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ghostfacekiller39

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Blog Entries posted by ghostfacekiller39

  1. ghostfacekiller39
    Have you ever:
    1. Skipped class? - Yeahh; it was only Athletics, though. Nothing academic.
    2. Done drugs? - ...yes. Just pot, though...muy bueno, but it's so hard to get it in my town. Plus job. I haven't smoked it since Sophomore year. (Well, the other night I found a dried up dimesack I had hidden under a floorboard....blehh.)
    3. Self harmed? - ...
    4. Drank? - goddammit, stahp.
    5. Shoplifted? - This is making me feel like a juvenile delinquent.
    6. Gotten a tattoo? - I will get a few later on.
    7. Broken up with someone? - Yeahh.
    What's your favorite:
    8. Show? - My Little Pony, of course!
    9. Movie? - Bottle Rocket
    10. Song? - Changes quite often. Right now "Unnatural Selection" by Muse.
    11. Subject? - English.
    12. Singer/Band? - Soundgarden.
    13. Memory? - Learning to play my dad's guitar after he left it behind for me.
    14. Book? - To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee.
    This or that:
    15. Invisibility or Ability to fly? - Invisibility.
    16. Cookies or Cake? - Cake.
    17. Twitter or Facebook? - Twitter.
    18. Movies or Books? - Movies.
    19. Coke or Sprite? - Sprite, but Pepsi is the only soda I'll drink. Don't got that, I'll take something that isn't a soft drink.
    20. Blind or Deaf? - Blind (Halfway there.)
    21. Tea or Coffee? - Coffee.
    What's your:
    22. Age? - 16, but I turn 17 in 2 days
    23. Sign? - I have no clue.
    24. Height? - 5'7
    25. Sexual orientation? - Straight.
    26. Shoe size? - 10.
    27. Religion? - Athiest.
    28. Longest relationship? - Like, a month and a half.
    Opinion on:
    29. Gay rights? - 100% behind it.
    30. Second chances? - Depends on how bad it was.
    31. Long distance relationships? - It's a relationship, but hard to pull off.
    32. Abortion? - For it.
    33. The death penalty? - No.
    34. Marijuana? - Legalize it. We could tax the shit out of it and people would still buy it. We'd benefit in so many ways.
    35. Love? - LOVE!
    Do you:
    36. Believe in ghosts? - I am ghost. (Nu uh, ontopic.)
    37. Shower facing the shower head or turned away from it? - Facing.
    38. Sleep with the door opened or closed? - Closed. At all times.
    39. Love someone? - A select few of my friends, my family, MLP, Rarity, this fandom, this forum, baseball, porno (What. Honesty is a Rarity now adays ) cars, and writing. That's literally everything I love in life, don't think me overzealous.
    40. Still watch cartoons? - .... Well, kinda wouldn't be here...
    41. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend? - No.
    42. Like yourself? - Some aspects
  2. ghostfacekiller39
    1. Do you have any regrets? - Yeahh, sure I do. Just can't think of any at the moment.
    2. Do you have a deep, dark secret? - Yeahh...I don't tell people because I'm embarrassed of it, I just don't want them to think I'm going for sympathy...
    3. Have you ever hurt someone? - Yeahh.
    4. Have you ever self-harmed? - ...yes.
    5. How would you like to be remembered? - I dunno. Don't care. When I'm gone, fuck 'em.
    6. Who are the three most important people in your life? - NJ, Mickey, and myself.
    7. Was there one event that changed your life and the way you think? - Becoming a Brony.
    8. Would you sacrifice everything for love? - Yes.
    9. Are you afraid of dying? - Yes.
    10. Have you ever been abused? - Yes.
    11. Have you ever been in love? - No.
    12. Are you happy with who you are? - Even Keel.
    13. Would you ever give up your life to save someone else’s? - Depends on who they are, and what lies within them...
    14. Have you changed at all in the last year? - I guess.
    15. Would you ever settle for someone you didn’t feel was “the one”? - No.
    16. Is there someone you can tell everything to without fear of judgment? - ...
    17. Are you pursuing your dreams? - One of them...but my most important dream is being a writer, and that, I sadly cannot say I am.
    18. Do actions speak louder than words? - No. Words are the most powerful thing known to mankind.
    19. Is there something you would never do? - Murder, Rape, Sympathize with Flash Sentry...you know, that really bad stuff that'll condemn you for life.
    20. What makes you uncomfortable? - People who have power and don't do a good job with how they use it.
  3. ghostfacekiller39
    11/25/2007.
     
    6 years ago today.
     
    It's hard to believe it's been 6 years since that date, or even the year 2007, as the scars left by the twists and turns of that year have been etched by flame into my memory.
     
    11/25/2007 is a much happier day, though; it was the high point of an otherwise traumatic year.
     
    Today, I'm celebrating my family: NJ and Mickey.
     
    They saved my life in a sense, 6 years ago today.
     
    Before you can understand the true meaning of today, at least in my life, you must rewind back to March 26, 2007.
     
    That day still haunts me. Just seeing the day "March 26" causes me to grow tense, and a cold feeling works its way to the bottom of my spine.
     
    I can feel it happening right now, as I'm typing this, getting ready to share the details of the day that derailed my entire being.
     
    It had rained for most of the day; I was still a 4th grader, at the tender age of 10 years old.
     
    I was raised by my father alone, in a small one-bedroom apartment just outside of town; looking back, it wasn't as happy as I remember it, but I didn't care.
     
    I had always wanted to be like my father, even before March 26, 2007.
     
    The rain had let up as we were getting out of school. My father was always right on time to pick me up, and if he were to be late, he told me beforehand.
     
    I wasn't worried though; that man loved me more than any father could love his son. I'm still proud to say that, too.
     
    He was going to be there.
     
    It was almost 4 o'clock. One of the teachers had stayed with me, so I wouldn't have to stand outside in the weather. It had started raining again in my extended wait. She kept asking me where my father was, and I had no answer other than "I know he'll come. He probably has a good reason for being late."
     
    A reason as good as any, actually.
     
    He had died in a car crash, coming from work to pick me up from school. He hydroplaned due to the downpour that had come crashing down earlier that day, and flipped his car several times.
     
    He was dead at the site of the accident.
     
    I was picked up by a CPS worker and taken to Bonham, the county seat of Fannin County, Texas, still unaware of my father's early demise. I talked to a lady, and asked her about my dad. She never told me what had happened during that car ride.
     
    When I got to the CPS office, I was informed of his death.
     
    There was no sympathy, there was no warmth;
     
    Just a few words.
     
    "Your dad died today in a car wreck, we're looking for your nearest living relative."
     
    ...That was it. Word for word, the statement that's branded into my memory...the statement that repeats itself to me, almost everyday.
     
    ...I was broken in half. My knees were weak, my stomach had sunk to my feet, taking my heart with it. I'd never felt so numb in my life...
     
    ...imagine yourself having been put on laughing gas at the dentist's office...
     
    ...except without the high. That's how I felt at that moment.
     
    That feeling is also branded into my memory.
     
    ...the tears I wept didn't stop the bleeding, though. It only got worse for me. on the day of March 26, 2007.
     
    My nearest living relative was my mother.
     
    I'd never met her in person before; the only time I had ever heard from her was through the birthday card she'd send me in the mail every year.
     
    ...I didn't understand her then, and I probably never will.
     
    ...it was dark out. I'd be lying if I gave an exact time, but my estimate was between 9:30 and 10:30, p.m.
     
    One of the ladies who worked there (Not the ice queen who broke the news to me) had stayed there with me after the office had closed, and we talked some, and she informed me my mother was on her way.
     
    My mom, again, had gotten there very late. I saw her for the first time that day.
     
    She was a short woman; I got my physical attributes from her. Dark Brown Hair, Dark Brown Eyes, can get tan just by being hot in tempature...
     
    I was so nervous...but she was my mom...I thought I was going to go with her.
     
    It didn't happen.
     
    She got there and instantly began working on paperwork. I tried talking to her, but she kept giving me short, to the point, one word answers.
     
    I got ready to go with her after she was done with the paperwork.
     
    I tried making my way out the door with her, but I was stopped by the lady who had stayed with me for the past few hours.
     
    My mother had signed her rights to me over to the state.
     
    ...I stood there, and watched her walk out the door.
     
    I haven't seen her since.
     
    I lost both of my parents that day, on March 26, 2007.
     
    I started going from Foster Family to Foster Family. It wasn't a happy time in my life, and I can hardly remember the people I stayed with...I didn't like them, though.
     
    I wanted my dad.
     
    It was November 25th, 2007 when I went to a family in the town I grew up; Leonard, Texas.
     
    They where an older couple, who'd never had any children of their own. They were so...
     
    eccentric...
     
    ...they had a lot of money. They had been married for almost 30 years, but maintained a strictly platonic relationship; they would often be aware of relationships outside of their marriage, and supportive. They don't share bedrooms, or anything.
     
    It's such a strange concept, marrying someone out of being such good friends...
     
    ...anyway, we clicked. I enjoyed being around them. They're both such kind and considerate people...and they loved me, too.
     
    I was legally adopted by them 2 weeks later.
     
    I lie about my relationship with them, though; I tell my friends IRL they're my grandparents, even though we have no blood relation whatsoever.
     
    I dunno why...I guess it just feels like they're my actual family.
     
    Without them...I wouldn't be who I am today.
     
    November 25th, 2007.
     
    I was saved that day.
  4. ghostfacekiller39
    This is the song that was playing when I had this...epiphany.
     
    ...I suggest playing it while you read.
     
    I've been spending my nights on here quite frequently as of late, as many of you may know. Nothing makes me happier than being a Brony.
     
    Of course, I have other tabs open in the background, playing my favorite music. The melodies of the songs I love so much flow through me as I partake in the wonderful website called MLPForums.com.
     
    I've been watching playthroughs of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies on YouTube, since I am unable to (legally) obtain the game for my personal use.
     
    There are two characters that really stuck out to me, as I watched their story on screen about 15 minutes ago.
     
    Anyone who knows about the game would assume it'd be Blackquill or Athena or whoever, but it wasn't.
     
    The story that brought me to tears was Clay Terran's and Apollo Justice's story...
     
    ...losing a best friend really hurts.
     
    ...but, unlike Clay and Apollo, when you lose them through means within your control...
     
    ...breaks you in half.
     
    My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic preaches the lesson of friendship...
     
    ...but now I realize why I love that lesson so much.
     
    It was last year; I was a Sophomore in high school. It was that in-between phase, and I still was between being as mature as a Junior, but I had some of the immature Freshman still in me.
     
    Lust is a powerful thing to an immature mind, unfortunately...
     
    I can't say I actually liked this girl (who'll remain nameless), I just thought she was hot.
     
    That's all. No more, no less.
     
    I can't lie. It was nothing but lust.
     
    Of course, I tried talking her into being my girlfriend; it was natural of me to do so at that point, being horribly overconfident in myself, borderlining on flat-arrogance (I used to be a bit of a prick before I became a Brony, but we'll save that for next time.)
     
    I started to go up and talk to her at lunch, staying for just a few minutes each day, gradually increasing the time I spent sitting by her each day.
     
    If you'd have seen it, it'd been horribly obvious she wasn't interested in me. But I kept going up there each day, until I had left my own two best friends behind.
     
    They'd been my best friends for years on end; it was the three of us, always. We'd done everything together.
     
    We were all three so close, that even our families had become like families.
     
    We'd hang out everyday after school, before school, weekends...you name it.
     
    It was always the three of us.
     
    ...until I left them behind for my own personal desires...
     
    ...I'd phased them out of my life; I'd go days without speaking a word to those two.
     
    Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months...
     
    ...until we were just faces in the hallway to each other.
     
    One of my friends was diagnosed with a form of cancer in his knee...
     
    ...he was dying...
     
    ...but I didn't go back. I didn't talk to the two guys I had used to love like my own brothers. I didn't acknowledge them.
     
    I was just...
     
    I was wrong.
     
    It didn't work out with the girl, either.
     
    So once I found that out, I tried going back to them to be friends again...
     
    ...why I thought that'd work, I have no clue.
     
    Of course they weren't very welcoming. They welcomed me back, but it was obvious they were a bit pissed at me. Who could blame them? I had neglected them.
     
    So, I got irritated with the general coldness they were showing me...
     
    The one who wasn't terminally ill and I got into a fist fight...
     
    ...nobody won that.
     
    ...So...here's a show preaching the power of friendship, how important friends are to one's life...
     
    ...and I realize through Clay and Apollo my ultimate placebo:
     
    My Little Pony is what holds together my own broken soul, by letting me see what I used to have through the ponies in the show...
     
    ...What I threw away.
     
    I'm on speaking terms with the one I didn't get into a fight with, but I haven't spoken with the other one since the fight...
     
    ...You never know what you got until it's gone, I guess.
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