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Here No Longer

Entry posted by Here No Longer

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I never figured I would write a Part 2 to my original blog post, but I got inspirations from a status written by @Kyoshi mentioning the need to leave home because life f***ing stinks, and it angers me to know it's my dad's fault.. Wrote a post of my own in reply (I meant not to impose, it did kind of sound that way, my apologies), and this will be the long version of it. At my house, it's gotten so bad that soon enough I'll have no choice but to move away from my dad. I think I could explain it like this: My dad is making things WORSE for me than they would be otherwise (aside from if I were homeless, but even then in a town of a couple thousand like S_____ where I live, being homeless doesn't necessarily happen because of the people).

He's a big part of the reason I have less than $200 to my name right now, and even then most of that was from helping out my grandma with sorting through my great uncle's belongings (which yes, he was there also), or other things to that effect. I've only been able to hang on to it for so long because at least he's not that horrific at keeping himself afloat that he's going to take (technically not stealing, because he's the representative payee on the bank account) the rest of my money. I've been led to believe that in the first year since I graduated, he spent $10,000 of my own money, and it sickens me. Sure, it's understandable to have spent part of it to help me out, but... ALL OF IT? Where does it GO? Oh, yes. It goes towards his pigs, which is what I believe he spent my money on (most of which was from my mother's inheritance, which was INTENDED to buy clothes and groceries)... Now there's no internet, no air conditioning (which in Texas, is a NECESSITY in the summer months), little food to eat, nothing to drink except the tap water (that nobody else will drink because it makes them SICK), and an infestation of pests including mice, wasps, and spiders... 

He's had his pigs for 10 years now, and by my calculations, the pigs have somehow put him and everyone around him (including me) behind a grand total of $45,000, and that's just the PIGS... I never once saw any reason to really have faith in it, honestly. I knew better even as a kid than my dad did in his adulthood. He should have known that he was going to just put himself in serious debt, because he builds this elaborate pen for them, feeds them (which is a pretty huge operating cost) and they only get him about $300 a piece when he sells them.  You can probably see the problem with that, considering he only sold a couple a month on a really good year... Which compares not to the amount of money he F***ING WASTED. Oh and he doesn't waste money, either. He also is FANTASTIC at wasting time, his and mine alike.

He doesn't stop bothering me. He'll always be saying he needs to do something, but actually be doing nothing but harassing me and making stupid juvenile humor at my expense. This wastes my time because I can't work on what I need to be, and I'd probably have gotten my project stuff done at least a month sooner, if not longer. He always likes to start stupid discussions about Trump and how everyone lies about him. He's got a point, but it applies to BOTH sides. The side who hates him can't stop bashing him, and the side who will never be made to dislike him can't stop doing the opposite. And both constantly LIE for the sake of their respective agendas. This leads me to another problem I have with him: we're extremely incompatible.   

He and I are dissimilar people to such a degree that it makes him hard to live with. I like gaming and cartoons, while he has dumb reasons for hating both. He's a farmer (a bad one as I previously stated), while I don't really care much for farm work. His political views are far right, but mine are definitely a ways to the left (problem with somebody like my dad that can't listen to the other side of anything). He stays up until the wee hours of the morning watching TV and sleeps in front of it, but I usually prefer to sleep around 10. He likes the taste everything he grows in his garden, while there are a good few things I would prefer off the menu.... You get the picture. We are in (almost) no way compatible. 

All of this has been feeding my emotional and financial woes for a while now, and I'm getting sick of it. I really can't stay here. If I do, I'm more than likely going to kill myself. This is no threat, just an eventuality. My situation will get so bad, so hopeless, that I'll steal 40 or so Acetaminophen pills from the cabinet (that he takes for what are likely rheumatoid arthritis pains) and take them all. It would hurt other people's feelings, yes, but it would end the pain. It would end the suffering. It would end the feeling of being a burden to everyone else... It would end everything, and that would be much more preferable than dealing with this torment. 

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Cash In

So I should start off by asking if you have any other family members or trustworthy individuals that you could possibly move in with. If not, I could suggest talking to your dad about how you are not happy with the way he is doing things - Although I can't guarantee this will work. Hopefully there's some sort of alternative, as it really doesn't sound like living there is an enjoyable ordeal.

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Here No Longer
8 hours ago, Cash In said:

So I should start off by asking if you have any other family members or trustworthy individuals that you could possibly move in with.

If not, I could suggest talking to your dad about how you are not happy with the way he is doing things - Although I can't guarantee this will work.

Hopefully there's some sort of alternative, as it really doesn't sound like living there is an enjoyable ordeal.

Potentially, I have a couple of options, but they'd require some sort of communication that might be a little bit difficult for me to make. I have a brother that lives in an apartment in San Antonio (which is about a 2 hour drive away from where I live now), but I have no real way of contacting him (no phone, no internet...) and I might have to step up a bit considering he's having issues affording his apartment, even working for a dollar or two above minimum wage, from what I hear. I also have people I could move in close by, but there seems to be a lack of space. I've stayed over a few times, but I had to sleep on a couch (which only ends up working because I'm skinny enough to fit the little room there is for actually laying down on it). I'm also concerned about finances on their end, because they seem to live paycheck to paycheck (one of them works for some computer people, at least I think). My grandma has "no room" (not exactly true, but can't convince her otherwise) at her house, and my uncle is already having difficulty financially, so there's no point really calling either an option.

I know my dad, and I can unfortunately basically guarantee that it won't work. He probably wouldn't understand his dysfunctional way of operating makes my life worse on me. It would probably just end up being a bad argument like it always is when I want to talk to him about something and he doesn't exactly like what I'm saying. Like the time I tried to tell him that he needs to clean up after himself (because, yes, that's a problem), and he forced me to pick up remains of dead chickens for two or three hours before grandma intervened (she lived where I do now at the time). It actually caused me to miss a band practice also, which kind of confirms for me that he has a quite troubling lack of concern. It also doesn't help the issue that a large chunk of it is that he has less money than I do in the bank, so he can't really fix most of the bigger problems.

I've tried to express that I need to get out of here several times to multiple people, but it never really seems to get anywhere. I've talked to my grandma quite a bit about it, but the response always seems to be all the problems that I'd have finding another place to live. I've also had a discussion or two with one of my dad's friends (the same one who I stay for dinner with from time to time), that ended with the thought I could move over with them, but I already expressed how it may be a bit tight. It's definitely not an enjoyable ordeal being borderline homeless (only have the house in the first place because my grandma is generous enough to pay the taxes on it, and only have electricity most of the time anymore because she's generous enough to pay the bill) and being unable to do anything to remedy it, I can genuinely agree with that. 

 

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Here No Longer
On ‎9‎/‎30‎/‎2018 at 5:56 PM, Spooky Brony 2A said:

Can you get a job and your own place?

I f***ing wish. No jobs around, and have only 200 dollars to my name. Not even to mention that if there were jobs to get, I would still need the internet that I don't have to apply.

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Here No Longer
1 hour ago, Spooky Brony 2A said:

Go to a library or a place with wifi. Find some basic job to get enough money for a place to live and look for better jobs.

Well, that would sound like a nice thing to try, but it's hard to hold a job without reliable transportation (which I don't exactly have, considering it's gotten so bad that my dad can't even afford to put gas in his car now). With how reliable the transportation is, it may not even be that easy to go to the library either.

But luckily enough I got an idea from talking with the friend of my dad's. She doesn't work, but she seems to be getting a little tired of relying on somebody else to pay bills and stuff. She proposed the idea of going to work at a farm that's in need of hands. I had the thought maybe I could go with her to work, to make my own money. From what she told me, it sounds like they're going to need plenty of help there.

The only things here are that I'd have to move in with her still, and get acclimated to living in her house. Even though I pointed out that I may not fit in that line of work (they need day laborers and harvesters, for mushrooms at the moment from what I hear), I probably could make it work. After all, I help my dad do things from time to time, and I am capable of that. Even though the help they need is a little more regular and a bit more constant, I could manage considering that I've dealt with my share of strenuous physical activities including being a sousaphone (marching tuba) player in the high school marching band. Though that may take some conditioning.

She also threw forward the idea of working at a sandwich shop in town with her daughter (who's thought of working so she can afford to buy her own things). Never thought about it, but maybe I could manage that as well if I worked on my social skills a bit. Hopefully, I wouldn't be up front. Maybe I could find another job other than that or one that doesn't require a food handling certification (they take some time to get, from what I've heard from people who've gotten one before). Yet again, I would still have to move to her house here also, but that probably won't take too long and hopefully not too much space.

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Brony Number 42

Any job is good. The sandwich one sounds good. Get a car, then that gets you more options. Don't turn down work. I gave a talk to a high school class and I said the real world doesn't care about your excuses.

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