SO I WAS DROPPED WITH A BIG BOMB THIS MORNING. IT'S ALRIGHT, NOTHING SPECIAL. JUST A FEW BRAND, SPANKIN' NEW, HASBRO-LICENSED, OC PONIES THAT SOMEHOW ARE GOING TO MAKE IT TO THE BIG SCREEN. IT'S NOT LIKE THEY STOLE THEIR IDEAS FROM DEVIANTART OR SOMETHING, NAH . . . NOT AT ALL

BEFORE I START, I'D LIKE TO GIVE A LITTLE ANNOUNCEMENT. I APOLOGIZE FOR MY LACK OF POSTING. SCHOOL'S GOTTEN ME DOWN, SO WE'VE BEEN A LITTLE BUSY. I'M SURE I'VE SAID THIS A THOUSAND TIMES BEFORE, BUT WE'RE WORKING ON SOME BIG PROJECTS. MORE SPECIFICALLY, WE'RE LOOKING FOR AN ARTIST WHO WOULD BE WILLING TO DRAW SOME HOUSES. IF YOU'RE INTERESTED, GIVE ME A HOLLER WHEREVER YOU DEEM FIT. WE'LL TRY TO WORK OUT THE DETAILS. KEEP IN MIND, THIS IS OUR SECOND PROJECT. OUR FIRST IS STILL GOING THROUGH THE DEVELOPMENT PROCESS AND WILL (MOST LIKELY) BE FINISHED BEFORE AUGUST. THANKS!

NOW, BACK TO TODAY'S TOPIC: THE MY LITTLE PONY MOVIE (2017). FOR SO LONG, I HAD MY HOPES SET ON THIS MOVIE; BUT, AFTER SEEING WHAT THE OFFICIAL MLPMOVIE TWITTER HAS SENT ME, I'M NOT SO SURE ANYMORE. FIRSTLY, EVERYTHING (AND I MEAN EVERYTHING) LOOKS LIKE A BAD OC RIPPED STRAIGHT FROM DEVIANTART. IF YOU'VE SEEN THE CAST OF CHARACTERS, YOU'LL KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT; BUT IF YOU HAVEN'T, HERE'S AN IDEA OF WHAT'S TO EXPECT FROM OUR GRAND, OSCAR-WINNING BRONY WORSHIP FILM:

OH BOY. DON'T YOU LOVE FURRIES IN YOUR PONIES MOVIES? IMAGINE IF OPAL, RARITY'S CAT, HAD SUDDENLY GROWN LEGS, PUT ON A SWANKY JACKET, AND BEGAN TALKING LIKE BRAD (FLASH SENTRY). THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH HERE. WELL, AT LEAST THAT'S HOW I'D VOICE THIS CHARACTER. BRAD. (HOW MUCH YOU WANNA BET THIS CHARACTER IS FROM VANHOOVER?)

SECONDLY, AND THE FIRST PIC, WE'VE GOT EDGY BLADEBURN, I.E., YOUR STEREOTYPICAL EDGY, REVENGE PLOT, FOUGHT TO PROTECT HER PEOPLE, BROKEN HORNED, MEME CHILD VOICED BY SOMEONE WHOSE LAST NAME IS LITERALLY, "BLUNT". MIGHT AS WELL GET SNOOP DOGG TO DO THIS ONE.

HMMM . . . I SWEAR. HE LOOKS LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN RUSSELL CROWE AND SHAWN CONNERY . . . HUH. I WOULD'VE HIRED BRAD PIT FOR THE PART, BUT WHATEVS. ANYWAY, LOOK EVERYONE! IT'S TIREK'S LONG FORGOTTEN COUSIN! I WONDER WHY HE NEVER MENTIONED HIM! WOW, WHAT'S WITH THAT BODY ARMOR? I DIDN'T KNOW HASBRO HAD A CONTRACT WITH LEGO! JEE, WHY DON'T WE HAVE PONY LEGOS AGAIN?

THE OTHER OCS LOOK ALRIGHT. "QUEEN NOVA" (THE SHOTGUN, FOR ALL YOU FELLOW CS:GO PLAYERS), IS LIKE ONE OF THOSE SEAPONIES FROM G1. SO IF I DECIDE TO WATCH THE MOVIE (AFTER SEEING THIS, I'VE GOTTEN SOME DOUBTS), EXPECT TO HEAR SOME SHOOBEDOO IN THE CHEAP SEATS.

OTHER THAN THAT, I REALLY HOPE THIS MOVIE DOES WELL. IF IT DOESN'T, THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO. WITH THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING, THE MOVIE DOESN'T LOOK TOO PROMISING. I LOVE YOU, MLP; BUT THIS IS A LITTLE TOO FAR. I'M GONNA PACK MY SUITCASE FOR THE MOMENT'S NOTICE. PLEASE DON'T SCREW THIS UP, HASBRO. FOR ONCE, I BEG OF YOU, DON'T DO IT.

THANKS,
-RE, THE WANNA-BE HORSIE FAMOUS BUT TOO IGNORANT AND LAZY TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, PUB