A bird in the hoof, eh?

I've got a bird in the hoof for you:

There. Great start. Let's go. Spoilers ahead.

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Alright, so, I've learned something recently. Essentially, these last few episodes of season one are way too forgettable. Like, I was struggling to remember what I thought of "Over a Barrel" and "Green Isn't Your Color." And I didn't like either of those episodes. I mean, I at least remembered that I liked episodes such as "Applebuck Season" and "Look Before You Sleep," and loathed episodes like "Bridle Gossip". Why is the tail-end of season one drawing so many blanks from me? It's really annoying not remembering what the fuck you're getting into when you've supposedly seen this all twice over. Alzheimer's, Pryme?

Well, fuck it. Let's just get on with this episode before I blow a fuse. This episode opens up with Fluttershy as his pet bunny, Angel, tries to tell him that he's late. Apparently, for a very important date. I heard that's a pop culture reference. It does not surprise me that I A. Don't know what that reference is and B. Don't give three flying fucks. This date is a tea thingy at Sugarcube Corner in which Princess Celestia is attending. After the title sequence plays, we see that Twilight and the Cakes, who own Sugarcube Corner, are nervous as shit.

Why so nervous, Twilight? Afraid that your mentor will figure out that you are not the original Twilight she sent to Ponyville?

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash is making faces at the guards outside. Moving swiftly forward with the plot, Twilight excuses her nervousness by wanting her friends to make a good first impression on the princess. However, as we all know, Twilight's friends are insane. Rarity's over in the corner licking Fluttershy's corndog, Applejack's shooting herself up with celery, Rainbow Dash is attempting to get Celestia to do a mudplay photoshoot, and Pinkie Pie is trying to convert all of the Celestianites to the First Church of Cupcakes. A splendid time is guaranteed for all at Sugarcube Corner indeed. After Fluttershy cleans up, Celestia converses with the young transgender about his crimes against society love for taking care of animals. Then, this thing appears:

That bird is my cousin.

This is Celestia's pet, Philomena Diane Pie. Before she can explain why the bird looks like AIDS, she is called away for some royal thingamashit. I couldn't be bothered to listen to Celestia's rants. She leaves, Twilight's little third regeneration secret is in the clear, but a bigger tragedy has arisen. Somehow, between Celestia's announcement where everyone was looking at her and when she was packing up and leaving directly afterwards, Fluttershy somehow managed to steal Philomena and bring her back to her cottage without anyone noticing. Why would Fluttershy steal, you might ask? Because she wanted to help the poor bird back to normal health, of course! That's right, kiddies. If you ever steal anything, just say you had good intentions and it will be okay! I wish I could've used that excuse when I stole that "flashlight" at Spencer's. "I NEED TO NURSE MY POOR PET WORM BACK TO HEALTH! IT WAS A PRANK, BRO!"

You're my bitch now, little chicken.

Fluttershy tries a series of remedies to help the bird, nothing to use. Instead, we get the bird vomiting on Fluttershy. That screencap is my desktop wallpaper. After a while, Twilight shoe-horns herself into the plot by showing up to Fluttershy's cottage for no reason, rambling on about mundane shit as she rudely enters his home. Upon seeing Philomena, the stolen bird, Twilight flips her shit as the two ponies bicker back and forth about what to do. With Fluttershy now a bonafide thief, Twilight attempts to sneak Philomena back to Celestia. However, these things appear:

They, with Fluttershy's not-purple-pony assistance, managed to convince the guards that the bird was not with them as they'd suspected. This makes Twilight realize the severity of this thievery, realizing that Fluttershy could be banished like Luna once was. In all this bickering shit, Philomena makes a break for it and runs into town square. After Twilight and Fluttershy chase it and Rainbow Dash makes another cameo, Philomena is trapped atop a fountain...top. Making one last stand, Philomena chokes to death, jumps off the fountain, bursts into flames, and lands in ashes in Fluttershy's hooves. That's not another one of my classic over-exaggerations. That's actually what happens.

'Cause baby you're a fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirework!

After Celestia shows up to be a condescending bitch, Twilight and Fluttershy fight for the blame in terms of the "death" of Philomena. Of course, anyone who knows *pushes up hipster glasses* GREEK MYTHOLOGY knows that the bird is so OBVIOUSLY a phoenix, the characters don't realize this at all. And neither did I. Why? Because I don't care about Greek mythology. You lot of elitist fucks criticizing the episode on this can go violate a cactus. Meanwhile, Philomena reveals that "IT WAS A PRANK BRO" and turns into the majestic bird of holy fuckwad that she really is.

A bird of fire for the god of sun. I bet Luna just has a goddamned Owl.....................................oh, shit, wait, that's....fuck................................................

Fluttershy asks for reassurance whether or not he's going to be banished for a long time for stealing from her. Celestia says of course not that she won't punish him so long as Fluttershy reverses his gender. Subsequently, Fluttershy gets her log removed and stops taking AndroGel (because apparently it causes strokes or something), slowly becoming one with the large breasts used in many a fan artwork once again. And so concludes "A Bird in the Hoof."

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And I absolutely hate this episode because gross out humor.

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Psych.

I've actually seen a lot of criticism on this episode regarding its "disgusting" focal point and source of comedy. Having been amused and offset by much more "disgusting" visuals, this criticism makes me fall on the floor laughing my ass off. I'm sorry if you found anything in this episode disgusting, but if it's so much as to put you off to the whole episode, my GOD do you need to get out more. This was so fucking lightweight that you pansies are killing me. If I see another gross-out humor criticism of this episode, I'm gonna have to die, burst into flames, and the be reborn a fire god just so I can roast the fuck out of them. c wut i did ther lel

That said, however, I didn't find the humor in this episode amusing in the least. It doesn't disgust me, but it wasn't very funny either. Also, a lot of this episode's jokes rely on rip offs of other show's gags. That can be kind of irritating at times. Other than the "Fluttershy fucking stole a bird" complaint that I have, there's nothing else wrong with "A Bird in the Hoof". It just sort of...exists. And generally, the rating I give to episodes that aren't good enough to be liked but not bad enough to be disapproved is a 7/10. So that's what I give this episode overall.

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So...

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Meanwhile, Twilight seems to be doing a pretty good job of keeping her immortality a secret, even from Princess Celestia. I thought for sure she'd realize it in this episode, but fuck no. Fluttershy hogged the limelight. What a self-centered, showboating narcissist that character is! Well, if Celestia can't expose Twilight, then I suppose I'll just have to do it........myself.

*thunder, lightning strike thingy, 2spooky4me music, and stuff like that*