Probably not a bad idea to start listing the key points I walk out with from the visits to my psychiatrist.

At first I thought my issues were mood swings and general negativity. Turns out that may be moderate depression stemming from high anxiety. So together, we're figuring out ways to cope.

First session was last week. My problem: Thinking I'm a failure and that i'm inferior to everypony else.

Solution: Look a bit more objectively. Many will always be better than you, but someone, many people even, will be worse. You do stand above those people. And look where you're at. You're breathing. You still have a job. No accidents or screw ups happened. You made it home alright. Nothing bad happened.

That was last week. This week was dealing w/ stressors involving people and the past.

I hate being yelled at and talked down to. I feel inadequate, like a failure, like a looser, like a child. Or I get very pissy and aggressive. Regardless of how that turns out, the situation still sticks in my mind, and it replays over and over again, thinking about what they said.

But that's giving those people more power over you then they deserve. More weight to their opinions./ While you're thinking about them talking down to you, they're at home, watching TV, drinking a beer, not giving a damn about you at all. You're doing their dirty work for them.

So while not totally accurate, thinking of yourself as better than them, above them, beyond them. Holier than thou attitude, except not so extreme. They are no longer worth your thoughts, cause you are not worth theirs. So pay them no heed.

More so, if somepony has yelled at you, especially if they're in a position of power or authority, do not take it personally. Yes, there is that chance it may have been your fault. But, there's just as big a chance that it's on them as well. It's their choice that they're yelling at you. There are other, arguably better ways to address you and what's wrong. So in a way, it's their fault too. Again, do not take it personally.

And all this correlates to my problem of letting things go, wondering what could have been, how could I have dealt with that better, what should I have done, how things should've gone, etc.

Stop those thoughts. Stop them, right now. All they do is waste you energy and send you down a spiral of depression and negativity. My psychiatrist put it a good way: "If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, then you're pissing on the present."

Or if you've watched Kung Fu Panda: "The past is history while the future is a mystery. Right now is a gift. That's why we call it the present."

Worrying about the past does not change it. Worrying about the future doesn't give you the outcome you want, and you'll never see it cause it hasn't happened yet. focus on the here and now and get what you want done, done. You'll be better off for it.

These are my issues. Hopefully this will help you through yours.

I'll post again from the psych ward next week.