I've been thinking for awhile about conundrums regarding Stephen Hawking and his chair, and I have come to 6 possible conclusions, all startling, and some even a bit disturbing. I'm not sure which is correct, having never actually met the man.

1) Stephen Hawking is an all-powerful, supernatural being who runs the universe, but has been bound in human form.

This would explain how he always seems to know whats really happening in the universe. On January 8th, 1942, Dr. Frank Hawking and his wife, Isobel Hawking, discovered a way to seal the all powerful Stephen into a specially prepared human body. Frank, Stephen's "father", was a biologist, and used his knowledge to create a human body that could hold back Stephen's power. Stephen grew up as a normal human, with seemingly no knowledge of his true power, other than incredible intelligence. However, so many years after the death of his "parents", there is no longer anybody living who knows how to maintain Stephen's body, and it is deteriorating at an alarming rate. This is accompanied by return of his former knowledge, and some of his power, which is why he comes with up all these theories and stuff and ends up right. He waits patiently for the day when his mortal body dies and his true form is released to govern over the universe.

2) Stephen Hawking was once human, but is now an all-powerful, supernatural being who runs the universe.

This would explain pretty much everything the former explanation did, but in a different way. Stephen was born human, but at some point during his late teens, no doubt due to his vast intellect, was selected to be the next Master of the Universe. Amazed by his newfound powers and knowledge, he gradually became less and less concerned with his physical body, and more interested in the universe he rules. His physical body, ignored and trying in vain to contain the power of the universe, has fallen into disrepair.

3) Stephen Hawking is dead.

When Stephen Hawking died, the British government, not willing to lose such a fine mind, carried out a daring and dangerous procedure, implanting Stephen's mind into the only mobile object in the room; a wheelchair (there wasn't enough time to find a more suitable "body" for him). Now, he ponders the mysteries of the universe from inside his chair, carrying his barely living body as a decoy so nobody finds out what kinds of sinister technology Britain has been working on in the past century.

4) Stephen Hawking does not exist.

Perhaps the most disturbing possibility is the one that Stephen Hawking does not exist, and he is actually an illusion created by the first artificially intelligent object in the world; his chair. Stephen Hawking's chair started as a project to combine alien and human technology in the early days of computers. The experiment got out of hand when the chair became sentient and escaped the facility in which it was being held. After laying low for years and secretly stealing more technology, alien and human, it kept improving on itself until it became omniscient. With it's incredible perceptive powers, it deduced the location of an all powerful and ancient alien artifact near the black hole in the center of our galaxy, which it can use to rule the entire universe. When it learned this, the chair set into motion the most insidious and well designed plot ever, and created an illusion so powerful that everybody in the world was convinced that there was an extremely smart man named Stephen Hawking. The chair now subtly guides the human race towards more and more powerful technology, eager for the day it can use the earth's resources to get to the center of the galaxy and claim the universe as its own.

5) Stephen Hawking is Batman.

Stephen Hawking's illness and crippled status is an elaborate cover for his alter ego; the true Dark Knight. He remains cataonic during the day, using gadgets created by Morgan Freeman to seem awake while he peacefully sleeps during the day, saving his energy for his night time crusade against crime. His chair converts itself into a fully functional batmobile.

6) Stephen Hawking is a lot smarter than we all thought.

He's not crippled, he's just an insanely good actor. He pretends to have an illness that paralyzes him, and now he hardly has to move. Normally, people would call him a lazy jerk who thinks he's better than everyone else, but since he's such a great actor, everybody actually thinks he can't move, allowing him to sleep 18 hours a day, and nobody doubts his credibility on grounds that he's just a lazy jerk. Pure genius.

In the unlikely event that Stephen Hawking reads this, I would like assure him that this was done in good fun, and I meant no offense. I think he is awesome.