*Quick edit this was written when I was really down and not sure what on earth I was going to do. I had a lot of conflicting emotions. The thing is, I realized I had to take my own advice. That was a hard pill to swallow. I was wrong, I am still here but this is a bit of what was up #eatinghumblepie

Hey guys this could be my last entry here on this forums. Now before you get mad. Please take a second to at least listen and hear me out. I am not leaving because people are mean, or I stopped liking mlp. I feel a lot of emotions surrounding RP's and people.

My OC or ponysona Aixi was born in a round about way. It was never intended but it happened. I am very happy with my boys and what they did with her story it was fantastically wonderful! Stuff happens. I have completed RP's and I haven't. I was really hoping it would be one that got the attention. Unfortunatly I think I am going to have to shelf it. For now that one is broke. Whatever, I will pick up the scattered remains of my heart and fix it later No big deal.

*NOW k so now after I took some time to breath and just step back and realize what I was about to throw away. Yes Aixi is my baby. I intentionally backed away from her and her story. In all honesty at that moment in time it just hurt me too much. I cried everytime I wrote and I was begining to portray a character that I did not want to and that bothered me. After a step back and a good look at what was going on, I believe I have a better handle on my emotions and where me and my boys should take the story. It would be wrong to rob myself and my crew of this opportunity, We have become a family of sorts. I want to take the time to say each and every one of them has helped me in some way, they have all helped me significantly I owe them so much......... If only they knew. Honestly they could have saved my life. I owe you guys lots, you have made me a better me. I am so grateful for you all and I love you all so much. Please forgive me for my dumb stupidness. I have been careless as of late and I am sorry, Here is my word, and that is to revamp, restart our journey from where we left off and go out with a LOUD BANG! You all rock and I know we got this. Again thanks. If you (my RP crew wanna know more on what happened send me a PM I will tell you there... It's just not for others eyes and each person impacted me differently.)

The other parts well. I just can't deal with! People, I can't just make a choice! I have none to make at this point. I am stuck and I can not do anything. The choice isn't mine to make. I am making myself myserable. So perhaps my time here is done. Maybe it's just time to throw the towel in. Either way I need to think about stuff.

*This is one that is frustrating.... but ever so slowly my choices are getting better so I will try to remain hopefull for the best and not be so negative. I really hate when I get down on myself.

So yeah, no pitty please. I don't want it. I am ranting to myself ATM and I guess I will decide later.

***So I ranted and thought, let you see my raw emotions (don't judge too hard pls) and I came to a conclusion, I will stay, I will work, and I will give back to those who helped me when I couldn't see anything but darkness