Why I suck and why I want to and need to change and updates on my plans
Firstly I know that nobody cares. Nobody will read this. And that's fine. I just need to get this off my chest. After watching several videos ,along with my own personal feelings I've realized I'm a jerk. Generally I hate people. They shoot me. I think anyone who doesn't agree with me is evil or stupid. And honestky I've had vague ideas of suicide. Though most of that comes from my own anxitey. And yes I know I have bad grammar. I guess I was bullied in elemeneary school. Basically from kindergarten until fifth grade. I wasn't bullied as badly as other kids. But I didn't trust people after that.
I actually hated everyone. And I had thoughts of wanting to kill my bullies. But I moved on. I don't know if I'm depressed. I'm pretty sure I'm not. But I mostly feel angry or sad. Occasionally happy. But mostly disinterested. Also I don't care if this ruins my reputation. I just need to get this out. I'm also very weird. There are things that I got in to that I now regret.
I don't like myself very much. I know I'm a terribre person. I have weird and absurd opinions. I think life has no objective value. Subjective value only. I know that's not good. I don't know if really believe that though. I just believe that life is meaningless to numb my own emotions.
I know I'm not going to change overnight. But I'm working on it. I know that I won't e r have a girlfriend or any friends. I'm okay with that. I'm just to strange and insane. I know it's my fault.
But I'm a brony. I love a show that espouses love and tolerance. I just need to grab my life by the boot straps and change it. I need to become a better person. I know I destroyed my here. I've said some stupid things elsewhere on the internet and in real life. But I'm working to be better.
I have certain opinions that will never change. There ingrained in me. But that doesn't mean I have to be terrible. And focusing on a show that espouses positivity is a good start. I plan to review some episodes from mlp and other shows. I'll post them on this blog. I also hopefully plan to do video reviews. But I'll work up to that. And hopefully I'll eventually feel better.
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