IJoinedForPonies 126 October 27, 2014 Share October 27, 2014 (edited) I finished my first OC the other day, and would like to hear some feedback on her from you all. I wanna make sure she isn't over the top or too bland or anything. Comment here or in the database, the link is on my sig. Thanks in advance everyone! ^^ PS - To Admin: Sorry about the other post, the FAQ did not specify that a thread like this shouldn't be posted in Sugarcube Corner sub forum. :-/ Edited October 30, 2014 by IJoinedForPonies 3 I made an OC! I'm always looking for feedback on her, please have a look and tell me what you think! ^^ http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/essence-r7367 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverwisp the Bard 2,354 October 29, 2014 Share October 29, 2014 Warning: I tend to be pretty harsh when critiquing people's OCs. Please keep in mind that I do so with the best intentions. The design is good, if not terribly distinct ( I do realize ponycreator is restrictive). -The colourscheme needs some work; the coat is alright, but black rarely ever works and the teal is too saturated. Personally, I think some warm colours would work well to balance out the coat. -The cutiemark looks a bit to busy consider simplifying it or just getting a new one. As for the backstory... well, I like the idea of a blind pony, but I feel most of it has a taste of special snowflake. A pony being born and growing up blind (and how she deals with her handicap) is a pretty interesting story on it's own, there really is no reason for Nightmare Moon to be involved at all, As it jis, it just seems like you're shoehorning her and Celestia in there to make your OC seem more important. Same thing goes for the CIA. I very much doubt that suck an organization would exist in Equestria. Why not make her a tracker for the Royal guard or part of a rescue team that safes ponies who got lost in caves/dark parts of the the Everfree ect. 2 My Art Thread, updated (almost) daily Tomorrow will take us away, far from home No one will ever know our names But the bard songs will remain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IJoinedForPonies 126 October 30, 2014 Author Share October 30, 2014 (edited) -The colourscheme needs some work; the coat is alright, but black rarely ever works and the teal is too saturated. Personally, I think some warm colours would work well to balance out the coat. I'll mess around with it and see what I can do. EDIT: I toned down the Teal, currently it is sitting at: H: 175 S: 65 B: 50 Also, I am going to keep the black, any other color modification made it look terrible. :-/ -The cutiemark looks a bit to busy consider simplifying it or just getting a new one. I know it looks bad, as said before, this was the hardest part to work with. The pony creator has a really bad glitch when importing cutie marks and is very difficult to work around it. I am still trying to replace it by making one from scratch, but my artistic skills are not up to par. :-( As for the backstory... well, I like the idea of a blind pony, but I feel most of it has a taste of special snowflake. Elaborate? A pony being born and growing up blind (and how she deals with her handicap) is a pretty interesting story on it's own, there really is no reason for Nightmare Moon to be involved at all, As it jis, it just seems like you're shoehorning her and Celestia in there to make your OC seem more important. I had a feeling this would come up... Surprisingly she doesn't have much to do with the Princesses unless work is involved, that little get-together to talk about the job in the back story is pretty much the only time they meet like this. That bit about Nightmare Moon was the only logical reason I can come up with as to why that happened to her at birth. Anything else would seem far-fetched, or not make any sense. Same thing goes for the CIA. I very much doubt that such an organization would exist in Equestria. Why not make her a tracker for the Royal guard or part of a rescue team that safes ponies who got lost in caves/dark parts of the the Everfree ect. . CIA can exist just as easily as any other types of landmarks etc have. The Royal Guard don't have much to do with anything outside of Canterlot other than the occasional escort of the Princesses wherever they go, and doing an errand for the Princesses in Ponyville. They stay pretty local and don't go passed Ponyville (unless escorting) from what I have seen. As for the rescue team idea, she does plenty of that in the CIA too. The CIA is basically what you would be suggesting for the Royal Guard idea, they go farther than Ponyville to solve issues with more highly trained ponies as opposed to sending a platoon or more of Royal Guards that aren't as disciplined. Edited October 30, 2014 by IJoinedForPonies I made an OC! I'm always looking for feedback on her, please have a look and tell me what you think! ^^ http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/essence-r7367 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmasy Britty 2,553 October 30, 2014 Share October 30, 2014 what is her cutie mark I can't really tell honestly? 1 signature by Pucksterv Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IJoinedForPonies 126 October 30, 2014 Author Share October 30, 2014 what is her cutie mark I can't really tell honestly? It's supposed to be a gray moon with a sonar pulse around it. It looks terrible right now due to what I said above. :-/ I made an OC! I'm always looking for feedback on her, please have a look and tell me what you think! ^^ http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/essence-r7367 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna_Dark_Lord 263 October 30, 2014 Share October 30, 2014 Here's a video I made hope you enjoy! My edit'd photo hope you like! trim.52F37ADD-92E6-440E-93B4-6B2FB3A0FFD1.MOV Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmasy Britty 2,553 October 30, 2014 Share October 30, 2014 nah doesn't look terrible to me i just couldn't tell what the cutie mark was cause i'm blind when it comes to seeing tiny detail, hence the glasses 1 signature by Pucksterv Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IJoinedForPonies 126 October 31, 2014 Author Share October 31, 2014 nah doesn't look terrible to me i just couldn't tell what the cutie mark was cause i'm blind when it comes to seeing tiny detail, hence the glasses I appreciate the praise. ^^ But it does look pretty bad to me. Eventually I will come up with a better design, I might need to get someone to draw me one based on a paper sketch over at DA or something... I made an OC! I'm always looking for feedback on her, please have a look and tell me what you think! ^^ http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/essence-r7367 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luriel Maelstrom 253 October 31, 2014 Share October 31, 2014 It's alright, althought the OC is kind of short. Not sure if it's because of the age but that's besides the point.I think that you should change the colour of the eyes to the teal colour, could work. Or just change teal to other colour but it should be quite bright, I think every OC needs a bit of a bright colour in them. My OC's bright colour is his eyes but that's all. I like that you used black and greyish colours, I see people NOT doing that because they think it's boring, I think dark colours look great. Over all, goodjob ~ I'm in love with my own OC Luriel Maelstrom ~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IJoinedForPonies 126 October 31, 2014 Author Share October 31, 2014 (edited) I think that you should change the colour of the eyes to the teal colour, could work. Or just change teal to other colour but it should be quite bright Check the link on my sig, and you will see why they are that color. It's alright, althought the OC is kind of short. Not sure if it's because of the age but that's besides the point. She is about the same age and size as Applejack. Also Pony Creator is pretty limited on what you can do with it. :-P Thank you for the visual feedback of her though. ^^ Edited October 31, 2014 by IJoinedForPonies I made an OC! I'm always looking for feedback on her, please have a look and tell me what you think! ^^ http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/essence-r7367 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverwisp the Bard 2,354 November 1, 2014 Share November 1, 2014 I had a feeling this would come up... Surprisingly she doesn't have much to do with the Princesses unless work is involved, that little get-together to talk about the job in the back story is pretty much the only time they meet like this. That bit about Nightmare Moon was the only logical reason I can come up with as to why that happened to her at birth. Anything else would seem far-fetched, or not make any sense. If the Princesses' involvement is not essential, I'd get rid of it. Otherwise it will look like you're simply including them to make your character seem more important. As for Nightmare Moon, I don't see why she'd be necessary, as opposed to Essence simply being born blind and developing her abilities to cope with her disability. The CIA is basically what you would be suggesting for the Royal Guard idea, they go farther than Ponyville to solve issues with more highly trained ponies as opposed to sending a platoon or more of Royal Guards that aren't as disciplined. In this case I'd suggest rebranding them as a search & rescue teamn, rather than a secret service. Equestria doesn't seem like the place that'd require the kinds of shady dealings associated with such organisations. And I'd rename it too, to avoid association with the RL CIA. 1 My Art Thread, updated (almost) daily Tomorrow will take us away, far from home No one will ever know our names But the bard songs will remain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna_Dark_Lord 263 November 1, 2014 Share November 1, 2014 (edited) Hi guys so I made a song Here is it.... Mares and colts of every age, Wouldn't you like to see something strange? Come with us and you will see This our town of ponyville. This is Ponyville this is Ponyville. Philly's scream in the dead of night. This is Ponyville, everypony make a scene Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright It's our town, everypony scream In this town of Ponyville. Discord: I am the one hiding under your bed Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red Changeling: I am the one hiding under yours stairs Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair This is Ponyville, this is Ponyville. Ponyville! Ponyville! Ponyville! Ponyville! In this town we call home Everypony hail to the princess now! In this town, don't we love it now Everypony's waiting for the next surprise Round that corner, man hiding in the trash can Something's waiting no to pounce, and how you'll scream! Scream! This is Ponyville! Red 'n' black, slimy green Aren't you scared Well, that's just fine Say it once, say it twice Take a chance and roll the dice Ride with the moon in the dead of night Everypony scream, everypony scream In our town of Ponyville Pinkie pie: I am the clown with the tear-away face Here in a flash and gone without a trace (Poof) Rainbow dash: I am the who when you call, Who's there? I am the wind blowing through your hair Princess Luna: I am the shadow on the moon at night Filling your dreams to the brim with fright This is Ponyville, this is Ponyville Ponyville! Ponyville! Ponyville! Ponyville! Ponyville! Ponyville! CMC: Tender lumplings everywhere Life's no fun without a good scare That's our job, but we're not mean In our town of Ponyville In this town Don't we love it now Everypony's waiting for the next surprise Princess twilight might catch you in the back And scream like a banshee Make you jump out of your skin This is Ponyville, everypony scream Wont' ya please make way for a very special pony? Our twilight is queen of the Pumpkin patch Everypony hail to the pumpkin queen now! This is Ponyville, this is Ponyville Ponyville! Ponyville! Ponyville! Ponyville! In this town we call home Everypony hail to the pumpkin song La la-la la, Ponyville! Ponyville! Edited November 1, 2014 by vinyl_scratch_4_life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IJoinedForPonies 126 November 1, 2014 Author Share November 1, 2014 If the Princesses' involvement is not essential, I'd get rid of it. Otherwise it will look like you're simply including them to make your character seem more important. Well, they do run her organization to some degree, so that's as involved as it gets. As for Nightmare Moon, I don't see why she'd be necessary, as opposed to Essence simply being born blind and developing her abilities to cope with her disability. Because normal blindness can be fixed with magic, her blindness is different and can't be altered with magic. If it were fixable, she wouldn't be blind at her current age, and she wouldn't have that cutie mark anymore. In this case I'd suggest rebranding them as a search & rescue teamn, rather than a secret service. Equestria doesn't seem like the place that'd require the kinds of shady dealings associated with such organisations. And I'd rename it too, to avoid association with the RL CIA. I'll look into that. I made an OC! I'm always looking for feedback on her, please have a look and tell me what you think! ^^ http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/essence-r7367 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut 7,005 November 1, 2014 Share November 1, 2014 Hi @IJoinedForPonies. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to lock this thread. Octavia's Hall is a place for showing off artwork and other creative mediums that you, the poster, have made. Memes, pony generator images, artwork that was not created by the thread owner and alike do not belong in this forum. They are significantly more suitable being posted in places such as status updates, blogs or the forum lounge. With that said, I do find her design to be eye catching and I look forward to seeing this OC continue to be developed. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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