Holy shit. Even her sticker in "Fall Weather Friends" said 42!

 

Maybe I'm on to more than I thought?

 

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Hmmm...we'll see. For now, let's check the episode I have to do today.

 

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GREEN ISN'T MY COLOR?!

 

WELL, FUCK YOU, BITCH!

 

"Green Isn't Your Color" is another episode involving Rarity with a little help Fluttershy and yet another new celebrity. Why do all the Rarity episodes introduce new celebrities? I don't know. Fuck 'em. I've normally been pretty neutral toward this episode, but now that I recall the premise, I think I'm gonna have a lot of fun ripping the shit out of this episode. So let's not stress this any further. To the review!

 

This is a spoilers review, so if you haven't seen this episode, green isn't your color.

 

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Alright, so this episode begins with Rarity skidding through the door of the local spa to meet Fluttershy. She is there to suck Fluttershy's new stone worm meet him for their weekly get-together, and during their experience, she tangents about running into Photo Finish. Who is Photo Finish you might ask? Oh, she's ONLY the most POPULAR fashion photographer in ALL the land. Of course, celebrities so famous they always need to be explained to someone! There's always someone out of the loop that they can use to explain shit to us. So Rarity begs Fluttershy to model her designs for Photo Finish.

 

This is gonna be Equestria's version of the Vanity Fair photoshoot, isn't it?

 

Of course, Fluttershy is pretty uneasy about this sort of thing. Why? NOT BECAUSE HE'S SHY, OF COURSE. Oh, no, no, no. Ever since Fluttershy went tranny in "Bridle Gossip," she's worried how the generally racist/sexist/homophobic/smart people of Equestria will take this socially groundbreaking event! There's never been a transgender stallion model in Equestria! Only cisgender motherfuckers.

 

...I'm...I'm sorry...that word was really inappropriate. I apologize, everyone, it was a mistake. I've learned my lesson, though, and I promise, I'll never use "cis" in anything ever again.

 

Meanwhile, Spike admits to Twilight that he has a crush on Rarity, and Photo Finish is loving Fluttershy's shit.

 

Darling, you're going to shatter social norms! I guarantee it!

 

Unfortunately, Fluttershy keeps trying to do "sexy" poses as Photo Finish tells her to fuck off every time. Apparently, her shyness is key, and both Rarity and Fluttershy are accepted by the industry. The next day, however, we find that Photo Finish doesn't need Rarity, other than to clean her oyster ditch. She wants only Fluttershy as the next big PC movement thing in Equestria. Ah. I never get tired of these pop culture storylines. Thanks, Rarity. You are the segue into the lifestyle I couldn't give two fucks and a shit about. Speaking of the whore, Rarity is kicked out of Photo Finish's circle in favor of Fluttershy, which makes her green with envy.

 

GET IT? DO YOU GET THE PUN OF THE EPISODE TITLE YET?

 

That upskirt tho.

 

Rarity becomes incredibly depressed, and Twilight comes to comfort her with Pinkie Pie and Spike. You wanna do something for someone, Twilight? TELLLLLLLLLLLLL MEEEEEE WHYYYYYYYYYYYY YOUUUUUUU CANNNNNNNTTTT DIIIEIEEIEIIEIEIEIEIEIEIUEUTIE*RUIERUR*UR(*UT*THU*UHJ*UJU*JU*(UJH*(UIJIJUJU*HU*UH&UPIENIS. *ahem* ....Holy shit, the Celestism flashbacks. Ewugh. While these interesting events take place, Fluttershy is on the runway shitting himself. All the while, he becomes a worldwide smash hit, and suddenly is on the cover of everything and is at all the mega events. Again, like someone else we know. During this intense period that Fluttershy is the biggest thing on Earth which...now that I think about it...causes some continuity problems....Rarity becomes intensely jealous with the attention.

 

Alright, Applejack had to be high on celery when she thought of using Fluttershy, who's importance has nothing to do with apples, as her franchise logo.

 

Meanwhile, Fluttershy cannot take the attention, and is just doing all of this for Rarity's sake. We reach an interesting conundrum when Rarity is jealous of Fluttershy and Fluttershy is continuing for Rarity. By interesting, of course, I mean boring. It's true, though. Fluttershy hates being a model, and Rarity hates Fluttershy being a model. Now, Twilight has heard the story from both of them, and is tempted to unveil her secrets to Fluttershy when Pinkie Pie intervenes....

 

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Pinkie Pie...intervenes?

 

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Huh.

 

Well, she says that breaking a promise is the best way to lose a friend forever. So...Twilight is abiding by this prophecy by not telling Fluttershy Rarity's secret or Rarity Fluttershy's secret. An episode that could be wrapped up fifteen minutes in is taken into a third act by...Pinkie Pie's Ten Commandments?

 

.....Interesting.....and I don't just mean the circumstance. This image is trippy as fuck.

 

So...so as the episode carries on into its final act, Fluttershy finally achieves a negative reaction from the crowd. Rarity, slowly learning to overcome her jealousy, and seeing her friend in a time of great need, she decides to help her out by getting the crowd to change their mind single-handedly. A great analogy for the stupidity and hive-mindedness of people, but I digress. As Twilight struggles to spill the beans......spill the beans......Rarity and Fluttershy confess to each other on their own. They promise never to hide their feelings from each other again, and make up. Having finally ceased trying to keep a secret, she shouts that Spike has a crush on Rarity. Albeit, after Rarity leaves, so that worked out.

 

They're on celery.

 

And that was "Green Isn't Your Color"

 

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Now, the interesting thing about this episode is not the moral, not the characterization, or even the plot resolve. Hell, all of those three things are handled in a rather straightforward manner. I wouldn't have too much of a problem with this episode as a harmless piece of skippable filler......IF the aftermath of this episode wasn't so stupid. Fluttershy, for however long she was famous, was FUCKING FAMOUS AS HELL. She was a CELEBRITY, and the ritz and the paparazzi KNOW she lives in Ponyville. She couldn't possibly just CHOOSE to not be famous anymore and then suddenly no one gives a shit! In fact, after a celebrity abruptly goes into hiding, a picture of them is worth MORE. It's not like she was a one-hit wonder pop singer or something, she was a phenomenon! So what gives?! The events of this episode, to my recollection are NEVER mentioned again!!! WTF?!

 

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If it weren't for that, I'd give this episode close to a passing grade, but it would still falter because I generally hate jealousy plotlines. They're boring, anticlimactic, and drag on forever, and this episode is no exception. HOWEVER, I did actually really enjoy the comedy in this episode. Especially from Twilight towards the end. Absolute genius on the writer's part. That sort of redeems "Green Isn't Your Color," but the ultimate pointlessness and dullness of this episode, however, makes me dislike it more than like it. I will give this episode a 6/10 overall.

 

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Though, I have learned one thing after watching this episode.

 

My efforts to squeeze Twilight's immortality secrets out of her are futile. Avert your attention to this video.

 

 

You see what I see?

 

No?

 

Oh, oh, you do?

 

Oh, okay.

 

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Wait, you don't?

 

Make up your fucking mind.

 

You see, Twilight won't spill the beans because she's heeding the religious teachings of Pinkie Pie and the First Church of Cupcakes, those obsessed fuckers. She's promised someone, or something, secrecy regarding her immortality.

 

Unfortunately for Twilight, I've been doing a little research, and I know exactly who that person is. And I'm gonna learn this incredible secret, one way or another. Even if I have to wax some candlesticks to get it out of them.

 

Patience, my friends. The day of reckoning is near.