A French Derpy full of Salt

Coffee coffee coffee. Coffee! It's not as strong as methamphetamine, but it lets you keep your teeth.

You can never prove the absence of ninjas, only their direct presence.

Me trying to be social:

Oh, my God. You people are all hopeless. You say that like a bored kid wanting to know what time lunch is. I can't help you. You shouldn't have even made it this far in life. You lack basic problem-solving skills. That's so fundamental. You need to be in a home. [presses button to open blast doors] Okay, good. This doesn't even have a code so I don't need you. You're going to die here. I'm sorry.

Grayscale is good, but the forgot about the background!

It's good, by the way.

Did you know there's 2 barrel pistols? AND I HECCING LOVE IT!

Meet the AF2011-A1, which is like two M1911 put in one.

"Everything is better when you put more barrels on it. It's like adding more bacon."

D-29 until my birthday.

Man, if it's worse than what I've seen, it must be... silverback gorillas with flamethrowers.

"You are actually the 6,5th person to tell me MLP is for little girls."

-What happend to the 7th?

"I kinda had the high ground..."

Puns about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.

To show you the power of Flex Tape,

I saw this post in half!

Okay, accident or not, I've killed so many people at this point that I have to be changing the course of history. I've mostly been killing soldiers though and they're not as likely to change the course of history unless it's a really decisive battle. Or maybe if they're smart and they go off and do important things later in life. No, there's no risk of THAT. I haven't killed any smart people.

And I'm back at the college. Great...

*explosions* "Hey look! You're famous! You're everywhere."

Welp, I hope you got a good day!

And remember,

"Time to break a little bad."

Got a bad day, I hope you got a good day and I wish a good night for all of us.

Why is this door not moving!? It's blown off the hinges! I can see inside for God's — it's not locked! This is cheating! Tell reality to stop cheating! Reality, how could you?

Sadly, I am noticing a pattern here. I seem to be going back and forth between wanting nothing more than to get above ground, then once I do, there's something so bad happening topside that it makes me wish I was never born, and I go back underground again. Man fuck Groundhog Day. It's getting worse, too. I'm reasonably certain there's going to be an active volcano outside if I do this enough times.

good night European ponies!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVn4U_R7hBc

[singing to the tune of Modern Major General]

"I am the very model of a modern Major-General,

I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,

I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical,

From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;

 

I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical,

I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,

About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news---

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse."

 

"WHERE'S MY CHORUS!?"

 

"I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,

I know the scientific names of beings animalculous;

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

 

I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's,

I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,

I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,

In conics I can floor peculiarities parablous."

 

"You know this song is kind of dated.. It's supposed to be 'Modern Major General', I'm gonna add a new verse;"

 

"I can fire at a target and hit it at least half the time

or graph out an electron path while using only numbers prime

I calculate the fall rate of a bullet shot a thousand yards

and perforate the thick heads of a hundred military guards.

 

I can make a simulation of an atom bomb and build one too

or flank a dozen men and ambush ten of them out of the blue

from SMGs to RPGs I carry quite an arsenal

and skip around a warzone like a subatomic particle."

 

"STILL NO CHORUS!"

 

"Okay come on sing and I won't kill you!

Those of you that are left I mean.."

*Explosion*

"Ah. Okay there we go."

"Every solider out here wants to kill me for my curiosity.

I wage war on the whole damn world because of my tenacity

in matters combat tactical and physics theoretical I am the very model of a Modern Major General."

 

"Alright no one is even trying to sing along I quit!"

 

*Shoots everything GTA Style*

Huh. This is kinda how I claimed my lab space on my first day of work. Except I didn't have a shotgun for that, but I didn't need one.

Good night Europeans!

I like math. Math has zero bullshit tolerance.

Maybe the problem went away. Maybe I willed it out of existence. Maybe he was the magical sniper fairy that comes and gives silent hollow-point rounds to people who don't eat their vegetables. That was one of the Grimm's tales, right?

I don't know what I do to being followed, but hey, thank you everyone!

Here's a random quote:

I don't know much Latin. "Language of science", my ass! It would be kind of cool if I wrote out "Latin is a dead language" in blood, and made it look like one of the soldiers did it as his dying action. People would say, "Wow, those were his last words, huh?!" Make them think.

Good day American ponies and good night European ponies!

You have one normally brilliant person make a stupid decision and everyone else just falls in line, doesn't question anything. These people aren't scientists; they're cultists with advanced degrees.

Keep your eyes open for flashbangs... Or don't... keep your eyes open for flashbangs...

This is music to my ears, the sound of coming to terms with your own stupidity.

I'm just going to…not deal with that. That's my favorite solution to any problem. It's like the classic debate of why measuring the position of an electron changes its momentum and vice versa. The only correct answer is to get drunk and set fire to things.

I know it's obvious I'm a genius, but is everyone else really this stupid? I don't know, but I do know how to prove who's more dead between us.