Most of these should be obvious, but Evilshy is just so great that I can't help but talk about him.

1. Evilshy is best mod

Scientists have recently added "acknowledging Evilshy as the best mod" to the list of requirements to be considered intelligent life. In layman's terms, if you don't agree that Evilshy is best mod, you are technically no longer an intelligent being. It sounds harsh, but that's the way it is; I'm not just making this up. I won't bother to post any of the articles because the only people who would request them aren't intelligent enough to read anyway.

But why? You ask. Why is Evilshy best mod? Well for starters, he is approachable as fuck. Seriously, ask him a question. PM him something. Post your praises to him on his profile. He'll reply and even hold a conversation if you can keep up. He loves to help people with things, just ask. Following that, Evilshy always has the members' backs. He doesn't take shit from anybody, be it some troll who is messing with you, or the admins themselves. He'll do his best to dispense justice. He also used to hate mods, so you know he'll never go all government on you. Fight the power, fuck the police, etc.

2. Evilshy is a damn sexy beast

WARNING: The following image may cause excitable straight women and/or gay men to faint. Proceed with caution.

You want proof? OK, I'll give you proof. Evilshy used to be a model.

That's right. A fucking model. People gave him money to take pictures of him. Because he is that damn sexy.

(No really, I actually did do some clothes modeling for Hannah Anderson when I was a kid).

3. Evilshy is badass as fuck

Evilshy wrestles bears while juggling orphans that he saved from fires set by anarcho-punks that rode the bears he wrestles until he killed them with his bear hands, which are literally the claws of a dead bear. Then he goes home and plays Touhou on Lunatic mode to relax. Sometimes he drinks 6000 year old Scotch that was used by ancient aliens to insulate spent nuclear fuel. You see, normally they would use water, but there was a shortage until Evilshy partied so hard and drank so much and got with so many floozies that it quadrupled the average sin of all of humanity, and God was like "oh shit, delete fucking everything" and flooded the world. Too bad Evilshy was so cool that the majority of the water froze into the polar ice caps. Evilshy: 1, God: 0 (there's a reason you don't find this in the bible; God is a sore loser).

4. Evilshy invented computers

He was bored one day and thought "I'm going to make something so ridiculously awesome that it will entertain even me."

A few hours later he founded the Glorious PC Master Race.

Yup, you read that right. Evilshy is so amazing, he founded a race.

6. Evilshy doesn't give a fuck that number 5 isn't bold

Not one single fuck. Not a flying fuck, an aquatic fuck, or even a landbound fuck. In fact, one might say that Evilshy gives negative fucks. Evilshy takes fucks.

There are near-infinite numbers of other reasons, but we'll keep it at 6 for now.

(Disclaimer: this is all a joke. I'm not actually this egotistical.)