Kronos the Revenant

Me x Littlepip? well, i guess the relationship would be platonic and strictly parental. Yeah, that'll work.

Before i forget, MindPalace x Raven (Teen Titans [the original GOOD one])

I met mine, Julian, in freshmen high school. we were both members of the Gamer's Club there. We just instantly clicked. It was strange but cool at the same time.

I has a Vault Boy T-shirt and a Brotherhood of Steel Funko Pop Vinyl figure, both from Hot Topic. Also, LOTS and LOTS of Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh trading cards

That's a pretty interesting backstory.

Thank you for allowing me to explain what it is and thank you for finding it interesting. At least someone thinks it's cool.

Well, I wouldn't say that the fandom is THAT harsh when it comes to OCs. It's just that with yours, the fact that his parents are two of the main villains from the show and that he has a pretty sad life, as you said, it makes people think that he is kinda mary sue-ish, because there are two types of OCs that not everybody appreciates: 

 

1. Super-extremely sad emo characters

2. Family relationships with canon charcaters

 

TBH, I have no problem with OCs containing these two factors. Anyways, here I am. Someone who finally appreciates your OC.

Well, he doesnt have a sad life. He's actually rather prosperous in the community he lives in. he grows up to become one of his society's greatest military leaders and indulges in the spoils of war after successfully expanding his father's empire by liberating neighboring rival outposts and cities. Kronos is a fair ruler and actually has a developed system of government that actually works. Though, now that i think about it,  it's kind of bordering on communism. basically Kronos develops what he calls a citizenship station with an employment station next to it. all new citizens have to apply for citizenship and obtain a citizenship card. if you dont have one, a law enforcement officer will escort you to the citizenship office to get one. after being granted citizenship, you go to the employment office next door and work in either the gardens, farms, water treatment aqueducts, become a law enforcement officer or become a soldier. Prisoners are assigned to the Foundry, a scorching hot factory that creates the raw material for the military to use to make weapons and equipment. Prisoners work in the Foundry until they're either worked to death or survive until execution. the Foundry is reserved for criminals who commit heinous acts such as murder and treason. Minor infractions result in community service which includes, but isn't limited to: Street sweeping, working in the gardens/water treatment plants for free, and being a temporary servant for high-class officials for a period of time no less than 2 weeks and no longer than 2 months.

As far as the second one, i guess i could just take Sombra and Chrysalis out of Kronos' life and give him completely anonymous parents.

Actually feeling a sense of hope for my tragic OC. Someone finally likes my OC for once.

Woah, he's pretty different from everypony else in Equestria. You made him pretty unique when you made him bi-pedal and that he's a steampunk . Also when you said he is the son of Sombra and Chrysalis. Not that I hate your OC, I love it, but I can now see why nobody likes him that much. 

wait, is that why no one likes him? because he's the spawn of two of my favorite villains in the series? Because I'm trying to give him potential? Wow, the fandom's more harsh than i thought. Also, he's kind of from a kingdom that's not canon in the lore of MLP. He's from an isolated society in Equestria where no one bothered them and everyone there cooperated to advance their technology forward to the military age, ie they have guns and laser and plasma tech and things like power armor. So, other thoughts about this more in-depth explanation of him?

PONinja4 x Megatron  

sorry, just basing this off of your profile picture.

Name of my current OC that nopony apparently likes.

My OC's stomach is mechanical, so he can go for months without food. But, at the same time, he can eat loads of stuff and not feel full. Kronos has a bottomless iron belly

Nice! He's a Fallout Equestria based character!

funny thing about Kronos, he walks exclusively on his hind legs after a little lab accident he had when he was really young caused his front legs to get blown off. Interestingly enough, said project was his arms . He's the only bi-pedal equestrian in Equestria. However, another thing about him is that despite being as old as he is, his cybernetics just won't let him age a single second and wont let him die. He's like Arostole, even if he's completely obliterated, he can still reconstitute himself from the ground up. He also buuilt himself a wasteland reputation being known to many as either the Devil or Guardian Angel of the Wastes.

Geez, really? I don't see any problem with that. I've seen other OCs who are related to some canon characters, as well as ones with a sad backstory, yet they weren't rejected. Do not worry, I'm sure they'll accept him sometime. Does he have a name?

Kronos. Yes, i named my profile after my tragic OC. In my mind currently, he's living as a mercenary/bounty hunter in the Fallout Equestria universe. He adopts adorable Littlepip and resumes his position as guardian of the Ministry after meeting with Velvet Remedy, Blackjack and Psychoshy, who are direct descendants of Sweetie Belle (and by extent, Rarity), Twilight and Fluttershy, respectively.

Accidental heinous crimes? Why yes - 2-3 days ago, actually. xD I was playing Fallout 3 for the first time, and I went up to the bar in Megaton, where there's this guy that wants me to blow up the town. I declined and informed the sheriff, then we went on to 'arrest' him. I knew he was gonna pull off a dirty move, and when he pulled out his gun to shoot the sheriff, I started shooting at him.

 

After I killed him, I thought things would calm down, but nooo, all others in the bar had to go and attack me. So, I had to kill everyone there, even though I had befriended them beforehand. After that, I decided that was a good time to probably restart the game.

amen to that. that happened to me. I later learned that you could've killed Mr. Burke by using VATS on him as soon as he stood up, and no one gave a Centuar's ass about it. it was funny. also, i blew up Megaton on my evil playthrough. Heinous, yes. Did i regret it, no.

cake x ..........i really dont know. im just reinserting my name into the batch.

Really why? Does everyone think it's a Mary sue or something? 

No. It's just that my OC has, at least in MY opinion, and interesting backstory and great personality and loads of room for development. The problem stems from the fact that 1. He's the "son" of Chrysalis and Sombra, 2. He's from a kingdom that's completely from my imagination and not canonical with the overall storyline, 3. He's way too tragic for everyone, 4. He apparently doesn't fit into the LORE of MLP, which is a factor that i honestly didn't care about or thought actually mattered. Kronos was just a fun product of my imagination based off of my interests, or at least he was until everyone in the forum essentially wants me to scrap him.

I'm thinking about who should make a vector for my OC. I need one soooooo bad! 

just be grateful you at least HAVE a legitimate OC. I'm having tons of trouble trying to get mine accepted into the fandom. 

Alright, after a really long wait, here goes.

 

 

 

Name: Tesla Rae is a really cute and clever name. Not sure if Tesla exists in mlp, but whatever. The shoutout is still appreciated.

Appearance: Cute colour scheme. The purples work well with all the browns she wears. Is her hair up in a ponytail>

Cutie Mark: Good good. Not much to say other than this: I'd love to know the story of how she got her cutie mark! Remember, technology isn't terribly advanced in Equestria, and the most technological-looking thing was a cider squeezer...but even then, its powered by magic. Just make sure Tesla isn't too ahead of her time.

Personality: Not much here, but what you have so far is good. I'd like for you to flesh out her personality by asking yourself questions about Tesla--how she grew up, what she likes, how she thinks or talks...the more questions you ask yourself, (even mundane, everyday questions,) the more interesting and fleshed-out Tesla will become.

Backstory: Again, not much here. Once you get the personality rolling, the backstory should come pretty easily. Just remember--Tesla's personality is a direct product of her backstory, so the two have to match and make sense together.

Other: I'm not sure is the "steampunk" fad exists in Equestria, seeing as they are still in the actual steam age. I guess its possible.

 

Overall: Overall, Tesla is a well designed but underdeveloped character. In a story, the personality of a character is far more important than appearance, so I recommend you spend some time really solidifying who Tesla is. If you look back at the previous reviews in this thread, you'll see the advice I've given others about how to flesh out a good personality. I hope I was helpful to you--and sorry for the delay!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can see that you put a lot of work into this character, but I have a few issues with him that I assume your last reviewer might have touched on, too.

 

My main issue with this character is that he is way too reliant on canon characters to make him seem more interesting. :/ Chrysalis, Cadence, and Sombra (who was corrupted and disappeared 1000 years before the other two were born) all play an all-too vital role in his backstory, which just feels very unlikely and forced. This character is very, very much a victim or circumstance, and most of his story relies on him being pushed around by the hands of fate rather than actually doing anything himself. Plus, the computers, tech, and concept in general don't really fit into the low-tech, steam-powered and relatively peaceful world of Equestria.

Lastly, I've stated many times in this thread that Personality is the most important part of a character. It feels as though you put all of his interest into backstory and appearance instead, and because of that he doesn't seem to have a personality at all yet.

 

But all that said, Kronos is not a bad character. He just doesn't fit into the world you're trying to fit him into. I'll refer to my earlier statement:

 

 

 

 

 

In my opinion, to improve this character, you'll need to start from scratch. I understand that you're trying to make a cool, edgy, tragic character, but you need to take into account the context of the mlp world. I'm not saying its impossible to make a character like that--I'm just saying that there are a lot of limitations that you'll have to work around if you want him to seem "at home" in Equestria.

 

I can help you continue/remake this character, if you'd care to PM me. We can start from Square one and try and recreate the theme you want under some more realistic circumstances.

 

I don't see any issue with this, seeing as Manticores are canon as of episode 2.

I'm not sure exactly what a sphinx-manticore hybrid would look like, though. Why not just a sphinx? Or just a manticore? They're interesting enough on their own. If you really want both, they could be two seperate characters rather than one hybrid.

This seems like the type of character who would pose as a side-character or villain rather than the protagonist of a story--what are your plans for them? I'm sure my OC, Amber, would love to meet them!

seriously? i'm having the same exact problems with everyone else's opinions on my OC. I've had a couple of other OC's before, my first one being a special six-winged alicorn musician, but then the concept of a six-singed pony or a male alicorn in general was too stupid for the fandom anyways. my other OC was going to be a once youthful earth pony that got possessed by three very aggressive and bloodthirsty spirits and became a harbinger of destruction, but the problem i personally had with that is that i ended up creating an "overpowered" OC that can manipulate reality similarly to Discord, then i ended up thinking might as well scrap that OC as well. Kronos was supposed to be the pinnacle of my creative storytelling ability. He had so much room for development with a stern and serious soldier attitude on the outside yet having a nurturing parental instinct on the inside. He was supposed to be the amalgamation of all of my interests in terms of the MLP fandom and video games and many other aspects of my life that i found interesting. but no, he's apparently not "cannonical" to the main equestrian storyline. That one little restriction really screws up a lot of potential OCs for me.

Also, i always thought that OC's were supposed to be a product of the fandom that's only limited by the imagination of the creator. Apparently, though, that's clearly not the case. this is just like when i tried drawing comics in middle school. everybody hated them and always had the same negative criticism. I had really high hopes of creating something that's interesting to me and everyone else. I honestly thought that everyone in the fandom wasn't this close-minded and overly strict about creativity. I guess i was wrong. just one more thought to add to the list of all the wrong thoughts and opinions i had about everything in life. 

just thinking of a random video i saw from a fellow brony and started thinking of this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHvDn25bKSY

seeing a PC version of Fallout 4 on the desk of my brother's computer!! He said he'll let me play it because he knows how hyped I was for it. I've already beaten Fallout 3 THREE times with three unique playthroughs, one good, one evil, one neutral brawler. Currently working on a Littlepip playthrough.

Try to get this reference:

Leaves falling from trees

Your body falls to the ground

Life leaving your corpse

How hilarious

You've set off my trap card

Time to go to work

Your eyes deceive you

An illusion fools you all

I go for the kill

A challenge, you say?

The Vault, my new masterpiece?

Challenge accepted.

If you still don't get it at that point, then you probably haven't played the associated game series. 

To be honest, there was only one time when someone spelled my name wrong. It was a Starbucks coffee shop and I ordered a chocolate chip frappachino. they spelled my name with an "E" in the beginning when it really begins with an "X". That didn't bother me, though. In fact, i found the incident rather hilarious and even took a picture of it on my phone.

I'm lazy, anti-social, not motivated to do anything besides video games, I'm just a crappy son overall. Hell, I can't even take care of my own dogs properly.

Just saw that my brother somehow got a hold of a PC copy of Fallout 4 and is currently loading it onto his computer. Feeling really excited and just trying to hold it in until he's back from school. I think I remember him saying that he'll let me play it on his computer. Best little bro ever. *Happy crying emote here*

my new avatar says quite a bit about what my OC is supposedly like.

read P-21's character bio last night. P-21 is from Fallout Equestria: Horizons. According to his biography, he's more lenient towards ponies of the same gender as himself, i.e. he's attracted to colts/stallions. So, last night, I was thinking about what a Kronos x P-21 shipping would be like. It's not all that bad after giving it much thought. I mean, it could turn into a 3 pony relationship with Kronos, P-21 and Arostle/Rampage all having Dissociative Personality Disorder. I mean, it could work out. Even if Kronos would initially reject P-21, Blackjack or any of the other mares whose orders he's obligated to follow would just order him to go out with P-21, anyways. What do you guys think?