Slice of Life Review

 

It feels like just yesterday I was a 12-year-old asshead sitting on my bed flipping through channels just to happen to catch an episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic ("Stare Master"). Granted, I changed the channel when it was over and didn't become a fan of the show for another year, but I still remember that afternoon....

 

 

Date: August 20-something, 2012
Time: Probably 3 PM-ish.

 

Scene: 13-year-old PrymeStriker is wasting time on YouTube watching "Epic Wub Time" or some shit.

 

"You know, those fan-made videos are pretty funny to a stupid child like me! And those couple of episodes I watched in between Transformers: Prime episodes weren't too bad either. Maybe I should check out this series. What's it called? My Little...er...pawny?

 

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Nailed it! Hey! How convenient! The whole series is on YouTube! REMEMBER WHEN THAT WAS A THING?!?!?!??!?!!?!??!!??!?!"

 

(Proceeds to watch MLP on YouTube as an unexplained Steven-Moffat-Esque jumpcut to the present day takes place where I just so happen to want to review this episode)

 

What? Did you think I was gonna do the whole episode in roleplay? I don't have time for that, I have to make retrospective bad jokes. Duh.

 

So, on 10/10/10, the pilot to the ever popular, ever devolving masterpiece, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic aired. As you might imagine, it was a success on the hub but grew to become even more of a success over adult (le gasp) MALE fans. Now, I don't know about you, but as a kid, I didn't give a shit who watched the show. I didn't even give a shit if anyone knew I watched the show. Why? Because I was a sheltered, homeschooled kid that had no preconceptions about the social norms of my generation. To put this in perspective, I know a lot more now having attempted to make more friends by actually going outside, and I still don't give a shit.

 

Anyways, the reason I'm doing this is because, if you read my last review on "Crusaders of the Lost Mark", I am incredibly dissatisfied with the direction of this series and felt it was time to get back to the good 'ol days. Not in any nonsensical nostalgic point of view as if to say that "the show was better back then because when I was a kid...," because it probably wasn't. Or, it probably was. I don't know, but I sure as hell remember enjoying the show a lot more for its writing and characters than I do now. So, see it as a way me figuring out what the fuck changed. Was it the writing that got shittier (which I'm heavily leaning towards), or am I just outgrowing the technicolor horse spectrum? Let's find out with "Friendship is Magic (Part 1)!"

 

Now, this is a spoilers review, so if you haven't seen this episode...

 

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Well, what the fuck are you doing here?

 

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Eh, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Turn the other way or forever hold your peace, n00b.

 

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Good, you've either seen the show (you get a gold star), you want my spoilery opinion, or you're Flutterbatshit insane. In any case, let the review commence.

 

So, the series opens up with "Once Upon a Time..." another bland-as-fuck show. No, no, wait, more shitty jokes people! Alright, so, like I was saying, a book with Celestia's voice tells us all the backstory of this magical land called "Equerstaran." In it, she talks about how "two sisters" ruled the land, raising the sun and the moon, but the moon one turned evil because the night is dark and scary. She was consumed by Nightmare Moon and threatened to set complete darkness over the whole land. But Princess Celestahah is all liek...

 

...and uses something called the "Elephants of Harmony" to rid the land of her evil shit. We soon learn that it was a history book being read by some guy named "Two-Lot Sprackle" as she wonders what these mysterious elephants are. We then cut to the title sequence, but this t0tally w1cked intro is interrupted by some assholes inviting Twilight to a party. Most unorthodox! "Screw them. I have to get back to my..." er...slave child?

 

Slavery Happens!!!

 

Twilight says that they don't have time for all that social, friend-y shit because they need to learn about the Elephants of Harmony. When she finds it in another book, the troll page says "See Marinara Moon." So she sees Marinara Moon which talks about the mare banished on the moon for 1,000 years.

 

Wait, maybe, it's Mare in the Moon?

 

Nah, it's Marinara Moon.

 

So it prompts Twilight to write a letter to Princess Cel-shade about how we're on the "precibulaijrshueriso/threshodldsldd/brink/thatsomethingreallybadisabouttohappen of disaster" when she discovers that some weird prophecy says that the Mare in the Moon will return after 1,000 years to bring eternal darkness. You know, this set-up is a lot more contrived than I remember.

 

:okiedokielokie:

 

Princess Cel-shade quickly responds to Two-Lot Sprackle and says "fuck you, bitch, you need to make some motherfuckin' friends you loser 'lil cunt-ass mofo!" So she be like "fuckin' go to Ponyville god damn you!" As such, Two-Lot Sprackle and her assistant Scike go to Ponyville to supervise preparation of the Sunset Shimmer Celebration, where they meet a pony named Kinky Die. Kinky Sigh freaks out upon seeing purple ponies. She doesn't like purple ponies. Did you know that the highest crime rates are among purple ponies?

 

AW HELL NO! THEY'RE POPULATING TO OUR TOWN! APEJACK, GET THE SHOTGUNS!!!!

 

They assumed she was high on shrooms and went to the next mofo on the list, Apejack. Apejak loves apples! She loves to buck 'em 'n' suck 'em and everything else that goes on with apples! She's very good at giving hoofshakes, which are like milkshakes, but with hooves, and has a large-ass family consisting of a grandmother, a brother, a sister that will totally not become a main character, and a bunch of other people. Just no parents, because parents can't buck'n'suck apples like Apejack can!

 

And that's how clopfics were made!

 

Grossed out by Apejack and her family of apes, Toilet Sparx and her assistant Spanks went to the next homo on the list, Mareblow Dash. Mareblow Dash is a Mareblower who has the ability to clear the skies in 10 seconds flat. She's also good at knocking ponies into mud-piles, which turns her on I think. She also likes the Wonderpets for some reason. Weirdo.

 

Mmmm....

 

You know, when I'm reviewing episodes I don't particularly hate, I realize, I can be kind of dull. Hold on, let me find something to disgust me so I can overreact.

 

 

Eh, disturbing, but not disgusting enough. Eh, maybe something will come to me later that I can overreact to. Maybe.

 

Having met with those assholes, the last yoho on the list is Fluttershy, who is in charge of music because Vinyl Scratch wasn't a thing yet. Fluttershy is shy. Get it? She's shy. Why? BECAUSE SHE'S FLUTTERSHY! GET IT?!?!?!??! HER NAME IS FLUTTERSHY BECAUSE SHE'S

 

SHY!!!!!!!!!

 

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*ahem*

 

That wasn't the overreaction.

 

Fluttershy finds immense fascination with Spanky, because he get's all the ponies. Twarknot gets jealous and is all like 'gtfo m8' and her and Strike enter the library, where they will reside for their time in Ponyville. They soon find that Thinky Cry has planned a surprise PARTEH! It's probably a plot to get her to drink some alcohol and get drunk out of her shit so they and throw the evil purple pony over the waterfalls.

 

I don't drink.

 

Twibite keeps moaning and groaning about how everyone in this town is crazy. I mean, can you blame her? We've got a racist, an apple sucker, a mud-play fetish, a tool for slut jokes, and an existential musician contemplating the meaning of life through birdsong. Alas, the purple one goes up to her room as everyone parties downstairs. Even her servant Crike is telling her to lighten the fuck up, but Trymy Sparkles is like "NIEN."

 

The next day is the Fun-Sun Party, and they go indoors to watch the sunset. As Mayor Mayonaise goes to announce and introduce Princess Celestor, they find that she hadn't arrived and are soon interrupted by the crippling thunder of...

 

NIGHTCARE NOON!!!!!!!!!111112

 

Y'all dumbasses should've listened to that out-of-nowhere prophecy that had confusing context! It was true! >

 

As she makes her entrance and intimidates every-pony, she goes on to reveal her ultimate plan: The night...will last...FOREVER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAhhaahahAHAHSUUHRAHUHEUSHAHHANWJASJUDJOASAKJJSKFldksfjhfdkoghfriudfjrehteuiwdjher. Will Kyshot Spangle and her servant Bike save the day? What will happen to Sinky Dry, Maplesack, Rainblow M*A*S*H, The Slut Joke, and Stuttershy? We'll have to find out later, because the second episode clearly hasn't aired yet and I have no way of knowing the outcome!

 

To be continued, pissing you off since 2010!

 

And that was Part 1 of the pilot to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Was it really that good?
Well, let's start with the good for once. The pacing is impeccable, something I can't say for a lot of recent episodes. It's not trying to cram anything together to tell an over-complicated story for an underwhelming conclusion. There's a clear storyline that's easy and, the key word, enjoyable to follow. These characters are clearly presented and are incorporated well into the story. They don't "just happen" to be shoved together, say, like Robots in Disguise (2015). In that show, the characters are forced together by happenstance, event after event leads to these characters just crossing paths by coincidence and, boom, instant team. That's not a good way to bring your main set together, and it's pilots like those that really make me appreciate ones like these.

 

On the other hand, the argument can be made that the pacing of this episodes leads to rushed storytelling in part 2, which I can see. My biggest complaint with this episode is really more of a nitpick, honestly. Nightmare Moon, who isn't forced into this storyline per-say, it's just that her backstory doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Celestia banished Luna to the moon for 1,000 years, and a "prophecy" says she will return. I know it's only the pilot episode, so it's not like you can explain the prophecy before hand, but it's such a common trope in stories. "The prophecy says A, B, and C, so we have to 1, 2, and 3." On top of that, if Celestia's the one who banished her to the moon, why can't she just re-banish her whenever she comes back? I mean, there's the sisterly element that she wants her sibling to return to good, but for fuck's sake, you banished her to the moon for 1,000 years!

 

Regardless of these criticisms, Friendship is Magic (Part 1) is still a great first episode. And that's saying something, as so many good shows have the most awkward and poorly put-together pilots. This stems from the fact that you're trying to make a first impression of the show, and while that usually means you want to put together something good, writers tend to dumb-down their material for the sake of grabbing the general majority, and in this episode's case, it does this and manages to intrigue those like us who take the shows they watch seriously. Now, we still have Part 2 to review, so this isn't an overall assessment of the entire pilot, but as episode 1 goes, kudos. Friendship is Magic (Part 1) gets an 8/10.

 

Now to watch episode 2....

 

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I wonder what "This video contains content from Hasbro Studios LLC, who has blocked it in your country on copyright grounds" means?