Episode 83. “Trade Ya!”: The Bizarre Bazaar
If you want to trade for a mint comic, you gotta have a mint comic! - Spike
I’ll give it to you straight: This episode sucks. It feels pointless, a tale told by a fool, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Seriously. We learn nothing new about the characters, the moral is both obvious and obscure simultaneously, and there is almost no comedy or action throughout the majority of it. So let’s examine this cluster-cluck, and I’ll show you just how deep the suckitude goes. (I know that’s not a real word, just go with it.)
We return to Rainbow Falls for this episode – a bad sign already, considering the flak the titular episode got – as the Mane Six arrive to join in the Trader’s Exchange. Twilight has to officiate as part of her duties as Princess, and is nonplussed to find out that her arrival is very much the focus of everypony’s attention. Borrowing a page from Fluttershy’s book, the poor Princess runs away from all the hype, hiding her face behind her wings; Applejack’s response is rather philosophical.
At the Trader’s Exchange, traders exchange items (wow, I am insightful, aren’t I?) and as long as both parties get something they want out of it, anything goes. I have a few issues with this that I’ll explore later. At this point, the Mane Six split up into pairs (Spike goes off on his own) and the story line splits into three parallel stories. These threads are mostly separate, although we occasionally get a glance at one or other of the pairs in the background as each story unfolds.
Story 1: Rarity and Applejack
Having a common desire to obtain some vintage items, the Odd Couple heads over to the appropriate stalls. Along the way, they decide that they should pool their items in order to get something they really, really want. It's a stupid plan, and sure enough, the obvious problem arises... they both find something that they will need their entire pool to get. Applejack wants a pie pan that can cook pies 5 seconds faster, while Rarity wants a brooch identical to the one she already has, but is older and therefore more valuable. I have to say, Applejack's item is at least practical, so she really should have gotten it. We've seen pie deliveries done by the Apples, so the pan will definitely be put to good use.
In a slight reversal of what one might expect, the two of them start arguing over who is the better friend and therefore who should let the OTHER pony get what they want. They make little headway by humorlessly bickering over this for the majority of the episode, so let's move over to Story 2, shall we?
Story 2 (The Main Story): Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash
Rainbow really wants to get her hands on a unique first edition copy of the first Daring Do book, thereby completing a whole set of first edition copies. Meanwhile, Fluttershy wants to trade her bear call whistle for a bird call one, but puts off her own ambitions to help Rainbow. Finding the owner of the book, Rainbow is crestfallen to discover that her prized possession (a rusty old horseshoe she considers lucky) is of no value whatsoever. The unnamed stall-owner (Let’s call her Theodora) agrees to give Rainbow the book if she can get the two headed canine, an Orthros, from the Ancient Beast stall, the owner of which wants something else.
Naturally, this sets up a chain of items that Rainbow needs to eventually trade for the book, in the finest tradition of annoying video game trading chains. Rainbow finally finds someone who will trade what she needs for her old rusty horseshoe, a fragile crystal chalice. One touch, and it shatters. Distraught, the two Pegasus ponies painstaking stick it back together, only for the pony who requested it to shatter it again to finish a mosaic… alright, I’ll give the episode a point there, that was amusing.
Mosaic me like one of your French hens…
Finally obtaining the Orthros, they head back to the original stall, but find a crowd of ponies in their way as the sun starts to set, which will signal the end of the Trader’s Exchange. Fluttershy uses her bear call to clear the road, but drops it as Rainbow desperately drags them onward. Reaffirming her decision that helping Rainbow is her priority, Fluttershy decides to leave it.
Despite all their travails, Theodora now says she doesn’t want the Orthros, having spent a whole day watching how vicious it is. Fluttershy manages to convince her that an Orthros just needs to be properly trained, and entreats her to complete the trade. Theodora eventually agrees, but only on condition that Fluttershy comes with the Orthros to train it herself… a process that will apparently take months. Rainbow, blinded by the hope of getting her hooves on her prize after all the effort, agrees. Her joy turns to horror, however, when she realizes that she just traded Fluttershy away as well.
Story 3: Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie
While she is there mainly to discharge her duties, Twilight reckons that she isn't obligated to do nothing the whole time. She has decided to trade away some of her books, since the library is getting overstocked. Pinkie, who doesn't have any thing she wants to trade and is just pony watching, decides to set herself up as her agent. This is after Twilight nearly trades away ALL her books to a little filly for a BROKEN quill, which Pinkie, sensibly, calls her out on.
Is Pinkie Pie gonna have to choke a filly?
Less sensibly, Pinkie uses Twilight princesshood, and relationship to Princess Celestia, to raise the books perceived value, which results in nopony being able to trade for them. Which is just as well, since Twilight now decides the books have sentimental value. This makes the entire plotline here pointless, too.
At this point, stories 2 and 3 converge when Rainbow arrives, desperate for Twilight to reverse the deal she made for the book by declaring it an unfair trade. After hearing both sides of the story, Twilight finds that she has to decide in favor of upholding the deal, since Rainbow Dash did verbally agree on it being fair in the first place. Rainbow makes an impassioned speech about nothing being more valuable than a friend, and therefore no trade involving a friend can be fair. This moves Theodora so much that she agrees to undo the trade, and Twilight declares the day’s proceedings closed.
Which technically makes this trade by Spike illegal…
In the denouement, Applejack and Rarity each give the other a lesser gift that they traded their stash to get, Spike shows off his illegally gotten comic book (which is not encased in plastic, so I doubt it’s a mint comic anyway), Fluttershy reveals that Rainbow traded the Orthros to get her the bird call whistle, and Twilight gets rid of exactly one book, which is her copy of the first Daring Do book, by giving it to Rainbow. Mission accomplished? She claims it’s better because she can read it now with her friends.
Yeah, we see how often she reads books with her friends.
… I withdraw the comment.
Why this Episode Sucks
So does this episode have any redeeming qualities? Well, yes.1. There were plenty of cameos to be seen in the background, such as Aunt and Uncle Orange, Donut Joe, Matilda, etc. And this one in particular:
This was a really pointless episode. There was a funny touch here and there, but overall, it didn't teach much and it didn't do much to entertain, either. The idea of exactly what can be traded seems simple on the surface, but has some really unsettling implications, which I'm not sure the writers really considered while coming up with the plot.
Final Rating
5 – Celestia Rank: A great episode. It will be re-watched frequently.
4 – Luna Rank: A good episode, but with one or two problems that prevent it from being great.
3 – Spike Rank: An average episode. Positives and negatives are balanced.
2 – Discord Rank: Worth watching once. After that, turn it to stone and put it in the garden.
1 – Nightmare Moon Rank: Send it to the moon!
- 4
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