{Mister}

Everyone here is so friendly, I almost can't believe it. Thanks everyone for welcoming me here and I can't wait to get started!

I just don't think that talking about it is going to make a whole lot of difference. I want things to change, really change. I want be accepted, you know? Thanks, I appreciate it. Maybe there is someone on here that's similar to me, who knows?

I've considered getting help, but it just makes me uncomfortable thinking about talking about my problems to someone one-on-one. And I'm trying to focus on the positives, I really am, but depression and anxiety don't discriminate based on race, religion or ethnicity.

I used to hate on bronies, furries, scene kids.... and okatus (even though those guys still piss me off). Just as of now, I'm starting to see that it was just a distaste for myself that was driving this hate. It was the fact that I was an awkward anime fanboy back in the day. Furries and bronies always seem to have fun together, being in a community, creating stories and enjoy the company of those who they're with. Truth is, I've been a heavy alcoholic for quite some time with no friends. I was never really invited to anything and most people just forgot about me. I was jealous of everyone else being able to have friends; and every time I found someone that would accept me, they usually left me behind after a few months. I went to desperate measures in order to find someone, anyone, to recognize me: joining gangs, doing drugs, and drinking heavily. I hated being left out. I tried to say that it didn't hurt me, but it did. A lot. I hated anyone who had fun. I hated fun. I hated anyone who wanted to express their self, being that I never had a reason to do it. I went from school to work to being drunk at home. My parents were/are extremely concerned and have asked me if I'm okay or if I need "help". I've always thought that complaining about this was a weakness, that being alone was making me "tough". In truth it was making hardened and extremely insensitive toward the problems that others are facing. I'm a huge jerk and I have difficulty letting go of grudges. The minute someone does something to piss me off, I turn into a monster and do everything in my power to get back at them; I usually get my way, and it's usually justified as well but it doesn't leave me satisfied. I guess I'm coming here to be accepted. I want people to show me what it's like to have friends and not just someone you chat with when purchasing heroin every weekend. I'm sorry that I'm typing all of this, but there's a lot I need to get off my heart. A whole lot. From what I hear you all are a crowd that accepts everyone, and I only hope I can be accepted too.