What'd'y'know? I followed through with the schedule.

But for how long, Chris? For how long?!

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I don't know who Chris is.

*Saves Draft*

Well, boy howdy! I've got my work cut out for me! That there episode is the biggest bumper crop o' writing I ever laid eyes on until Look Before You Sleep gets here. Big Mac says this episode is too big for me to handle on my own, but I told him to kill himself. I mean, if I trucked through "Simple Ways," I could chuck through any episode, good or bad! So, why hold the fun train back any further? I better get kickin', these bad jokes aren't gonna generate absolute silence on their own!

Howdy, there, poniteers! This here is a spoilers review, so if you haven't seen this episode yet, ask a friend for help!

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So it's applebuckin' season here in Ponyville. Applejack and Big Mac I assume usually harvest the apples together, but since Big Mac has mysteriously sprained his...torso...it's up to Applejack to do it all on her own. Big Mac doesn't believe she can do it on her own, using his fancy mathematics to muddy the issue, but Harplejarkle says "fuck you I can eat all these apples!"

Pretty sure until, like, that school newspaper episode, this is the most dialogue Big Mac has. Meanwhile, Applejack accuses Big Mac of rape.

So Applejack's voice suddenly gets higher than the prologue as a stampede of stampedin' cows arrive to buck everything up. Pinkie Pie is having fun with the rumbling, but her fun has to end when Applejack and her dog Winona rally up them there stampede'a'hamburgers. Turning them away from Ponyville, the citizens cheer as she and her dog save the day. They should probably put up a wall or something to, you know, prevent illegal aliens from crossing the Ponyville border. Just a thought.

The Mayor is stoned. Just saying.

After conversing with the Canadians-I mean-cows, she gets one last hoorah from the ponies as she returns to her work. They decide to throw her a party, and as Twilight is giving her stupid speech, Rainbow Dash interrupts her to start one of the very first MLP memes. Doesn't that sound so awesome? I'm sure that made three of you explode or something. Anyway, Applejack is late to the ceremony because she's stoned out of her goddamned mind.

Have you ever stopped to, like, look at the rainbows, man?

Stoned from prolonged exposure to apple trees, Applejack finds her own reflection very amusing. So does Pinkie, but she's always coked up. Twilight finds this highly concerning, so she goes to visit Applejack where she finds her passed out by the trees. Applejack remains high as a kite as she explains to Twilight what applebuck season is, and why she's doing it all on her own. When Twilight asks what happened to the rest of the apple family from the pilot, Applejack says she's killed them all and so she's on her own. Twilight thinks that she should get some help for her drug/murdering habit, but Applejack get's really defensive and says "fuck you I can eat all these apples!"

I'M GONNA GET A WICKED BAD TUMMY ACHE?!?!!??! WELL HOW ABOUT YOU PURPLE PONIES GET THE HELL OUT MAH TOWN!

So, at the previously mentioned ceremony, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy talked about how Applejack was gonna help them with shit they could do themselves. Applejack arrives, still high on whatever she's smoking/injecting/snorting, and guess what happens?

Tries to help Rainbow Dash with her dumb tricks - Fucks up
Tries to help Pinkie Pie bake marijuana muffins - Fucks up
Tries to help Fluttershy commit bestiality - Fucks up

All 'cause she's addicted to drugs. Twilight confronts her after each of these encounters, but stubborn Applebitch says that drugs expand your mind and that she should kill herself. At least she managed to get Spike relatively high with her half-assed marijuana muffins.

All the cool kids are doing it, Twilight!

Unfortunately, the animals that Applejack was helping Fluttershy with got loose and caused another stampede, so Twilight said "SON OF AN ASSHOLE" and went to tell that orange piss stain off once and for all! When she arrives, Applejack is so high that she believes she bucked all the apple trees, but Big Mac shows her that there are still more to do. Unfortunately, Applejack overdosed and passed out, but when she awoke, Twilight and Big Mac insisted that she go to rehab while they finish bucking the orchard.

KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS!

So, while Applejack is in rehab, Twilight and the Fab Four finish harvesting the apples and Twilight learns that drugs suck shit.

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Or maybe the lesson was about how friendship is a game of give and take, and that you should receive help as much as you give it.

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Nope, I'm pretty sure the moral was "drugs are fucked up." And so concludes "Applebuck Season!"

I think this is probably the most consistently well-executed episode of the season up to this point. It is an expansion on Applejack's stubborn personality and a good way of developing the character in a well-paced and realistic manner. She wants to do everything by herself at the cost of her health and her other responsibilities. As with this incredible plot and execution, I have no complaints with the story! It's the first near-perfect episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I will be giving it a 9/10, however, mostly because this isn't really one of my go-to MLP stories. I mean, it's amazing, but unlike the previous three episodes where there was some writing issue but at least remained enjoyable, this episode is writing perfection but isn't quite as much fun to sit through. That's a pretty rare occurrence for me, but I don't think a 9/10 is anything to be ashamed of. Good job with this episode, Amy Keating Rogers.

You know, aside from the atrocity of "Crusaders of the Lost Mark" and some other mediocre episodes in season one & four, I notice that Amy Keating Rogers has written some of the best MLP episodes. Perhaps, so long as she stays on board, this show won't flush itself completely down the toi-

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Fuck.