Is this good for my opening fanfiction?

[Lily Frost 20]

I'm making a fanfiction because I love writing so much, so I want to make a good opening. Read this and tell me if it's good enough for her backstory, something like that.

 

Lily Frost sat in her room, looking out the window. A tear rolled down her face as she imagined going out and seeing the world she was missing. When Lily was 5, her unwittingly ice powers came in. She thought she was safe until she accidentally froze her sister. From that point on, Lily’s parents had to take precautionary measures and had professionals but a metal suit on Lily that would protect her from ever freezing another pony again.  She was embarrassed of going outside with the horrible-looking suit on, so she locked herself in her room for 2 years. 

[Scootalove 10,689]

It is a good opening for your fan fiction. If you know how to keep the pacing and the story consistent, you're golden.

[Dattebayo 2,850]

I smell Frozen on this fic

 

I recommend you work more on pacing.

As is, it sounds like a synopsis, not the first paragraph.

[Calekai 32]

I agree with Dattebayo on both the similarity to Frozen and the pacing. For example, there's an awkward jump between the second and third sentences.

[Lily Frost 20]

Thanks for all your opinions, I wasn't done when I posted this. And yes, this is a fanfiction of Frozen with ponies and different names.

 

 

 

As is, it sounds like a synopsis, not the first paragraph

 

 

It's the sypnosis to her backstory, not the first paragraph