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Feeling out of place.


BastementSparkle

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Anyone else ever just feel...Out of place? Like you don't belong somewhere? That's how I feel right now.

 

When I was a kid, after a certain age, I felt a lot more...mature than everyone else around me. Because of my internet access and such I knew a lot of things they didn't, I felt smarter than a lot of them, I got picked on a lot though. I had a hard time connecting with people, they'd bully me for being too smart, they'd bully me for being too stupid. If I talked about a video game like say...Mario. Something bright and happy, I'd get bullied for that. If I talked about Mortal Kombat or some other game I maybe shouldn't have been playing, everyone just thought I was creepy. I just couldn't win. It was like I was too mature, and yet not "Mature" enough at the same time.

 

Today was my Birthday. I'm now [Classified] years old, and I feel so out of place. I don't have my driver's license, and I don't really want one, cars and vehicles in general make me a bit uncomfortable. I don't currently have a job, I hated my last one. It was only one day a week, but it made me miserable. I know I'll have to get a new one, but I don't look forward to it at all. I don't have any plans for careers, or college, or anything. People tell me to go with what I'm passionate about, but I can't think of anything I'm passionate about enough that I'd be willing to do that, nothing.

 

I don't like Alcohol, my family is filled with alcoholics, and they make me uncomfortable. I don't like sports, any of them. I don't like adult TV shows, at all, for whatever reason. My favorite shows on TV now are MLP and Doctor Who. I don't even like most M-rated games, though I enjoy some. My favorite game is probably one of the weirdest games ever, and it's definitely M-rated. But it's a weird retro indie game that's done in a cartoonish style that most people have probably never heard of or care about.

 

I don't have a relationship, don't even want one. Dating seems dull, not interested in marriage, really don't want kids. The only attraction I seem to have is to fictional characters, I like ponies more than humans honestly. I love my friends and think they're amazing, but I often feel like I don't matter that much. Relationship talk, Career talk, real life talk all makes me feel a sinking feeling in my stomach. People have all these important things on their mind and I often feel like everyone will do that, and be busy and eventually have no time for silly people like me, and I'll get left behind...

 

In some ways I think I'm more mature than a lot of other people, even some older than me. I like to think I'm open-minded, I know it's okay to have fun with more "Childish" things even when you're older, I know friends are important and not just something to be tossed aside when you feel like it, but in a lot of ways...I don't feel like I fit into my age group. But I don't feel like I fit in with younger or older people either really. I feel out of place, even here sometimes...

 

 

 

...Oh Celestia, look at all that text. :eww: Did I really type all that? Maybe I should put something like this in life advice instead, but honestly life advice makes me kinda uncomfortable, not sure why. But anytime I use it I come out feeling bad, just feel more comfortable making a blog post. Not even sure why I'm ranting like this, just felt it necessary...Blah.

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I wish I knew if you were in a particular grade because then I could give you my experiences when I was younger. I'm going to assume you're in high school or somewhere around that range, though. If I'm mistaken feel free to point it out.

 

All right, so when I was in high school I dealt with everything you're speaking of here. I was picked on for liking Pokémon (and someone stole my equipment for it, but that's a discussion for another day) and cats of all things. People would legitimately just find reasons to get my goat; I've had people taunt me for supposedly having a Facebook (even though I didn't have one; someone else with my same legal name did). Basically, many kids in high school were brats to me. Even when I switched high schools where the bullying rate was far, far lower, I still felt like I didn't belong as there were groups already developed there that I wasn't a part of, and after my experience with high school previously I didn't want to be a part of a cliquey, rude group anyway. So I stuck to myself.

 

March forward to community college, which I've been in for the past two years. I had only one class to prevent from overwhelming myself, and there I integrated in probably the most positive schooling experience I can even remember. The professor never personally lectured me even when I was late with my homework, and the kids there actually genuinely wanted to be there and geeked out with me when it came to video games, anime, etc. In other words, it was a much more welcoming climate than that of high school. One time I left my phone within the classroom, and the students there were courteous enough to help me find a way to get it back, even offering to allow me to borrow theirs to contact student services. It was incredible how welcome I felt there, and even if I wasn't as social as the others (despite my being a social butterfly; high school kind of dampened my social experience, tbh), they still allowed me to talk at my own pace and never harassed me. Not only that, but I no longer felt like the only one in the classroom who got pissed off whenever people were talking over the teacher; I'd eyeballed some other people within it when people behind us were talking and we'd roll our eyes collectively at how immature we were being. It just felt more like a community with less cliques. I can honest to god say it was the first time I ever got invited anywhere, too.

 

Let me just say that you will always struggle to fit in, to feel like you belong, but it does get better as the years go by, and as you learn better who you are, you will find somewhere that will accept you. You might have to put yourself out there sometimes, and that may seem counterproductive as the times you have have gotten you harassed, but it will eventually reward you. Be bold and don't let go of anything that you enjoy just because others will put you in a catch-22 situation with your interests.

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Well, I can really attest to that. I know just how you feel (except for the job part because I have yet to get one) but on everything else I just about agree. Heck that last part where you said it feels like people don't have time for you? I couldn't agree more with that. Knowing how you feel I'm sorry you have to be feeling it. I'm also sorry because I don't really know how to help since I don't even know how to help myself. I just felt like I needed to say that I'm here for you though. If you need anyone, well, it looks like we could get along pretty well.

 

*hugs and squeezes* But never forget to smile and appreciate the things you do have, I will say that. Sometimes you can feel so lost you forget about those people or things that are always there for you.

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Thanks for all the support everyone.

 

 

 

I'm going to assume you're in high school or somewhere around that range, though. If I'm mistaken feel free to point it out.

 

 

Haven't been in High school for a few years actually, but I haven't done much in that time I've been out, so I suppose mentally I'm around the same age anyway.

 

 

Indeed, who has time for someone like me? lol

 

I do, I'm literally online for hours, almost everyday, if you want you can just shoot me a PM, heck I'll send you one if you want?

 

 *Hugs everyone*

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Thanks for all the support everyone.

 

 

 

 

 

Haven't been in High school for a few years actually, but I haven't done much in that time I've been out, so I suppose mentally I'm around the same age anyway.

 

 

 

I do, I'm literally online for hours, almost everyday, if you want you can just shoot me a PM, heck I'll send you one if you want?

 

 *Hugs everyone*

If you want

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