by a woman, and it can be just as damaging as a woman being raped.  I have at least one friend who was raped when he was younger, and I knew him for almost five years before I found out.  The unfortunate thing in a man's case, I've noticed, is that if they weren't victimized by a woman, they're concerned with being seen as gay, if it's by a woman, any claim they might make is usually laughed out because men are supposedly incapable of saying no to sex.  In that regard, I really do feel bad for male society, as it is the opposite of the "weak" role given to women:  Men are expected to be "strong".  It is also why society still looks down as a whole on boys and men taking on traditionally "feminine" hobbies and activities, which is no doubt why a lot of guys get flack for liking My Little Pony.  But one of the great things about the brony subculture is that we, as a whole, have an outlet and a small group of people who can emphasize and accept it - which is why it's never a bad idea to try meetups or cons at least once.

 

Tavishscratch also brings up a few good points, and - as unpopular as an opinion it might be - a peeve of mine regarding the hypothetical scenario of a woman consenting to sex at the time and regretting it later, as it trivializes rape and sexual assault.  Nobody "deserves" to be raped, however, everyone should excercise caution and take preventive measures to prevent the situation from happening.

[RNgineer 161]

as far as rapes go, men are the highest population of rape victims, men occupy overwhelmingly prisons and people dont seem to take into account that they are victims...mostly because society doesnt see men as victims but they are, women dont even have it close as to what violent rape victims men go through and that is a fact.....

 

As far as excuses to being a rape victim, I dont believe that women wearing certain clothes, or feeling a certain high justifies them being subjected to unconsensual sex, Excuses like that make men out to look sick and perverted who cant control their homones....

 

one thing i will complain about though when women get pressured into sex, they call that rape but when men get pressured into sex its not considered rape...i hate that because that has happened to me but instead im a jerk and a pussy for not giving into her horny needs.  

 

 

NO means NO, I always advocate for men and women to be armed with anything if it means helping them feel and be safer.

Edited April 26, 2014 by RNgineer